You’ve been on what feels like hundreds, thousands of stages, smiled out into millions of faces, felt an infinitude of adoration and enthusiasm and passion.

It usually makes you feel more alive than ever, like a sparkler that someone lit, ready to explode with light and warmth. Sometimes, you feel the opposite, like you’ve over-extended yourself, expended so much vitality and energy that you don’t have enough to sustain yourself, that you might collapse at any moment, like a marionette with its strings cut.

Usually, looking around you, seeing those ten other faces (and one in particular), is enough to keep you going. You can see the same fatigue in their faces, the same battle in their eyes, that even as you’re launching off a part of you is left behind, expelled like exhaust. You can also see the same excitement, the same joy, the same wondrous disbelief that doesn’t go away just because it’s not your debut stage anymore.

“Hello, we are Rocket Girls 101!”

You used to cringe a bit at that name, especially at the 101, but after all, all of this came because of the show, right? It’s the reason you’re standing here, that you can see glowing Jing signs in the audience, that you have OSTs and drama roles and a country that knows your name.

And – it’s the reason you met her.

As if reading your mind, she turns and smiles at you from where she’s a few members down the line. It doesn’t matter – you can feel her like she’s right beside you, her smile lighting up that spluttering sparkler inside you, the most potent fuel you have.

She turns back and looks out into the crowd, her eyes dark and glistening, and you can’t tell if her eyes are shining with gratitude or the reflection of the light or unshed tears. Possibly a combination of all three.

You want to reach for her, but instead you put an arm around Chaoyue’s shoulders and wave at the fans and smile and it comes out mostly genuine, even.

 

Finally, the concert has ended and the curtains have been closed and the cameras have been turned off and you’re in a hotel room, somewhere, and you know you have another show before you even have time to recover from this one, but it doesn’t matter because she’s there and she’s smiling at you and it’s like it was onstage but it isn’t.

“Xuanyi,” you sigh and bury your face into the crook of her neck and she puts her arms around you.

“Jingjing,” she murmurs, and then even though neither of you says a word, you feel like you have an entire conversation like that.

After an indeterminable amount of time, you pull away and look at her and brush your thumbs against the corner of her eyes even though the tears have long since dried.

“It’ll be Zhongqiu^[1] soon,” she suddenly says.

“Oh yeah, I have to buy Chaoyue ten boxes of mooncake.”

“Ten boxes?” Xuanyi repeats incredulously. “Why that many?”

You shrug. “I asked her and she just said, don’t question Yang Chaoyue. So for the sake of my sanity, I’m not.”

Xuanyi smiles. “That’s a good idea.”

“Of course it’s a good idea. All my ideas are good ideas.”

“How about the time you—”

“Shush,” you say and, for good measure, put your finger against her lips. Xuanyi scowls at you in that kittenish way of hers and you can’t resist leaning in for a kiss, feeling like you’re stealing one even though you know you two are alone and safe. There are so many hours in the day, especially since you barely sleep, but so few moments like this. Moments you can stare at Xuanyi and not remind yourself to keep it as a glance, moments you can put your arms around her and not take them away right afterwards, moments you can hide your face against her neck and take solace from the world. Moments when you feel like she’s yours and you’re hers rather than both of you being WJJW’s.

She lets out a soft sigh and rests her forehead against yours, and you think that she understands, feels the same way.

“Why did you bring up Zhongqiu?” you ask.

“Nothing,” she says, but it’s never nothing when she says that. “It’s just – I was thinking. Zhongqiu is supposed to be a time for family but I haven’t spent one with my family in years.”

You look at her, but she won’t meet your eyes. “I guess this year won’t break that streak, unfortunately.”

“Mm.”

You clear your throat. “I know it’s hardly the same but you’ll have me and Chaoyue. We’re the ChaoFuXuan family, right?”

Xuanyi looks at you then, with the smile you’ve been trying to coax out. You meet her eyes and you feel the same thing you always do when you look at her, that your heart has swollen up and you worry that it won’t fit in your chest anymore, that it pounds closer to the surface of your skin, straining to reach out to her.

“Jingjing,” she says, and puts her hand on yours. “You’re so cheesy.”

You smile sheepishly. “In a bad way?”

“No,” she says thoughtfully. “In a…you way.”

You don’t quite know how to take that, but you think you like it. At any rate, your face feels warm and your chest similar.

Xuanyi laughs and pokes your cheek. “Cute too,” she teases, and you grumble something unintelligible and wrap your hand around hers and keep it there. “And you’re right.”

You fit your fingers together. “About what?”

“You and me and Chaoyue – all eleven of us – we are.” Xuanyi gives you the smile you’ve seen countless times but still lights you up every single time. “I’ll be with family this Zhongqiu.”

Your heart squeezes and you feel like maybe it’s in your throat because there’s an odd lump there. It doesn’t stop you from returning that smile.

---

A/N: [1] Zhongqiu / 中秋 is the Mid-Autumn Festival, which is on the fifteenth day of the eighth month in the lunar calendar (it's this Friday). "In Chinese culture, a round shape symbolizes completeness and reunion. Thus, the sharing and eating of round mooncakes among family members during the week of the festival signifies the completeness and unity of families." Family and filial piety are super important in Chinese culture; people are known to fly across the country to visit family during Zhongqiu. There is even a famous poem that's about looking at the moonlight and missing your home.

...why do all my FuXuan fic A/Ns turn into lessons on Chinese language / culture lmao. Well here's another lesson for you today!