Junhoe was surprised to see Bobby standing outside his room. He had heard the knock while he was deep in the throes of writing a poem. Normally, he was completely immersed. Today though, not even the Best Of Lee Moon Sae was helping him. Bobby looked nervous though and that made Junhoe nervous as well, because he was not really sure what was going on.

“Junhoe-ya.” Bobby whispered. “I need to talk to…I mean, is it okay if I come in and talk to you for a bit?” He was definitely nervous. His voice had almost completely trailed off towards the end of his request and Junhoe scratched the back of his head, wondering if this was something he could say no to.

“Why? Is it important?” He asked in return. Everyone was either asleep or probably off somewhere for their individual activities. Bobby looked around, eyes shifting around the darkened hallway, acutely aware that anyone could have come out and saw him talking to Junhoe which would then made everything even more awkward than it already was.

“It’s important to me, Junhoe-ya.” Bobby answered solemnly, the intent in Bobby’s eyes was a little bit hard to ignore, so he simply decided to stand aside and let Bobby in. There seem to be an eternal moment of hesitation on Bobby’s part and it was so gargantuan perhaps, that even Junhoe felt this. While it was not the first time that Bobby had been in Junhoe’s room, the both of them felt that tonight though, it was as if Bobby entering his room was like plunging into the deep sea after jumping from an overhanging cliff. It was like diving into the unknown, never knowing when one will break into the surface. Then Bobby was in and Junhoe closed the door after him, both not realising how momentous this occasion would be for the both of them. At least, not until later in the future. For some reason, both of them were sighing inwardly with relief, not knowing what made them feel that way.

As usual, Junhoe’s room was in the process of becoming a monumental mess. He probably had it cleaned early last week and the untidiness was fast catching up. He had been writing when Bobby interrupted him. Bobby could immediately tell from the lighted stone and the sappy ballad playing in the antiquated CD player. It was not the first time Bobby questioned his attraction to Junhoe. That they were so different from the get-go is definitely one of the things no one can overlook. Junhoe is younger than him and it might show in many ways, but when it came to music and fashion, Junhoe seem to have been born in the wrong era. If wrong meant early 80’s vibe and music tastes, then it apparently is.

Yet something about Junhoe fascinated him; how he looked, the way he spoke, his mannerisms and just his personality. Bobby would never admit how enamoured he was, even if that attraction took off its clothes and paraded before everyone. Bobby could never find the words needed to explain the true nature of his feelings towards Junhoe.

“Bobby-hyung?” Junhoe was asking now, standing in the middle of his room, looking disconcerted in a pool of clothes, he probably had decided against wearing this week, on the floor. He had been waiting for Bobby to speak. The ‘hyung’ came out almost belatedly, as if in an afterthought, because standing there in the middle of his supposedly comfort zone with Bobby staring at him and zoning out was definitely opposite of comfortable. Bobby had not realised that all he had done since entering Junhoe’s room was to make generalisations of the man he possibly might be in love with. Possibly, because he himself was not quite certain what really was going on with his heart.

“Ya~Junhoe. Don’t start getting formal with me.” Bobby begged anxiously, his back still plastered against the back of the door, his lips, because suddenly they had turned dry. “Bobby is fine.” Junhoe nodded in approval even though it was unnecessary and took a step towards his bed. He seem to have changed his mind at the last moment, turned slightly towards his desk and settled back onto the chair, swivelling it slowly so that he turned to face Bobby.

His face, the one that seem carved from some exorbitant and rare marble, were filled with expectation, but his gaze looked ready to waver at any given moment.

This was…awkward, but what was new? It always was.

As much as they want to show the members how comfortable they were with each other, pretending to be chummy and being the best of friends, the awkwardness was still prevalent between them. Bobby put it down to the differences in their taste and personality, but that train of reasoning had long chugged out of the station. Bobby could not possibly pin down exactly what had caused it and he suspected that Junhoe did not have a clue either.

Lately, he felt there was something more to it than that and this was what he wanted to talk about to Junhoe today. Now, if only he can put it into words, so that it will not be misunderstood by the boy, he would do just fine. Junhoe was wearing his ‘pabo’ grin, probably finding it amusing that Bobby wanted to be called Bobby, instead of adding the rank after his name. For some reason, Bobby love that grin.

Love.

, this got trickier the longer he took to acknowledge it. Bobby cleared his throat and then tried his damnedest to look at Junhoe in the eye. Which would be easy if the boy reciprocated his gaze, of course.

“I’ll…I’ll switch on the lights.” Junhoe stood up suddenly and moved in Bobby’s direction, one hand reaching to turn the switch on the wall beside where Bobby was standing. Bobby made an attempt to catch his wrist and as if by instinct, Junhoe pulled his hand away, almost immediately. Bobby should feel hurt by this, but he was not. He was sure that like him, Junhoe felt that jolt of electricity that passed through their body when they touched, even the slightest. Bobby wished it was just static, but this stung more than static. This was the kind of jolt that one does not recover easily from. The kind of jolt that was pretty mild compared to a taser, but it stung nevertheless and made the heart beat way too fast.

“No. I mean, there is no need. I’ll just make it short.” Bobby rapped. Well, it sounded like he was rapping anyway. Junhoe did not return to his seat. Instead, he stood there, maybe some five steps away from Bobby, not quite in the middle of his room, but near enough for Bobby to admire the way his face seem chiselled from a slab of marble. The way his fringe almost veiled the brows that were thick and shaped perfectly, the stem of his Roman nose with the rounded end that shone slightly with its oily residue, how supple and pink his relaxed lips were...Bobby shook his head slightly, realising he was close to getting distracted again. “Maybe you can turn off the song?” Bobby requested.

Junhoe turned to glance at the shelves where his analogue collections were. He nodded in agreement and strode towards to the shelves, turning off the player. Bobby took the opportunity to admire those long legs. They were slightly muscular at the calf but the shape pleased him very much. Junhoe remained where he was, standing in the shadows and even that, to Bobby, that silhouette, looked absolutely statuesque and mighty fine.

“Is that okay?” Junhoe asked, his deep voice filling the room and Bobby wondered how anyone could possess this voice and not be aware of the potential power it has over others.

“Yeah, that’s fine. But…but you need to come into the light here.” Bobby pointed to the spot he had stood on before.

“Really?” The boy seem puzzled by this request and shifted uncomfortably in the shadows, but he did as Bobby requested and moved swiftly, stepping back into the glow of that moonstone light that he had claimed had given him the power of inspiration. “Here?” He asked as if it was important and it was, at least to Bobby. He needed to look at Junhoe if he was ever going to find courage to say what he had to tonight.

“Yeah, right there. Just. Just stand there. Don’t move. “ Bobby requested, except perhaps it had come out more as a command, because Junhoe’s attention was all on him now. That undercurrent of nervousness and discomfort magnifying into a white elephant that had suddenly invaded the room. It left both of them no space to breathe or think, and even though it was metaphoric, it was still quite significant and something they cannot completely ignore. Junhoe bit his lower lip, gaze wavering in Bobby’s direction, looking as if he was already wishing he was somewhere else. “I want to talk about us. About this.” Bobby opened up the floor and as expected, neither of them could look at each other in the eye. Their gazes shifted to the floor and maybe, metaphoric or otherwise, they both really wished the floor would literally open up and swallow them whole. “I think we should, no, we need, to talk about this.”

“About us? Suddenly?” Junhoe tried for a chuckle that came out rather choked. That deep voice when filled with uncertainty, somehow made for some y Bobby could not fully comprehend but enjoyed anyway, so he cleared his throat again. This was driving him crazy. That was definite.

“Yes. About us, about this thing that is between us that we can never speak about. This thing that keeps me awake at night. This thing that makes you want to run as far away from me as you can. This thing that everyone seem to think is affecting us and makes us so uncomfortable with each other…this, um, thing.” Bobby had not realised the mounting horror that must have filled Junhoe as he released the barrage of words he had no control of whatsoever, at least, not until he saw Junhoe’s eyes widened in his direction, his face turning just as pale as the yellow moonstone on his table, untethered and lost, in the dim darkness of the room. Bobby exhaled, gazing up and closing his eyes in exasperation, groaning inwardly at the thought that he might have just shut Junhoe down.

“It keeps you awake at night?” Junhoe was asking now, the curiosity in his voice not lost on Bobby. Bobby sighed heavily, looking down at his feet. Perhaps this was way too soon. Bobby thought hard, but not too long, not with Junhoe focusing on him the way he did now.

“I just had this idea. “ Bobby began, slowly now, as if arranging his thoughts in order. “Everyone seems to think that we are awkward with each other, you know?” He stated more than asked. Junhoe nodded slowly, as if he himself was not even sure if this warranted an answer. “Well, I’m just going on a lam here, but what if we just try to find out what is it that made everything so awkward between us and maybe, just maybe, do something about it, you know?” Bobby suggested, wedging a foot into the door that made Junhoe so defensive and secretive towards him.

And only him. 

Junhoe was closest to Jinhwan, so much so that they were practically best friends. He could crack lame jokes so comfortably with Yunhyeong and every opportunity they get, Hanbin and him were continuously dissing each other. He has this youthful vibe with Donghyuk and Chanwoo, because they were the same age; even though it did not matter that they have very little in common, they were still able to enjoy each other’s company.

But with Bobby though, something was making Bobby the outsider.

For the longest time, he had believed that it was, because they were in awe of each other’s talents and achievements. Maybe that was what it had been initially, but gradually it had turned into something else. Bobby could not put a finger exactly when admiration turned into infatuation, yet it somehow did. Every chance he got to admire Junhoe while he was performing, he took it. He especially loved concerts, because that was where Junhoe truly shined.

Junhoe’s voice, the way he looked when he sang, his confidence and the ease with which he brought his talents to the forefront made Bobby sit up and notice everything that Junhoe did. It was crazy, but in due time, he began to admire everything there is about Junhoe. The way his lips would pout when he was tired, how moody he seemed to be, when he was in the midst of a creative storm, when he was hard at work; singing, dancing and doing everything else with a passion Bobby can only admire from afar, Junhoe was actually the reason he started working on new music as well.

“What was your idea?” Junhoe was asking him now, interrupting his train of thoughts. Bobby scratched the back of his head. It was a Junhoe thing to do and he stopped. Junhoe was gazing at him, but the way those lips were drooping open and the eyes had started to glaze over, he looked close to exasperation, trying to figure out what Bobby was planning.

Junhoe had always sensed that undercurrent of tension between them, but he had no idea what it meant, nor was he ever curious to find out what it was about. He just knew it was there and it made any interaction with Bobby a difficult and arduous task. Being around Bobby always made him blush and try as he might, he could not change how he felt nor could he control it.

“I know it sounds outrageous, but I think we should try for…a kiss.” Bobby suggested. There was no going back now. Bobby had crossed the bridge and he held the torch in his hand, waiting.

“A kiss?” Junhoe was saying. Bobby swore that look in his eyes; that sparkle of disbelief, coupled with that disarming smile on those lips would kill him, but he could not look away either, because Junhoe his lips, as if he was already preparing himself mentally for it.

“Damn it.” Bobby cursed under his breath. Junhoe looked at him, eyes wide in shocked. “Ah I mean, you should think about it, right?” Bobby was smiling now, disconcerted that he might have revealed his intentions a little too earnestly.

“Bobby, did anyone suggest this idea to you?” Junhoe asked, utterly curious now. Bobby considered his question for a moment and then shook his head. No one did. Donghyuk had about going on a date or something to that effect, but Bobby felt they needed something that had a little more bravado than just simply going out with each other. After all, they were both men and they both had their pride and…

Bobby really wanted to know exactly what it felt like to kiss those lips from where that powerful voice came from. He hated to admit that even to himself but he could not continue lying to himself either.

“Well,” Junhoe seem to be really considering this heavily, scratching his head a little longer than he usually would, “Shouldn’t we go out for dinner or at least go watch a movie or something?” He suggested, even if the notion seem rather abrupt and completely baseless. Bobby almost barked a laugh, because in that aspect, he was reminded of Donghyuk’s suggestion. As if a kiss could solve everything, hyung. He could hear Donghyuk chuckling in his head.

“No.” Bobby answered solemnly and Junhoe’s gaze finally fixed itself on him proper for the first time since he came in. His eyes, rounded and filled with innocence always made Bobby feel inadequate and he was biting his lower lips in contemplation. It made Bobby search for the mole on his pouty lower lip and while it was maddening just to look, Bobby was firmly certain that he would not leave Junhoe’s room tonight without having that kiss. “I know it sounds crazy…” Bobby began.

“Okay. Let’s, uh, let’s do this.” Junhoe agreed quite suddenly. It caught Bobby quite by surprise and he became acutely aware that it was mirrored in the way he was looking at Junhoe now.

“Really?” Bobby asked in disbelief. Junhoe nodded with a conviction Bobby had not expected.

“If it doesn’t work then we can’t say we never tried. It bothers me too. I never know what to do or how to react to whatever this is between us. If you feel a kiss might help, then by all means, let’s just get this done and over with.” Junhoe declared. For some reason, it warmed Bobby’s heart to see him so intent on the idea.

“Right, of course.” Bobby agreed, except now that Junhoe has agreed to it, he was not sure how exactly he should proceed.

“How do you want to do this?” Junhoe asked, again quite suddenly, that it caught Bobby off guard.

“How?” Bobby asked in return. He had not thought much about the how. He had always been more concerned about the when and the where.

“Maybe I should turn the lights off or something? I don’t know…I’ve never kissed anyone before.”Junhoe being both nervous and excited made Bobby smile and he covered a hand over his mouth, trying to hide his own shy smile. “Ah, please don’t laugh at me. You wanted to do this.” Junhoe was exclaiming now, looking almost offended, his gaze now flitting somewhere above the door.

“I know, I’m sorry. Please don’t be angry, I don’t mean to laugh or anything. It just sounds a bit funny now that we’ve decided to do this, doesn’t it?” Bobby assured him and then added.

“But we should be serious about it, shouldn’t we?” Junhoe now reflected and Bobby nodded profusely, not daring to argue, in case Junhoe took it wrongly again. “Should I go over there?” Junhoe asked now, a finger pointing in Bobby’s direction. Bobby realised that while the prospect sounded good in his head, actually going through this was going to take a little more effort than it should. Bobby was about to walk over when Junhoe held up his hand. “Hold on, Bobby. I think I should put on some lip balm. My lips are dry.” Junhoe was talking a little too fast and he was walking a tad too fast as well, away from the light, back to the darkness of his shelves.

Bobby strode from the the door, caught Junhoe by the wrist and spun him around to face him. Bobby had the momentary realisation that there was no need to tiptoe at all to reach Junhoe’s lips. All he had to do was crane his neck up slightly and their lips simply met.

Then, time stood still for the longest and the shortest time.

Plump, plush and pliant. That was his first impression of Junhoe’s lips. They were warm too and they quivered at the contact with Bobby’s lips. Junhoe had been caught unaware, so his lips were slightly parted in surprise and Bobby ran his tongue, softly, gently, over the crest of his upper lip. He tasted like whisky, probably from the glass he was accustomed to drinking before going to sleep. Bobby could feel Junhoe’s fingers, tapered and smooth sliding over his shoulders for balance at this sudden onslaught and Bobby kept closing the distance, until the white elephant realised it had become ineffectual and left the room. All that was left then was the sound of their collectively exhaled breaths and long-kept secret desires.

Bobby did not know and he could not care less how long or short the time was. All he knew was that they were breathless when they finally surfaced for air. He had taken the dive, the torch had fallen and that huge, lumbering bridge had been burnt down in the duration of that kiss. All that was left was a Junhoe, staring after him as if he was a fascinating creature he had never seen before and Bobby wondering how he was going stop himself from kissing Junhoe now that he realised how addictive those lips were.

They had opened Pandora’s Box and it could never be closed ever again.

“That was…” Junhoe began, his deep voice tremulous and slightly ragged.

“I know.” Bobby answered, his own voice a raspy whisper that seem loud in the quiet of the aftermath.

“No, that was bad.” Junhoe sussurated, his forehead resting against Bobby’s temple. Bobby’s eyes that had closed halfway in ecstasy, flew open in uncertainty. He was pretty sure that Junhoe enjoyed the kiss as much as he did. “I think you should…try again. This time a little bit longer.” He whispered breathlessly, heavy-lidded eyes, glancing at Bobby’s lips hungrily. He angled his head to the side slightly. Bobby smiled against his lips and took the plunge again.

 

~

 

Bobby was already waiting in his room when he came in from the shower.

“-you gave me such a fright!” Junhoe exclaimed and quickly closed the door before anyone saw Bobby. He was sitting on Junhoe’s bed today. It had been a month since their first kiss. Now, it had become a nightly ritual. They were definitely less awkward, the kiss had somehow lightened whatever laid heavily between them, but it ignited a spark neither of them wanted to talk about. Not yet anyway.

“Sorry, I really didn’t want anyone to see me outside your room.” Bobby apologised and then patted the space next to him eagerly. Junhoe flashed his trademark gummy smile and Bobby wondered how long he could accept kisses before he perished into the flames of his desires for Junhoe. It was crazy, but the night that he first kissed Junhoe was also the night he could no longer deny what had been in his heart. That he loves Junhoe with all the overflowing river in his heart and would do anything for him, shook him to the core.

“Have you eaten yet?” Junhoe asked, still running the towel through his hair. He only had his shorts on, so Bobby was afforded the wondrous view of his chiselled abs and his long legs. It was amazing that Bobby had managed to hold on this long.

“Nope. I want my kiss first.” Bobby admitted. Junhoe rolled his eyes as he settled himself beside Bobby.

“We could have ramyun first and then kissed.” Junhoe offered even though he had turned to Bobby, lips puckered, eyes sparkling with a delight Bobby found utterly mesmerising. That Junhoe looked forward to kissing him was something he could barely dream of a month ago.

“Or…we could kiss, have ramyun and then kiss again.” Bobby insisted, his hand raking through the back of Junhoe’s damp hair, pulling him downward just the slightest and crushing his lips for that daily supplication filled with gorgeous suppleness and wild abandonment. As usual Junhoe slid his hands onto Bobby’s shoulders, gripping tightly as if he was travelling down the rapids about to overturn at the slightest movement. Bobby persisted, working hard to fuse his lips and tongue to Junhoe’s mouth, to taste that honey which was never enough, not with whatever lay between them that needed talking about.

“…”Junhoe panted when Bobby finally released him. His lips were reddened and absolutely sore with all the wear Bobby had bore down on him.

“I know right…”Bobby replied just as breathlessly. It was like swimming against the tides now. “We, we…need to talk about this other thing.” Might as well bring it up since they were up here to breathe.

“-do we have to? It’s not too fast for you?” Junhoe stood up abruptly. Bobby bit his lip, trying to look at him, but realising Junhoe was not returning his gaze. Not right now.

“It’s too much to ask for, isn’t it?” Bobby asked sheepishly. Truth was, it was way too slow for him. He wanted Junhoe so bad that there were other parts of him other than his lips that ached.

“It’s not.” Junhoe shook his head. He could pace to and fro freely now, since it was early month and his room had just been cleaned.

“It’s not?” Bobby was clearly puzzled. Junhoe looked perturbed, despite agreeing with Bobby.

“I-I-I don’t just want this to be a physical thing.” Junhoe explained. He had stopped at his desk, giving Bobby a good view of his profile. It was enough to make Bobby’s heart beat a little extra faster than it did five minutes ago. Just gazing at him was enough to set things in motion. “There has to be more to this than just…just us kissing and wanting to to each other, right?” He was asking, but he was not looking at Bobby at all. Bobby’s gaze softened at this and he wondered, as he always had, how anyone so young, could think so deeply of such matters. It was the very thing that had made him so attractive to Bobby. They might all talk about his ‘dumb’ persona as being part of his charms, but it is his clarity that made Bobby fall in love with him. Clarity and his desire to have it constantly in his life.

“Hey, hey.” Bobby stood up, standing beside him, hooking his chin onto the crook of Junhoe’s broad shoulders, inhaling the scent of his freshly washed hair and neck. Junhoe side glanced him, flashing the most saddest smile as Bobby circled his arms around that well defined waist. “You know what? You are right. We should go out or something. Dinner or a movie. Is there anything you want to do?” Bobby asked, looking at him tenderly, wanting to give him the assurance he was asking for. That Bobby’s love for him was no mere infatuation, but something that transcended the physical desire. And it definitely was. As much as he wanted to Junhoe, he also wanted Junhoe’s heart.

“We could go to the arcade and maybe dinner?” Junhoe suggested, the smile going full bloom now. It felt as if he had unlocked a secret garden and it made Bobby smile too. He could wait. For that smile, he could wait a thousand years. Although a part of him hoped Junhoe would not keep him waiting that long.

“Sounds like a plan. Should we go tomorrow?” Bobby muttered, loving how warm and smooth Junhoe’s skin was against his chin.

“If your hands keep rubbing my abs like that, we’ll never go have that ramyun you promised me.” Junhoe groaned, gripping the back of the chair in his desk tightly. Bobby chuckled and released him, hesitantly. 

“I’ll bring flowers and chocolate. it would be our first date, after all.” Bobby surmised, as he began walking towards the door.

“Eeew, that is so tacky.” Junhoe dismissed, face all crumpled in disgust. “A personally signed Love and Fall album and a framed photo of you.” He demanded, arms folded. He looked utterly adorable. Bobby’s brows hitched up in amusement. “Well if we are going to be dating, I’d want mementoes of you on my desk. For inspiration.” Junhoe negotiated.

“Anything for the analogue guy.” Bobby promised, slapping him on the back gently and opening the door for him. “I’m still getting my kiss later, right?” Bobby reminded him. Junhoe rolled his eyes and laughed. Donghyuk, who was going towards the bathroom, caught sight of them emerging from Junhoe’s room and stood transfixed, as if he had been caught in a dream. Junhoe and Bobby, completely immersed with each other, walked past him unbothered, towards the kitchen. “Hey! You didn’t answer me?! I’m still getting that kiss after dinner right?” Bobby asked aloud as Junhoe, still laughing replied,

“I’ll consider it if you cook the ramyun!” Bobby pecked him on one cheek quickly, as Donghyuk stared after them in disbelief.

 

~

 

The next day, Donghyuk told Jinhwan what he had witnessed, but Jinhwan refused to believe him.

“Ya~were you wearing your glasses or maybe it was just a dream?” Jinhwan teased, ruffling his hair.

“No. I’m pretty sure Bobby-hyung came out from Junhoe’s room.“ Donghyuk recounted, arms folded and hands moving in front to imagine the duration it took for them to move together from the doorway, passing, no, not just passing, but completely ignoring him to the kitchen, “And then Bobby-hyung kissed him on the cheek.” Jinhwan’s eyes widened at this piece of ludicrous information.

“Donghyukie-ah. I think you are not well.” Jinhwan said now, shaking his head in commiseration. They all had been busy, Donghyuk had probably been half asleep. Definitely dreaming.

“Hyung, I swear on Obangie! Then, Bobby-hyung cooked ramyun and they sat in the living room, sharing it together. I saw Bobby-hyung feed Junhoe a piece of sausage.” Donghyuk declared.

“Speaking of which, why is it quiet today? Where is Bobby and Junhoe?” Jinhwan’s mouth turned into an O, gazing at Donghyuk, wondering if he had been speaking the truth. It was not always that Donghyuk’s dimples made an appearance. When they do, Jinhwan knew he was on cloud nine.

“They are out for a date.” Donghyuk whispered conspiratorially, that disbelieving look on Jinhwan’s face reappeared. “Hyung, I am not kidding! They left about fifteen minutes ago. Bobby-hyung even gave Junhoe flowers and a box full of gifts!” His eyes had widened and the dimples went deeper into his cheeks.

“Well, I guess they have gotten over their awkward tendencies towards each other.” Jinhwan shrugged. “Junhoe did not even say anything to me.” He added, wondering if he should ask Junhoe about it. It was quite unlike the boy not to share anything of such importance with him.

“Maybe. They definitely looked pleased though.” Donghyuk recalled with glee, clapping his hands together now that he came around to being convinced that it did happen.

“Well, it was about time they did something about their awkwardness.” Jinhwan concluded and that was the end of their conversation on this. They would probably tease Bobby and Junhoe tomorrow, after telling all the other members about this. Other than that, it was pretty cool that the two of them were at least not uncomfortable with each other anymore.

 

END