"Lisa-yah, open the door."

I put off my headphones and rush to my door as I hear a continues knocks.

A body suddenly dropped on top of me, I couldn't keep my balance that led us on the floor and hurt my . Ignoring my aching , I open my eyes and s Jennie on top of me, I immediately scoot her off me.

I sigh. I bend her knees to remove her feet on the doorway then I close my door.

"Why are you here at this hour? And why are you drunk?" I hiss at Jennie still lying on my floor with her eyes closed.

She moves onto her right but didn't bulge to get up. I roll my eyes and lightly taps her thigh with my foot.

"Hey, don't you sleep on me now." It woke her up a bit as she lies on her back again.

"Lisa-yah." She said, her eyes were half-close looking at me.

"Don't Lisayah me, Jennie, get up there," I order her before walking out to the kitchen to get her a glass of water.

Jennie, now slouching with her thighs spread across but still on the floor. Her dark long hair is sprawled all over.

I sigh again and shakes my head. Even though I'm still a bit used to this kind of unannounced visit of her I couldn't stand to see her like drunk like that.

I put down her glass of water on the coffee table first before carrying Jennie on the sofa.

I watch as she's having a hard time keeping her eyes open and her head still. I chuckle on how she gains consciousness on the sudden drop of her heavy head. She scrubs the sleep off her eyes and tucks her hair behind her ears, making me see her face now.

It's like she has never changed at all and it makes me smile.

I assist her to take a sip of water.

"Come on. Can you help yourself to the bathroom?" I ask her and she gives me a mischievous smile while shaking her head.

"Don't tell me I have to bathe you?" I asked her with my death stares and she seems can't see it with her blurry vision. Keeping the grin on her face and nods.

"No, and you can't sleep on my bed without taking a bath." I stand up but Jennie grabs my hand even before I could even take my first step.

"Lisa-yah, it hurts." Jennie said.

I look at Jennie silently, I feel her hand slides down. I could almost feel what she's feeling, I know how it is to have your heart broken and as for me I experience it every day for the last two months.

Jennie is asleep now on my bed after changing her clothes and cleaning her with a wet towel.

I lie down beside Jennie as I watch her soundly sleeping.

Seeing Jennie makes me feel different emotions inside and it never fades even many years have passed.

I lean my elbow on the pillow and rest my head on my palm to get a better view of my best friend.

We have become adults and changed in many ways but in my eyes, she would always be the ever beaming Jennie that I know from high school. The Jennie that would greet her good morning in the hallway and the Jennie that would offer her seat beside her on lunch.

It still feels like yesterday for me.

Jennie moves to her side now facing me She tries to open her eyes as I set the pillow to lie down.

"I miss you." I murmur as I try to open my eyes. I feel comfortable enough just hearing Lisa breathing beside me.

I sometimes wonder what I ever did to deserve Lisa. She is my confinement, my refuge, and most of the time my strength.

I couldn't think of anyone that knows me the way Lisa does.

"Sleep now, Jennie." Lisa whispers to me as she scoops me around her arms as I rest my head on her chest, and right then I feel so much better.

 

"Hi, do you know the to room 3-B?" Jennie lifted her head from the book she was reading to the tall girl in front of her.

It was already ten in the morning and classes had started, she skipped her class because she just felt like so.

Jennie didn't answer right away and instead observed the girl with her black backpack and eyeglasses. The school started two weeks ago and she hadn't seen the girl around the campus before.

3-B. That was beside Jennie's homeroom.

"Turn to the right after passing the comfort room, that's the third year hallway." Jennie pointed to her left.

"The class has already started. I suggest just wait until the next one." Jennie continued then focused again in her book.

"Then, why are you in the field if the classes have started?"

"I just don't feel like attending the first period, and I wanted to finish my book." Jennie said without looking at the girl.

The girl remained standing in front of her that was when she started to look at her again.

"You can stay here if you want but don't try to make conversation I don't want to be bothered," Jennie said.

They were in the school field of their high school sitting on the bench beside a huge tree that preventing them to be seen from the school building.

The girl didn't say anything and instead, she silently sat beside her with the girl's backup in between them.

And like what Jennie said the girl didn't attempt to make a conversation.

After finishing the chapter she was reading, Jennie put her bookmark in between the pages and closed her book.

"I'm Jennie by the way. Are you new here?" Jennie asked breaking their silence.

"I'm Lisa. My family just move in here two days ago." Lisa smiled at Jennie showing her perfect white teeth.

"Okay, nice meeting you Lisa. See you around." Jennie said and walked out.

That was their first encounter.

Being new in town and at school Lisa was quiet and most of the time just observing around. She didn't even try to make friends as she wanted to be alone most of the time but Jennie would never fail to smile or waved at her when seeing her as if they were acquaintance or friends.

It stayed that way for a year until on their last year of High school when they got to be in the same homeroom, Jennie was the first one to approach her. It started like that until Lisa found herself being always with her.

 

It feels good holding Jennie in my arms, I want to stay like this longer or even forever if I would be asked. I wanted to hold Jennie every time even when she's happy, sad, drunk like this, or even when she's not her self. I wanted to be part of Jennie's life the longer it would permit me.

I love Jennie for many years now and it breaks my heart every time Jennie is there to cry on my shoulder because of a failed relationship or even because of senseless thing. I am glad to be the first person Jennie thinks of whenever there is a major event happened in her life.

"Lisa-yah. I miss you." Jennie repeated and it made me smile.

"I miss you, Jennie." I only answer. She twists her shoulder which makes me loosen my embrace to her.

She slowly gets up to a sitting position, resting her back on the bed frame. I did the same.

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you." Jennie said with a low tone, I didn't answer and instead rest my head on her shoulder. This is not the time to tell her my signature I told you so. She still hurting and it would not help her.

"We commit mistakes and we learn from them. There's no need to be sorry, you know I will always be here for you no matter how stubborn you are." I chuckled to lighten her mood. I feel her cheek touches the top of my head.

"You're right, there's no point of holding onto a relationship that's been broken for so long." Jennie said.

I slightly nod. Finally, she had realized that now. I had been telling her that for quite some time now seeing her not happy with her relationship with her boyfriend, now, ex. I asked her a millionth times why was she still holding on to their relationship even if it was clear as the sun that she had fallen out of love with him.

I wanted her to realize that, but maybe I did it in a wrong way that I made her mad and made her not talk to me for seven weeks. And those times there was never a day that I didn't miss her, wanting to call her at random time of the day to say that I am sorry, but I stopped myself. I would admit that I was scared at some point that that might be the end of our friendship, that was the longest time we didn't talk and it was too abrupt.

Those nights that I cried thinking of her are now gone and Jennie is here now back in my life and that what is important. I will never know until when or how long it would last until she finds another love again but for now Jennie needs me and I am here for her, but how I wish she doesn't have to leave my side ever again.

I have accepted long before that all we could ever be is friends and that is the only way to keep her in my life and I don't have a plan of ruining that.

I'd rather be her loyal best friend than to risk again our friendship and lose her.

It's not that I didn't try but it was written all over Jennie's face that she wasn't feeling the same with me. It pained me more than I had prepared myself. I thought I could handle it if ever she would turn me down but even before hearing her answer I felt an ache in my chest that I never want to feel again.

We were at the university library studying for our finals week before graduation. It was early in the morning and there weren't many students around, the reason we chose that time of the day.

Jennie and I went to the same University after we graduated from high school. It was not something we planned but we were both glad to had passed the entrance examination at Seoul university. I took Visual Design while Jennie was stuck to business management, as that what her father wanted.

After five years, Jennie and I remained the closest friends, almost like sisters like the people around us say. I cringe deep inside hearing that because what I feel about Jennie was beyond sisterly love.

Jennie was sleeping on the table with her glasses on and a pen in her hand, tired from a late-night study she did before going to the library. She only had two hours of sleep and less than five hours from now we have to endure a week of examination that will determine our future.

I couldn't help but be mesmerized with her face. It was one of my favorite sight of her, the sleeping Jennie. She looked serene every time and it calmed me. I felt that every weight on my shoulder was lifted and there was nothing in the world that could bother me. That was her effect on me, even a sleeping Jennie could make me feel emotions.

Suddenly, Jennie woke up from her slumber, fixing her eyeglasses and wiping off her dried saliva at the corner of . It made me smile, everything about her made me smile.

Jennie looked at me with her heavy eyes trying to focus her vision and there was I looking at her like she's the only person that I could see.

"I love you." I whispered but enough for Jennie to hear, I didn't know where it came from maybe I wasn't in my right mind being too sleepy that the words swiftly came out of my mouth.

I had been meaning to tell Jennie what I felt about her for quite some time now and I did it out of nowhere in the library, out of the romantic places I think of to confess.

I had fully gotten my consciousness back because what I said and sleep was far from my mind and so was Jennie. There was no turning back now, I thought, and I mean what I said.

Silence.

That was the most deafening silence I ever heard in my life. I saw Jennie's confusion, agape, and her breathing was dragging. It wasn't the reaction I was expecting or better to say I didn't know what to expect. I was not prepared and it was written all over her face that she wasn't too happy about it.

"Lisa-yah, it's too early for your jokes. I am not fully awake to myself out." She chuckled. "Tell that some other time." She continued while opening her book trying to read where she left off.

Of course, I never tried to tell that joke again. Maybe, what happened in the library was a free trial of what to expect when I confess and I didn't like it so I decided not to subscribe.

Never again. Not that I already knew how Jennie reacted and after I felt that she tried to avoid me during the exam week refusing my offers to study together or just to have lunch together. It was hard to bear, wishing I could turn back time and didn't have said a bad joke.

I thought our friendship was over. I wanted to try to fix it but at the same time, I thought that it was better that way, I couldn't remain Jennie's friend not when I am in love with her.

Until I received a call from her the day before our graduation. I didn't know how much I missed her until I heard her voice over the phone. We went out for lunch and it felt like nothing had changed between us, it felt like we just saw each other yesterday. I didn't try to ask her what happened during the week we're not together.

I never bring up the joke and it seemed like she had forgotten about it.

l thought it was better to end things with Jennie, that it was better to be estranged to her but I couldn't do it not that when I was reminded how it felt being with her. It was still better than to lose her.

I thought it would pass, that there would be a day that I'd wake up and be able to see Jennie as just a friend again but it didn't happen and until now I was a er for her, loving her unconditionally.

I woke up without Lisa's by my side, my head was throbbing and I can barely remember what happened. I was drinking in a bar and I walked without knowing where I'm going, but maybe subconsciously I already knew where to head and found myself in front of Lisa's door.

Lisa opened her door and upon seeing her with my blurry eyes I already felt relieved knowing everything would be okay. I jumped right at her but I couldn't control my balance so we dropped on the floor.

I didn't move on top of her. Lisa's warmth enveloped me like a quilt.

"Lisa-yah, it hurts." It ing hurts. I ended my two-year relationship with my boyfriend, the longest I ever had because I finally realized that I've fallen out of love if I ever been in love with him.

I'm hurting not because of my break up, it was of what Lisa and I had become. I didn't mean to be mad at her when she yelled at me one night here in her apartment, of how I should walk out my relationship that's not working out anymore. I know Kai and I had our arguments but we always find our way back to each other just how I always find myself knocking on Lisa's door whenever things went wrong.

I avoided Lisa for longer I could because I wanted to work things out with Kai and that would be impossible if I won't keep my distance with her because every day I'm falling deeply in love with my best friend.

I couldn't remember when I did feel different about Lisa. I knew that she has a special feeling for me back then and I tried to avoid it and it was harder than I thought.

It would be selfish of me to keep Lisa as my friend knowing what she felt about me and me not reciprocating the feeling. I didn't know how I will face her after her confession that I subtly rejected, I saw how it pained her but I thought it was the best thing to do. I wanted to save our friendship so I had some time to cool the situation off until I couldn't take it and invited Lisa over lunch the day before our graduation.

Things went back to normal... Right then, I knew I wouldn't want to ruin the good relationship Lisa and I have. She never brought it up again and I was glad.

Things should have remained the same if I only didn't catch feelings for Lisa. I didn't know what happened but I just started to see Lisa in a different light and I couldn't make an end to it, even when I close my eyes her image was all I could see.

It was foolish of me thinking the only way to stop it was to have someone else by my side. I went to dates to shrug off my feelings to Lisa but it didn't work out that way. Until I met Kai, who I thought I loved. Our relationship lasted for two years because we clicked and he was by far the most decent man I met.

I didn't fall out of love, because now that I realized I didn't feel the same for him the way I feel about Lisa. I kept him for so long just to realize that it's because he reminded me so much of Lisa.

The way they crinkled their nose, their sense of humor, their tall thin frame, and especially how their brown eyes were alike.

"Good morning." I greeted Lisa. She scratches her eyes and looks at me with her eyes still with a trace of sleep.

Lisa is so beautiful even in the morning, I didn't know why I even tried to ignore her, neglecting a blessing that has been with me all along.

I feel happy inside knowing I am back at her again. It was more than torture not being able to talk to her.

"Good morning." Lisa replied as she gets out of bed.

"What do you want for breakfast?" She asked while yawning. She stretches her arms up and wide pulling her white shirt up.

I didn't take my eyes off her. I could wake up every morning like this.

It is almost ten in the morning when I finished cooking. I prepared seaweed soup for Jennie' hungover along with Kimchi rice and egg that we both love.

"Don't stare at me too much, Jennie. I'm not going anywhere." I said when I notice that she wouldn't take her eyes off me.

It's true, I wouldn't go anywhere far from her from now on. It was a promise a made last night before I finally submit to sleep.

That was by far the longest time we didn't talk after the incident before our graduation and it's the most excruciating one.

Everyone can call me stupid for my actions and I already know that but at the same time I already accepted it, that's the way it is.

I am not closing my door in any possibility that I might fall in love with somebody else or might even have a family of my own someday but Jennie will always have a special place in my heart.

Seeing her happy makes me happy and I know it is the same with her. We like how things are as it is now and I am determined to keep it that way.

"This is really good, Lisa-yah." Jennie said praising my seaweed soup.

"I could wake up every day with a hungover if I get to taste your soup in the morning." That made me chuckle.

"You don't need to have hungover, I'd be honored to cook for you every day." I told Jennie.

She puts down her spoon and looked at me with her feline eyes. I thought I am used to her stares like that but no, it always set me in motion. The feeling of a sudden drop from a high point and makes you want to scream until your lungs get burned, that's what I feel every time.

"Do you promise that? Will you always be there?" I couldn't answer her for a moment. I couldn't decipher what Jennie meant by that but it will always be a yes.

"... To cook for me?" Jennie continued.

I nod and smile at her.

"I have broken up with Kai three weeks ago." She said.

"Three weeks ago? I thought it was last night." Jennie shook her head smiling.

"But why did you get drunk then?" I asked.

"I just feel like it."

I chuckled, some things will never change. Jennie will always be the Jennie I knew that will do things just because she feels like it. I wonder if things would be different if she didn't feel like not attending her first class, the same time I got lost on my first day at my new high school.

It made me smile again even though still confused about why it took her this long to come to me.

I wanted to ask her but it doesn't matter anymore, she's here now.

"Can you tell me that joke again, Lisa?"

"Which one?" I asked her.

"That one I couldn't laugh off when we were in the university library five years ago." She nonchalantly said.

"That was a long time ago, how can I remember?" I shift my gaze back to my food and put a spoonful of Kimchi rice in my mouth.

That was a lie. I didn't forget, I never forget.

I felt my cheeks heat up and I'm trying so hard not to show it to Jennie.

I am really confused now, why all of a sudden she brought that up? Didn't Jennie remember it? Because the memory stays with me until now.

We finished our breakfast and I took a shower after. I put on my borrowed clothes from Lisa.

I went outside Lisa's room and I saw her on the couch drinking her coffee. She has prepared another cup for me on the table.

I sat beside her. Lisa's mere presence relaxes me, we don't need words when we are together, silence is something we both enjoy.

"Do you want to hear it?" I asked that made Lisa turned to me.

I smiled at her. "Your joke at the library."

Lisa's face turns red, she looked sideways for me to not notice it but it's already too late.

"Oh." Lisa only said.

"Do you want to hear it?" I asked her again. She's starting to sway her knee and tap her foot, the things she does when getting uncomfortable.

"Is it that funny?" She asked. I chuckle.

"I guess not, but it was memorable." I said. I want to say it but not as a joke because in the first place it wasn't meant to be. It was only me that made it that way, for Lisa, those three words were real back then.

I wanted to say it but all of the sudden fear creeps under my skin. Will I risk what we have now? Did Lisa take a risk when she told me she loved me?

But it was different now, and we already know what happened after that and I'm not sure if Lisa still feels the same about me. Maybe not, I couldn't tell, she never changed but that doesn't mean she still loves me the same.

Yes, perhaps some things should remain the same as it is. Why try to change when things are working perfectly?

I take a final sip of my coffee before saying goodbye to Lisa.

She opens the door for me and we share a look before I step out of her doorway.

Lisa waves at me before closing her door but I stay standing outside. I look at my shoes for nothing. I can't bring myself to take a step away but I must.

Suddenly the door opens. I look up seeing Lisa on the doorway again.

"We both know it wasn't a joke, Jennie," Lisa said.

"And it will never be just a joke." She continued and paused again. Lisa is holding her breath and so was I.

"So, if you're going to say it as a joke then I don't want to hear it."

"Then I'm not going to say it." I said.

Lisa tried to put a smile while her eyes are starting to water.

"I love you. And I mean it." I said.

"I tried to conceal it. And I didn't fall out of love with Kai because I was never in love with him. I only love the way he reminded me of you."

I take a step and embrace Lisa.

"Stay with me." She said.

"I will and I'm not going anywhere without you." I said as I feel her arms wrap around me.

 

~End~