Taeyeon doesn't know what it is with that 6PM sun that just makes her want to tear up. The orange sky fading into purple and then eventually a dull grey. Then darkness consumes the sky, giving way for the little twinkling stars to show their magnificent beauty. It is satisfying - Taeyeon thought; watching every color turn to black. Sitting still as the world takes it course. And sadly, that's how her life has been lately - repeatitive, mundane, uneventful. And just like darkness, sadness consumes her whole. And she feels trapped, as if there is nowhere to go. As if she can't move, tied in this same spot by her memories. Her memories. 

Taeyeon takes a deep breath, preparing herself for another long night. She stands up to leave, taking one last glimpse at the sky; the crescent moon seeming to mock her existence. Not good enough, she hears it in her head and a tear rolls down. Not good enough.

"Hey, I just woke up," a groggy voice says from the other side of the screen. Her eyes fighting to close as a yawn escapes her pink lips.

Taeyeon takes in the sight for a moment, her mind travelling to when she would wake up to this sight. Beside her. In the flesh.

"You're up early," Taeyeon notes, trying to sound nonchalant. "It's still like, 6am there."

"Well, you're up late," Jessica says with her usual sarcastic voice.

Taeyeon rolls her eyes playfully. "I can't sleep," she says.

"And I have a dentist appointment at 8," Jessica answers.

There is silence between them for a moment before Jessica breaks it to say goodbye as she's going to prepare for the day. "Talk to you later," she says.

Taeyeon nods at this before ending the call. She lets out an audible sigh. Eyes landing on everything in the room but the bed. Their bed. 

"You're being unreasonably jealous!" Jessica spatted, anger building up inside her. "Do I really have to tell you everything that I do every second of the day?! Why are you becoming so toxic? I can't do this anymore. Leave me the alone!" 

Taeyeon couldn't contain her anger at these. All she wanted was to know why Jessica seemed to be ignoring her since she's been back in California. "So now you're calling me toxic, huh? What about you? You never think of me, you only think about yourself!"

Taeyeon reached her boiling point at this. It doesn't help that they're only fighting through text messages, Jessica isn't even answering her calls.

"You know what?" Taeyeon started typing. "I really hate who you're becoming, because this is how you treat someone you want to leave, Jessica." Tears started streaming down her face because as much as she want to deny it, Jessica has obviously already moved on from the relationship. And that was was killed her. That she was not goof enough. That she was this easy to leave.

"Is there someone else?" Taeyeon asked, not giving Jessica the moment to reply. "Coz if there's someone else, you know you'll just have to let me know and I'll let go. We don't have to blame each other and you don't have to paint me as a villain in this story. I'll let you go if that's what you want."

There was no answer from Jessica. Days turned into weeks and weeks into a month. Taeyeon was shattered. Her world seemed to be into a black hole. She couldn't stand up - literally and figuratively. She couldn't eat. Nothing made sense. She felt so... hollow. Like her soul had already left her body. They did fight before, they fought a lot. But nothing to this magnitude. Nothing that her hug and a meal couldn't fix. Nothing like this. And she thinks back to how they started. It was nothing like this. It felt like all the stars aligned just for them to meet. But now... Taeyeon shook the thought out of her head. "One step at a time," she thought, "one step at a time and eventually everything will settle. I will be able to move forward." But that never happened because each step forward she took, she took two steps back. She always gravitated towards Jessica's memories.

Then, Jessica reached out to her for the first time in weeks. Taeyeon's heart leaped at the notification. Jessica. It was really Jessica.

"I hate my life," the message started. "I feel like everyone blames me for everything. I can't do it anymore."

This restarted their communication. Taeyeon knew that Jessica needed her and Taeyeon being Taeyeon, comforted her now ex-girlfriend.

It went on for weeks and months and Taeyeon couldn't help but hope. Hope that things will be back to how they were before. But Jessica kept drawing the line and kept calling her a friend. And that's what killed Taeyeon twice. Everyday it was killing her.

There were days that Taeyeon thought that she was strong enough to let go of Jessica without actually cutting what they have but it was easier said thatn done. Because everyday she questioned where she stood in Jessica's life. And that is something the latter would avoid talking about everytime. And Taeyeon didn't want to push her away so she kept everything to herself - the questions, the frustrations, the pain; she dealt with it all on her own.

"I really should let go," she tells herself as she turns off the bedside lamp to end the day. But this is how it has been for the past weeks and she isn't moving an inch. She is still undeniably and irrevocably in love with Jessica Jung.

Oh, it's what you do to me.

She closes her eyes, hoping that sleep will be kind tonight and visit her. But as the world fades into oblivion, Jessica's face appears so vividly. As if she is lying down beside Taeyeon, her adorable eyes looking back at Taeyeon's. As if pulling her closer and closer. I love you, the memory says. And I will always love you, there will be no one else but you. You're the only one I have ever loved this way. 

Taeyeon wakes up to her phone ringing.

"Jess, hi."

"Did I wake you? Sorry," Jessica says with a little smile.

"No, I was just trying to sleep. I can;t sleeo anyways. What's up?"

Jessica smiles, her eyes dreamy and Taeyeon's heart breaks into a million pieces. She knows that look.

"Nothing," Jessica lies. "I just wanted to talk to someone."

Someone. She couldn't even lie to Taeyeon and make her feel like she really wants to talk to her and not just anyone.

Taeyeon cracks a little smile. "So, what's up?" she asks again.

She regrets this. She hopes she could turn back time. She hopes she didn't ask.

Taeyeon's heart breaks with the dawn. A million pieces. A million times. Her world crumbling once again.