If spending time with Seulgi had been hard before the kiss, any time together would be borderline unbearable by now.

Except… Spending time with Seulgi is never hard. Joohyun is Icarus and she is the sun, the proverbial first brother Abel and his flock. She is smart and sensitive and so very kind. She lets Joohyun entwine their fingers, or their hands, or their arms, and keeps her company in the studios at night though the younger girl vehemently dislikes both touch and the dark. Joohyun will come home and there will be rice cakes on the table, Seulgi by their side. The cost of the charcoal set she gifts Seulgi for her birthday makes her wince — But the gleam in Seulgi’s eyes speaks volumes and her apprehension is forgotten, a grain of sand lost in the tide. 

Seulgi is nothing but alluring and endearing. She is the opposite of Joohyun, she knows, steadfast and secure when she herself is slippery and serpentine. It tempts her but she thinks of fathers and failed promises and how the strongest still fall, tries to weave around the calamity she knows will be her end. 

Of course, it doesn’t work. It never does.

“God,” She lets herself fall to the practice floor, quashes the thrumming in her veins and drapes over Seulgi like they used to do. Platonically. “God, I'm tired.”

Joohyun misses the brief flash of fear in her eyes. She doesn’t miss the way Seulgi tenses, then relaxes immediately. It’s a new side effect of the…incident.

“Seungwan’s still out. I’m sure she can get you arthritis medicine.” The younger girl hums good-naturedly, only chuckling at the hard pinch Joohyun gives her thigh in response. “We can walk back home if you want? My flight for the photoshoot is tomorrow morning.”

Home. With the members, her bed, the worn few polaroids they have stuck on their fridge. And of course, Kang Seulgi.

“Mmm. Okay.” Joohyun hums back. She turns in Seulgi’s lap, finds a gaze filled with affection already pointed her way. It’s cute (makes her cheeks burn). “You’ll watch dramas with me until the rest are back, right?”

“Nice try, nerd.” Briefly, Seulgi rolls her eyes. It makes Joohyun smile wider. “It’ll be hours until all of them get back. An hour max, maybe.”

“An hour and a half, then.” Joohyun complies, and Seulgi groans. The mark on her ankle burns but she is too tired to run -- not today, at least. “We can do what you want afterward.”

“What I want to do is go find Wendy,” Seulgi mutters. She stands and offers Joohyun a hand, anyway.

They do watch dramas for an hour and a half. They don’t find Wendy. Instead, Seulgi falls asleep on her shoulder halfway through, and Joohyun holds her hand until she wakes.

“You love her.”

Yeri finds her curled up by the kitchen counter, red flannel clutched in her arms. Fresh out of the wash, it smells distinctly of Downy and Seulgi. A little part of her is glad it was still in the laundry when Seulgi had to leave and another feels guilty for putting it there.

“I don't.” Eyes squeezed shut, she breathes it in. Thinks of pleading eyes and soft lips. That night. “I don't. I can’t."

“It’s three in the morning and you’re missing her.” Yeri rounds the counter and pads over to stand next to her. “I literally never find you awake at this hour.”

“Maybe I wanted a midnight snack.”

“You’re crying, unnie."

Is she? Joohyun whimpers. She hadn't noticed. “Quit it, Yerim. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

"Then you're the only one who doesn't." A hand rests gently on her back. Ever intuitive, Yeri doesn't miss a beat. "You condemn soul marks to hell and back then cling to Seulgi like she gives you weight. It hurts her too, you know." 

Oh, she knows. How she well and truly knows. "I can't give her what she wants.” What she wants? “What— We want. Then to take it away... She wouldn’t survive that.”

“Take it away? As if you’d ever do anything to hurt Seulgi, Lord forbid.” The youngest rolls her eyes, tone exasperated. A pause, then kinder. “Hey, it’s okay. Remember when I was young enough you used to walk me to school? I’d play any game only if you were on my team."

That makes her chuckle. She swipes at her eyes and meets Yeri’s understanding gaze, a small smile in place. The blonde-haired girl had been so small then. “Please. Only because you knew we’d win.”

“Something like that,” Yerim smirks. The hand that rests on her back pats her soothingly. “You could win anything you wanted to, you know? And even if you didn’t, you’d fight until you did. For me. Or for you, whatever.”

“For me, definitely.” She jokes along. The turn this conversation is taking… She sniffs; Her nose and throat feel clogged. “For you too, I guess. the way I wanted you to feel comfortable… I tried so hard, you brat.”

“It worked though!” Yerim asserts. “You did make me feel comfortable. You fought for that and never lost. The Joohyun i know.. She fights for what she wants and she never loses. She pushes through all the time. What makes you think you’ll fare any different with Seulgi?”

“Brat.” Joohyun laughs, knowing her voice is weak and watery. This girl knows way too much for her own good. She makes a mental note to add pepero to their grocery list for her. “You brat. I’m older than you, you know.”

“I’m very aware.” The younger girl quirks her lips, then pats her one last time before moving away. She pulls a packet of milk out of the fridge and pauses at the living room doorway. “It’s why I stopped bringing you to parties. Get with Seulgi properly before I tell the rest you’re always out here crying, okay?”

“Oh, please no.” She cringes. Sooyoung with a camera. Seungwan with tissues. “You wouldn’t.”

“I wouldn’t,” Yerim calls, room to her door slowly swinging shut. “But you shouldn't risk it, unnie.”

A click, and Joohyun is alone.

“Unnie, hi.” Seulgi is breathless on the other end. The murmuring in the background is audible through the static of her receiver. “Is this a global call? I thought you were running low on credit.”

“Hey yourself.” She giggles. Some part of her hurts, hurts, hurts, and she refuses to admit it is her heart.  “I am, yeah. It’s a little late too. I just… missed you, I guess.”

“I miss you, too.” The reply comes immediately. She can picture the way Seulgi smiles in her head, bright and quick to reassure. Or perhaps the way her brows furrow together in concern. “Just one more day and I’ll be back, I promise. You can’t sleep?”

“I… guess so,” She sighs. The grip on the red flannel tucked close to her chest tightens. “Yeri found me crying outside and convinced me to call you instead.”

“Crying?” All the way on the other side of the world, Seulgi bites her lip. Five more minutes, the director calls, and she tugs at a loose thread on her too-short crop top. “Alone? Did something happen?”

“No.” Joohyun mumbles. Shouting, crying, the arguing. She can hear a chair being thrown against the wall in her memories. It’s just… “Seulgi, do you love me?”

A long pause. She can see her counterpart freezing on the spot, hear the way she inhales. Sweet and gentle Seulgi, who works so hard and expects nothing in return. Who bought a baby chick when she was twelve and raised it until she was seventeen because she could. Who she watches and orbits from afar, pushing close and pushing away when the pull is far too strong.

“Yes.” Who loves her, and Joohyun almost cries out. “I do. Love you, you know.”

Joohyun exhales. She frees one hand to rub at her ankle. It is cold outside but her room feels so, so warm. “I know.”

“I…” Seulgi sounds so unsure of herself, voice trembling so much it might shatter. “Do you…?”

“I do.” It comes out hot and fast, darts into existence as a little wisp in the air, and Joohyun weeps in relief. She has held it in for so long. “I love you, too. I always will."

She feels herself crumple the moment strong arms wrap around her waist, nuzzles deeper into the crook of a neck and a baseball jacket that smells like citrus.

“Hello,” Seulgi chuckles, the quip a sound she feels more than she hears, and Joohyun hugs her tighter.

“Hi.” She breathes deeply before pulling away just the slightest, looks into chocolate eyes she could look into forever. Joohyun rubs at the matching wing she knows is on Seulgi’s shoulder through her clothes and smiles. Mine. “Hi.”

“I believe you’ve already said that,” Seulgi leans forward and down with a matching smile of her own, curious and shy but unafraid. Her dark hair is a curtain that shields them from the outside world and her lips a nice, soft pink. Joohyun wants to kiss her so awfully bad. “But hi.”

"Shut up,” Joohyun complains. “I see you for the first time in weeks and you make fun of me. I just wanted to say—“ 

She doesn’t get to finish. She doesn’t have to.

--

decided to write another short bit to close this better :] a happy ending! here u go, nerds! hope u enjoy! this is a short story -- if you want a longer one, go check out the supernatural!au i have ;D it'll have multiple chapters but can be read separately so it's marked complete for now. as usual, i'm at @joohyunned on twt~~~ come talk to me, i love making friends :)

p.s. titles from the song: hunger -- florence + the machine