A/N: omg why do I like making myself sad... I must be seriously going through some rn lol first kaisoo now kailu angst?!?! all is not right in the world of mangorochi lmao... anyways this is exactly what It sounds like: mermen jongin and luhan but no happy ending lmaooo just a random idea that popped into my head and here it is. lyrics at the beginning are from sam smith "not in that way" which is 100% perfect for this one shot but that I do not own at all !

 

 

 

 

When you're not there
I find myself singing the blues
Can't bear
Can't face the truth

 

 

You will never know that feeling
You will never see through these eyes

 

I'd never ask you 
'Cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say 
You'd say I'm sorry 
Believe me 
I love you

 

 

But not in that way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jongin remembers the day Luhan had made up his mind to leave behind life as he had known it. Leave behind the kingdom he had lived peacefully in all his life, surrounded by people who adored and doted on him constantly, all for some… some commoner landwalker. 

Sehun, Luhan had called the human, always paired with a sigh and a fond look in his eyes. 

It made Jongin sick. Of course, he never directly said such venomous words to Luhan, but it was a known fact to everyone but Luhan, it seemed, that Jongin fancied him, and had been hoping to one day take his hand in marriage, to be the one to forever be by Luhan’s side. And it was for those wishes that made Jongin hate Sehun so much. The merman despised the human with all his heart, despite having never met him, although if the human was so intent on whisking Luhan away from everything he knew, then he had to have some ugly, dark heart. 

Of course, Jongin saw the irony behind that sentiment, seeing as he himself wanted to selfishly keep Luhan for himself. The two had grown up together, and Jongin had always been the one to sit down at the end of the day and patiently comb through Luhan’s beautiful, silver- blue, two- toned tail for dead scales and little pebbles caught in between the flakes. He had been the one Luhan swam to when he was having a bad day, and would cry on Jongin’s shoulder while the other gently wove his fingers through Luhan’s lovely white hair. Jongin was the one Luhan had gone to first, to tell him stories of the most beautiful fisherman he’d spotted while bathing on the rocks, and how that fisherman had a way to tame the waves enough to sail a little boat out, and all sorts of nonsense that Jongin was forced to feign interest in while Luhan babbled his pretty head on and on.

Well, it came as a real shock one day when Luhan announced he was going to visit the sea witch Taemin, to exchange his beautiful, two- toned tail for two legs instead, and that he had already told his mother and father, and there would be no changing his mind. Jongin had begged and begged, spent countless nights pouring his heart out to Luhan about how much he’d be missed, but just always skirting around actually uttering the words “I love you, please don’t go.” 

Perhaps Jongin didn’t say it because he knew how stubborn Luhan was, and that he had really lost his most precious gem pup to some no- name landwalker. It was because Jongin loved Luhan too much that he let him go to the sea witch, because he couldn’t bare to be the one to make Luhan unhappy. And if Luhan chose Sehun over everything else, then so be it. 

It was with those thoughts in mind, that Jongin sat in Luhan’s room, mindlessly picking at some nonexistent speck on his dark blue tail while the other dolled himself up in front of the gem- encrusted mirror in the room. 

“I heard human food is repulsive,” Jongin muttered, “they eat seafood, you know.” Luhan sighed, weaving a white- bone comb through his silky locks.

“Don’t make this harder than it is, Nini. I’ll visit you- I promise! I’ll visit all of you lots, and you can come by to the shore anytime!” 

“It’s not the same,” Jongin said quietly, staring at Luhan’s back while the other merman dabbed a pale, coral- colored pigment onto his cheeks and lips. Luhan didn’t seem to have heard his words, because he turned around with a big smile and clasped hands in front of him.

“How do I look!” the white- haired beauty exclaimed. He had colorful pins made of corals twisted into his white hair, holding the locks back, and elegant, gold bracelets dangling from his thin wrists.

Jongin swallowed the lump in his throat. “You look beautiful.” Luhan always did.

The merman squealed and turned back to the mirror, making final adjustments to his already- flawless look. “I’m off. I’m so excited; this is going to be the first time Sehunnie sees me as a human!”

Luhan beat his tail and stopped in front of Jongin, who forced a smile. The white- haired merman place two chaste, gentle kisses on either side of Jongin’s cheek, and smiled gratefully. “Thank you for everything Jongin. I love you! Make sure to send my love to everyone else too.” And with that, Luhan grasped his hands tightly, once, before releasing them and swimming out the door, leaving Jongin to brood alone in a room that wasn’t even his. Not anyone’s anymore, he supposed. 

“I love you too,” Jongin whispered, his heart clenching in the most painful of ways when it dawned on him that that was likely the last time he’d ever be able to hold Luhan, be that close to him again. Luhan was gone from him, forever lost to the world of landwalkers. He would never be one of Jongin’s kind again, would never be able to see the oceans creatures turn into a blur as he sped past them with his powerful tail, Jongin by his side as they journeyed the sea in blissful silence. 

But that was okay too, because Luhan was happy. And Jongin wanted Luhan happy, even if it meant sacrificing his own feelings and keeping them bottled up, and stored away. 

 

 

It was many moons later that Jongin finally saw Luhan again. It was actually an accident, for Jongin couldn’t bare to see Luhan without his beautiful tail, couldn’t bare to see him so happy with someone who wasn’t him, as selfish as that was. It was the only way he knew how to protect his own heart. 

Jongin had surfaced above the waters, exhausted from making his rounds throughout the kingdom, and wanting to take a moment to feel the sun’s rays on his face. It just so happened that he was close to the shore, the outskirts of the town where the humans had built a little village. Where Luhan now lived as well. 

But it seemed no matter how long Jongin had wanted to avoid seeing Luhan, fate was always so cruel to him, and sent his white- haired love to him once again, this time dressed in plain- colored clothes; his skinny human legs clothed in a white, loose material, and upper body donning a white fabric that moved with the breeze. Atop Luhan’s fluffy, white locks was a wide straw hat that covered most of his face, but even from a distance, Jongin’s ears picked up the tinkling sound of Luhan’s laugh, the most melodic sound in all the seven seas. 

Only this version of Luhan had one arm wrapped happily around the human he called Sehun, who whispered something into the babe’s ear that made him giggle like a schooling guppy. Jongin didn’t know how long he watched the two walk by the sea shore, exchanging loving glances and sharing secret whispers that made each other laugh without a care in the world. He watched Luhan lift his linen pants and wad into the waters, but couldn’t feel any sort of vibrant energy in the water like he had before, back when Luhan was still one of the royal family and therefore commanded the same sort of attention. 

Jongin’s heart ached sorely, but he kept his head above the water until his skin went dry, until breathing became labored, and each blink of his eyes hurt from lack of hydration. Still, he withstood the pain and stared longingly at Luhan, who seemed so close yet had never been further away from Jongin. 

But that was okay, because Jongin would live with that pain tucked deep inside his heart and memories, buried underneath the ones of him and Luhan, swimming happy as two clams through the wide ocean, with everything they laid eyes on being Luhan’s domain. Jongin would duck his head back underwater when Luhan looked out into the ocean, because as much as Jongin wanted to hold Luhan again, to feel his skin underneath his fingertips, he knew it would never be the same. 

And that was okay too, because Luhan was happy now. And Jongin wanted Luhan happy, even if it wasn’t him making the white- haired beauty laugh, the one waking up next to him to whisper sweet nothings into his ear, to be the one to say “I love you too.”