The day he met Boo Seungkwan, he'll admit he was a little blown away. 

 

For reasons you'd think funny, the guy was weird. But he had a voice, the same thing that draws him in this very second. Sitting here in this recording studio. Maybe its the time, way too late at night for his brain to be functioning correctly. But they're recording- whatever. He stayed because he always waits for the members to head out the same time he does. Some of them (Lee Jihoon) have a habit of staying overtime, the same thing that's happening here. 

 

The three of them. 

 

Seungkwan said something about a mood, a feeling. Turned a couple of the lights off, tossed his hood  somewhere to the side inside the studio and he's just standing there at the mic, in that silk pajama button up. Vernon figures he shouldn't feel the way he does, honestly, breathless. Because it's dark and even the coal color of his shirt makes Vernon focus focus focus on Boo Seungkwan standing there with his hand held to his ear. Nothing but his voice and raw talent. Emotion. The kind that makes Vernon feel like he's falling in love. 

 

That's what singers do, right? They make you feel. This is the story: what he feels now, in his heart. 

 

Destiny. 

 

When Seungkwan gives a verse, perfection that's repeated on and on, again and time again with his eyes that take uncaring glances at Vernon he feels his blood rushing. Places. To his cheeks, the back of his neck. Under his palms, they itch to touch. To feel, there are colors unlike the ones in this room, like cool blues, reds and greens-oh the colors. Flashing behind his eyes, burning him up. Feels compelled to get closer, stare harder, an intensity that isn't intended to come off as strong as it does because at one point Seungkwan just stares right back, pouting as if asking, what did I do? 

 

But he must know how Vernon's feeling. Magic, all the dark and the purple, the utter infatuation with this form of Seungkwan right before him, presenting itself to him. Pulling away. 

 

As if its fate for them to fall in love right here, like this. Seungkwan must know. 

 

The story doesn't end there, as he hoped it would. He leaves early. Can't take being there a second longer without doing something. So he tries his hardest to calm down, to focus on the heat in the water when he showers, the chill along his skin when he wakes to find the blankets had fallen off. 

 

Tries to sleep. 

 

There's a door, that he's opened now with bold hues, sharp sounds. There's Seungkwan. Kind of like dye, it just takes a drop of him to color everything in Vernon's world. This one, the music and the noise, it's loud but there's Seungkwan right there, reaching out for him. Disappearing the instant their fingertips touch and he opens his eyes. It was cold. His vision is skewed, can't see anything but Seungkwan no matter how hard he tries. From then out its this. The burning, the colors, he's dying so beautifully. 

 

"You look like you bit your tongue." Seungcheol informs him, catches him staring after the older boy when he's gone and left dance practice with Seokmin and Soonyoung since they're taking him out for lunch. Not Vernon. Wishes he'd dragged Seungkwan away before they could touch him and kept him all to himself. 

 

If only. 

 

"I'm thinking." He informs Seungcheol. 

 

"About Boo?" 

 

"No." Vernon says, like a question, which only makes Seungcheol laugh at him. Pat his shoulder before standing up to go over and talk with the rest of the rap line. Mentions his name, he can hear it but he's a little caught up. 

 

There's a kind of red light-the one that holds him from doing anything stupid when he's near or he even sees Seungkwan from then on out. It's dangerous because he just wants the blonde boy more. Still hears his voice, lighting a fire under his skin-in his heart. Can see his gaze like it's been burned into his brain because he can still see him with his eyes closed. 

 

All these sleeping emotions have awakened. Jealousy, need, lust. All of it-Seungkwan's doing. He's amazing, always around to steer Vernon away. He can't stay in the same place as him for long or his chest squeezes tight tight tight and his arms hurt, he wants to posses him. He's sick. 

 

He's in love, he thinks. 

 

A bit like tug-of-war. These emotions, pain and then love. One summoning the other, it usually comes later the nicer one of the two. 

 

He's changed. 

 

He's more aware of things then before, like now. They're all out for dinner-it's as simple as that. Beautiful day, beautiful night but he can feel that Seungkwan has been making glances at him from across the table each time he talks to another or he moves in closer to hug someone like Dino or Minghao. 

 

He expects that Vernon will look, has him all wrapped up around himself, like that damn silk shirt. 

 

And it drives him to act, stupidly of course but he can't tame this wild fire growing by the minute. Seungkwan keeps looking at him. He has to be telling Vernon to do. 

 

Vernon asks to take the car Seungkwan and a couple other members had taken to get to the restaurant-that's all he does. Sits in the far back with the boy. Keeps his legs tight together and he doesn't move his eyes in the direction of Seungkwan once because he's always in his head. Right now, he's beside him, rests his hand on Vernon's thigh. It's hot. 

 

As calmly as he can manage he's forced to turn and ask, "what's this?" 

 

"Are you feeling alright?" Seungkwan says, smile in his eyes and it's sadistic when he says, "You seem off."

 

"I'm fine." Vernon sighs out because he's here, right here, Seungkwans voice and his heat and god-

 

"Wanna look at me and tell me that again?" 

 

It's hard and he can hear Seungkwans breath catch when he yanks at the blondes hand, away from his legs right up to his lips. Bites down carefully on the inside of Seungkwans wrist in warning. That's what he wants that to mean but it's a plea. It's red behind the eyes, the rush and the urge to move closer and closer and far too close for Vernon's mental safety with Seungkwan under his mouth. His pulse, the scent of his skin-"." 

 

"Vernon-" it's like he doesn't even care. 

 

When the car stops he doesn't take a moment longer to drop all traces of Seungkwan and leave, run. 

 

Focus. 

 

Tries his absolute best to focus, to stay put, he feels like an animal.

 

Because he wants and he can still hear the ing noise Seungkwan made when Vernon lost it. Put everything out on the line. Made his need know. In the worst way possible. All things unsaid, he should've said something. 

 

He couldn't. 

 

After this peculiar incident he figures its done him some good. He's more nervous than he is craving. Since he'd messed up he just has to wait this way, all tied up-all caught in Seungkwans web. Thinking, over thinking. Fearing the end result. He messed up. For days thats all he knows. 

 

"You still thinking?" Seungcheol wonders with his eyes on Vernon who seems to be laying in bed back at the dorms, just staring at the mattress across from his. He hums. Closes his eyes. 

 

Seungkwan, Seungkwan, Seungkwan. 

 

He's so anxious now, nothing else Seungcheol says to him after that means much since he's just hoping and praying he can avoid the mess he's gone and made for himself, knowing there's no way that'd happen. 

 

And yet he's still thinking he has a chance, its idiotic. Imagines having Seungkwan right here under his arms, for him and him only. He just can't leave the thought alone. His. All his. Everything of the boys- life, laughter, love. Wants it all. 

 

He just can't lose this. 

 

"-and then Seungkwan told me you left when everyone knows he has a big fat crush on you and he cried for like an hour." 

 

That catches his attention-eyes flying open to find Seungcheol and ask him to repeat himself. Again and again, there's no way. Of course not.

 

"Dude, you know he likes you right?" 

 

"That's not true." Vernon denies it all because accepting it means his universe is at risk. The safety net beneath him that ensured he was the only one feeling this way. Its gone, world falling apart without the ropes to bind it all together. It's on fire, all of it. He's curious. He's confused. Shuts his eyes to clear his head, quiet the surge of thoughts spilling forward but its blinding, deafening- this voice. The music. Seungkwan in his head like always but its louder and he's so close it hurts. He'd like to catch the boy, just once, catch this boy and tell him not to leave. 

 

"It's true and I think you've know that for some time, Vernon." 

 

It can't be. 

 

It's so late by now he knows only Jihoon and Seungkwan are crazy enough to stay out at practice or even the studio. Asks Seungcheol if Jihoon had come back already, gets an answer that both scares him and pleases him to no end, he's vibrating with nerves. 

 

"He's on his way. Seungkwans still at the studio going over some lines if you need him." 

 

He doesn't say anything more. Just chuckles silently when Vernon takes off before he can even finish, really. He's gone. He needs to go. Gets to the studio in record time. It's so dark out. Even darker inside the studio, gets past the door and into the room where there's Seungkwan Seungkwan Seungkwan.

 

Singing. This voice, the colors that paint his mind when he hears him it's too much. Everything he's known for forever now. Since the day he met Seungkwan and thought this boy with the funny haircut and the chubby cheeks was odd, so different in the way that he glowed for the group of them. When he sang with a note like love and need. Claiming Vernon from the very beginning when he sang with his eyes closed, opened them up and caught the younger boy staring, bearing his soul for Seungkwan to color and have for forever. 

 

He'd watched Vernon fall for him.

 

Those eyes. 

 

And he's gone and done it. 

 

This song right here, this odd sense that he has with Seungkwan behind the glass. Expectation. Waiting. Takes a soft breath in because the single light is ruining the mood. There are other lights and such in the room, behind the glass. 

 

He wants Seungkwan to see him. 

 

Doesn't hesitate in turning them off completely just to watch the smirk on Seungkwans face show itself. 

 

He knew. 

 

"I need to be able to see what I'm practicing." 

 

"Even if none of its being recorded?" Vernon asks, nervous fingers poking at random buttons at the recording table.

 

"Practice, Chwe Hansol." Seungkwan says, utter satisfaction in the tone of it.

 

"You're voice is already perfect." 

 

all I can hear sometimes.

 

"Come in here and say that again." 

 

There it is. 

 

The gift, the giving. Saying yes to him, he can do. It's not wrong. 

 

"I've been good." He mutters to himself, to Seungkwan when he opens the door with his heart growing ten sizes, devouring itself. Walks past the frame and shuts it behind him, has to feel around at the equipment carefully as to make his way over since its dark. Relieves the fear. 

 

But it's still Seungkwan-who makes him shudder when he reaches out and grabs for Vernon's arm. Leading him further into the dark, so far he can't see his shadow anymore where the light had shown it.

 

He's all Seungkwans. 

 

That's all he'd worked for. 

 

It's now- now or never. Swallows down the dark, let's the colors dye the water and pull him under right now he can do, he just has to. "Vernonie-", brushing his hands over the silk of this stupid boys shirt now that he can and it's soft. He's so warm, he's so so much.

 

"Do something." Seungkwan begs, "I want this." 

 

"What is this?" Vernon laughs, collecting Seungkwans hands in one of his own to hold, as leverage to take and take and have and feel shake when he shuts his eyes and the colors are everywhere. Gold, this moment is golden, this air that he has only because it's Seungkwans. 

 

"I want you. Make it something. However you want it, just-" 

 

"Just what?" Vernon whispers, lips brushing along collarbones, all this skin hot under his lips, these gasping breaths Seungkwans taking in his arms. Leaning into him, wanting. Waiting. 

 

Right here, he's here, opening those eyes of his-so much. There's so much of him, drowning Vernon, it's this here that tells him it's now or never. Sweet torture, all these colors he has to do something, has to do it. 

 

"Gonna kiss you, if that's alright." 

 

He's shaking too, has to, has to, has to do it. 

 

Tells Seungkwan to close his eyes, has to if Vernon will have him. 

 

All of this, he's een waiting since Seungkwan sang to him and colored his world, he'll do it, he's here-right here right now he's gotta do. 

 

Pulls Seungkwan so close he can feel the boys heart flying under all these clothes and all this skin, right through. Brushes the tuffs of gold in the dark out of his face, traces his cheeks and nose, mouth right there, right here. 

 

So soft, so pliant all he has to do is take it. 

 

"Mine." 

 

"All yours." 

 

And that's all there is to it. 

 

Since he's already gone and done it.