Isn't it obvious?

Time is so fast

I used to be so awkward, but I changed

It’s so funny

I used to freak out about small mistakes

But the one who smiled and waited for me was you

I’m so lucky.

Jonghyun held on to the paper even more tightly as the words unfolded in his mind like a mantra. In the quiet of his room, they were enough to bring him some peace, to make him feel soft and warm. He didn’t know how many times he had read them, thought them, said them, sang them, but he never wanted to let go of them.

They were meant for his music, meant for his voice, meant for him and no matter what would happen, that would never change.

But the truth was that he wasn’t just going to be satisfied by those words. If anything, they had just made him want so much more.

Exams had finally passed and summer break had come about and now it would only be a few months before they would be leaving this school and starting a new life.

Jonghyun was scared of everything to come, but he was mostly scared of his own feelings. They were like a sickness latching onto his body and making him wearier and wearier every day. He had spent his whole break back home trying to recover by hiding out in his room and trying to forget but that had proved to only make things worse. He had then realized that being apart from him just made everything that much harder. The worried looks he had seen on his mother’s and best friend’s face during that time had only confirmed how miserable he actually was.

He could’ve made everything easier for himself by solving the problem at hand right after their exams, but right when he had found a bit of resolve, it had crumbled as soon as he had faced Jinki. He knew the latter had suffered from his drastic change of behaviour towards him, but he hadn’t been able to act any other way.

The only substantial thing Jonghyun had been able to tell him was that he was going to look at the lyrics after being done with the exams. Jinki had showed himself understanding as always, but Jonghyun knew him too well now to not have felt his disappointment at that time.

Jonghyun just wanted to make things right and unlike the math problems he had actually been able to solve, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to solve this one. He had spent the last few hours anticipating Jinki’s return to the dorm now that the break was over and the only thing that had prevented him from running away was the words inscribed on the paper he was holding and in his heart.

It was a few more minutes before he heard the door open, making him tense up on his mattress. He heard his footsteps against the wooden floor, getting closer and closer until they came to a halt. The creaking sound of the door beside his being opened was then heard and he felt himself panic.

As he laid there paralyzed by his fear, a sudden thumping sound in the room was heard in the other room before being soon followed by a groan. That shook him out of his stillness, making him straighten up on his elbows and keeping an ear open for any other sound. When he didn’t hear a thing, worry trampled his apprehension and he rose to his feet.

It wasn’t long before he was at the other’s door. When he saw Jinki on the floor, face twisted in pain as he held on to his foot, he couldn’t help but rush to him.

‘’ What happened? ‘’ Jonghyun asked, panicked.

‘’ I dropped my luggage, ‘’ Jinki quickly said, hissing.

Jonghyun looked around them, eyeing the culprit that was scattered on the floor. ‘’ You should’ve called me, I would’ve helped you, ‘’ he pointed out in a tone of reproach.

‘’ Well… I didn’t want to bother you… ‘’

That felt like a stab to the chest, the uneasiness that laced his words reminding him just how much he had pushed the other away.

‘’ I can only blame myself for making you think that you could ever bother me, ‘’ Jonghyun said as guilt silently tore him apart.

Before the other could answer, he extended a hand to help him up which the latter immediately accepted.

‘’ You should be more careful, Jinki. It seems like you keep dropping things on yourself, ‘’ he half-advised, half-joked despite everything he was feeling.

‘’ Eh? ‘’ Jinki let out, confused.

‘’ This happened before, remember? I rushed to your room too then and when you opened the door you said that you’d just dropped something on your foot. ‘’

Jinki frowned at first, but his expression soon turned into one of discomfort. ‘’ Oh yeah… ‘’

‘’ I’m just really clumsy, ‘’ he justified, rubbing the back of his head.

Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow, perplexed, but his attention was soon directed elsewhere. He had just noticed the light tan kissing the other’s skin, giving it an enticing caramel look that wasn’t without making his mouth water. The thought of having a bite flashed through his mind, but he caught himself right in time before any other embarrassing thoughts made things even more awkward.

‘’ Been under the sun much? ‘’ he lightly remarked to keep the conversation going.

Jinki followed his gaze back to his arm and smiled. ‘’ Ah yeah… We pretty much spent the whole break at the family’s beach house so I haven’t spent much time inside. ‘’

‘’ You? ‘’ he then inquired.

‘’ We don’t all have a beach house, Jinki… ‘’

‘’ I… I just meant how’d you spend your break… ‘’ Jinki fumbled, embarrassed.

A chuckle crossed the blonde’s lips. ‘’ I know. I was just messing with you. ‘’

Watching the brunette’s shoulders slump with relief, he went on. ‘’ I didn’t go out much actually. ‘’

‘’ Oh, really? ‘’ Jinki exclaimed, surprised.

‘’ Yeah… I just didn’t have the energy. ‘’

‘’ Oh, well… it’s better to have rested then, ‘’ Jinki acknowledged. ‘’ Do you feel better now? ‘’

Jonghyun didn’t miss the inflexion in his voice, the subtle note of hope for something that had been lost.

‘’ If I’m being completely honest… no. ‘’

‘’ Did something happen? ‘’ the brunette asked, eyes wide with worry.

Yes. You.

Jonghyun wished those words could’ve just left him with ease, but fear was still in the way. It was a hard thing for him to feel so vulnerable and unconfident.

He knew there was no point in escaping the inevitable now, but courage still failed him as he felt the other’s gaze on him. All he could do in that moment was rock back and forth on his feet with his hands in his pockets, gaze down to the floor.

‘’ Jjong, please… talk to me, ‘’ Jinki pleaded as he felt more and more powerless.

The blonde tensed up at the thought. ‘’ I don’t know if I can this time… ‘’ he quietly admitted.

‘’ Why? ‘’ Jinki asked as hurt mixed in with his anguish.

‘’ I… ‘’

Come on, just say it.

Jonghyun fought with himself as best he could to just let it out, to just get everything out in the open, but the block was too heavy. He forfeited after a few more seconds, realizing that he might never be able to push past it.

‘’ It’s fine, Jinki… ‘’ he croaked as his emotion tank threatened to overflow. ‘’ I’ll just figure it out. ‘’

He quickly turned the other way before he completely lost control, but he hadn’t made it one step before a strong grip stopped him from moving. A gasp left his lips as he was swiftly turned back around, bringing him only a few inches apart from the taller one.

‘’ Did I do something wrong? ‘’

The pain he read on the brunette’s face mirrored his own and all he wanted in that moment was to make it disappear.

‘’ No, Jinki, ‘’ Jonghyun answered as to erase any doubt in his mind.

But that didn’t work.

‘’ Just tell me what I did wrong and I’ll fix it, I promise, ‘’ Jinki insisted, distraught.

‘’ Jinki, it’s not like that… ‘’

‘’ Well what is it then? ‘’

Jonghyun fell silent again, losing himself in the dark eyes that wavered with such emotion that it made him forget about everything else.

Everything except the loud and fast rhythm of his heartbeat thumping in his ears.

It made him move to its will, to what it had wanted for a very long time.

He couldn’t have stopped it even if he had wanted to.

The spark was immediate as he pressed his lips against his, that touch only firing up every nerve ending in his body.

His eyes widened and he pulled away, overwhelmed by the sensation.

Jonghyun had always thought that those songs about love feeling like fireworks were stupid, but there he was, feeling like a million explosions had just happened at once inside him.

He looked at Jinki who looked stunned out of his mind and suddenly realized what he had done.

. . .

‘’ Jinki…

‘’ I’m… ‘’

‘’ That’s… ‘’

‘’ I didn’t mean to… ‘’

Jonghyun cursed himself again as his brain refused to cooperate.

He stopped trying to find words for a moment and instead searched the other’s face, anxiously waiting for his reaction.

It took a while, but Jinki finally came out from his paralysis to lock eyes with him again. Without thinking, he took a step forward and then another, closing the gap the other had created between them.

That retrieved closeness did nothing to help him recover brain cells. Usually, a bunch of questions would’ve come to mind, but right now, none of that was possible.

Jinki wasn’t thinking anymore, he was just feeling.

And above all feelings he was currently experiencing was his love and want for the other.

The spark turned into a full-blown fire this time as Jinki initiated the kiss, his hands wrapping around the smaller one’s waist as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Jonghyun gasped at first before the combined feeling of soft full lips covering his and strong arms holding him got the better of him.

If there was something that Jonghyun loved it was kisses and he was always greedy for more. It wasn’t long before he was at the other’s lips and softly on his bottom lip to feel every part of him that he could.

Jinki’s lips parted at that, a quiet moan escaping him as he hugged the blonde even tighter.

It was all the opportunity Jonghyun needed to snake his tongue inside his mouth, this time making them moan in sync.

A hand settling behind the taller one’s neck, he deepened the kiss, taking his time to explore the softness and warmth of his mouth. He felt Jinki tense up against him as their tongues met, but he managed to relax him as he took the lead, caressing his tongue with his own and on it a few times.

It almost felt like a tragedy when he pulled away to catch his breath, but that feeling soon faded as he caught the beautiful flushed face before his.

'' Jinki... '' he breathed, his heart racing a marathon.

Their eyes locked again, the only sound remaining for a while being that of their soft breathing.

'' I'm sorry, '' Jonghyun finally said as he slowly came down his high and realized how invasive he had just been.

A deep frown creased the brunette's thick eyebrows. '' For? ''

The blonde's brow cocked in response. '' For what I just did... ''

'' Kissing me? ''

'' Well yeah... ''

'' Well I did kiss you too. ‘’

Jonghyun’s eyes lit up with surprise as he was hit with realization. Jinki didn’t reject him. Jinki did kiss him.

‘’ So what does this mean? ‘’ he asked, feeling his heart flutter.

‘’ Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that? ‘’ Jinki returned, somewhat amused.

‘’ Ah yes… ‘’ Jonghyun realized, embarrassed again.

He felt himself go back to square one, scared to say what was on his mind.

'' Talk to me... Please, '' Jinki pleaded again as he sensed the other recoiling into himself.

Jonghyun bit his lip, stuck in his own internal quicksand.

'' If kissing me was just a way to get some relief that's fine, '' Jinki started again. '' I don't care, I just want to be there for you so don't push me away, '' he continued, desperate.