Kiss me baby I must be stay here Day by Day
Whisper that you love me
Kiss me baby Just you can take me Day by Day
Before my tears dry up

-T-ara, Day by Day

“Where were you?”

“N-nowhere… just freshening up a bit…”

She lied…

Right straight at my face. She lied once again…

I hate how Chaeyoung always make me feel like such an idiot. Lying straight to my face, when its clearly obvious what she has done.

Blame it on those eyes of hers. Always so honest, telling me the exact stories that fail to answer.

Chaeyoung hurriedly avoids me, walking, or should I say staggering, seeing how drunk she is, back to the party. Chaeyoung’s long legs are working to her advantage as she took great strides away from me, and here I am just watching her desperately.

As I look at her disappear from my sight, I sometimes wonder why I still do this. What was Chaeyoung’s hold on me? that even if I know that she was sleeping with someone else here I’m still crawling myself towards her.

It was probably love, damn stupid love that got me all twisted up like this.

I don’t even know who the girl is yet, but I can’t help but despise her already. Me and Chaeyoung were friends before we started dating and I know for a fact that she never sleeps around with just anybody. She was always so guarded, so careful to not let anyone close to her even with me. So to see her like this, drunk, pathetic and obviously heartbroken could only mean that she met someone who she gave her heart out to.

The irony of it all, she gave her heart out to somebody else, while I gave mine to her. But did I ever had hers? Not once, and probably not ever.

I had her attention though, which I obviously confuse for love. Maybe she shared some of her affection, But her love? Her heart? I never stood a chance.

People always thought that we were a beautiful pair. I thought so myself and at the start I thought Chaeyoung did too.

Chaeyoung and I met in college, always thought she was an Angel send to Earth. She was sweet, romantic and funny but I should have known that there is something obviously missing. It came as no surprise, to us anyways, when we broke up. Unfortunately some people thought we were going to last forever.

So, imagine the curiosity of some, trying to pry answers to what went wrong. We answer that we just fell out of love, but truth is, there has never been love to begin with. Well, that was for her case, not mine… As far as I know, I’m hopelessly in love with Son Chaeyoung.

But did I ever give up? Did I ever stop playing the role of the devoted girlfriend? I never did, hoping that someday, I could make Chaeyoung fall for me.

So, you could imagine the frustration, hurt and all the pain just exploding inside of me at what I saw.

The moment Bambam stepped into my party with his wh0re, I know something was going on.

Again, blame it on those eyes…

Chaeyoung spend almost the entire night doing two things; stealing glances at the woman and gulping down her drink.

I never thought the girl was beautiful. I think she looks masculine and quite average looking. She had a great body though, that I have to admit, that is probably how she lured Bambam. But obviously with the way, Chaeyoung was just staring at her I knew, Chaeyoung didn’t have the same opinion as me. Chaeyoung looks like she was breathless the entire time she was looking at her.

And I immediately hated her, hated the effect she had on Chaeyoung. Who was this woman? And what black magic did she put on Chaeyoung to have her under her spell like this?

When for years I have been trying what I can to make Chaeyoung look at me that way. But just in an instant, here was Chaeyoung her breath taken away by this girl. She doesn’t belong here, she doesn’t belong in our society and most of all, she doesn’t belong to the one person that should belong to me.

Imagine my humiliation when Chaeyoung acted like her hero, pulling her away before I could set her in her place. But I it up, I wasn’t going to show people how completely damaged I’ am now.

I played the role of the perfect host to a tee, just like what society expect of me. My focus was all on the party, but my eyes have been glued at Chaeyoung and the girl. There was something, I couldn’t pinpoint what between the two of them. The way they both stare at each other, how they seem so drawn to one another.

Who was this woman?

When I saw Chaeyoung staggering a couple of steps away behind the girl, I excuse myself from the crowd and followed her.

There in the elevator I saw something that I only saw when I’m asleep. Only difference is, in my dreams I was the one in Chaeyoung’s arms. But now that it’s happening in my reality, it felt like I’m walking to my own nightmare.

The way Chaeyoung was holding her was nothing like the way she had ever hold me, the way she looked at her, but none of those broke me apart as bad as the way she was kissing her.

Chaeyoung kissed her like she was her addiction. Chaeyoung kiss her like it was the last thing she wanted to do before she dies. Chaeyoung kissed her because she loves her.

Now where does this leave me?

*

“Chaeyoung, darling, you’re drunk… let me take you home…”

“G-get away from me…”

She tries to shove me away, that was the thanks I got for dragging her drunk self to her car. But obviously she was too inebriated to even know what she was doing. Ultimately she surrendered as she slumps in the passenger seat while I take the driver’s rein.

She was close to passing out, her eyes half lidded and her breath ragged, yet she still looks so beautiful.

And that time, I felt the need to have her. I just have too…

I lean closer to her, cursing as I smell another perfume on her. I didn’t let the sight of those love marks on her shoulders, neck and chest stop me. I was going to have her.

Our lips met, at first I felt guilty for taking advantage of her like this. but I couldn’t help it, her lips just taste so damn addicting, But then, she uttered somebody’s else’s name.

“Mina…”

So, that’s what the *****’s name is…

I didn’t reply and kept on kissing. This was her punishment for uttering out someone else’s name. Let her sober thoughts punish her drunken actions.

“M-Mina…”

She says her name once again, and this time the once drowsy girl felt so alive. Her kisses turned feverishly addictive, her hands roaming my entire body and her tongue goes deeper as if it can’t have enough of me.

“M-Mina I want you…”

As much as it kills me to know that Chaeyoung wasn’t thinking this with me, I let her do what she wants. Soon, I could hear seams ripped as we both try to tear off our dresses hurriedly. We were frantic to have our bodies become one.

She kept on calling Mina’s name the entire time, when I was inside her, when she was inside me…

But I didn’t let it stop me… I am playing the role of the perfect girlfriend anyway…

And if this Mina girl is the one she dreams to be with, then I’ll let her be…

I could be her Mina…

***

Chaeyoung clenches her throbbing forehead, but the sight of the unfamiliar surrounding woke her up.

“You ok, darling?”

That sickeningly sweet tone could only belong to one person.

“R-Rosé?

“Did you have a good sleep?”

Chaeyoung shuts her eyes at the sight of Rosé’s milky white skin. She couldn’t understand why everything felt so wrong, like she shouldn’t be there.

“What happen?”

Chaeyoung knew she shouldn’t ask from the sight of the floor scattered with clothes and the unruly bed, it was OBVIOUS what had happened.

Rosé’s smiled amusingly, she couldn’t help but be fascinated on how Chaeyoung looks like a deer getting caught in the headlights. She walks carefully towards the bed, patting Chaeyoung in the arm.

“I’m glad you decided to work things out between us Chaeng…”

Chaeyoung couldn’t tell if its Rosé’s words or her touch that was making her flinch.

“Work things out?”

“Yes…”

Rosé moves closer to Chaeyoung only to have Chaeyoung retreat back.

“We have been together for quite some time… but it’s more than that Chaeng, we know each other more than anybody else. Our sins and our mistakes, our dirty secrets… everything Chaeng… everything… but since were getting to know each other, I just wonder… who is Mina, Chaeng?”

“M-Mina? What? Ummm… no… nobody… why?”

Rosé knew too well that Chaeyoung was not capable of stuttering so with what’s happening now, she knew that whoever this Mina is, she meant something to Chaeyoung.

And Rosé wouldn’t accept that, she’s the only one who should matter to Chaeyoung.

“Chaeng… if we want a new start, we have to be honest about everything, ok?”

“She’s… she’s… she’s a mistake, ok?”

Chaeyoung stumbles out of the bed before Rosé can further interrogate her.

“Some mistakes we do over and over again.”

“Well I won’t ok?! So just drop it…” Chaeyoung hissed…

“How can I be sure of that? Huh Chaeng?”

Chaeyoung let out a soft growl that is quivering on .

“You just have to. God Damn it!” Chaeyoung starts yanking her clothes scattered on the floor. “I shouldn’t be here! I shouldn’t been with you!”

“Where are you going?”

Rosé could hear her voice tremble and she wished she didn’t have to sound this pathetic.

“Please… Rosé… please stop this… for your sake and mine… Let’s just stop this…”

“Chaeng… I…”

But Rosé found herself at a loss for words when Chaeyoung took her hands on hers, her eyes the look of pleading instead of anger.

“Rosé… please, If I would have been given a choice, I would choose to fall for you. I tried Rosé, but the more I force myself, the more I hated myself. Because I’m just hurting you for lying as bad as this…”

Truthfully, Rosé didn’t mind the pretense, she could live better with Chaeyoung pretending to love her, than Chaeyoung just letting go.

“So, what do you want to do now?” Rosé asks shakily

“What I should have done in the first place… We should have both let go…”

Rosé never realized how hard it was to force a smile until now, it’s like Chaeyoung’s word was enough to crush the little bit of hope Rosé has in hers.

Maybe she should just move on…

Or maybe she should just strike harder…

*

If the sound of their door slamming wasn’t enough to wake her roommate up, Mina made sure the sound of her car keys hitting the granite kitchen counter was loud enough to wake Sana up.

She was tired, annoyed and the last thing she wants to see is her housemate and her boyfriend getting it on.

“Oh hi…”

Sana walks out of her bedroom in her silk bathrobe, the chances of Seung Hyun being inside her room is getting quite high now.

“Is he here?”

“No… my baby is too busy…” she pouts.

Not like she cares, Mina wanted to say, but instead she ignored her by diving into a fridge, as if starting a treasure hunt for something.

“So, There is this client.”

“No…”

Mina flat out told Sana no, but Sana wasn’t the once to give up.

“Please Mina, Seung Hyun is hardly ever free these days…”

“Wow…” Mina rolls her eyes in sarcasm “The pimping industry must be booming.”

“Oh please, it’s not like you don’t benefit from the pimping industry.”

“Not as much as you do… anyways, why don’t you just cancel?”

“Well, I could but I can’t. The guy that booked this handles Seung Hyun’s legal stuff and crap like that.”

“Awwww… how sweet of Seung Hyun to pimp his girlfriend to his lawyer.”

“No… You know how insanely jealous Seung Hyun gets.”

“He’s not just insanely jealous. He’s just insane. Period.” Mina corrected Sana.

“Anyways. It’s not for me, it’s for you but seunghyun told me to talk to you about it instead. It’s a girl by the way.”

Mina already cringed at the thought ‘I can’t stand those female clients. They get attached so quick and one night together and they feel like they fell in love or something. And there is nothing worse than an obsess girl trailing you around.”

“That never happens to me with my female clients. It’s just you, because you have this act in front of these helpless women. How you don’t need a man and it’s me… Who wouldn’t fall for that? Just go there, bounce around then leave…”

“I do that. but somehow it doesn’t work.”

“Awww… you are such a charmer Myoui…”

“Whatever, the answer is no…”

“Well… too bad cause I already check your schedule and fit this appointment in. And besides the girl was asking specifically for you. A satisfied customer perhaps? Hmmm?”

“God Damn it Sana!”

“Our job is supposed to be fun and here you are so angsty about it. Just go there, fukc the girl and leave. Get laid then get paid. Wasn’t that our mantra?”

Mina was too pissed that no words were even enough anymore.

“What’s up with you these days, Mina?”

Sana no matter how annoying she might be, was still a great bestfriend. She knows when to become a friend and when to be a business partner.

“N-nothing…” Mina hurriedly grabs her keys, but realized she might be too distracted to even drive. And maybe that’s what she needs, a breath of fresh air… “I..I got to go…”

*

“Go home…”

Chaeyoung didn’t even bother looking up, she knew the ahjumma voice scolding her right now…

“I will after I’m done with work…” Chaeyoung lies, leafing through some folders to give the impression that she’s quite busy, but Dahyun knew her better than anybody else.

“Stop that…” Dahyun closes the folder in front of Chaeyoung, getting nose to nose with the girl “You have been holing yourself up in this office for a week. Can you man up and face whatever you’re dealing with?”

Chaeyoung remained quiet, eyes completely focus on the stack folders, afraid that when she looks up Dahyun could see her vulnerability.

“I ummm finally ended things with Rosé…”

“Oh…”

Chaeyoung was surprised at the lack of words from Dahyun who used to have a lot of things to say about everyone.

“Oh? That’s all you can say?”

Dahyun let out a deep sigh before smiling softly at the doe eyed beauty.

“I told you before, you were obviously not happy with her, so I’m not surprised this happened. But I wish that finally this is the last time.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are both hurting yourselves whenever you get back together, you hurt her thinking that this time it might work, and you hurt yourself because you’re forcing yourself to love her even if you couldn’t… Everyone sees you as this tough lawyer, but I know you’re just as weak as everybody, who’s just afraid of being alone. ”

As much as Chaeyoung didn’t want to hear the truth, she knew that eventually the truth would come crashing down on her.

“I am… Ain’t I?” Chaeyoung says in defeat

“Who is she?”

“Who?”

“The one who’s making you feel like this? Is she that same girl you slept with that night?”

Chaeyoung finally had the guts to nod her head.

“She’s… I’m not… I… I guess I’m really as weak as you said I am… I fell for somebody, even if I know that all I’ll ever be to them is just… just a client…”

Chaeyoung looks up and Dahyun for once didn’t know how to react when she saw the tears b on Chaeyoung’s eyes.

“A client?”

Chaeyoung quickly bites her lower lip, cursing herself for the obvious slip.

“I’m not going to judge you about that, but how did you two even meet?”

“Yugeum, he… he brought me to this club and booked me one night with her. She was so beautiful and so… so charming… I… I thought there was something in there, maybe, maybe I’m really just as weak as you say I am… I just bite at whoever offered me the first bait.”

Chaeyoung expect honest yet ruthless response from Dahyun, but instead she remained quiet.

“We can’t choose whom we fall for Chaeng…”

“Fall? You think it is that serious?”

“You finally had the guts to broke up with Rosé, I mean why is that Chaeng? Because I think deep inside you wished that someday, you two will be together.”

Dahyun sauntered closer to the confused girl.

“You have been hiding inside your office for almost two weeks now, but nothing is happening because you are not doing anything. So God damn it, Yes… It is serious…”

Chaeyoung slouches on her chair in defeat.

“All I could say is, you can’t just run away from it, the only way to end this is by closure. Maybe it’s good if you see her again, and end things cleanly.”

“End things?”

Chaeyoung was at the point where she doesn’t see an end to it, it was more of a vicious cycle she will be forever chained to.

“It’s either you end things or you start over again. But whatever it is, you just can’t simply ignore it like this.”

Chaeyoung just suddenly got up, taking a deep breath before picking up the folders.

“I’m tired… Dahyun… so… good night…”

Dahyun watches hopelessly as Chaeyoung made her way out of her office.
 

“Chaeyoung?”
 

“Yeah?”
 

“They say it might rain tonight… why don’t you bring an umbrella?”
 

Chaeyoung turns to the umbrella that Dahyun was offering.
 

“I don’t mind the rain…”

*

That night Mina just walk around, didn’t care where her feet would lead her. It’s not as if she had anywhere to go anyway.

Clubs are beginning to be deafening and her place was definitely out of the question. In the streets with the sounds of the cars and people’s chattering at least she found a balance.

Balance? That’s a word she hardly use, it’s always the extremes for Mina… Either she give too much, or take too much, but a balance between those two? Until now she couldn’t figure it out…

Eversince she was young it have been like that. She always remembers how her parents always tell her that she learn to dance before she could even walk.

She had a fairy tale story of a small town girl armed only with her hopes and dreams, going to the big city to pursue what she loves to do the most.

Not that she thought about it, she was not only naïve, she was naïve AND stupid.

Flashback

She went to every audition she could go to. It was different people, different places, but the same heartbreaking answer.

No…

No…

No…

They wouldn’t take one good look at her and she didn’t even dance and they would flat out tell her again…

No…

No…

No…

Some days she would think she’s lucky when they would give her around ten seconds to dance, but in the end it was still the same answer.

No…

No…

No…

Before, Mina would run to her crappy apartment and there she would cry her heart out. But no matter how many times she heard it, she still wasn’t used to it. And finally one time, she could feel everything just crushed in front of her, dreams, hopes, all falling like an avalanche of disappointment.

She found refuge inside the agency’s bathroom and there started crying.

Nowadays, when she tell people her story she would delete them about the part where she look like the foolish naïve hick farm girl and start her story from there, in that agency’s bathroom.

Her story started there, in the agency’s bathroom. She was 16 at that time, and that’s where Mina first met her.

She met Sana.

“Here…”

“It’s not you, it’s them. I’m sorry to say this but you don’t fit their criteria. And unless you don’t have a sob story or a good backer, you could never make it in this business.”

“But I… ummm…”

"I know… I know”

She waves me off before she could even continue…

“You are willing to work hard and all that stuff. We are all just investments here, and of course they’re going to pick one who’s going to cost them less yet make them more rich.”

Mina must have look so pathetic cause she can hear the gorgeous girl groan.

“So, what’s your name?”

“Mina? Myoui Mina…”

“Well, Myoui Mina… just stick with me here. Trust me, when I’m done with you… all those people who said no, will be begging for you to take them.”

End of flashback…

*

The movie in her head, just seem to hit the pause button when she felt small droplets on her… The cheesiness of this all, the slow pitter patter of the rain, her lost in her own thoughts as she’s wandering around the park, its like a music video with those sad endings.

And while Mina sees people running to find shelter, she took comfort in the rain, letting its cold numb her. After so many days, this was the calmness she have ever been, under the rain, as if letting it wash away her problems, wash away her sins, wash away her everything.

But she quickly looked up when she saw a familiar figure just darting out from nowhere. She sees the woman in her dreams, even in her imagination when she’s awake, or trying to be awake. Chaeyoung was right there, running for cover and going underneath a bus stop for shelter.

Mina let herself go for now, watching Chaeyoung from afar shivering from the cold. But it was as if Chaeyoung felt someone staring at her that made her look up. And Mina could only mentally slap herself seeing how stupid she might look, just standing out in the open like this getting drenched in the rain.

A part of Mina told her to let go, slapping the truth at her that all she will ever be is the **** who is out to destroy Chaeyoung’s career. But a part of Mina, told her to hold on, that no matter what circumstances made them cross path into each other, still love gets you when it gets you… She could be given all the nasty labels, but in the end, she’s still human, still a little girl, longing to be loved. And the person her heart chose was Chaeyoung. She needed to give it a try, no matter how heartbreaking the result will be.

And Mina did, she tried, forcing to give Chaeyoung a smile but Chaeyoung never smiled back and instead just continued gazing at her with those large cub eyes. Mina blamed it on the dark, maybe Chaeyoung just couldn’t see her, and Mina blamed it on the rain, making it probably blurry for Chaeyoung to see…

Or maybe the reality of it all, is that Chaeyoung just didn’t care. Yes, that was it. The most plausible of all answers. She didn’t deserve a smile, she never deserved Chaeyoung.

It was this shattering feeling inside of her that made Mina finally break down all her walls and cried. She cried over Chaeyoung, a love that has never been hers from the start.

She could stay, and wait for Chaeyoung to smile back at her. Or she could just walk away…

And for once, she decided to listen to her mind instead.

TBC

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

HAPPY MICHAENG DAY!!!