Jungkook wasn’t one to back out of something he had started, so he continued both being Taehyung’s personal trainer and cooking for him every evening. However, he didn’t hang around his apartment any more than necessary and they didn’t interact much. When they ate, it was mostly in silence. Jungkook would sometimes ask a lighthearted question and then pretend to suddenly remember that Taehyung didn’t like polite conversation or meaningless strings of words and announced that he would shut up following that realization. Jungkook knew that he was acting immature and somewhat petty, but it pissed him off even more that Taehyung seemed to be as fazed by that as someone who was seeing the water start to boil as they were making soup.

When it came to the work out sessions, Jungkook stuck to his word of acting exactly like he would usually and educated, encouraged, praised and taunted Taehyung as per the situation’s requirements. Taehyung was silent for most of these sessions because, even when his lungs allowed him to breathe well enough to attempt speaking, Taehyung had to focus on gritting his teeth to fight off the pain, his muscles hurting a lot during the first two weeks. Jungkook kept his head in the game and never once made a slip up, but inside he was torn between intensifying Taehyung’s work out to the point where he would actually spit his lungs out, not just look like he was going to, and pinning him to the ground, forcing his mouth open and shoving his tongue inside.

This was because the recent events turned his warm, fuzzy feelings into some form of wild lust and Jungkook himself was weirded out by the direction his feelings and behavior were developing in. He figured he really should get laid and take the edge of, so he did and got really hard at the thought that Taehyung might be hearing the events unfolding on the other side of the wall. But he only got pissed again when Taehyung didn’t mention anything about Jungkook abandoning his phase of abstinence even though it happened three nights in a row.

Jungkook wasn’t mad anymore about Taehyung letting him struggle in trying to convince him to exercise for several weeks despite Taehyung having already made up his mind to do it. He was mad because he was suddenly questioning everything Taehyung did and said since they first met and discovered that there had been several occasions in which Taehyung might have intentionally messed with him. He was mad that he couldn’t tell for sure if he was right or not about that, but just the possibility made his irritation and lust swell up at random times.

What made Jungkook mad the most, however, was that the ball had been clearly thrown into his court and he felt a sense of urgency in deciding what to do with it. He would have much rather been forced into giving up of forced into continuing with his original plan and goal, but no. Taehyung was giving him the freedom of choosing what he wanted more or less of by acting completely neutral and, therefore, also making him take responsibility for whatever followed. Jungkook thought that this situation was far less explicit but it resembled the division Taehyung had enforced in the classrooms where he taught. Jungkook could choose to stay in the front where effort was going to be required and the outcomes could range from a bit better than satisfactory to flipping amazing, or he could go to the back where things would be chill but it would be like Taehyung was barely a part of his life and it would be far harder to reach any of the outcomes possible to those in the front if he later came to realize that’s what he actually wanted.

Jungkook bitterly laughed to himself and came to the conclusion that it was his own damn fault for not realizing Taehyung could be an expert in mind games given all their interactions and conversations so far. But then it hit Jungkook that there was one thing he couldn’t even form proper hypothesis for – Why?

If Taehyung had, indeed, messed with him intentionally, what was his motivation? For fun? Out of cruelty? Was he on his own rabbit hunt and this was the hunt itself or a part of it? Was all of this an intricate scheme to adopt Miri or get Jungkook to move out of his apartment so Taehyung could have peace and quiet?

From not being able to form proper hypothesis, Jungkook’s mind went on to create dozens of them, some even scary enough to risk giving him nightmares. Then he slapped himself hard and made himself calm down. He was blowing things way out of proportions when Taehyung could have just as well trolled him one time either for fun or because Jungkook had become too annoying by insisting so much for him to exercise and quit smoking. Jungkook managed to convince himself of that and calmed down.

He started cooking for Taehyung only once every two days, on the days they didn’t have work outs scheduled, and made enough food to last for quite a while. So, on a certain Saturday, Jungkook had not yet seen Taehyung until he came to the back yard. Up until then, Jungkook was pretty cheerful. But when Taehyung showed up and greeted him, alarms went off in Jungkook’s head because something didn’t feel right about things being as simple as he had convinced himself the last time he debated the issue of Taehyung with himself.

T: “Jungkook? You okay?”

J: “Huh? Yeah. We should warm up fast. Looks like it might start raining soon, so we should get as much done as possible before it starts.”

They managed to do their intended routine and, after jogging back to their back yard, Jungkook let Taehyung catch his breath for a few moments before starting the cooling down exercises. Because Jungkook’s mind took a slight break from personal trainer mode and because he was with Taehyung in the back yard of their buildings, memories from when Taehyung helped Jungkook train Miri came flooding his head, making him remember that Taehyung was well versed in handling the mind, be it that of an animal or of another human.

A loud thunder snapped Jungkook back to reality and he looked over to Taehyung who was still breathing heavily and wiping the sweat from his chin with the sleeve of his sweatshirt and Jungkook couldn’t hold it in anymore.

J: “Taehyung…”

Taehyung just looked over in his direction, signaling that he was going to use his remaining energy to pay attention rather than reply verbally.

J: “Are you… playing with me?”

T: “Yes.” Taehyung answered with a faint but firm smile that made Jungkook feel like the temperature had dropped considerably. “Something like poker, to be specific about it. And it’s your turn to fold, call or raise.”

Jungkook remained stiff and starring, not even realizing that rain drops were already falling all over him.

T: “We should go inside. I’ll do my stretching upstairs, promise. See’ya.” Taehyung said, hurrying inside his building.

Jungkook still couldn’t move. Or speak. Or think. It took another loud thunder to snap him back to reality again and, by the time he reached the inside of his apartment, he was already soaking wet. He should have made a beeline towards the shower, but he dropped to the floor in an uncontrollable laughing fit.

In the end, it was as simple as asking Taehyung straightforwardly a short question. Taehyung answered it honestly and in more words that he was required to. That additional information shed light on everything and made things seems so much brighter for Jungkook. Taehyung wasn’t playing with him like a marionette that he could manipulate any way he wanted, he was playing with him like with another player that he could challenge and be challenged by, so Jungkook had as much power as Taehyung and Jungkook was probably made aware of that fact intentionally because Taehyung either had the confidence in himself to think that he could win even so, just like in their rock-paper-scissors game, or he didn’t mind loosing that much as long as the game was thrilling.

Jungkook still hadn’t gotten an answer as to why Taehyung was playing with him, but that didn’t feel very important anymore. Besides that, Jungkook got the feeling that Taehyung was playing because he also wanted something, that he was also on a hunt of his own. But, depending on what Taehyung wanted, this might not be a zero-sum game.

Jungkook did his stretching in the shower because he wasted too much time on the floor and would have probably stayed there if Miri hadn’t kept jumping all over him, happy that he looked happier than lately and confused because that happiness was mixed in with all kinds of unclear feelings.

Under the shower, he felt himself truly relaxing for the first time in days. Jungkook became chiller when his goals and what he needed to do to attain them became clearer to him. This was not the case now, but at least his context and options became clearer to him.

Taehyung said it was his turn to fold, call or raise. Jungkook thought that he might want to fold just because it probably was what Taehyung least expected and it would throw him off. But Jungkook felt like his mind wasn’t wired in a way that would let him fold, or even fake folding, when he was so explicitly challenged. So folding was going to have to wait to become an option only later, when Taehyung would expect it even less.

Calling was a fairly unclear option. In poker it meant matching the other person’s bet and the only equivalent for calling for his situation that Jungkook could think of was going to Taehyung and straightforwardly telling him that he was pursuing him. And that would give Taehyung way too many options in which to respond.

So he should raise, thereby showing at least that he was not intimidated or uninterested. But how? What would qualify as a raise in this situation? Taking over Taehyung’s life even more? Somehow getting Taehyung to chase him?

At that point, Jungkook admitted to himself that he was more stupid that Taehyung when it came to mind games.

J: “ing intellectual…” Jungkook mumbled to himself while smiling under the shower.

One thing at least was very clear to Jungkook – he wanted to bang Taehyung now more than ever. And it wasn’t just for the sake of , he wanted to see Taehyung submitting to him.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen through one trick or raise, so Jungkook decided the best thing to do would be to simply go for it, a strategy that had always worked for him before, and wait for a good time to fold if that was necessary for a win.

Over the following days, Jungkook interacted with Taehyung the way he did before becoming his personal trainer, maybe a bit more cheerful that usual, and he found that Taehyung had also gone back to his normal behavior. During training, he still didn’t complain about being pushed beyond what he perceived to be his breaking point, but he threw jabs and sarcastic remarks whenever his lungs would allow him to. Up until then, Jungkook never thought he could miss someone’s ty attitude or that he could have so much fun returning the meanness.

One day, as they were jogging, Taehyung was too tired to keep his head up and his eyes on where he was going, so he ended up bumping his forehead against a pole and falling on his .

J: “Taehyung! You okay?”

Taehyung covered his forehead with his hand, then brought it in front of his eyes to realize the wetness he felt on his palm was that of a red liquid.

T: “Is this blood or am I sweating off all the tomatoes you’re making me eat?”

J: “Don’t touch the wound anymore! I’ll clean it and put a bandage over it. Let me know if you feel dizzy or if your vision gets blurry or anything like that. Also, this is the color of karma telling you to stop acting like a dickhead with someone who’s trying to ensure a -free future for you.”

T: “I feel like I’m more likely to suffer a if I refrain from acting like a dickhead.”

J: “I see… Then, by all means, continue to do you. The world is full of poles that share that personality trait.” Jungkook joked, amused by how Taehyung was trying to hold back a wide smile and then refrain from whining as Jungkook pressed the bandage on his forehead a bit harder than he needed to.

T: “You’re doing that on purpose, aren’t you?” Taehyung asked, grabbing one of Jungkook’s wrists.

J: “Yup.”

And with that Taehyung couldn’t hold back his smile anymore.

J: “Alright. Try getting up slowly. We’re gonna walk the rest of the way, but make sure you tell me whenever you feel even slightly weird.”

T: ““Weird” is an ambiguous term.”

J: ““Ambiguous” is an ambiguous term.”

T: “Philosopher is also not a good career choice for you if you ever decide to switch.”

J: “Neither is career counselor for you. You’re too focused on the negative.”

T: “Negative is just as important as the positive. Take negative space in visual compositions. It…”

J: “Shut it, Taehyung. I’m not in one of your lectures and I already know the general idea of what you’re going to say.”

T: “Really?”

J: “Yeah. You teach by personal example really well.”

Taehyung had to cover his mouth and turn to the side opposite from where Jungkook was to keep from showing how much excitement that conversation caused him, but Jungkook picked up on it anyway. It was a rare treat seeing Taehyung affected and Jungkook counted those times as his small victories that gave him the feeling he liked so much because Taehyung getting affected meant that Jungkook was playing in a way that made him feel challenged.

Once Jungkook became aware that he was in a game, he became aware of many other things as well. For example, the way Taehyung used the design principle of balancing negative and positive space in his regular human interactions. How he used silence emphasized his words, added extra meanings to them or worked like a teaser to stimulate more interest. How he used absence enhanced what was in the positive space, namely himself. Looking back, Jungkook realized Taehyung had used a myriad of psychological tricks although, for the most part, Jungkook couldn’t tell if they were intentional or not.

Getting someone like that affected was rewarding. Outwitting someone like that was pretty unrealistic for Jungkook, but that just meant he would have to use other types of weapons, such as boldness.

So, one time when Jungkook finished cooking and came to Taehyung’s doorway to call him over to the kitchen and Taehyung answered with “In a minute” again, Jungkook remained in the doorway silently staring and thinking. Postponing something increased the yearning for that something. Postponing too much would make the yearning fade. In any case, he thought it was better for him to not postpone any longer and act now.

J: “Taehyung…”

T: “I know. This time I’ll seriously take only a min…” Taehyung paused as he felt his desk chair being turned so that he would face Jungkook who was now leaning down a bit with his hands on the handles of the chair and with an expression that told Taehyung something was about to go down.

J: “I want to raise.”

T: “Really?… How?”

Jungkook dived down but a hand over his mouth swiftly stopped him from doing what he had intended.

T: “Sit down, Jungkook.” Taehyung said with furrowed eyebrows and a firm tone.

J: “What? Why d…”

T: “Sit down.”

J: “But…”

T: “Sit.”

Taehyung had a very authoritative air around him whenever he was serious and it gave Jungkook the impression that he had done something worthy of a scolding so, by the third time Taehyung repeated the command, Jungkook sat down in Seiza position in front of his chair, looking a bit lost. Taehyung still had his eyebrows narrowed together as he bent forward so that he could bring his face in front of Jungkook’s and their heads on the same level as he said:

T: “I want to ask you one thing and I want you to answer me honestly.”

J: “Okay.”

T: “Aside from things related to sports and Miri, did everything else in your life come easily to you?”

J: “Yes.” Jungkook answered honestly, though not arrogantly, because he knew that was the truth without having to think too much.

Taehyung let out a puff of laughter while dropping his head and staying like that for a short moment. His hand went up to pet Jungkook’s head, then it slid down to the back of it where it suddenly pressed with a lot of pressure. Taehyung pulled Jungkook in and kissed him like a hurricane hitting a house. Their mouths moved urgently, messily against each other. Their kiss was erratic, intense and immersive. Like suddenly getting kicked out of a flying plane with no parachute. But when Jungkook grabbed Taehyung’s face between his hands, the kiss abruptly stopped and Taehyung pulled Jungkook’s hands down by the wrists as he looked Jungkook straight in the eyes and said:

T: “Well this won’t be that easy.”

Taehyung then got up and left the room, leaving Jungkook like he had really just been shot out of a hurricane. He instinctively put his hand on the floor and discovered he was still sitting on it although he felt like he was in midair and the world was spinning around him. There was no way a kiss could have that kind of effect. Taehyung must have hypnotized him or something. Then he remembered Taehyung’s words and stood up to go look for him. He found him in the bathroom, taking clothes out of the washing machine, so he got only a bit closer and called out to him:

J: “Taehyung…”

T: “Hm?”

J: “What just happened? Did I get rejected or…”

T: “You got rejected. At this stage at least.”

J: “What does that mean?”

T: “This question again?”

J: “Well I’m confused and it’s better to just ask you. What do you mean I got rejected at this stage?”

T: “Remember when I told you about my time as a teacher and how I noticed that teenagers don’t really know what they want but have the firm impression that they do? It’s not just teenagers. Most people are like that. There are so many cases of people not wanting something anymore after they get it or people realizing they really want something only after they lose it. Why is it like that?”

J: “Uhm, I… I really don’t know.”

T: “I don’t either. But what I do know is that I don’t want to be thrown around by something as fickle as other people’s emotions. Do you know why I asked you if most things came easily to you?” Taehyung asked, starting to hang the freshly washed clothes on the dryer he had unfolded in his room with Jungkook standing on the other side of it.

J: “You can safely assume that I don’t know the answer to any of your questions.”

T: “Because you were right.”

J: “I am so lost right now… and the rate at which I’m getting more lost is a geometric progression.”

T: “You were right when you said that, once someone starts investing time and effort into something, at one point it becomes harder to give up on it than to continue investing. That doesn’t necessarily mean they still want that something, just that they can’t give up. However, let’s consider the opposite of that – if something could be attained with very little investment of time and effort, it can be given up on more easily. Take the difference in their relationships to an expensive piece of jewelry for rich women and women who are not that well-off. Take you for example – you have a few important things in your life that you’re completely committed to. Your physical health and performance, your passion for sports, your profession, your clients and Miri. Those are the things you worked hard for and still work hard for every day. However, if I were to ask you if you remember the names of more than two thirds of the people that have been in your apartment, could you say yes?”

J: “…”

T: “When it comes to people in general, be they lovers, friends or acquaintances, you’re a flapping door. People and some other things come and go easily. You’re fairly indiscriminate about it, because investment on your part is fairly low. However, more often than not, what you give or don’t give is what you get or don’t get. This is probably why it’s easier for me than it is for you to find someone to take care of Miri for a couple of days… You look like I’m scolding you.”

J: “And aren’t you?”

T: “No. It’s very normal and very good for their mental health for people to be flapping doors with some of the things in their lives. I’m just trying to explain that I’m not up for being one such thing to you.”

J: “You can’t know for sure that’s what it’s gonna be like.”

T: “You’re right, I don’t. Do you want it to not be like that?”

J: “I… uhm…”

T: “If you can’t answer straight away, it means you haven’t thought about it. I’m assuming you thought about it up until banging me, maybe one or two more steps after that, and you wanted to just jump closer to the finish line. Am I right?”

J: “…”

T: “There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re not required to do anything more. But I’m also not required to respond in the way you expect me to, especially since I’m somewhat disappointed by your game play. Your raise wasn’t a proper raise. It was you getting impatient and rushing to make the game end. So I’m folding and, for the moment, I’m sending you to the back of the class. It’ll give me a chance to see if I want you back at the front. It’ll give you a chance to see if you want back to the front and why. Also, here.” Taehyung suddenly said, sticking a batch of wet clothes to Jungkook’s chest. “I don’t know how this happened again, but those are your clothes, so you hang them up.”

With that, Taehyung left the room and went into the kitchen. Jungkook absentmindedly hung up the clothes until Taehyung came back and said:

T: “Hey. The food got cold. Should I reheat yours too?”

It took Jungkook a long time to answer that question because Taehyung’s words always had more weight and meanings than one could tell on the first listen. Basically Jungkook was asked if he still planned on having dinner together or if he wanted to leave, Taehyung apparently aware that he might do either one of those things. Jungkook walked up to Taehyung and got in his face, similar to how someone would try intimidating their adversary before a physical confrontation, and with a face and tone matching his attitude said:

J: “Yes, please reheat it.”

Taehyung looked at him for a moment without being intimidated or showing any other kind of reaction and plainly answered “Okay” before heading back into the kitchen.

They ate mostly in silence, with Jungkook angrily staring into the void, eating at a very slow pace and sometimes putting an empty fork into his mouth but still chewing as if it had not been empty. Taehyung shamelessly stared at him and, at one point, he was convinced he could see Jungkook’s synapses going into overdrive.

J: “What?” Jungkook asked after suddenly realizing he was being observed.

T: “Nothing. I’m just staring at your handsome face.”

How mockingly that sounded made Jungkook want to spit out the food from his mouth but, instead, he spat:

J: “ you, Taehyung.”

T: “Maybe. Maybe not.”

J: “Oh, I am definitely gonna do it!... Maybe… Guess I… should think more about it…”

Jungkook did his best to look away and ignore Taehyung bursting into laughter at that. Taehyung had to admit that he sometimes couldn’t predict Jungkook’s reactions at all and that the whole ing deal was very appealing to him as well, but Jungkook wasn’t the only one he liked putting to the test.

During the days that followed, Jungkook was thinking a lot and intensely. Although Taehyung knew that was what was actually going on, it looked to him more like Jungkook’s mind had taken an all-expenses paid trip to outer space and his head got left behind in the clouds. And Jungkook was thus prone to accidents, from tripping over Miri to cutting himself while cooking and other such things, so much so that Taehyung thought he should do more about it than scold or mock him for being an airhead.

One day, as they were jogging, Jungkook pulled a Taehyung and ran his forehead into a pole.

T: “Are you…”

J: “I’m fine.”

T: “…sweating off tomatoes… was what I was going to say.”

J: “Ah, !”

T: “Should I help?”

J: “Nah, I’ll take care of it myself.” Jungkook declared, starting to take out the things he needed for that. “Just find me a mirror so I can see what I’m doing.”

Taehyung looked around and, unlike ever before, there were no cars parked in sight and there wasn’t anything that could serve as a proper mirror. So Taehyung kneeled down in front of Jungkook and started copying his every movement.

J: “What are you doing?”

T: “Mirroring I guess.”

J: “Not quite what I asked for…”

T: “What you asked for isn’t at hand right now. I thought I’d improvise so you can have an idea of what you’re doing to yourself.”

The mirroring action was reversed for efficiency. Jungkook copied Taehyung’s exact movements so he could clean and bandage his wound even without seeing and, although it worked and although Jungkook liked staring at Taehyung’s face from so close, he still felt the need to point out:

J: “This is stupid.”

T: “Some stupidity is sometimes needed. It ups the fun factor.”

J: “Really? Then… wanna try imitating me for the rest of this workout session?”

T: “Will you do something crazy?”

J: “Not yet decided.”

T: “Do I get anything if I imitate you well till the end?”

J: “What would you like?”

T: “KFC.”

J: “Offer’s off the table.”

T: “Karaoke then.”

J: “Really? Didn’t think you’d be a fan of that.”

T: “I wouldn’t know since I haven’t tried if before. But I’d like to hear your singing unfiltered by a wall, no matter how thin that wall may be.”

J: “Oh… You could’ve just asked.”

T: “Definitely not a fan of asking for stuff.”

J: “Yeah, I believe you on that one… Alright, I’m in. What do I get if you don’t manage to imitate me well till the end though?”

T: “What would you like?”

J: “Quit smoking.”

T: “Seriously?! That sounds like a fair bet to you?”

J: “Do your best to complete the challenge then.”

Jungkook didn’t do anything too crazy. For the most part, he did Taehyung’s regular exercises with just a slight increase in difficulty. Taehyung was very aware of that increase in difficulty, no matter how slight it was, but still managed to match Jungkook. Sometimes Jungkook would suddenly add in random things like pirouettes, sticking his finger up his nose, rolling on the ground, imitating a plane or shaking his booty. Taehyung was exhausted and embarrassed but, because of that, there were no mental barriers to keep him from laughing.

In the end, Jungkook agreed that Taehyung did well in matching him till the end and they went for karaoke together. Jungkook had a lot of fun and Taehyung managed to fulfill his five objectives for that outing. First, he wanted to hear Jungkook’s singing from up close and it was way beyond his expectations, although his expectations were high to begin with. Second, he wanted to get Jungkook out of his head before he became a danger to himself and it worked since Jungkook had too much fun to shift his focus back to complicated stuff that had been bugging him. Third, he wanted to see what Jungkook was like outside of their routine without being high or constrained by the context of a formal event. In a nutshell, Taehyung liked what he saw.

The forth objective was to see if Jungkook would try to kiss Taehyung or do anything along those lines, given that the nature of their interest in each other was now out in the open. He didn’t and that was good for many reasons, including Taehyung’s fifth objective which was to see if he felt in any way disappointed, frustrated or anxious in case Jungkook didn’t try anything. He felt and enjoyed all of those feelings.

However, just as Taehyung was thinking that the second objective had been fulfilled really well and Jungkook was no longer likely to injure himself, Taehyung was proven wrong. One evening when Jungkook was supposed to come and cook, Taehyung opened his front door and saw him with his right hand immobilized.

J: “Before you say anything, this is not my fault.”

T: “…”

J: “Don’t give me that look like you’re mentally calling me a liar and an airhead. I’m telling you – this is not my fault. This actually happened because I wasn’t an airhead while someone else was.”

T: “Okay.”

J: “No. Seriously! There was this lady doing things on her own on the wall bars and I knew her hand would slip and she would fall when I saw her just before she fell. I caught her, she’s fine, but I’m not trained in catching falling humans so my hand went like this under her weight and now I’m not allowed to use it for a week or two.”

T: “I see… This takes me back…”

J: “Ah, come to think of it, the first time I was ever here, it was also after an accident at the gym...”

T: “Yeah… You should get life insurance if you haven’t already.”

J: “What I should get is my laptop that I left here, since I won’t be spending my evenings running that much for a while.” Jungkook said, entering Taehyung’s apartment and going to his room to find the laptop. “Also, Taehyung, I can still do 90% of what I normally do as a personal trainer, so we’ll keep going with the workout sessions, but I won’t be able to cook so…”

T: “I will.”

J: “Huh?”

T: “I’ll do the cooking while you’re disabled.”

J: “Don’t call me disabled! And you don’t ha…”

T: “Do me a favor and consider yourself disabled for the most part. It might be just a sprained wrist, but your body’s your business card and bread winner. You shouldn’t risk anything and let it heal properly as fast as possible. So I’ll do the cooking for us like you have up until now and let me know if there’s anything else I can help with.”

J: “Uhm… thanks.”

T: “Sure. Hope you’ll like what I’ll be cooking.” Taehyung said, showing Jungkook an evil smirk before heading into the kitchen.

Jungkook was pissed at himself for letting himself feel touched when he should’ve known very well that that was coming.

After Taehyung was done and had called Jungkook to the kitchen, Jungkook stopped in his tracks staring with wide eyes at what Taehyung had prepared.

J: “How… come it’s not something I’d disapprove of?”

T: “Why would it be something you’d disapprove of?”

J: “Because you gave me that devilish look before you came here to cook.”

T: “Ah, that… that’s because I wanted you think I’d be making something you disapprove of.”

J: “… .”

Taehyung wasn’t actually an and Jungkook knew it all too well. An wouldn’t have cut up Jungkook’s food into small pieces Jungkook could just stick a fork into before putting them into his mouth. Taehyung, however, did and he was most likely going to continue making food Jungkook wouldn’t disapprove of unless he really, really wanted to annoy Jungkook.

As they ate, Jungkook thought again that despite all the potential and real mind games that have been and were taking place, he still couldn’t fully believe that Taehyung’s niceness had been and was all just an act. If he at least could be surer about that aspect, things would become easier to figure out and handle. But no matter how he used his head concerning this matter, it didn’t bring any satisfying results.

So Jungkook thought that he should ask.

J: “Taehyung?”

T: “Hm?”

J: “If you were my friend, not you, and I would ask the you that is my friend what I should do about the you that is you usually, what would you as my friend tell me?”

T: “That you should present things in an easier to follow manner.”

J: “Come on. Seriously.”

T: “As your friend, I’d tell you to stop overthinking and do what comes and feels natural to you.”

J: “And as the actual you?”

T: “I’d urge you to keep overthinking and get really messed up.” Taehyung said with another evil smirk.

J: “… … And, also, liar.”

T: “You think I’m lying?”

J: “You wouldn’t really tell me what you would actually tell me.”

T: “Then why did you ask?”

J: “I wanted to see how you would answer.”

T: “I see.”

J: “So?”

T: “So?”

J: “What would the actual you actually tell me?”

T: “I wouldn’t tell you anything. Asking such questions is cheating.”

J: “And me?”

T: “What about you?”

J: “What would you tell me if you were me?”

Taehyung took a bit longer to answer this question and Jungkook could tell by his serious expression that was going to receive a serious answer.

T: “I’d tell you to be more honest with yourself about what you want and you should be able to find other answers easier after that.”

J: “What is it that I want?”

T: “I can’t answer that, Jungkook. I’m not you.”

J: “What is it that you want?”

Taehyung didn’t answer. He looked at Jungkook for a few more seconds in silence and resumed eating. Jungkook wasn’t sure if things were clearer now or if they had gotten even more confusing. What was weird was that Jungkook understood better what Taehyung wanted than what he himself wanted. Or, at least, he had that impression. Taehyung wanted anything not half-assed. Even a loss. All or nothing. That much was certain. Jungkook had been rejected because of the half-assed raise. He didn’t put anything on the table. No feelings, no risk. He was in a rush to get something, so he tried taking it instead of earning it. That’s why Taehyung looked almost offended after he stopped Jungkook from kissing him.

Kissing… At least, Jungkook was clear on that. He really wanted to kiss Taehyung again and the urge suddenly surfaced at the most random times and on more meaningful occasions, such as when Taehyung opened doors for him if he had something in his left hand. Over the course of the two weeks in which Jungkook didn’t really use his right hand, Taehyung had helped him out a lot and he did it so casually that it didn’t make Jungkook feel weak, indebted or suspicious. All he felt was warmth. One time, after Taehyung had helped him put on a jacket, Jungkook felt that warmth swelling up inside him and, since there was no outlet for it, he leaned forward and let his forehead fall and rest on Taehyung’s shoulder and stood like that for a while. Taehyung didn’t move or say anything till Jungkook lifted his head and they continued like nothing had happened.

But something did happen. In those few seconds, Jungkook felt like he came very close to putting his finger on what he wanted. His desire was still nameless and shapeless, yet it was so much clearer and harder to deny than any other of the things he had been thinking and feeling for quite a while.

Jungkook came to the conclusion that he was, after all, stupid. He was, in a way, like a small child who had stayed up past their bed time and was now throwing tantrum after tantrum, wanting a lot of things but not being satisfied with anything, not realizing that what they needed and, therefore, actually wanted was something as simple as to sleep. Jungkook was smart enough to notice that about his state and to throw tantrums only inside his own mind and he knew that, once he would realize what the equivalent of sleep was in his case, it would be so simple that it would make him feel like an idiot forever.

The big picture was still muddled up, but bits and pieces showed themselves clearer. One time, as they were eating together and Jungkook struggled using a spoon with his left hand, Taehyung jokingly asked “Want me to feed you?” to which Jungkook immediately replied with “Hell no!” as per Taehyung’s expectations. However, Jungkook felt like he had cowardly ran away from something and, since he wasn’t the type to tolerate himself acting like that, he shortly added:

J: “I changed my mind. Let’s do it.”

T: “Say “please”.”

J: “Please.”

T: “Alright.”

Jungkook looked like he had engaged in a life and death game of who’ll flinch first. His jaw was so clenched, he barely opened his mouth and, as the process went on, it looked like the struggle wasn’t lessening at all. Swallowing wasn’t going down well either. It seemed like Jungkook was sitting on a malfunctioning electric chair and Taehyung couldn’t help letting that tension get to him.

Jungkook had let others feed him before but, even with all the playfulness, he never really enjoyed it. He felt weak having someone else do such a basic thing for him but, even more than that, he felt like this was an experience of willingly leaving yourself vulnerable, opening your mouth and letting someone else put something in it. ual connotations aside, since Jungkook didn’t have any problem with the actual ual equivalents, leaving himself vulnerable and letting others be in control of him, especially someone as unpredictable in their intentions and actions as Taehyung, weren’t things he was familiar with or eager to try, so Jungkook’s psyche was shaking and his forehead was sweating.

T: “Done.”

At that, Jungkook let out a deep breath he had been holding and let his head drop, soon afterwards feeling a hand only slightly touching the top of it.

T: “Good job.”

Jungkook looked back up at Taehyung with a smile that showed relief and a hint of pride. Taehyung smiled back and they both just looked at each other for a while as Taehyung’s hand slid to the side of Jungkook’s head and the latter looked like he smelled something he wanted close by. Jungkook was about to jump from his seat towards Taehyung, when a crashing sound startled them and they hurried to Taehyung’s room to see that a few glass ornaments had been knocked down from the high shelves and had shattered on the floor. The weapon had been a squeaky toy and the culprit gave herself away by looking guilty at the humans who had entered the room.

T: “Grab Miri and keep her away while I clean this up. Check if she’s hurt just in case.”

J: “Got’cha. Uhm… I’m sorry your stuff was destroyed.”

T: “It doesn’t matter. Seems that it was an accident and there’s no use getting mad about accidents.”

J: “You know… half a year ago, these kinds of things weren’t accidents and Miri looked anything but guilty whenever she knocked something over.”

T: “Well, she’s learned better ways to ask for the attention she wants and she’s calmed down since she’s getting more of it now.”

J: Yeah… You did a really good job with her.”

T: “You too. I didn’t train her by myself.”

J: “But most of the credit for it is yours.”

T: “And most of the effort put in was yours, since you had to work on her and yourself. Now enjoy your ROI.”

They shared a short look and smile, then Jungkook noticed something that he wanted to point out:

J: “Looks like your bong’s still intact.”

T: “Your Captain Obvious tendencies are kicking in again…”

J: “Wanna use it sometime soon?”

T: “Hm… maybe.”

J: “Monday?”

T: “Monday’s fine.”

J: “Cool. I’ll get good stuff for it by then.”

The whole experience made Jungkook realize a few things. One was that it didn’t really matter how much Taehyung had acted nice and how much he had genuinely been like that. Miri and Jungkook had still been helped out in ways that couldn’t be undone even if it were revealed, for example, that Taehyung had planned everything from the start with the purpose of getting into Jungkook’s pants and other places Jungkook had a harder time letting people into. Other people opened doors, bought chocolates and gave compliments to achieve such objectives. So Taehyung took care of a dog, gave Jungkook a few lessons, sometimes unsolicited, and gave him a hard time with a lot of things. So what? Jungkook still liked Taehyung even if he often hated his guts. Most of the times, that annoyance would bring even more attention to that feeling that didn’t look like it could be brushed aside.

One other thing Jungkook realized was that Taehyung wasn’t that unlikely to reciprocate. Had Miri not knocked down things right then, Jungkook would have plunged towards the mouth in front of him and it didn’t look like Taehyung would have stopped him. Jungkook couldn’t be sure of that, but he believed that. Why was it different than last time? Because Jungkook had put something on the table and would have been hurt if he had met rejection and loss. Last time he was just confused and a bit offended. That was the difference.

Letting himself be fed wasn’t such a big deal, but letting himself be vulnerable and potentially pathetic in front of Taehyung, stepping outside of his comfort zone and letting himself get emotionally affected was, apparently, a big deal for him. And Taehyung obviously liked people getting involved and invested way more than people motivated by something within the plane of pride. Taehyung would answer seriousness with seriousness, sincerity with sincerity and frivolousness with frustration. That was no surprise, but Jungkook finally realized why their first kiss was a myriad of emotions but was void of meaning.

So Jungkook hoped that getting high would help him in being honest. If not with himself, then at least with Taehyung. Because he really didn’t want to under-deliver again.