June 2014

           Jinki’s hands gently shook as he tried to grip the gas pump steadily. There were only a hundred more miles until he reached his childhood home, which should bring comfort to his nerves. Except, Jinki felt embarrassed and ashamed to return home after just that Christmas he had gone back home with James, a ring on his finger. How that happiness had been shattered in less than a full three months he wasn’t sure. Somewhere along there, James thought it would be a good idea to throw the life they had built together into the flames and cheat on him with some wannabe country singer. 

           Once the prepaid amount of gas was finished he put the nozzle back, twisted the cap and slid into the driver’s seat. Oli lifted his head slightly from his bed on the passenger seat but relaxed once again as Jinki ran a hand over his greying face. “We’re almost home, Bubs.” 

           At twenty-four Jinki hadn’t expected to be driving back home to his parents' house. His relationship burned into ash and the life he had built for almost 7 years in Nashville along with it. He would have been home sooner, but he didn’t want to leave his Kiddos in the middle of the school year. Dealing with James and his endless apologies had been exhausting, but luckily Kibum had no problem giving the man a piece of his mind anytime he came around his apartment where Jinki had been crashing at for the last four months. Calling his parents and crumbling to tears hadn’t been the highlight of his life, but he was looking forward to being in the safety of home. He missed his moms and little sister. He could maybe hang out with Taemin again in person after all these years. 

           He put the car into drive and pulled from the gas pump, the setting sun illuminating the sky behind him in oranges and purples.

------

           The sun had set completely by the time he pulled into the driveway. Most of the lights of the house were off, but he could hear voices coming from the backyard. Jinki scooped Oli up into his arms, huffing at how heavy the dog had gotten, and walked toward the side gate. As soon as it was closed again he let Oli down and followed after him as he lopped along further into the grass. Jinki rounded the corner to immediately have his sister launch herself at him with a squeal. Somehow she had gotten bigger in the six months since Christmas. “Hey, Pumpkin.” 

           “I’m so happy you’re home.” 

           She pressed a kiss to his cheek before Jinki let her back down. “Me too. It’s good to be home.” 

           The slight grey in both of his parents’ hair gave him pause, but he quickly realized they were both in their forties now. Of course, they’d start going grey. “We’ve missed you, Baby.”

           “Wish I was home for better circumstances.” He half grumbled.

           “James is a butthead,” Junghee concluded, arms crossed over her chest and scowl on her face. “An ugly, can’t handle spice butthead.”

           Jinki chuckled, “You’re right. He is a butthead.” 

-----

           The summer heat was just bearable, only so by the breeze rolling through. He had sent out application after application for a job come August, but nothing had been heard from any of them. While he could stress about being unemployed, Jinki decided that wouldn’t do him any good. Instead, he’d sit on this front porch and enjoy the nice summer afternoon. He had a good book, a glass of lemonade with a pitcher for refills in the kitchen, and time to spare. He looked up slowly when he heard someone calling his name. Through the haze of the heat beating down, he squinted to see a man jogging up the front path. He almost choked on his lemonade when he realized it was Taemin. 

           Gone was the scrawny little boy he had last seen a few years ago. He was still slim, but there were muscles on his body that didn’t use to be there. His hair was pushed off his forehead, sweat dripping off his nose as he grinned. “I didn’t know you were coming home.”

           Jinki cleared his throat, closing his book and trying to wipe his chin of liquid as he grumbled. “I wasn’t planning on it honestly.” 

           “It’s really good to see you!” Taemin had his fingers in the front pockets of his shorts, white t-shirt clinging to his damp torso. “I have to get back to unloading my car, but we should do something later. Catch up on things left out of texts alright?” 

           “Sounds great Taeter.”

           Taemin’s face scrunched a little before he was laughing and turning to leave. Jinki gazed at him leaving, trying to figure out what this new fuzzy feeling in his chest was when he looked at the man. 

-----

           The interior to the local Chinese restaurant they’d always go to when they were kids hadn't changed one bit. It was odd having Taemin drive him somewhere, but the younger man had asked him out for dinner and had been very excited to take his car. “Did James come with you?” 

           Jinki swallowed his coke slowly, moving his noodles around with his chopsticks and avoiding Taemin’s gaze. “There isn’t a James anymore.” 

           “What does that mean?”

           “Minho and Kibum were out for drinks, being each other’s wingman on the weekend before Valentine’s Day... and they saw James making out with some other guy.” He gently laid his chopsticks against the plate and let his hands fall to his lap under the table with a soft shrug. “I stayed to finish the school year and, here I am; at home and unwanted.”

           “That !” Taemin hissed too loudly. When Jinki snapped his head up the other customers in the restaurant were looking at them. “How dare he do that to you!” 

           “Please quiet down. Everyone is looking at us.”

           “Oh , my bad.” Taemin’s cheeks tinted pink for a moment. “How are you doing?”

           “As well as can be expected. I’m unemployed, single and a mess.” He shook his head before taking a drink of his coke, forcing a smile to ask. “You still dating that dancer you met a few months ago?”

           “Jimin? Yeah. I just got back from a little vacation after our junior year.” Taemin stopped mid-motion to shove food into his mouth. “. I’m sorry.” 

           Jinki smiled softly, wanting nothing more than to crumble into himself. “Don’t hide how happy you are because my love life is up in flames. Talk about him all you want.”

           By the end of the night, Jinki regretted telling him that immensely. 

-------

July 2014

           It was obvious in the pretty lights of the backyard patio that Taemin had drunk a little too much alcohol to celebrate his 21st birthday. His skin was flushed, giggles loud and continuous, and his usual smooth movements were choppy and erratic. Jinki didn’t know many people here. He knew Jongin and Taemin’s Dad, but since his parents had left with Junghee a few hours ago that was about it. Taemin was dancing (loosely used) with his boyfriend. Jimin seemed nice enough from the limited interaction Jinki had with him earlier in the night. Taemin seemed happy with him and that should be enough for Jinki, but gazing at the pair across the way made his stomach twist in uncomfortable knots. 

           The sensation and emotions were confusing to decipher. It felt a little bit like jealousy, but what could he be jealous of? Was it the relationship that Taemin had and if it was, was it because his own had fallen to ash or something else? Was he jealous of Taemin being with someone else? Someone that… no. That couldn’t be it. Taemin was his friend, his best friend no matter the distance between them physically. He couldn’t be jealous of Jimin having Taemin because that would mean he liked his friend for more than what he should. Which was wrong for two things. 1. He had watched Taemin grow up he shouldn’t be attracted to him. 2.- Wait did he find Taemin attractive?

           With that alarming thought, Jinki downed his beer and turned to leave without even saying goodbye to Taemin.

-------

October 2014

           Jinki had found working with a few of his old teachers a little odd at first, but a few months in that uneasy feeling had disappeared. He loved his students and having something to focus his mind on. It gave him time to fully heal his heart in a way sitting in his bedroom for hours on end did not allow. He also had managed to convince himself that his weird brewing feelings for Taemin were caused by the delirium of severe heartbreak and too much beer. It helped that the man had returned for his senior year of college and was no longer around in person to pester Jinki’s tangled emotions. 

           He still got texts from Taemin all the time and phone calls every so often. There was a showcase in the middle of December Jinki had been invited to. While he wanted to go and see Taemin dance the invitation included the flyer for it which said it was a duet performance between the younger man and Jimin. If he didn’t go he could blissfully believe his heartache and beer hypothesis. If he did go and he still felt the twisting feelings of jealousy than he’d have to address it more directly. Jinki wasn’t sure if he was ready to accept he may actually like Taemin in a more romantic sense. 

           His brooding thoughts were interrupted as the final bell rang and it was time to begin class.

-----

December 2014

           There was something in the way Taemin danced that was powerful, yet elegant. The years had only allowed his talent to grow, bloom into something incredibly beautiful. Jinki hated to admit that Jimin was also a very good dancer and took most of the intermission to make himself get the over it. He was now 25 for God's sake. He should be happy for his friend to have found someone involved with something they loved so much. This jealousy bull should have been left in high school. If only his heart would get with the damn program. 

           He waited outside the auditorium with a rose twirling between his fingers. Taemin’s Dad couldn’t make it, so he was the young man’s support system for the night. He was picking some lint from his suit jacket when he heard his name. Jinki looked up just as Taemin collided with him, arms wrapping tightly around him. “I’m so happy you came.” 

           “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Jinki cleared his throat as Taemin pulled away, before offering the single peach rose. “I figured a dozen would be overdoing it.” 

           Taemin was awfully pretty as his eyes fluttered shut, smelling the rose as the petals brushed against his nose. His hair was pushed back and damp, curling a little around his temples. His stage outfit had been taken off, replaced with a hoodie Jinki recognized as one of his own the man had taken a few months ago, and a pair of sweatpants. “It’s beautiful thank you.” 

           “You danced beautifully. You’ve gotten so good, Taeter.” 

           Taemin as always brightened in the praise, but Jinki’s heart fell a little as the man’s attention shifted behind him. Following him, Jinki realized why he had looked away. Jimin. He forced a smile as the man stepped closer and wrapped an arm around Taemin’s waist. Jimin’s gaze fell on Jinki slowly. “You must be very important. He never lets me call him Taeter.” 

           “I gave him the name.” 

           “Oh! You’re that Jinki.” Jimin chuckled as Taemin elbowed him in the side. “He never shuts up about you. Jinki this and Jinki that.”

           “Does he?” He asked with a raised brow.

           “Yeah. Thought his childhood crush was still a thing, but he tells me it isn’t.”

           “Jinmin!” Taemin hissed.

           “What?”

           Jinki cleared his throat. “I didn’t know about the mm crush thing.” 

           Jinmin blanched for a moment. “Oh. I’m sorry, Babe.” 

           Taemin was redder than Jinki had ever seen him as he cleared his throat. “We better head back in. Are you staying in town for the night?”

           “Yeah.” 

           “I’ll text you, maybe we can go get drinks or something.” Taemin stepped forward to give Jinki a soft hug and a light kiss on the cheek. “Thank you for coming. Really.” 

           “It was a pleasure, Taeter.” Before the man walked away Jinki gently squeezed his hand.

------

 

           Almost two hours later and half a bottle of whiskey, and a few shots each and they found themselves lying at opposite ends of Jinki’s hotel bed, staring up at the ceiling. “Do you ever like, think of the universe?”

           “I’m too drunk for deep , Taeter.” 

           Taemin giggled, rolling onto his side to look at Jinki properly. “Like of all the people to meet we met!” 

           “We had this conversation like eight years ago.” Jinki pinched his nose as he sat up more against the headboard. “Holy I’m old.” 

           “Not that old. You’re still hot.” 

           “Good to know 25 isn’t too old. Thanks.” Jinki reached over to take a swig of his beer, swallowing before fixing his eyes on Taemin in the swirling of the room. “So you had a crush on me, huh? Is that why you kissed me?” 

           “Which time?”

           “Both.” 

           “Kind of yeah.” Taemin belched loudly, hand to his mouth before he grinned with an apology. “You really had no ing clue?” 

           “Not really.” Taemin was about to say something, but then he was up and running over Jinki’s legs toward the bathroom, the sound of puking echoing slightly. Jinki wrinkled his nose before managing to swing his legs over the side of the bed and reach for his backpack as he wobbled slightly. He squinted to decipher the bottle, but deeming it ibuprofen slammed it on the table next to the bottles of water they had bought from the vending machine down the hall. Something told him in his fogged as mind they’d need that in the morning. Taemin stumbled into the room, leaning heavily onto the wall. “I think it’s time for bed.”

           “I thought puking came the morning after.” 

           “You must be very drunk.”

           Taemin barely got out a yeah before he face-planted onto the mattress, fully clothed. 

-----

           In the morning, Taemin’s head hurt so bad it seemed each throb had an echo. He pushed off the piece of furniture under him, eyes squinting as the bright light bombarded his senses. There was a painful groan to his left and through his half-open eyes, he recognized it as Jinki. “How ed up did we get last night?” 

           “Too ed up,” Jinki grunted as he pushed up off the bed, smacking his hand around blindly for the table until he finally curled his fingers around a bottle of water. The cap was tossed next to him as he took a big gulp, looking at Taemin with one eye. “I don’t remember a thing.” 

           “Me either.” First things first Taemin pulled the curtains closed, cursing the sun for existing. The second was getting some water and taking a painkiller. The third was going to piss because he really had to go all of a sudden. “What time is it?”

           “A little past nine I think?” 

           “.” No wonder his phone was ringing nonstop, the light flashing blue. He stumbled over his shoes to grab his phone he miraculously remembered to put on the charger. 

           “Got hot plans?”

           “I was supposed to have breakfast with Jimin at nine.” 

           “Oh.” Jinki hummed around the top of his bottle, glancing over at him before taking a swig. “I don’t think you should drive yet. You aren’t fully sober.” 

           “I’m sober enough.”

           “No such thing. You’re either sober or not.” Jinki managed to grab the car keys on the bedside table before Taemin could get around the bed. “I get it, he’s important, but I’m not letting you leave yet.”

           “Give me my keys.” 

           “No.” Jinki put his bottle down quickly, hand coming up to stop Taemin by the head as he rushed forward.

           Taemin flung his arms around, hating how this reminded him of when they were kids. “ you, give me them.” 

           Jinki just smacked his lips. “No.” 

           “Come on!” With a whine, Taemin gave one last big push of effort before sagging against Jinki’s hand. “How are you so strong? What the .”

           “Please calm down.”

           “He’s gonna be so mad.”

           “Better him have a chance to be mad at you than there to not be you at all.”

           Taemin allowed the man to push him back onto the bed, shoulders slouching and head hanging. “I never should have drunk that whiskey.”

           The bottle of water he had discarded was pressed back into his hand. “Drink. Text him. In a few hours, we can see about driving.” 

------

March 2015

           The moon was high in the sky, stars bright and clear in the dark night sky above him. The neighborhood was quiet, most people asleep already. Jinki leaned back in his chair, legs up on the footrest, cold glass of wine held gently in his palm. Spring break for his kiddos meant that he could drink in the middle of the week when he usually only did so on Saturday night. The air was still a little nippy, the winter breeze not having fully left the city. He tugged his blanket tighter around his shoulders with his free hand with a sigh, eyes shut for a moment. They opened when he heard the squeak from the patio door behind him. “What are you doing, Baby?”

           Jinki looked over when the shadow fell over him. “Debating the meaning of life and all, Mom.” 

           Getting comfortable in the chair beside him, she chuckled. “You were always such a deep thinker.” 

           “I thought I’d be planning my wedding this past year Mom.” The moonlight reflected slightly off the deep purple color of his wine as he gazed into the slightly moving liquid. “Instead I’m living at home again completely alone.”

           “Life likes to throw painful curveballs in our paths. Some are unnecessary and shouldn’t happen. Others teach us something. What happened with James had to have taught you something.”

           “Yeah if your fiance keeps going to the same ty live band bar multiple times a week start asking questions.” He sheepishly looked away when he noticed his Mom staring at him. “To trust yourself when you begin having doubts in your relationship.”

           “That’s my boy.” She reached over to gently take his hand into hers. “You’re young, smart and handsome. You’ll find love again.”  

           He took a big gulp of his wine before placing it on the ground beside him. “What if I said I think I already did?”

           “I’d ask who.”

           Fingers tapping against his thigh, eyes watching each thumb as he muttered. “Taemin.” 

------

           As Taemin lifted the lid to the trashcan one of his earbuds fell from his ear. Before he could put it back in he overheard Jinki talking about his feelings. He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but he explained the guilt away by saying it was just to see how Jinki was doing. He had been worried about the older man for some time now. It was horrible to be cheated on, even worse by someone you had started to really build a life with. If he was falling in love with someone or was even interested, it would decrease the amount of worry Taemin held for him. 

           “A little bit louder for me.”

           “Taemin.” There was a pause before Jinki concluded. “I think I’m in love with Taemin.”

           Oh oh oh . He should leave. He should leave right now and act like he didn’t hear anything, but as much as his mind told him to move his feet just didn’t want to cooperate.

           “Oh, Baby.” 

           “Don’t look at me like that. I know alright? If I had any control over it, I wouldn’t have let it happen.” 

           “Falling in love with your best friend isn’t a bad thing.” 

           “It is when he’s with someone. I’d be just as much of a horrible person as the guy James cheated on me with if I told him how I felt right now. It’s not worth it. He’s happy. That’s what matters with people you love. Their happiness. I’ll get over it.”

           “You can want Taemin’s happiness and still feel upset that you love him when he’s unavailable. They aren’t completely interchangeable.”

           “I feel stupid. Taemin had a crush on me for years and even when he kissed me I didn’t-” Taemin’s heart was beating way too fast, breathing quickening he was starting to fear it would give him away. “He got over it. I can get over this.” 

           The blood was rushing too much in Taemin’s ears for him to really catch anything else. He half stumbled to the nearby back step, finding it with his hand as he sat. Jinki loved him? Like currently had feelings for him in a more than friend way? What the hell was he supposed to do with this information? He was with Jimin. Happy and content. He loved Jimin, but Jinki had been wrong when he said that the crush didn’t exist anymore. 

           Taemin quickly tossed the trash into the can and rushed up the stairs. Once he was in his bed he fell face first and screamed into his pillow. He really should have taken that trash out earlier like his Dad had asked him to. Then he’d have never overheard what he was not meant to hear and his life would go back to being easy.

------

May 2015

           Going back to school, Taemin had hoped that it’d be harder to forget the way Jinki had said he loved him or the way his voice sounded so desperate as he said the simple words that held so much meaning. Like many things that had to do with Jinki and feelings, Taemin had been wrong. He tried to focus on Jimin and their relationship through the stresses of finishing his senior year of college, but the guilt he felt when thinking about Jinki made it difficult to do. He felt wrong for thinking about another man like that, but thinking about Jinki made him feel good. The conversations between them didn’t change, their friendship didn’t move from the strong bond they always went back to.

           Taemin realized Jimin deserved better than a man confused by his own feelings. Breaking up with him had been difficult. He did love him, and now a month later he knew he’d always remember the man fondly. Jimin was his first serious boyfriend. His first of many things. Taemin hoped that in time he may have his friend back, but until then, he’d give him space. Besides, space to be himself, focus on school and figure out how to untangle his emotions was the best thing for him to do. 

------

           Junghee was sitting in the backseat of the car, foot-tapping to the music playing, and eyes closed as the wind from the open window blew into her face. She had been ecstatic when Taemin invited her to his graduation and even more so when their parents said she could go with Jinki. They couldn’t get out of work, but it had been forever since she and her big brother had done anything just by themselves. “Why didn’t you major in anything cool like Dance?”

           Jinki looked at her for a moment through the rearview mirror. “I’m sorry I’m not cool, Pumpkin.”

           “I never said that.” She gave a cheeky grin. “You’re probably the coolest teacher at the school.” 

           “Love you too.”  

           “Play the CD.”

           “Are you going to scream and call it singing?”

           “If you weren’t driving I’d throw a gummy bear at you.” 

           Jinki responded by switching it from radio to the CD in question. Junghee was smiling and that was enough for him.

------

           The first thought that Taemin had seeing Jinki was that he was happy he had come and brought Junghee too. The second was that he was very rude to look that handsome in a simple tucked in button up shirt. The button on the middle of his chest was straining a little and he deemed that illegal in action immediately.  He wasn’t sure if the older man would come to his graduation, but had sent the invitation nonetheless. If Jinki could go to his high school one after the whole planting a kiss debacle, he could handle the college one. In his left hand was a small, dark blue gift bag. It was a lot less vibrant than the glitter covered one hanging over Junghee’s hand that wasn’t holding her big brothers. Jinki’s eyes found his first, a big grin on his face as he pointed his sister towards Taemin. 

           Before Taemin knew it Junghee was colliding with him, face squished against his chest. If she grew anymore he was going to start a riot. “Hi Tae.”

           “Hi, Pretty. Is that for me?”

           “Mhmm! I picked it out all by myself.” 

           On the bottom of the bag was a rolled-up piece of cloth that with the closer inspection he realized was space pattern leggings. He laughed quietly and kissed the top of her head with how she was still pressed into his side. “Thank you. They’ll do wonders for my auditions coming up.”

           Junghee glared at her approaching brother. “I told you he would like them.” 

           “I never said he wouldn’t like them, just that he might like a solid color more.” Jinki held his hands up in defense before handing over his own gift bag. “Congratulations Taeter.” 

           “Did you get me a matching pair?” He teased as he moved through the tissue paper. He pulled out another piece of clothing and snorted.

           Jinki grinned. “A matching crop top.” 

           “You’re hilarious.”

           “I’m so happy you think so.” 

           It was then his Dad interrupted, “Jinki, do you mind taking some pictures for us?”

------

           Jinki lowered the phone after the photo was taken, offering it over quickly to Taemin’s Dad to look at. While the man flipped through the taken pictures, Jinki nudged Taemin in the side. “How does it feel to be a college graduate?” 

           “Older. I feel older. And a lot less rich.” 

           “We were never rich, Bud.” His Dad quipped, still trying to figure out his phone.

           Taemin rolled his eyes before grinning down at Junghee. “Do you want to go get some cheesecake?”

           With a frown Jinki quietly asked, “What if I want cheesecake?” 

           Junghee sighed as she grabbed Taemin’s closest hand. “Come on. Let’s go get Jinnie some cheesecake. Otherwise, he’ll be sad on the drive home.”

           Taemin nodded seriously handing his diploma to his Dad. “And we can’t have that.”

           As they disappeared through the crowd, weaving their way toward the food tent, Jinki looked toward Jaeho and his very serious girlfriend, Amelia Chow. He hadn’t known what to think of her at first when he returned home, but she seemed nice enough. She was really accepting of Taemin and the way he was intertwined with his own moms. “Are you happy it’s almost summer?”

           He hummed at her question. “A little, but I spend a lot of it looking for discounted decorations and posters for my classroom.” 

           “You decorate it differently each year?” Jaeho quietly asked.

           “Each year the kids are different and if I can make it better and engaging I try to.”

------

           By the time they arrive home Jinki was ready to sleep for a few hours. He might have done just that if it wasn’t for the small projectiles being tossed at his head. Opening his eyes he found them to be pieces of popcorn, Taemin grinning from the doorway leading toward the front door hallway. “Piss off.” 

           Another bonked off his nose and Jinki sighed as Taemin laughed, “Come on. Junghee set up a game of monopoly.” 

           “I am not giving up my nap to experience you both cheat at a board game.” 

           “Please?” 

           Ten minutes and a potty break later Jinki was sitting around the kitchen table sipping a beer and laughing about Taemin not being able to remember how much money everyone got at the start before the bank tray was slid over to him. Like always.

------

August 2015

           When the news broke in June that same- marriage was legal in all 50 states, Jinki had seen his Ma get down on one knee and ask Mom to marry her once again. They had decided to get married thirty years on the dot since the day they met. The small venue a few miles away was rented, decorated with white roses. The aisle was gold, rolled out from the beginning of the rows of chairs to the arch of roses by the alter.  Jinki could remember looking at the photos of his parents first wedding as a child very vividly. The poofy dresses and equally big hair. The cake shoved into their faces in the backyard of one of their friends' houses. Only his Mom’s parents had come. This time around both of their parents were waiting on either side of the aisle in the first row.

           Jinki held out each of his elbows, grinning from ear to ear as Junghee began to walk down the aisle as a flower girl. At first, she thought she was way too old for such a thing, but she wanted to be apart of the wedding and she got a pretty dress. “You two ready to be legal?” 

           Their answers were drowned out by the swell of the music coming from the open doors just ahead to the left. Each hooked an arm around his and allowed him to lead them into the venue. Much of the ceremony Jinki couldn’t recall through the blurriness of the tears he’d refuse existed until his last breath. 

------

           The chairs were pushed aside, tables brought out and the dj began to play music through the speakers. Jinki had shared a dance with each of his parents and his little sister, but he wasn’t much for dancing. Instead, he got one of the little cupcakes from the table and sat at his assigned seat the icing from his finger as his foot tapped to the beat. His finger was still between his lips when Taemin stepped between him and the swirling light. “Enjoying yourself?”

           He popped his finger out quickly, smacking his mouth trying to finish his icing. “Very much.” 

           “Well, put the cake down and come dance with me.” 

           “And make a full of myself? Not gonna happen.” 

           Taemin took his hand and tugged, forcing him up and out of his seat. “I, as your best friend, demand a dance.”

           As they stepped onto the dance floor the music shifted from heavy bass and loud beats to a ballad made for slow dancing. Jinki had one foot off the assigned dancefloor when Taemin tugged him back, other hand falling to his hip. “Come on, Taeter we can wait for another song.” 

           “Slow dancing is still dancing.”

           Falling into step, shifting their hands to allow Taemin to lead, Jinki relaxed in his hold. It couldn’t be more than some fancy swaying but he was enjoying it all the same. He allowed himself to not feel guilty about that fact. Taemin was no longer dating anyone. Jinki didn’t think he had much of a chance with how pretty and interesting Taemin was, but for one night and one dance he’d allow himself to think that maybe it could happen between them. He laid his head on Taemin’s right shoulder, looking out toward the rest of the dance floor before his eyes fluttered closed.

------

           Taemin was sure Jinki could feel how hard his heart was beating in his chest with how close they were. If the older man noticed the stumble in his steps, he didn’t voice it. When the song ended the two of them detangled themselves slowly. Maybe it was the abundance of love around them or the closeness of him, but all Taemin could think about were the feelings he had for Jinki that hadn’t gone away in almost a decade. “Follow me.” 

           With a raised eyebrow Jinki returned the grasp of their hands and allowed him to lead the way. Through the main doors to the right was the room where the brides had gotten changed earlier that afternoon. Taemin locked the door behind him as Jinki tried to find the lightswitch. “I could have sworn it was … aha, there it is.” As the room illuminated the older man turned around to look at him. “So, why have you dragged me into an overzealous closet?” 

           All the words and ways he had thought about telling Jinki how he felt over the years vanished. How could someone explain they’ve loved another for so long without sounding creepy? He knew Jinki had loved him months ago but did he still?  Taemin closed his eyes and took a deep breath realizing quickly he had to get it off his chest before he combusted. “I love you.”

           “You’ve told me that a thousand times. We didn’t need to be in-”

           “Jinki, I love you.” Each word felt like it weighed a thousand pounds rolling off his tongue. “I’ve loved you since I was 14.” Time ticked away slowly, Jinki’s hands had fallen loose at his sides, fingers curling and uncurling as he ran his tongue over his lips. His adam’s apple visibly bobbed. Taemin grasped his hands together to stop them from shaking as he pleaded. “Please say something.” 

           “I kept getting flashes from the night of your dance showcase of a conversation that I could never remember fully, but that night you admitted the kisses you gave me were because you liked me, didn’t you?” Taemin swallowed thickly but dipped his head just enough in recognition. “Why didn’t you talk to me about your feelings then?”

           “You never saw me like that.” 

           “I might have.” 

           “I wanted to tell you after the airport, but I felt so guilty for kissing you when you were with James and I thought if I ignored it I’d get over it all.”

           Jinki threw his hands up in the air, “And where did that get us?” 

           “Life is sometimes, but maybe we weren’t ready when we were both teenagers to be together or even 17 and 21. We had to grow up, become who we needed to be apart from each other. ” Taemin took a deep breath before closing the distance between them, curling his hands around Jinki’s and bringing them down fully. “I did a lot of stupid growing up, but one thing that wasn’t was four year old me misunderstanding what my Dad said about marriage and asking you. I love you. Shouldn’t that be enough to give us a shot?” 

           “You seem to be really confident that I love you too.”

           He gave a big, nervous smile, “I kind of overheard you talking to your mom back in March.”

           “What?”

           “I was taking out the trash and- Look that doesn’t matter.” Taemin squeezed Jinki’s fingers gently. “What matters is if you still feel the same way now? So what do you say Jinnie, think you could go on a date with me?” 

           “I suppose I can clear a Saturday night for you, Taeter.” 

           Taemin had his hand on Jinki’s jaw before he froze. “Is it alright that I kiss you?”

           Jinki’s fingers curled in the lapels of Taemin’s jacket, tugging him close enough their breathing swirled between them. “Please do.” 

------

           It wasn’t until the next week that his parents could take the time off to go on a real honeymoon. While Jinki was very happy for them, that also meant that his first real date with Taemin consisted of cooking a meal shared with Junghee and watching a movie on the couch like they had done a million times before. “I’m sorry I’m such a poor date.” 

           Taemin looked up from his spot on Jinki’s thigh, grinning. “I’m having the best time. Gotta start slow, right?” 

           “I think getting here has been slow enough, Taeter.”

           “I suppose you’re right.” 

           “C’mere.” Taemin grinned at the deep tone of Jinki’s voice. While they hadn’t had a date before this they had tried to get over the barrier between them when it comes to kissing. It was hard at first for them to get passed the ‘he’s my friend I shouldn’t be doing this mentality’. That being said, they no longer held such reservations and kissing the other felt as it did when they had dated anyone else. 

           It was all fine and dandy until they heard a small squeak to the right of them. “What the hell?” 

           It was as if something physically pulled them apart with how quickly they separated. Standing there was Junghee, hair up in a messy bun on the top of her head and purple pajamas half dragging on the floor the pants were too big. “Uh, if I said it’s not what it looks like would you believe me, Pumpkin?”

           She crossed her arms, slipper softly tapping against the floor as she moved her foot. “Not in the slightest. Spill.” 

           “There’s not much to say other than Taemin and I started dating.” 

           “Like romantically?” 

           Taemin quietly replied, “Yeah.”

           Junghee glanced between the two of them a few times before shrugging. “Whatever just don’t let me walk in like that one time I did to Mommies.”

           Jinki cleared his throat, cheeks still flushed. “What did you need, Pumpkin?” 

           “I heard a strange noise coming from my closet. Could you come and check it out?” Jinki held her hand the entire walk up to her room. Once he checked to make sure there weren’t any monsters in her closet, he tucked her back in and kissed her hair. He was almost to the door when he heard her mumble. “Don’t hurt each other.” 

           “Don’t plan on it.” But her soft snores could already be heard.

------

March 2018

           When Taemin had told him the night before what they were going to do for their date day the following morning, he hadn’t kept his hopes up. He loved Taemin dearly, but sometimes his ideas of romance and wooing didn’t go hand in hand with his own. Especially when said idea consisted them of driving across the city to stand in the backyard of their Mothers’ home right under his old childhood treehouse. He crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. “If you think I’m getting up there with you, you’re sadly mistaken.”

           “Please? We drove all the way over here.” Taemin had one foot on the bottom rung. “Just a few minutes, what harm could it cause?”

           “Oh, I don’t know,” Jinki rose his brow before continuing. “ It’s a twenty-year-old treehouse and we’re grown- men. It could very well fall out of that tree.” 

           “Come up with me for five minutes and I’ll do that thing in the bedroom you’ve wanted to try.”

           “With the handcuffs?” He quietly asked, mindful that his teenage sister was just inside the house behind them. When Taemin nodded, Jinki sighed. “Fine. But if we die I’m gonna haunt you.”

           Taemin was halfway up the ladder as he asked, “Wouldn’t I be dead too?”  

           “I’ll find a way.” Jinki had waited until they were both up in the treehouse before replying. The layer of dust on everything almost made him want to sneeze, especially when they both found a seat in an old chair, knees almost to their chest from how small it was. “So why have you tugged me up here? Must be important to bargain with stuff.”

           “It is really important. Do you remember what happened twenty years ago?”

           Jinki looked around the old wood, trying to recall something that stood out in his memories. “You know I’m getting old.”

           “That’s alright because I do.” Taemin took a deep breath, which probably wasn’t a good idea as he began to cough because of all the dust in the air around them. “I asked you to marry me.”

-----

           “It seems you did.”

           It was utterly impossible to read Jinki in times like this. He had his ‘I’m a teacher and I know everything’ face on and it was making Taemin’s tummy twist nervously. “Well, I-” 

           “Did you bring me across town to reenact how we got engaged as children?” Jinki calmly asked. Too Calmly.

           “Possibly.” He hadn’t squeaked. That totally was the treehouse.

           “I see.” Jinki hummed, head falling a little on his knees as he hugged them tighter. “Well, I’m ready.”

           “But you’ve completely ruined it! It’s supposed to be special and romantic and you always say I’m not romantic or spontaneous enough and then I try and-” Taemin melted a little as Jinki moved close enough to kiss him. “Whoa.” 

           “I’m not trying to shut you up, but Baby I’m very proud of your romance attempts I really am,” The smile on Jinki’s face as his gaze lowered to the ring pop resting on Taemin’s palm should have been illegal. “I thought we already were engaged. I seem to have lost my ring.” 

           “Wait, this actually worked?”

           “Your wife is very pleased.” Jinki chuckled as he cupped Taemin’s cheeks, resting his forehead against the younger man’s. “Completely knocked me off my feet. Well done.” 

           They thought about staying there for a few more minutes, intertwined on the dusty floor of a treehouse that really started it all, but it swayed a little too much for their comfort and down they went. Jinki wore that blue raspberry ring pop the entire day until he returned home where Taemin showed him the real one. He slowly took a of his candy version, shrugging, “I kind of like the sweetness of this one.”

           All those years ago when he met a baby with a faulty off button that looked too much like a Taeter tot, he could have never imagined the same boy would become his entire world. It took them twenty years, but Taemin would never give up the fact he had been onto something when he was four, a candy ring pop, misunderstandings and all.