The night feels heavy, the sounds of raindrops spattering against the window, how considerate is the sky, joining Chaeyeon as she cries, staring at the, now, gray apartment. The place she once called home feels colder now that one less soul is living here.

 

 

Sakura had left hours ago, a suitcase and a bag on each hand. It seemed that was what she was doing before Chaeyeon came. If she knew, she would've forgone coming home. However, who is she kidding? Chaeyeon knows she's only delaying what was sure to happen sooner or later. She knows their love is just not enough anymore.

 

 

Sakura was kind enough not to leave Chaeyeon hanging. She probably knows how it feels for someone to go with so many things left unsaid. Chaeyeon thinks that Sakura may have thought they could still save their relationship; that is why she waited for the girl to come home. She takes comfort in believing in that. She has to.

 

 

The image of Sakura slowly packing up her things keeps playing in her head, she wonders what was on the girl’s mind as she was slowly taking all her things away, did she think about Chaeyeon as each clothes she folded into her bag? Did she think about her as each shoe she puts away? As each piece she owned, she tucks away in just two bags? As she walks out the door without looking back, Did she think of Chaeyeon at all?

 

 

Chaeyeon looks around the apartment and sees each memory play through. She turns to the kitchen where the two would always be in the mornings; She remembers how the first morning they moved in, she and Sakura cooked pancakes together.

 

 

“Jjaeyeooooon… Am I doing this, right?” Sakura complains as she bats the eggs or, in this case, tries to. 

 

 

Chaeyeon smiles tenderly as she looks over her shoulder to look at what Sakura was doing. “You’re doing great Saku chan, but I think you should move a bit faster to really mix them together.” 

 

 

Sakura only nods as a reply as her eyes were focused, eyes solely on the bowl, glaring at it.

 

 

Arguably, the older wasn’t much help, but Chaeyeon remembers how they were so happy that day as if nothing could go wrong. She averts her eyes, reliving that memory, even in her head, is painful. The way Sakura’s face scrunches in concentration doing something so simple, Chaeyeon thought she was beautiful then.

 

 

Chaeyeon turns her attention to the living room, hands slowly running through the sofa when another scene from her memories plays. She remembers how Sakura would be sitting on this spot busy playing her games. Chaeyeon remembers how Sakura did that so that she could see Chaeyeon coming home.

                                                                                                                     

 

Chaeyeon came home late one day, and she did not expect to see Sakura sprawled on the sofa, arm hanging loosely holding the controller. The younger slowly saunters towards the sleeping girl, sitting on the area of the couch not occupied, shaking her slightly to wake her up.

 

 

“Saku chan, wake up.” She says gently as she moves a loose hair away from Sakura’s face.

 

 

Sakura moves slightly and stretches like a cat, opening one eye and smiles, “You’re hooome,” the girl manages to say, albeit still in a sleepy state, hands rubbing the sleep away from her eyes.

 

 

“I’m home. Why are you sleeping here? You’re going to get a cold”,  

 

 

Sakura sits up and places her arms around Chaeyeon, snuggling into her. Chaeyeon hugs her back, and Sakura makes a sound of agreement as she holds her tighter “I want to be the one you see first when you come home,” she says.

 

 

Chaeyeon scoffs. Yeah, Sakura was right; she was the first thing she saw when she came home today too, sitting on that same spot, but it was as if it’s another person sitting there, the air felt different, and the tension was too high. Sakura’s expression was colder. Just recently, she was there to welcome her home, but now, she was there to bid farewell. Chaeyeon’s tears fall at the thought because Sakura still looked beautiful then too.

 

 

Chaeyeon then looks towards the open door of their bedroom, and the memories were too much. Seeing it so bare, no clothes lying around, the room felt so cold, so empty, it’s as if every trace of Sakura was erased.

 

 

Sakura indeed took everything that she owned, everything that would remind Chaeyeon of her, but what Chaeyeon didn't know then was that Sakura also took a part of her as she left. She cries harder as it hits her again; it hits her again that Sakura might never come back. That it really is the end. Her tears run down as she cries in anguish, wondering where it all had gone wrong.

 

 

The next day

 

The sounds of her phone ringing echo around the quiet room, waking her up. Her eyes feel heavy, and her head is aching as she tries to adjust her eyes to her surroundings. She stares at the ceiling, letting the phone continue to ring until it stops. But not even a second after, it rings again. Chaeyeon sighs and turns to her left as if she’s tossing and turning, reaching out her arm to retrieve the godforsaken thing, muttering gibberish words as she does so. She answers it laying down, still too tired to do anything more.

 

 

“Yeah?”

 

 

“Chaeyeon, ah! Where are you?” Chaeyeon recoils from the sudden gunshot to her eardrum, she checks the caller and places the phone back to her ear again.

 

 

“Unnie, don’t shout.”

 

 

“Don’t tell me you’re still in bed? Yah! You told me that we have to meet today, remember?”

 

 

It took her a few seconds to process what Eunbi says. She did remember telling Eunbi to meet her after receiving the letter. She was so excited about it yesterday, but now, after what had happened, she does not know if she could even handle the rest of the day.

 

 

“Ah..”

 

 

“Don’t “ah” me! Did Sakura not wake you up?” 

 

 

“She…” Chaeyeon could not finish as she chokes, trying not to cry at the mention of her name.

 

 

The silence on the other line made Chaeyeon wonder if Eunbi had figured it out. She could hear the older girl sigh.

 

 

“Just get up and meet me soon.”

 

 

Chaeyeon nods, knowing full well that Eunbi could not see.

 

 

As she hung up, it dawns on her again; she looks to the bare side of their once warm bed knowing full well that it would be empty, but a part of her still hopes it was all a dream. She trails her hand on it and feels the coldness. She looks down at her phone, and it was bombarded with tons of messages mostly from Eunbi, one from Hyewon —unsurprisingly none from the person she wanted. She had tried calling and texting Sakura last night. Wanting to talk it out, saying that it can’t end like this, that they have to save at least what they have. Her tears start to fall again as she cries, covering her face with her palms when she realizes that Sakura gave up. 

 

 

She gave up on them.

 

 

Eunbi sits at a secluded place in the café where the two had decided to meet. She takes a sip of coffee as she remembers how Chaeyeon had called her yesterday; it was apparent to her that it was something good. Maybe she was going to propose? She does not know as she continues to down on her cup.

 

 

Placing down the cup, she checks her phone again and again and sees that she has been waiting for more than an hour now. She sighs, she knows Chaeyeon won’t come after hearing the younger’s somber tone on the phone pretty much confirms Hyewon’s call this morning. 

 

 

However, Eunbi wanted to hope that is why she’s still here, waiting for her friend to come through that door, which she has been looking at ever since she had settled in her seat. She downs her third cup and takes her phone to call someone.

 

 

“Hey, she’s not coming,” Eunbi says to the person on the other line with a depressive tone.

 

 

“Told you so,” the receiver answered as if to rub salt on the wound. 

 

 

Eunbi sighs, she knew chances were close to nothing, but it didn’t hurt to try. “Yeah, it was wishful thinking. How about?” she hesitates.

 

 

Eunbi could feel the other person rolling her eyes at her question, “You know those two are so alike when it comes to feelings between them.” 

 

 

“I guess you’re right, so no luck on your end, too, huh.”

 

 

“Duh”

 

 

A few seconds of silence as Eunbi spares another glance at the door. “Is she still with you?”

 

 

“She just left. What are we going to do?”

 

 

Eunbi sighs, massaging her temple. “I really don’t know, Hye.”

 

 

A week has passed, or probably two. Chaeyeon does not know; she has been in limbo ever since. She missed work for three consecutive days; she stopped going to school as she couldn’t stop crying whenever she sees the empty side of the bed. Every time she manages to get up, another memory would play, and Chaeyeon becomes another sobbing mess. She does not know what to do. It hurts so much.

 

 

Losing Sakura has been so hard. She was used to seeing the girl every day since they met when they were five years old. So, this will be the first time that they have been apart this long. Chaeyeon does not know what to do; it felt like she lost a body part. 

 

 

And that is how the days went. She would wake up and look at the empty side of the bed. Her tears would start to fall; she would then force herself, desperately trying to gather the will to get through the day; to get up and then she’d see the living room absent of Sakura’s gaming console and again her tears would fall, she’d try contacting Sakura again only to learn that she can’t reach her anymore something about the number being out of service or whatnot. Chaeyeon would be staring at nothing until it gets dark. She’d cry herself to sleep only to do everything all over again. 

 

 

Chaeyeon was at home watching tv, it looks like she’s watching, but in truth, she was just staring at it, blankly. It was during this time that her parents decided to visit her mom, barging into the room, not even knocking. She walks inside to find her daughter, who was staring at the tv, motionless, not even noticing her mom rushing towards her.

 

 

“Chaeyeon ah,” she calls out as she tries to stop her tears from falling.

 

 

Chaeyeon looks back at her mother with a faraway look “She does not love me anymore,” she states 

 

 

Chaeyeon’s mom walks towards her daughter and hugs her tight, “Everything will be okay.”

 

 

And the two cried together. Because it wasn’t only Chaeyeon who lost someone, Mrs. Lee lost a daughter that day, too. 

 

 

The rest of the day, her mother stayed with her. They watched a movie, baked cookies (her mom mostly did everything); they even went shopping (Mrs. Lee had to drag her physically). Her father came around the evening, and the family ate together. Neither mentioned about Sakura. They knew Chaeyeon has to do it on her own; she has to move on by her own.

 

 

But it doesn’t make them feel any better. It still broke both their hearts. 

 

 

Months have passed since then, and it feels like Chaeyeon is starting to regain herself. She still cries but not as much anymore. She finally was able to go back to work and even sparked interest again in dancing. She was gaining a small sense of normalcy again. 

 

 

Her parents were very supportive. They would always praise her whenever she shows them another dance practice video. They would visit her from time to time until they think Chaeyeon can finally stand back on her feet again.

 

 

And that day seemed to have finally come. Chaeyeon has finally decided to go back to class that day. Her teacher was thrilled to see her; after all, she was her best student. But even if she is, Teacher Bae does not let her absences go so quickly. And Chaeyeon knows that even without saying. 

 

 

She does not want to disappoint her teacher when she went out of her way to recommend her to a very prestigious dance school overseas. She has a couple of months left before she has to go, and Teacher Bae wants her to be prepared as much as she can. So here she is, still practicing even if class ended ages ago.

 

 

She was resting after a grueling 2 hours of dancing when someone opens the door, stepping in holding two plastic bags. Chaeyeon’s eyes grew wide in surprise; she hasn’t seen the girl for a while now.

 

 

“Minju?! What are you doing here?” 

 

 

But Minju only smiles as she saunters towards the unmoving girl. “Hi, Unnie,” placing the bags down and sits beside her. She takes out what appears to be a bottle of water and a sports drink. “Which one?”

 

 

Chaeyeon blinks at the question, clearly bewildered, but Minju continues to urge her to pick by moving her two arms up and down. Chaeyeon thinks that the girl won’t start talking if she doesn’t pick one soon, so she points at the water bottle on the left. Minju immediately hands the bottle to her while she, in turn, opens the sports drink, whilst taking a sip.

 

 

Minju seemed to wait for her to drink before talking with the way the girl was looking at her. So Chaeyeon does, opening the bottle, taking a massive gulp of water. Minju was watching her the whole time with a smile on her face.

 

 

When Chaeyeon closes the bottle, Minju finally started to talk. “It’s been a while, unnie.” Chaeyeon nods, and before she even had the chance to open Minju continues. “Now, why am I here? Well, because I go to school here too. I started around four months ago.”

 

 

“That’s when...” Chaeyeon did not finish the sentence when she remembered what happened. Even if four months have already passed, this is not something Chaeyeon can quickly move on from. She lost her soulmate. It’s not going to be easy to get over that.

 

 

But she no longer staggers because of it. The pain is still there, but it feels numb. It’s like getting a big scar after an accident, it no longer feels painful, but when you touch it, you still feel tiny sensations of pain. And Chaeyeon is not really ready to contact it now; she wants to avoid it.

 

 

“When?” Minju’s voice suddenly snaps her back; the girl looks at her curiously. 

 

 

The girl seemed to be clueless about it, and Chaeyeon can’t be thankful enough for Eunbi keeping it a secret. Yes, Eunbi knows. Amongst the rest of the club, Eunbi was the only one she kept in touch with on an almost daily basis. Although she talks to the others too, but after the breakup, Chaeyeon avoided all contact from their group of friends, Minju included. Eunbi was the only one at first, but apparently, Hyewon knows too. She concurs that it was Eunbi who told her. She had noticed the two getting chummy lately.

 

 

Chaeyeon wasn’t actually planning on telling anyone, she knows they’ll eventually find out, but she wanted to keep it to herself for as long as she could. She tried to come to terms with it alone. But Eunbi apparently did not get the memo, because the older had suddenly appeared in front of their apartment, demanding to know what the hell happened to her.

 

 

She still remembers how she collapsed into Eunbi’s arms and cried her heart out. The pain then was still unbearable. Eunbi was so warm and tangible that she had no choice but to cling to her for dear life. 

 

 

Before Eunbi’s visit, Chaeyeon kept having visions of Sakura being there only to be devastated that it was yet another dream. Her head is messed up; she can’t differentiate dream from reality. So, when Eunbi came, she immediately ran towards her, checking if she’s real or not. The look of surprise and blatant understanding was written on the older’s face as she hugs her friend back, running her hands along her back.

 

 

“Everything will be okay, Chaen.” 

 

 

“Chaeyeon unnie?”

 

 

Chaeyeon snaps back to the present and realized that Minju was looking at her with a worried expression etched her face. “Huh? What did you say, Minju yah?”

 

 

“I was asking what happened to you…Are you okay, unnie?” 

 

 

Chaeyeon smiles, albeit it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, she clearly does not want to talk about it, she managed to keep the feelings at bay this long and she’s not ready for it to be out in the open like that, even if it’s Minju. So, she tries to divert the topic. “How about we dance Minju? I miss dancing with you.” 

 

 

Minju still has this worried expression even when Chaeyeon had started the music. Seeing such a sad smile from Chaeyeon, who’s naturally jolly hurts her but, if her unnie is not saying anything, she does not have the right to push her. She’ll just have to make her unnie smile instead.

 

 

“C’mon unnie! I’m not the awkward Minju you knew back then. I actually have the skills to beat you now,” she says smugly, hands on her waist, puffing her back.

 

 

Chaeyeon could only laugh. And Minju’s heart swells. She smiles as she understands why it did.

 

 

She missed that laugh so much.

 

 

After that day, Minju would always accompany Chaeyeon on her practices. And it still amazes the girl how talented Chaeyeon is, that it came to no surprise when she learned about the scholarship. If Minju was honest, Chaeyeon was the driving factor for her to fall in love with dancing.

 

 

Even if she’s not really as skilled as Chaeyeon, she absolutely loves it. Even if she knows that this is not something she’ll do as more than a thing she enjoys doing, she still absolutely loves it. And more so because she gets to do it with Chaeyeon. Her first love.

 

 

The two were eating lunch on Chaeyeon’s day off. After just a few days, Chaeyeon had caught up with her classes, and she could finally get back to work. And the first day off since she came back, she decided to spend it with Minju.

 

 

This got Minju thinking. They have been spending a lot of time together, and not even once did Chaeyeon mention about Sakura. She did not ask then because it felt like they fought, but the lack of anything about Sakura has got Minju concerned.

 

 

“Unnie.”

 

 

“Hmm?”

 

 

“How is Sakura unnie?”

 

 

Chaeyeon’s hands stop at the mention of her name. She knew this was bound to happen. She knew that Minju would finally ask this topic. She was amazed it took this long, but now that Minju has finally voiced it out, Chaeyeon was ready.

 

 

“I don’t really know. We broke up four months ago,” she answers, trying to act nonchalantly, but both of them know that was a long shot.

 

 

Silence swallows them whole. Minju did not know what to say; she never expected that. She knows that after graduating, everyone went on their separate ways, they did try to keep in touch, but it only lasted a few months. Everyone was just so busy, but the last time she heard about the two was that they were living together, Chaeyeon going to this school and working while Sakura… now that she thinks about it, she never knew what Sakura was doing then.

 

 

She observes Chaeyeon, who has now reverted back to eating her pasta eyes downcast at her plate. But Minju didn’t need to look at her face to know that her question was a hard topic for the girl. But since Chaeyeon had answered the query rather than ignoring it, she guesses that Chaeyeon might need to let it out.

 

 

“So, this is why you suddenly disappeared on us.” Me

 

 

Chaeyeon nods, confirming. “I’m sorry, that was still so painful that time.”

 

 

Minju does not say anything to that. She waits for Chaeyeon to answer the questions that are flying around her head. “why?” “what happened?”

 

 

“I’m sorry… I didn’t” Minu finally speaks; she didn’t think that would be something that would come out of Chaeyeon’s mouth. Chaeyeon, Sakura, and break up does not sound good together.

 

 

But Chaeyeon shakes her head as she finally looks up, with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “It’s okay; you were bound to ask that, sooner or later.”

 

 

Chaeyeon could see it on Minju’s face the questions; she knows the girl has a lot of questions flowing through her head. She contemplated telling her, after all, it was her business, but what’s the use of keeping it, it doesn’t make it any less real. Chaeyeon inhales a deep breath, trying to slow down her beating heart as she finally answers the question that is etched on the girl’s face, “She doesn’t love me, anymore.”

 

 

The way Minju’s eyes grow wide, she was thinking of a lot of things that could be the reason, they were busy, they grew apart, or they’re just having a long break, but this. Sakura, not loving her anymore, never crossed her mind.  

 

 

When Minju does not say anything, Chaeyeon expected it. Since it’s something she can’t control, she did her best to try and accept it. Even though she still hasn’t, she’s getting there slowly. The way the girl looks at her with so much sympathy and pity; she knows Minju feels guilty about asking.

 

 

“Minju yah, It’s okay. I’m okay now. So, don’t worry, okay?” 

 

 

Minju wanted to believe that she wants to at least for Chaeyeon’s sake. But she could still see it, the sadness behind those eyes, those smiles, and it frustrates her that she can’t do anything. And that’s just it; she can’t do anything else but to accept that Chaeyeon is okay.

 

 

Minju sighs as she reaches her hand and places it on top of Chaeyeon’s “Everything will be okay unnie.”

 

 

Chaeyeon smiles, that’s the same thing her mom and Eunbi said. And now Minju, too? Chaeyeon can’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe everything will be okay. She believes it will someday.

 

 

After the revelation, the two grew much closer. Not that they weren’t in the first place, but Minju somehow felt an obligation of some kind. She made it her personal mission to keep Chaeyeon’s smile the way it is. And that is what she has been doing. Minju won’t deny that she still has feelings for Chaeyeon, albeit not as strong as when they were in high school. But she knows Chaeyeon does not need a lover, she needs a friend, and that is what Minju is.

 

 

But she could only go so long at just being her friend; she thought she had it under control. But when she and Chaeyeon saw Sakura and Hyewon one time when they were about to go to dinner. She instantly knew that her feelings for Chaeyeon are stronger than what she had initially thought. Because when she saw the way Chaeyeon immediately turned rigid, the way her eyes dimmed, and her smile vanished as she focused on the two, who looked so happy as if there wasn’t a heartbreaking beside her. Minju felt all things at once, like an uncontrolled train crashing into another the anger the sadness the helplessness at the situation. 

 

 

Minju’s head is in overdrive, all she could think of is taking Chaeyeon away, away from here. So, without any second thoughts, she immediately takes Chaeyeon’s hand and pulls her in the opposite direction before the first tears could escape Chaeyeon’s breath-taking eyes. She has tried her best to keep that smile, but her heart sinks that it is easily gone as soon as Sakura is in the picture.

 

 

Minju does not know where they’re going, but her eyes are focused forward as they leave, she does not want to look behind her because she knows that what she’ll see will break her heart, too. They walk for hours, no destination in mind. Just Minju leading and Chaeyeon following this time because when they were still in high school, it was the other way around. 

 

 

They ultimately stop when they feel the sand on their feet. They seemed to have walked to the beach.

 

 

Minju lets go and try to turn, but the hands around her waist and a warm thud on her back stops her, she could feel her shirt getting wet, and that is where she understood, Chaeyeon’s tears that she wanted to stop had flowed so easily, and she doesn’t think she could stop it. Minju does not move, letting the girl cry her heart out.

 

 

But it only breaks her heart further. Chaeyeon crying so much is painful as if she too could feel what the girl is feeling. It must be the feeling of helplessness, anger, love mixed together because before she could stop herself, Minju says what she truly feels at that moment, not only at that moment but ever since she fell in love with the girl.

 

 

“Unnie... I’m here. I’m always here. So please look my way, too,” she says, angling her head upwards in an attempt to stop her tears, but it falls anyways and, in the end, Minju cries with her.

 

 

The two don’t meet until two days later; it was partly because Minju was scared of Chaeyeon’s reaction of her ‘sorta’ confession. But Chaeyeon calls her over, not even giving the girl the chance to say no as she quickly hung up.

 

 

Minju contemplated going, but doing so will contradict what she said two days ago about always being there for Chaeyeon, making her a hypocrite. So, she went, knocking timidly at the door. Chaeyeon opens it, smiling at her. Minju was speechless when Chaeyeon moves to the side to give her space to go inside. Minju gets in slowly, afraid to do anything in which Chaeyeon notices as she chuckles.

 

 

“Relax Minju yah; you look so funny being all stiff like that”

 

 

Minju feels relieved and slightly disappointed that Chaeyeon seemed to act normal at that moment. She is disappointed because it felt like the girl didn’t even care what she had said.

 

 

As Chaeyeon closed the door, the room instantly felt hotter, as if she had closed the only door giving off cold air. Both could feel the tension growing tighter; you could cut it with a knife, not knowing what to do at this strange feeling between them. Minju is thankful that Chaeyeon made the first move.

 

 

“Want to watch a movie Min?” she says, gesturing towards the Tv.

 

 

Minju only nods oblivious as to the next thing she should do. She hasn’t got a clue as to what is happening. Chaeyeon seemed to be acting normal, but Minju could tell she’s putting a front. 

 

 

“I’ll make some popcorn, go pick a movie,” Chaeyeon says as she goes to the kitchen, leaving Minju to stand awkwardly. Chaeyeon seemingly noticing Minju’s state of immobility as she turns back, chuckling. “Sit down, will you?”

 

 

They were halfway into the movie; the tension seemed to have gotten loose as the two were focused on the Tv screen. Or so Minju had thought, “Minju ah,” Chaeyeon calls her suddenly prompting the girl to turn her head to the side, Minju is surprised that Chaeyeon was already looking at her.

 

 

“Do you think I look good in short hair?” Chaeyeon asks, playing with her hair

 

 

Minju held back on saying the first thing that went to her head at the question. She wanted to say that Chaeyeon would look good in anything, that she’s beautiful whether she has long or short hair, or even when she’s bald. But obviously, she couldn’t say that out loud.

 

 

“Yes” she simply replies

 

 

And this makes Chaeyeon smile. “You think I should cut it? Isn’t that what people do to move on, right?”

 

 

Minju does not know if that will really help her move on, but she gets where Chaeyeon is coming from. It could be a new look for a fresh start. Silence fills the room as she didn’t know what to say or how to react to that question. And it seemed to have taken too long because Chaeyeon opens again.

 

 

“Minju yah, how do you stop the pain?” Chaeyeon asks, following up, voiced laced with exhaustion,

 

 

Hearing Chaeyeon ask that question breaks her heart again; after all this time, the girl is still hurting. All this time, when they were rediscovering their friendship, when Minju was falling in love again, Chaeyeon was still in pain. And Minju was stupid to think the girl was fine. They bathe in silence, letting the question float in the air. 

 

 

Minju suddenly stands up, quickly surprising Chaeyeon, who turned her head towards the girl. Minju rummages through her bag, taking out what appears to be a notebook and pen, then going back to sit beside Chaeyeon. Chaeyeon watches her silently as she does so.

 

 

Minju then places the things on the girl’s lap. Chaeyeon looks down at it then back towards Minju, with so much confusion on her face. “What is this?”

 

 

“Write it.”

 

 

“Huh?”

 

 

“Write everything down. All of it. The feelings, the hurt, the pain. Everything”

 

 

“Where are you going with this?”

 

 

Minju reaches her hand to hold Chaeyeon’s, giving her warmth and reassurance. She looks at Chaeyeon with hope, hoping that this sudden suggestion can help the girl “Transfer all those feelings here. All of it. Write it as if you’re unloading the heaviness in your heart, do it until nothing’s left and hopefully. Hopefully, the pain will stop.”

 

 

Chaeyeon seemed to think about it for a minute, watching Minju’s hopeful eyes, she could feel Minju’s sincerity “But what if it doesn’t?"

 

 

Minju pauses, of course, that could happen. It’s not like her suggestion was something amazing. But she squeezes Chaeyeon’s hand tighter giving her the same reassurance, “Then we’ll figure that out together when it happens.”

 

 

“Together?” 

 

 

Minju is in panic, finally realizing what she had said, she was too focused on trying to make Chaeyeon feel better that she didn’t think of anything else. She made it her own personal mission to help her, so the words quickly slipped out. 

 

 

“I didn’t mean—”

 

 

But Chaeyeon shakes her head, stopping Minju mid-way to her denial. She takes Minju’s hand that was on top of her own and grips on it tight; she looks down at it running her thumb across it as she says in almost a whisper.

 

 

“When the pain does stop... 

 

 

She pauses eyes still focused on their hands and seemed to gather whatever emotion to say what she needed to say. Minju stays quiet in all this as she waits for Chaeyeon to continue, but her heart is pounding so loud that she’s afraid that Chaeyeon can hear it. Luckily Chaeyeon doesn’t seem to notice as the girl finally raises her head up and gazes at Minju’s eyes. 

 

 

when I’m ready again, and if you’re still here, I’ll look your way too.” 

 

 

“Unnie...”

 

 

Minju’s heart swells with so much love and hope. Staring at Chaeyeon’s face, her eyes light up with sincerity, and Minju can’t help but feel that maybe she still has a chance.

 

 

When Minju left, Chaeyeon stares at the notebook in her hands. To be honest, Chaeyeon thought the idea was ridiculous; how could writing it down make her feel any better? If things are that easy, she wouldn’t be hurting like this. But despite all that, she had written it anyways. There’s nothing wrong with trying. 

 

 

The one thing she did differently from what Minju had suggested is that she not only wrote the bad things she wrote in the good ones too. Why? Chaeyeon thought that thinking of the good ones and realizing that she can’t go back to it hurts as well. So, she wrote.

 

 

She started slowly at first, only writing words. But then it becomes phrases then full sentences, and she didn’t notice that she had already written a whole paragraph. She wrote almost every day; whenever she remembers something, she takes out the notebook and writes.

 

 

And every time Chaeyeon finishes a part, her heart feels lighter. What she thought was ridiculous at first was actually helping her a lot. So, she continued to do it until she could almost reach the end of the notebook. 

 

 

Minju’s suggestion works; her heart is getting better. She’s getting better. The pain is slowly disappearing. And yet something still felt off. She’s on the last few pages, but she can’t seem to end the book. She’s been writing on it for months, and she had no problem. But now that she’s almost at the end, she can’t seem to write anymore. 

 

 

She tried to ignore it for as long as she can; after all, she was getting better. And it seemed to work well for her. The pain is still there but is numb as if it’s barely there.

 

 

Chaeyeon steps out of the room to the balcony. There was a party downstairs, her parents had insisted, so her classmates are there, but she wanted to have a quiet time for herself. She stares at the night sky, looking at the stars. 

 

 

“The stars look beautiful tonight.” 

 

 

“Yes, they are,” someone answers her, taking the spot on the right beside her.

 

 

Chaeyeon looks to right and smiles. “Hey Minju” 

 

 

“Unnie, which one?” the person gestures to the two beverages in her hands. Chaeyeon picks the water bottle, taking it in her hands. They stay quiet, admiring the stars, content at the calmness in the air.

 

 

“You look good with your new hair, you know?” Minju comments

 

 

“Thanks,” Chaeyeon instinctively raised a hand and ran through her now shorter hair, trying to hide her blush, afraid it’ll show even in the dark. She decided to cut it in the end. The writing helped, and now cutting her hair seemed to be the final step. She’s finally taking steps to move on.

 

 

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” asks Minju staring at the side of Chaeyeon’s face.

 

 

“Hmm. I guess so” replies Chaeyeon, “I mean my bags are packed, passport too”

 

 

Minju laughs, making Chaeyeon laugh too. 

 

 

“I’m going to miss you, unnie.” 

 

 

Chaeyeon stays quiet for a few seconds, and Minju is afraid she is stepping over the line, but before her mind could run, Chaeyeon opens .

 

 

“When I come back, we’ll talk, okay?” 

 

 

Minju smiles back as she nods. “four years.”

 

 

Chaeyeon nods back, “four years.”

 

 

-

 

The day of her flight has arrived. It has been a hard year, but Chaeyeon still managed to get through it. And it’s because of the people in front of her, her parents, her teacher, Eunbi and Minju. She smiles as her heart tightens as the one person’s face flashes in her eyes. But she has to move on, she wasn’t the one who gave up.

 

 

 

 

 

After saying goodbyes to everyone, Chaeyeon is finally making her way towards the gates, towards her future, she’s taking the first step in making her dreams come true, she’s going to be one beautiful star.

 

 

 

 

 

Beautiful Star. Wait. Stars. Plural.

 

 

 

 

 

Her steps stop just before she gets on. That’s it. She smiled somberly. The stewardess looks at her weird, but she ignores it as she turns around without looking back. She could hear the stewardess call her name, but she remained focused on her goal. That’s it. Now I know.

 

 

 

 

She now knows why she couldn’t finish it, what was lacking, what she forgot.

 

 

 

 

A girl was walking in the park. Her feet are dragging as her heart sank. She was too late. She continues to walk, her feet leading her along the familiar place. She remembers this was a special place. This is where they had always gone whenever they needed a break from everything. She remembers watching as the person she has loved more than anything dances without care. She remembers she would be dancing too. Why didn’t they just come here like they always do. Why did she have to hurt someone dear to her?

 

 

 

 

But she did it anyway. She was the one who destroyed everything. And now it seemed like she lost her for good. As she was wallowing in her regret, her eyes catch a figure from a distance; and before she knew it, her feet started moving on its own. Her feet are rushing as she runs towards the figure.

 

 

 

 

As the figure appears more apparent, she could feel the beating of her heart grow ever so faster.

 

 

 

 

“Jjaeyeon...” She calls in, almost a whisper.

 

 

 

 

The girl does not say anything, but the way her gait stiffens, Sakura knew the girl acknowledges her.

 

 

 

 

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