Hello. this was supposed to be a short drabble, but since a lot of people requested for another round of pain from this plot, here is a surprise update for ya'll. Feel free to also skip if you want to!

Thank you for all the engagements I received here and on my twt. If you do read, I hope it satisfies your need for angst and tragedy. kskssfsd carry on!

 

“I have something to ask you.” Eunji tells Chorong out of the blue, disturbing the quiet she had going on. It’s finals season, and they’ve been doing nothing but study. Chorong sees to it that her already perfect grades remain perfect until the end of the term. Eunji’s dorm is the perfect place to study at, and Chorong was taking full advantage of that. Quiet and cozy, but well lit enough to not make her feel sleepy. It definitely helps her focus better, and she easily finishes three painfully thick readings in six hours.

 

Eunji is talkative, a trait Chorong found out just a few days after they met. A trait that balances them. The girl can’t sit still for an hour even on a good day, while Chorong is quiet most of the time.

 

Eunji has been perfectly quiet today, however, fully complying to Chorong’s request. So Chorong decides that she deserves to be given attention for the six hours she’s been mute.

 

“Sure.” Chorong smiles and places her pen down. She turns on her chair to face Eunji, and stretches as she says, “I think I should take a break anyway.”

 

Eunji places her cheek on her own desk beside Chorong and taps her fingers on the mug she was holding. She hesitates for a moment and averts her eyes. “You know what, nevermind. It can wait until after your exams.”

 

“You have exams too.” Chorong reminds her with a sharp glare. The nerve of her girlfriend to disregard her own finals. “Shouldn’t you be studying with me?”

 

“Right.” Eunji smiles knowingly. “I’m taking a day off.”

 

“You better do well on your tests if you’re confident enough to relax for a whole day.” Chorong reminds her. She isn’t really concerned though, Eunji does get good grades despite seeming like the type to not study at all.

 

“I will.”

 

There’s a moment of silence as Chorong waits for Eunji to ask her question, but she gets impatient when the girl doesn’t say anything for a full minute. “Well?”

 

“Well. what?” Eunji asks.

 

“Your question.” Chorong says. She grabs her own mug and takes a sip of the coffee Eunji prepared for her.

 

Eunji hesitates again, but the impatient look Chorong gives her tells her that her girlfriend isn’t letting her drop the topic anytime soon. Eunji sighs as she carefully speaks, “Have you ever thought of how we’re going to manage our time so we can see each other everyday? Because I’ve been thinking about it recently.”

 

“What do you mean?” Chorong raises her eyebrow in confusion. “We see each other all the time. My day almost always starts and ends with you.”

 

There’s another sign of hesitation on Eunji’s face, and Chorong waits for her to speak again. “I mean when your internship starts.” she says softly, and finally finds the nerve to look at Chorong in the eye. “And when you get your license and finally become a doctor, when you start your residency, when you start handling the surgical department, when you finally handle a whole hospital or build your own… How will we manage our time then?”

 

Chorong stares at her and takes a moment to process what Eunji says. The question sinks in one by one. “Meung, I’m only in my second year, my internships aren’t starting until my fourth year...”

 

“I know, but..”

 

“We’ve only been dating for eight months, Meung. And I’ve only known you for eight months and one week.” Chorong finds herself breathing out in shock. Sure, they’ve talked about their dreams and their future plans, but thinking about how they’re going to handle their relationship six— ten years in the future?

 

It’s been short. The amount of time they’ve known each other is comparably a tiny drop of water on a lake with how Eunji has been thinking about their future. It’s overwhelming and it takes Chorong in complete surprise.

 

She knows she’s said it wrong when a frown appears on Eunji’s face.

 

“You’re right.” Eunji says, averting her eyes once more. Chorong sees the hurt in them as she continues staring at the floor. “I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable. I know it’s weird to be thinking about the very far future when we’ve only known each other for less than a year, but I was talking to Seungwan about the same predicament with Joohyun and she—“

 

“Eunji.” Chorong repeats her name for what Eunji belatedly realizes is the third time, and grabs both of Eunji’s hands to finally snap her out of her sad rambling. “Meung, I didn’t mean it like that...” she tells her softly, pulling on her hands a little. “It’s just that it's not something someone usually says in a relationship as new as ours…”

 

Eunji doesn’t move and keeps her head low, but Chorong can still see her eyes already filling up with tears. Chorong can’t help the smile fondly as she recognizes it. The only time Eunji ever hides her face is when she cries or is on the verge of it.

 

Chorong stands up and quietly pulls Eunji to the bed. Once the both of them are settled, with Eunji wrapped in her arms, Chorong sighs in content and says, “Then you’d have to make sure every time we have mornings together, we’ll cook breakfast and go to work together.”

 

There’s silence for a moment before Eunji finally responds, “What?” she asks softly, finally looking up from where she’s been trying to hide her face and looks at Chorong. She pulls away from Chorong’s embrace and they push themselves up, settling their backs on the pillows they’ve propped up against the bed’s headboard.

 

“In the future… when it does happen, I’m going to be really busy, and I won’t have time to go out. So, we definitely have to share one car sometimes.” Chorong continues, ignoring the confused look on Eunji’s face, “You have to fetch me home from work every time our schedules synchronize.”

 

When Eunji just tilts her head and stares at her, Chorong giggles and cups her cheeks, “What do you think about that?”

 

“I can definitely do that.” Eunji finally answers with a smile. “I’d probably have a more flexible schedule anyway. I’d fetch you all the time if I can.”

 

This time, it’s Chorong who smiles and gives her a kiss. When they pull away, Eunji suggests, “The fridge should always have beer in it. And chicken— though we can just order from outside too, but we definitely have to have beer on the fridge all the time.”

 

“You’re an alcoholic.” Chorong laughs.

 

“Hey, you know I don’t drink all the time. It’s just comforting to see it and know I can kick back and relax anytime I want to.”

 

“We can have that.” Chorong agrees. “And romantic movie nights.”

 

“Ugh.” Eunji jokingly complains and fake-gags. When Chorong just glares at her, she easily surrenders. “Just kidding. We can watch all the sappiest and cheesiest movies you want.”

 

“Early morning jogs.” Eunji tries. “Can I do those with you?”

 

“I’ll try, but you know I can’t. Not just because I hate running, but also because my body clock will probably be so ed up because of work. How about walks in a park whenever we’re free instead?” Chorong bargains.

 

Eunji thinks about it for a while, “And biking. We get to ride those cute little couple bikes they have whenever I want.”

 

“I can do that.” Chorong nods. “But you have to stop being late to almost everything. Fix that bad habit of yours.”

 

Eunji laughs nervously. “I honestly doubt I can do that, but I’ll definitely try.”

 

There’s silence as this time, it’s Chorong who leans in Eunji’s embrace. The comfortable moment stretches for a while before Chorong breaks it, “I can’t believe we’re actually talking about our future.” She chuckles.

 

“Sorry.” Eunji replies. “I was actually nervous thinking you were going to break up with me.”

 

“That would’ve been very understandable, wouldn’t it?” Chorong asks, sounding like she was actually pondering about doing it. Of course, the tone makes Eunji look at her in alarm, and pouts in relief when a clearly amused grin mocks her in return.

 

“Don’t scare me like that.” Eunji whines. She tightens her hug for a few seconds. “You really don’t think I’m moving too fast…. thinking about our future together?”

 

“You mean asking about what we’ll do when I become a busy hot-shot surgeon, while I’m just a second year student right now?”

 

“Oh, you definitely are.” Chorong answers simply. She drags her hand across Eunji’s arm, and intertwines their fingers. “But I can keep up.”

 

—

 

Years pass with the promises of that one night put-aside for more important priorities- their careers. At least that’s always been Chorong’s main goal ever since she was old enough to think about her future.

 

She receives her first career-related award in her first year of residency. It isn’t a big grant or from a prestigious namesake, just an award given by the hospital she was working at— to show their appreciation.

 

It’s been a stressful number of months, a year even. But now that the year is ending, and she even gets this appreciation plaque, Chorong suddenly remembers she can breathe.

 

“God, I knew you were going to bag this, Rong!” her friend, Yongsun, pushes her way through the crowd of colleagues that were congratulating Chorong after the ceremony, and immediately hugs her. “You’re so amazing!”

 

“This isn’t a Surgical Association Medallion, Yong.” Chorong laughs. Yongsun begins to argue about how getting a ‘resident of the year’ award from one of the top hospitals in the nation as a first year, when the award usually goes to 4th and 5th years was a big feat— when behind Yongsun, another familiar face approaches her with a big smile. “Byul? You’re here too? Aren’t you busy?”

 

Byulyi rolls her eyes and sighs in pretend exhaustion as she looks at Yongsun who is starting to brag about Chorong’s achievement to their colleagues like it was her own. “She said if I missed this, she’d break up with me.” Byulyi answers, scrunching her nose at Chorong in distaste; and then she glances at Yongsun again. Chorong watches Byulyi’s expression go back to the cheeky smile she always wore whenever she looked at Chorong’s best friend.

 

“Empty threats.” Chorong jokes and forces a smile. Seeing Byulyi look at Yongsun like that has just reminded her of the thing she misses the most. She looks around for someone, the person she knew was here just a few minutes ago. She was definitely here, standing at the back as Chorong gave her speech.

 

“I’d never take any chances.” Byulyi answers shyly.

 

Chorong laughs softly, her chest feeling heavier than it was moments ago. “You both wouldn’t…”

 

Byulyi probably notices how it sounds forced, because she coughs and asks cautiously, “Want us to drive you home?”

 

“I’m fine.” Chorong forces another smile. She turns towards the door and waves at Byulyi. “Tell Yong I went ahead. I’ll see her in a few days.”

 

Chorong almost staggers out of the building from nervousness and panic. She feels similarly close to her patients who are on adrenaline after experiencing major trauma. Like how the pain crawls through their body as the adrenaline starts wearing off, Chorong feels an unwanted feeling crawl to her chest. Now that her grueling year as a resident is over and she’s finally able to set it aside for a few days, she remembers something she chose to set aside.

 

She frantically looks around for a familiar dark blue car. Her— their favorite blue car.

 

When she spots it at the end of the block, her breath hitches. And when she sees her there, she unconsciously breathes out a relieved sigh.

 

Eunji is there, leaning on the hood of their car as her head bobs from dozing off. It’s been almost a week since Chorong has properly looked at her. A week after their biggest fight yet.

 

A week after Chorong chose to grab her pillow out of their bedroom, and sleep in the guest room out of anger.

 

Chorong racks her head as she quietly walks towards her girlfriend. Why was she angry again?

 

Eunji looks like she’s lost weight. She looks exhausted. The bags under her eyes match the ones Chorong has whenever she goes on 48-hour straight shifts. But Eunji was a music producer, she never had to take on hours like Chorong did.

 

Chorong unconsciously reaches out and touches Eunji’s cheek out of worry, waking her up in surprise. Their fight is long forgotten as she steps closer and cups Eunji’s face with her hands to warm it from the cold air.

 

Eunji hasn’t forgotten, however, because she looks at Chorong with caution and asks, “You’re not mad at me anymore?”

 

Through the haze of operations and speeches and awards that have occupied Chorong’s thoughts the last few months, especially the whole week, the sad look on Eunji’s face suddenly makes her remember.

 

How their promises from years ago had been forgotten ever since Chorong started her residency. Chorong had to spend nights and long exhausting shifts that often had her sleeping on the on-call rooms. It was easier to sleep in the hospital than to drive home or burden Eunji by having to pick her up. They’d spend days without seeing each other, only for Chorong to pass out for a whole day in bed when she finally sets foot back home.

 

She remembers how she never even got to jog with Eunji as her girlfriend had requested; Never got to have park dates like she planned. She remembers spending free nights on the couch, nursing a can of beer from their always-stocked-fridge and waking up in bed with a slight headache; and how she’s greeted by Eunji’s nagging as she’s served breakfast in bed.

 

She doesn’t remember when, but during those times, she started getting annoyed at Eunji’s concerned chivvying. She regrettably even remembers the times she snapped at Eunji for something she’s quite sure was shallow.

 

She remembers how Eunji had hugged her from behind earlier that week and

accidentally knocked over a mug, spilling coffee on the copies of the surgical logs she was reading. How angry and annoyed she was that she shouted at Eunji for being a bother. She’s tired— she’s been really tired for a whole year now, but she realizes how that isn’t an excuse for treating Eunji this way.

 

Like whatever ‘adrenaline’ she’s been running on fades away, the tears pricking her eyes fall as she wraps her arms around Eunji. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” she apologizes as she buries her face on Eunji’s neck. “I don’t deserve you.”

 

“Don’t say that.” Eunji hugs her back and replies— gentle like she always is. “Congratulations, I’m so proud of you.”

 

“I don’t deserve you.” Chorong repeats, crying a little harder.

 

Eunji gently her head. “Let’s go home.”

 

—

 

Chorong wakes Eunji up to the smell of bacon and eggs early in the morning. She smiles as Eunji emerges from the bedroom and goes over to her for a hug right after she sets the table.

 

“Good morning.” Eunji greets her, half-asleep and still a little groggy. After all, this is the only proper sleep she’s had the whole week.

 

“Breakfast?” Chorong pulls away to see her face. Just enough so that her arms are still wrapped around her girlfriend.

 

“You cooked?”

 

“You made me dinner yesterday, even though we were fighting.” Chorong guiltily answers, her voice getting softer with each word.

 

“You won an award. You deserved a romantic dinner.” Eunji chuckles and pulls her back in, giving her a tighter hug that assures her again that she is already forgiven.

 

“By the way, I got you something.” Eunji says as they finish breakfast. She stands up and goes back inside their bedroom. She emerges a few seconds later with a small box.

 

“Eunji..” Chorong stares in suspicion. It can’t be a ring. God, she would be the happiest woman on earth if it was; and that Eunji still wanted to marry her despite all her flaws, but she isn’t prepared yet. She doesn’t deserve Eunji just yet.

 

“It’s a necklace!” Eunji immediately clarifies, seeing her face grow pale. “I’ve learned my lesson. I’d never spring anything that big at you out of the blue again!”

 

Eunji nervously opens the box, and a silver necklace with a pendant greets Chorong.

 

“A pink and a yellow flower?” Chorong asks as she gently removes it from the box. She glances at Eunji who just smiles back. “What are they?”

 

“They’re zinnias.” Eunji says. She gently takes the necklace from Chorong and stands behind her. “The magenta one means lasting affection. My love for you.” she combs Chorong’s hair away from her nape, “The yellow one, represents good memories— our good memories. And the ones we’re going to make in the future.” Eunji places a soft kiss on Chorong’s neck after securing the clasps.

 

“It’s pretty. I love it.” Chorong says, brushing a finger over the pendant as she turns around.

 

“It looks good on you.” Eunji agrees. “Glad I didn’t pull a big surprise on you, right?”

 

The way Eunji laughs awkwardly at her own joke weighs on Chorong’s chest as the guilt returns, already knowing what Eunji was talking about.

 

Eunji had joked about proposing to her some months ago, and she remembers how she snaps at her for bothering her as she tries to finish a 27-page article overnight.

 

But she never wants Eunji to think that way. She’s given Chorong everything and more. The support she shows; The patience and understanding she gives her even when Chorong herself knows she’s being a complete .

 

“Meung.” She says softly as she cups Eunji's face. Staring into her eyes, she says, “Give me two years. Just until I become an attending. You can surprise me then.”

 

“Two years?”

 

“If that’s okay.”

 

Eunji nods and smiles, “It’s nothing compared to the six years we already have on our belt, Rong. It’s okay… I’ll just surprise you with the biggest rock I can buy by then.”

 

Chorong laughs at this, relief immediately flooding her chest at Eunji’s reply. She wraps her arms around Eunji as the girl also does the same, “There’s no need for a big rock, silly. Let’s be practical and save that for something else instead.”

 

“Okay. A small ring then. But I still want it to be a big surprise.”

 

“Can’t I please just do something else so you’ll drop that whole idea?”

 

“How about we take a quick jog tomorrow morning?”

 

“I can do that!”

 

“If you can run twelve kilometers in an hour, then I’ll think about it.”

 

“That’s unfair.” Chorong protests. Just thinking about running makes her go pale.

 

And Eunji knows she won’t be able to even reach ten.

 

“Should I propose to you on a school field with a band? Should I rent a yacht? A flash mob, maybe?” Eunji laughs as Chorong’s expression darkens with every idea. Eunji kisses her cheek and teases, “You’ll never know.”

 

—

 

Running with Eunji is hell. Like demons whipping at her limbs. Her lungs are burning as they reach the bench Eunji marks as their finish line. It burns as she leans forward, hands on her knees as she tries to catch her breath.

 

“You’re way out of shape, Rong.” Eunji chuckles.

 

“Shut up.” Chorong pants. She looks up to watch Eunji dry herself off with a towel with a carefree grin on her face— like they weren’t just running an hour ago. “How the hell are you smiling?”

 

“Jogging feels good!” Eunji looks amused. “And with our pace, I barely broke a sweat!”

 

“You barely broke a sweat?” Chorong repeats, a little offended. But she looks at Eunji, and her girlfriend really did look as fresh as she was when they left the house. Whereas, she was over here, drenched in sweat and feeling nauseated. She feels like dying.

 

“And you barely reached ten kilometers.” Eunji laughs. “Guess I’ll be renting a plane to spell out ‘will you marry me?’ then!”

 

Eunji grabs a fresh towel from their bag and throws it at Chorong, and then throws herself at her. Chorong screams in annoyance as Eunji’s weight playfully makes her stumble a few steps.

 

“You’ll feel better after a few weeks. I promise!”

 

—

 

“You look happier. Healthier.” Namjoo tells Chorong as soon as the waiter that served them leaves after getting their orders. The girl had just gotten her long overdue check-up with Chorong, and invited the surgeon to lunch. “You gained weight… In a good way!”

 

“Did I?” Chorong asks and glances at her body.

 

“Yeah. It’s been what? A year since I last saw you? Weren’t you up for some intern award back then? Time flies so fast, huh?”

 

Chorong only nods.

 

“I would’ve visited.” Namjoo offers an explanation. “but I knew you were busy.”

 

Chorong scoffs, “I wasn’t the one who packed her bags and travelled even when her doctor advised her not to.”

 

“Hey, you literally fixed my heart and told me to take care of it. It told me to follow someone, so I did.”

 

“Not when a glass shard we might have missed could’ve dislodged and shredded your heart into pieces!” Chorong scolds her.

 

Namjoo had been in an accident last year, with her ending up with glass shards on her chest, a few of them dangerously embedded close to, if not on her heart. Chorong with her mentor, were the ones who operated on her when she was wheeled in the emergency bay.

 

“But it didn’t.” Namjoo says in an exaggeratedly proud tone. She’s just as cheeky as she was during her recovery. Her most endearing quality. Maybe that’s why Chorong grew an attachment to her. “And I didn't fly at all until after eight months. Just like you said.”

 

“You’re an idiot. Showing up for your first check-up after a year? I should slap some sense into you.”

 

“I’m completely fine, doc.”

 

 

"And if you had a clot? After all the lecturing about how clots can kill you in just a matter of seconds, even though you're recovering!"

 

Namjoo laughs nervously. If she didn’t divert the topic right now, Chorong will just get angrier by the minute. “So, anyway, you look happier. Did you finally ditch that girlfriend of yours and get someone new?”

 

“What? No!” Chorong blushes in embarrassment and groans. She slumps on the table and rests her head on her arms, hiding her face from Namjoo. “I was so stupid then.”

 

“So… you’re still with her?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Good. I liked her.”

 

“You liked her?”

 

“Yeah. She put up with your cranky all the time. And you, despite saying ranting almost everyday about her antics, you never said you’d break up with her. I liked her.”

 

“So all those times I was ranting to you, you were actually taking her side?” Chorong shakes her head in disbelief.

 

“Can’t have my doctor mad at me, you know? You’re really cranky and sensitive when you’re hungry, exhausted and lack sleep.” Namjoo sticks her tongue out teasingly. After thanking the waiter that serves their food, she turns back to Chorong, “I’m glad you made up.”

 

“Me too.”

 

—

 

Chorong overhears Moonbyul talking to Eunji the night they celebrated Moonbyul’s birthday and Christmas, considering that the dates were only a few days apart.

 

It had been a crazy year. Chorong and Solar had been their own mentor’s slaves, eager to learn everything in their chosen field. Longer hours and even heavier loads. It felt easier for her though, maybe Eunji was right when she forced Chorong to regularly exercise. Not that Chorong would ever admit it.

 

“Hey, I have a question.” Moonbyul tells Eunji. The two of them are sitting on the floor, leaning on the couch Chorong is sleeping on.

 

“Fire away.” Eunji tells her, nursing her eighth can of beer.

 

Byulyi looks at Yongsun who was laid out on the floor beside them— completely passed out and using Byulyi’s thigh as a pillow. Byulyi her hair. “Yong said you’re waiting until Chorong secures an attending position and you’re going to marry her.”

 

“I did.” Eunji answers easily, glancing at Chorong at the mention of the girl’s name. Chorong immediately closes her eyes, pretending to sleep. “But that wasn’t a question.”

 

“I just…. Should I ask Yong too?”

 

At this, Chorong opens her eyes in surprise, just in time to see Eunji accidentally spit out her beer. “You want to ask her too?” Eunji repeats as she wipes her chin with a tissue.

 

“Yeah, I mean… why not? She’s the one anyway.”

 

“I think that’s great!” Eunji assures her, patting her shoulder. “What are you planning to do?”

 

“Honestly, I have no idea. Do you?”

 

“I was planning to just buy her a big rock. But she said no to that, so I’m still out of ideas too.” As Eunji and Moonbyul laugh, Chorong couldn’t help but laugh internally too, making sure to close her eyes so no one catches her awake. Comfortable silence envelops them as they both sip at their drinks for a while before Eunji asks, “How did you know she was the one?”

 

Moonbyul sips at her beer, pondering the question when Yongsun suddenly snorts in her sleep. A few seconds later, she starts snoring, much to Eunji and Byul’s amusement.

 

“This was how I knew, I think.” Byul looks at Yongsun again with much adoration in her eyes as she and Eunji laugh. “A few months ago, she insisted on reading novels an hour before we sleep. She wanted to have traditions too, or something like that. Just like yours and Chorong’s jogs and dates in the park— the two of you indirectly contributed to making my life a living hell for a few months.” Byul chuckles and playfully shoves Eunji on the shoulder. “She wanted to try a lot of things, but our schedules didn’t really sync enough to go out weekly, so we settled with that instead— reading. On the first day we tried it though, I found her snoring beside me just five minutes into the book.”

 

I