Some days, it was just easier to be awake then attempting the quiet solace of sleep. So what did a very exhausted post grad do? She decided to create a pros and cons list of her own existence. 

The workaholic begrudgingly uncovered herself from the warmth of her blankets. Eyes still closed, she takes a moment to ground herself in her surroundings. From the humming of the AC, to the coldness against her skin, to her bones aching with tiredness. Every type of feeling clashing in waves over her. She feels her heartbeat pick up against her chest and forces herself to breath. The waves of worry that called like sirens momentarily subdued. Replaced with the coldness of the AC that pricked her nose almost warranting a sneeze. The breath she holds is ice to her lungs. Uncomfortable. But after waiting a moment ice melts into calm waters that lets her float with an exhale. 

She was fine. 

She will be fine. 

She-

A slight hesitation held her thoughts. 

A recoil effect. 

Just a split second relapse. 

She quickly shakes it away before the waves could capture her again. 

It’s time. She thought with resolve.

she grabbed her laptop off her nightstand, the screen illuminating her face in the darkness. Quickly, she opened up a word doc to create her pros and cons list. 

She preps her body with a few stretches, cracks her knuckles with habit. 

A few minutes pass as the hum of the ac is now accompanied by the clicks of the keyboard. 

Header: Sana’s Possible Mid life Crisis 

Pros 

-She had a fairly decent job. Not her dream job yet but it’s one step up on the ladder. 

-She was living in a 3 bedroom loft apartment in the middle of the city. The prime spot for commutes and her two best friends were her roommates. Big PRO

-Her parents are happy about her success 

-She can spoil herself and her parents with the money she gets from said job

Cons 

-She inherited a generational ability to time travel and now it's her responsibility to find someone she’s never met before. 

Sana’s fingers came to a halt.

Technically, she never tried to time travel. Purposefully. When she did time travel it was only by a small window of time. And mostly these jumps were in isolated events.

The only thing she could change was her own time. 

She couldn’t time jump when someone else got into an accident. But if she were to be the one in the car, the initial impact would send her hours before. And that one instance that WILL NEVER be brought up in her lifetime is when she walked in on her best friends making out in their living room. Luckily, she was able to jump back to when she was walking up the stairs of their apartment complex. However, this event never happened. 

So, she had to admit her powers were convenient. 

But con, she still had no idea where to start with the idea that she was destined  to find someone and  fated  to be with said person because a journal passed down for generations told her so? 

Con 

I think not . 

Sana shut her laptop, haphazardly tossing it next to her. 

Creating a pros and cons list got her through a lot of tough decisions in life. Like the one time she debated about moving out or not. Pros and Cons chart came in clutch. Or the time she needed to pick a job. Pros and Cons got her a very good salary. But this time was a different subject all together. Her ability, was technically impossible. She’s read articles about quantum physics and the concept of time and how technically time is a social construct meant to keep some sort of order over things humans can’t grasp completely. 

But what made her so special? 

What made this even possible? 

Sana placed her head in her hands. 

Her head was still very much a tangled yarn ball of questions. 

The very moment she was born, a future Sana had visited her parents to tell them of their childs fate. 

A past Sana had passed down a journal with written stories her grandma would read to her before bed.

And now, in one of her drawers, was the journal she’d now call a very annoying existence and the driving force to her current existential crisis.  

Sana’s eyes take a moment to adjust to the darkness of her room but she side eyes the drawer where the journal sits, pristine despite its age. Nostalgic memories begin to resurface. Snippets of her grandma ready her entries every night and falling asleep to a foreign world in her dreams blossomed warmth into her heart. And maybe after all this frustration the journal was really the best form of comfort she could have. So she whispers a small sorry, while opening the drawer to obtain her precious treasure. 

The journal was a mix of beautifully written poetry about a woman in the woods, to stories the owner of the journal and the woman shared, to stories only the author of the journal could tell. It was always endearing to see the doodles around the written entries. Lightly she’d trace over them, drawings that have somehow stayed preserved despite the passage of time, and imagined in what scenario they were created. She traced a small cake next to one of her favorite entries. 

She imagined the cottage. The cottage the author described so warmly that her heart ached to be embraced with.

She imagined the night she that the author would sneak out to visit on nights the moon was bright, thinking how excited she was to escape the cold reality of her own life. 

she would imagine the fragrance the author would be embraced with when entering the outsiders home. 

And she jealously imagined how they would share pieces of deliciously sweet cake the cottage owner would bake.

It all seemed to fictitious whenever she read over each entry. The author’s tone towards life and everything outside of the cottage was so different than the moments they shared within it. 

Two separate different environments and two extremely different lives lived in this one journal. Her mom would tell her that there was such a love that could melt any differences and this journal was a testament to that.

Still, she was doubtful to that love. 

Still, as a 25 year old who has lived and loved but still failed to find this ideal type of love. 

Maybe fates been trying to tell her something. But to Sana, she loved all of them deeply. She was one to test fate every time. In return, every time fate so unkindly broke her heart.

Sana exhaled deeply, sinking into her bed a little bit more. 

One spiteful thread untangled from her thoughts. 

Love   

Sana lay in her bed, eyes glazed over. The spots that danced around in her vision entice a different life for her. Her strands of thoughts slowly thinning out as the heaviness of sleep was tying her down. Her thoughts quieting down into a low buzz until she felt it. 

The strands of hair rising behind her neck, the prickles of her arm, the lightning bolt of fear striking through her spine. 

Adrenaline pumped so fast through her small frame, she grabbed the nearest thing and flung it towards the unknown person with a scream. 

“AH!” 

Sana picks up a lamp.  

-crash-  

“OH MY GOD!” 

Sana acquires laptop.  

-Whack- 

“I’M WARNING YOU I’M GONNA CALL THE POLICE!” 

The intruder, somehow unharmed, calls out to the adrenaline pumped girl. 

“For once in your life, can you not be so annoying?” The stranger comments. 

Sanas ears were ringing. The adrenaline pumping so hard through her system made her remember that one time she didn’t sleep for 3 days and trusted her best friend to drink some concoction of caffeine they made. 

“We have contingencies and thankfully we knew this was going to happen.” 

Sana’s head was spinning, “Wait, we ?”

 A blaring realization occured to Sana.

“Look, I’m sorry for popping in and making you feel the worst type of fear but I came here to give you this.” 

The stranger hands over a device and she could feel herself becoming light headed. 

“I know I don’t have that much time with you, but I hope you find her.” 

 
She didn’t jump back. 

— 

Sana woke up the next morning with what felt like the worst type of hang over she’d ever experienced. Her head felt like it just went through a juicer and now her brain were the sad remains of the pruning. 

Her palms massaged her temples, hoping she alleviate some of the haziness clouding her memories. If only she could get rid of her headache then she could process what had happened. But to no surprise a very energetic roommate invites themselves in. 

“Hee— yo.” They point at Sana in a circular motion, “Uh, what happened in here?” 

Sana puts up a hand to stop her best friend, “Can we not do this right now?” 

Momo shrugs and points towards the wall, “I would leave but there’s a whole in the wall and I don’t think our landlord would appreciate that…”

Sana slowly moves her hand away from her eyes, peeking very slowly, hoping it was a lie. 

But she sees it. 

A gaping whole the size of a golf ball and on the floor her cellphone… well once a cellphone, shattered on the floor with a very broken lamp. 

“um…” 

“…”  

-door closes- 

“MOMO WAIT!” 

---

a/n 

hey again! 

Did you know about palendrom week?

Idk how to feel about this but I wanted to post. 

French is very hard to learn

Idk i'm just venting 

Anyway! I hoped you enjoyed reading!