Something was different about Joonmyun. Hara couldn’t tell what exactly it was, but something… there was something there. Like whenever she saw him, her heart would squeeze a little bit tighter, or how, when she was in a crowded space, her eyes would subconsciously dart around, hoping that he was there, too. It was almost as if… she missed him. But this was Kim Joonmyun, her childhood friend. The one she swore off of.

 

By next year’s summer, their relationships had evolved as such that they now talked in a daily basis, sometimes staying in for homemade dinner and movie after lectures. Hara had never expected that in a foreign country, she would feel most at home. Without her father, without responsibilities. No expectations. Just her being a completely normal teenager. She felt freed, even if it was for a short period of time.

 

“Paris or Milan?” Joonmyun asked, browsing the places on her laptop. She sat next to him, hair up in a bun, face free of make-up, and dressed down in her pajamas. She looked as young as ever and Joonmyun adored her that way. Presently, Hara was polishing her nails and as she blew on them, waiting for it to dry, she answered nonchalantly, “None. How about… Greece or Spain? Mykonos or Tenerife?”

 

“Equally touristy,” Joonmyun frowned.

 

“Paris will be worse during Summer, Joon,” Hara tilted her head, almost touching his shoulder, and from afar, the two looked completely in-sync. Like they were the bestest of friends since forever. It was funny how two years alone could change them so much. Joonmyun was no longer that snarky player, and Hara had stopped dating around for once. They had friends in their respective classes and they still attended most of the college parties, but they found strange solace in the presence of each other.

 

Hara often dismissed it as ‘homesickness’. In a foreign land, Kim Joonmyun was the only one she really knew from Seoul, hence the sense of familiarity and closeness. But the more time they spent together, the more blurred the line became. Often, she found their hands encompassing each other’s, and there was a weird comfort and relief she relished from the simple touch. And each time left her looking for more.

 

She didn’t know then, maybe she was already in love. Or maybe she was just lonely. It was either or, or but. Never and. So they kept the line blurred, sometimes crossing the border for a split second before drawing back to their places. They would go on vacation together every holiday, spend every moment they could steal from their daily routine. Milan, Paris, Tokyo, New York, Singapore, Cape Town. With Joonmyun, everything they did and everywhere they went was always magical.

 

* * *

 

It was after a college party in one of their friend’s house that they lied wasted in the rooftop. Hara scooted closer and placed her head on his chest, listening to the heart beating against her ear. Joonmyun burped in silence, and this was by all mean, supposedly romantic as the stars were especially bright and they were lying there against the open sky, if only they had not drunk ten glasses of whiskey each before midnight ended.

 

“I don’t want to go back,” Hara muttered, rubbing her cheeks against his chest. Joonmyun seemed to pause for a second, before brushing her hair with his hands. There it was again. The sense of coming home, the sense of overwhelming passion and affection that neither could control. Not like they wanted to.

 

“Then we’ll stay,” Joonmyun whispered back.

 

She turned her head and looked at him. And he, in turn, stared back, marvelling at her wonder. Such innocence, such beauty. His hand stopped moving and they simply stared, wondering. Hara didn’t know if it was the alcohol, or if it was just him, but Kim Joonmyun had never looked any better than he did now, like the entire sky’s stars just placed themselves on his eyes. She rubbed her eyes again and continued staring at him.

 

Joonmyun felt that strange desire building up inside of him. The forbidden flame he had tried to surpass for so long. Love, he thought. How long had it been since he had fallen for her? So deeply, without any way of returning. Was it sixth grade when she first cried in front of him about her mother, or was it when they were ten, and she helped him cover up the wound on his knees? He didn’t know, but… he loved her so. He loved her more than anything in this world.

 

“I know this sounds crazy, but…” Hara burped and rubbed her eyes again. She sounded half-drunk, half-sober, although her eyes were drifting from him to his lips and then back to numerous, non-stop blinking, “You’re beautiful. Ah, I must be dreaming right now. We were always fighting so I never really noticed. But you’re…” She sighed and stopped.

 

Joonmyun felt like time had just frozen in that exact moment. Like everything was right, and just… perfect. And this girl, oh this girl that he had been thinking about since years before. He didn’t even know what to say. He just grabbed her cheeks and pulled them up together before leaning in for a passionate kiss.

 

Maybe it was the alcohol, they both convinced themselves. But there was truly something about kissing someone you were madly in love with. It was like a relief, and a put together. That feeling of contentment, of intense, overwhelming love, of longing finally answered. That kiss would be forever engraved in the mind of Oh Hara. As it was their first to many more.

 

* * *

 

“So you are together with Kim Joonmyun?”

 

Hara could almost hear Luhan smirking from halfway across the world. It sounded like a victory from his part, after years of constant denial from both. She turned red and rolled her eyes, “I did not say that. We are not together… I think.”

 

Kim Joonmyun and Oh Hara had been inseparable for three months since their kiss. There was no conversation going about their relationship, no awkwardness nor tension. Just very peaceful days that followed. They still bantered every now and then. They went out together, on “dates” – watching movies, going for fancy dinner, a midnight stroll in the park. They were together in every way, except there was nothing official about it.

 

He had never specifically told her ‘I like you’, or ‘I miss you’, or ‘I want to be with you’. And she, too, had never made any feelings of her own clear. Despite all the stolen kisses and intense feelings, they were still in the grey line. Every time she thought about it, Hara wanted to cry in frustration.

 

“Maybe you should approach him and ask directly. It’s time for emancipation. Step up your game, girl,” Luhan said in such a Luhan-way. Hara pondered over it days and nights, as she too, had been fearful of facing her own feelings, of rejection. What if he hadn’t felt the same and wanted to keep everything casual? It was the first time for the one and only Oh Hara, everyone’s dream girl, the heartbreaker of every guys’ hearts, to be thinking and analysing so much over a guy.

 

But… he wasn’t just any guy, was he? No, he was Kim Joonmyun. And Kim Joonmyun was her exception to everything. The only enigma in her life was Kim Joonmyun. Always him, only him.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Joon, what are we exactly?”

 

It was the question she had been rehearsing in her head over and over again. And right after that, she dropped her head low, as if she was too scared to meet his eyes. She had also run over a few scenarios in her head. One, she got rejected. The outcome was unimaginable. Two, they got together. Though that sounded unlikely. And three, keep it casual and pretend nothing happened. That she didn’t ask the question and they were still cool with hanging out often.

 

She was extremely scared of asking the question, but they day had come, nonetheless, when everything just felt too much. And she was ready to know the truth.

 

“What do you mean?” He looked positively confused. The scrambled egg was left untouched as his attention focused solely on her. It was strange how he had this ability to make you feel listened, seen, and cared for. Hara’s big, doe-eyes, opened wider as she blinked at him, searching for answer. She was scared of the truth she wanted to know about.

 

“Like… are we dating? Are we together? Or are we keeping it casual? Just as…” She tried hard not to choke on her tears, but by the time she said the word, “friends,” the tears already fell down one by one. She was scared. So scared. Oh Hara had always been free like the wind, never chained down by anybody. She moved and talked like nothing would hurt her, but this was the first time she had ever felt so vulnerable. Because deep inside she knew she was scared of losing him. That a world without Kim Joonmyun wasn’t a place she wanted to be in.

 

Joonmyun was left speechless. His heart squeezed tightly. He had always hated the sight of her tears, knowing that he would move mountain and sail through oceans just to make her smile again. Oh Hara was his ray of sunshine in this dark world and he would not let anybody hurt her. Especially not him. He pulled her into his embrace and buried his face in her hair. “What are you talking about, Silly? Of course we are together. I had never considered us anything but that.”

 

“But…” She was still sobbing, “But you never asked me to be your girlfriend.”

 

He was torn between laughing and crying. This girl was always so adorable, no matter how spoilt she was, or how unreasonable she could be. She was his person. Forever his. And that alone, was enough. When the day was dark and things were tough, he knew he could count on them to make things work. “I don’t know when it started, but I have always thought of us as a team. And that we are more than together in every sense. So would you like to make this official, my Dear? I would love to be your boyfriend and make you happy.”

 

In that moment, everything just seemed so right. He was the right person at the right time in the right place. And it was the little happiness that made their lives a little better than yesterday. Oh Hara thought that it would last forever. Him and her. Together against the world. For however long it would be, she vowed to take his hands and walk through life with him.