Koi No Yokan – Japanese


The sudden knowledge upon meeting someone that the two of you are destined to fall in love.

It is only Lee Jinki’s first day as a trainee for SM Entertainment but he’s already rethinking his choice to be a singer. He was actually pretty excited at the start of the day and already made some friends. They started with vocal training and Jinki was even more energized. Singing is one of his most favourite things to do and it also helps that he’s actually pretty good at it.



Jinki was already in the middle of thinking of ways in which he could improve his singing when the cause of his distress started. Dance lessons. Somehow, he forgot that he would also have to learn to dance if he wants to achieve his dream. And that’s a problem because Jinki has never danced prior to being a trainee. As a result, he struggled so much with following what was being taught by their instructor. He was getting so frustrated with himself that by the time their trainers called for a break, he dashed to the nearest fire exit he could find so he can brood and think. He knows he is being hard on himself but he can’t help it, and so he just let himself simmer in self-doubt and self-pity.


That’s how Kim Kibum, one of the other trainees, found him. With a frown on his face, Jinki was startled when a boy cleared his throat and sat next to him on the steps of the fire exit. He was figuring out how to address him when the boy turned to Jinki to introduce himself.



“Hi, I’m Kim Kibum. I saw you run towards here earlier and thought that I should check up on you.” The boy said shyly with a slight bow of his head.



Jinki tried not to gape at Kibum’s kindness. He’s used to looking after others so he feels a little odd that someone had done it for him, a practical stranger at that. It’s a good strange though so he decided right there and then that he would like to be Kibum’s friend.



“I’m sorry for worrying you but I’m fine.” And with the biggest smile he could muster, he introduced himself to the other boy, “I’m Lee Jinki, by the way.” 



Kibum couldn’t help but to smile back, “It’s nice to meet you Lee Jinki.” He had never seen a smile so bright that he found it hard to believe that he had seen Jinki frowning just moments ago. In his opinion, it would be better for all of humanity if Jinki smiled all the time so with this in mind he continued, “But you’re not fine. I saw your face when I found you here, you know.”



Jinki does not usually tell others about the things that bother him for he didn’t want to be a burden but there’s something in Kibum’s insistent state that made him blurt out his worries albeit shyly, “I at dancing and I’ll probably never debut because of that.”

When he got no immediate response, Jinki looked up and found Kibum’s same kind gaze as before. “Hey, that’s not true. I happen to see you earlier and you don’t “ at dancing”. I’m sure with some practice you’ll get the hang of it. I can even teach you, if you want.”



This time, Jinki couldn’t help the surprised look on his face, “You’ll really do that?”



Kibum giggled and put his hand on Jinki’s shoulder. “Of course and in turn, you can help me with singing. You’re good at singing, right?”



“I guess.” Jinki muttered with a hand on the back of his neck.



“That’s settled then. No more frowning and we will help each other out.” Kibum exclaimed, hand outstretched between them.



Jinki could not shake the feeling that Kibum will be a huge part of his life and so, with one look at Kibum’s determined expression he reached out for the boy’s hand. “Deal.”

Forelsket – Norwegian


That overwhelming euphoric feeling you experience when you’re falling in love with someone.

Jinki can’t believe what he is reading.

Male trainees to debut in 2008:

Lee Jinki

Kim Jonghyun

Kim Kibum

Choi Minho

Lee Taemin

He is finally going to debut after years of training. His dreams are finally coming true.



He was startled from his thought when a shout was made from his right. “Jinki hyung!”



Before he can react, he was engulfed in a hug by the same person who called his name.



“Hyung, did you see? We’re going to debut!” Kibum said excitedly while still clinging to him.



Jinki didn’t know what happened but the moment he looked at Kibum’s face, it was as if everything went into slow motion. His hearing turned fuzzy, his heart started beating fast, and he can’t concentrate on anything but the movement of Kibum’s lips.



Coming back to his senses, he hastily removed himself from Kibum’s grip. If he was not so busy trying to compose himself he would have seen the fleeting confusion and hurt that marred Kibum’s features.



“Hyung, is something wrong?”



Jinki knew that he has been having some sort of unexplainable feelings towards Kibum lately but to have these feelings confirmed for what it really is on top of the knowledge that he will be spending more time with the younger for possibly for a long time is just so overwhelming. He’s feeling happy, nervous, and everything else all the same time. He’s a war of nerves on the inside but for now, he needed to be calm for Kibum.



With his signature smile, he held Kibum’s hand and assured the younger, “No, I’m fine. I’m just thinking about how I don’t ever want to forget this moment.”

La douleur exquise – French


The heartbreaking pain of wanting someone you can’t have.

Sooner than what he could have hoped for, Jinki realized that no matter what Kibum feels about him, his love for the younger would just result in heartbreak.



Kibum not loving him back is obviously going to be painful and would surely make their relationship awkward so he doesn’t really like thinking about that. 



On the other hand, while Kibum loving him back could just be the greatest thing, it can also be the worst that could happen to them right now. For one, it’s not like they can get into a relationship. That’s a scandal waiting to happen and they can’t afford that right now especially that their careers are just starting. And if they ever get into a relationship, they would have to keep it a secret from everyone else because their company would definitely not allow it and other people knowing would be such a huge risk. Not to mention, keeping a relationship would be very stressful for the both of them and could potentially affect their work and the group they’re about to debut in.



With these, Jinki resolved that it would be for everyone’s best interest if he just kept his feelings to himself. He doesn’t know if his love for Kibum will ever fade but for now, he will be content with loving silently. He thinks it’s just ironic that in order to protect his heart, he would have to break apart.

L’esprit de escalier – French


The inescapable feeling you get when you leave a conversation then think about all the things you should have said.

It has been years since he promised himself to never let anyone know how he feels for Kibum. Honestly, he had thought then that his feelings would have be gone in a couple of months but his blasted heart apparently had other plans and now he has been harbouring these secret feelings for seven years now. And he tried everything to forget. He found a new hobby, he went out with friends, he even tried seeing other people but nothing really worked. It also doesn’t help that he’s practically with Kibum 24/7 and the man insists on being more clingy to him these days, not that Jinki’s not clingy because he is. That just poses an extra problem for him, is all. 



He had actually resigned himself to loving Kibum silently for the rest of his life but lately it’s been getting harder and harder for him to hide everything. Instead of weakening, his feelings had actually become stronger and more often than not, he spends his time with Kibum actively stopping himself from just grabbing the younger, pull him into his arms, and confess his undying love. 



Jinki knew this can’t happen so he has resorted to being a coward by avoiding Kibum. He started turning down the Kibum’s invites to shopping trips and movie nights, saying the he’s busy or not feeling well. He also made sure to never sit beside Kibum, anywhere. In the car, he would always sit on the passenger’s seat; in waiting rooms he always takes the seat farthest from Kibum; he even begged