Im Nayeon was a coward, maybe she's selfish too expecting Jeongyeon to wait for her for years. So she asked Jeongyeon out, but it was too late.

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The minutes she waited for Jeongyeon to enter her car felt like hours, she thought of things to say or to do. Few greetings and they ended up in silence. Unlike before, they may be awkward but they talked about a lot of things. Jeongyeon understand her the most than anyone would ever try to do. It's like it's Jeongyeon's destiny, to understand Nayeon, to comfort Nayeon, to always be there for Nayeon. Nayeon needed Jeongyeon.

"Hi. Ready?" Nayeon asked, Jeongyeon only answering with a nod. Nayeon clutched the stirring wheel. She wanted to say more, she doesn't know how.

Nayeon drove to the mall. She wanted to do all the things they should have done years ago, all the things they've planned. She remembered Jeongyeon inviting her to watch
Avengers: Infinity War although she does not know the story she agreed, but it never happened. She was a coward, she can't be alone with Jeongyeon.

Nayeon took short glances at Jeongyeon. She was only looking out in the window. Nayeon wanted to ask if she won't even compliment her, her driving skills was good. Jeongyeon saw Nayeon's start in learning how to drive, she complimented Nayeon, she encouraged her. It was her first time riding Nayeon's car. Maybe Nayeon expected too much. Or things was already different, maybe things have changed. It's selfish but, she hope not. 

She bought cheese flavored popcorns she once saw Jeongyeon eating while in the mall with their friends. She bought it before when she was craving for it.

A simple 'Thank you' and they headed to the cinema. Jeongyeon was indulged in watching, almost forgot that Nayeon is beside her. Nayeon just watched Jeongyeon, she was smiling and happy, first time this day.

Nayeon started thinking has she lost her chance. Jeongyeon used to be so fidgety, so awkward yet so happy when they're together. Nayeon knew all those years what Jeongyeon felt, even if she didn't say it. Everyone around them knew, they told her but she acted deaf. She was a coward to face her feelings.

They walked to the Korean Restaurant Jeongyeon wanted to go to before. She wanted to walk slower, she felt the ending is near. She'll have to go home after and wait again.

"That is what you ordered when you ate with your friend, Momo right?" Jeongyeon said, pointing at Nayeon's order. She must have remembered. A little hope sparked in Nayeon's heart. Jeongyeon still remembered the photo that she sent. Maybe it's being selfish to ask or to hope that she hasn't moved on yet, to have her chance. "Yeah. It is." She still hoped.

"I missed you." Nayeon wanted to say more. She can't believe she really started to break their silence through that. 

"You never said that, in our 5 years of friendship, months of separation, you never said you missed me." Jeongyeon is playing with her utensils to avoid Nayeon's eye. Nayeon stares at Jeongyeon's lowered head hoping to catch her eyes. She wanted to stop her hands and ask her to look at her eyes. 

"I always said I miss you. Always." She heard the change of tone on Jeongyeon's voice. She wanted to stop Jeongyeon. She can almost feel the lump in . She doesn't want to see Jeongyeon in pain. "So, I have to be away for a year for you to miss me." She can almost feel the bitterness in Jeongyeon's words.

"I'm sorry, you know that I missed you. I don't have to say it." Nayeon said. "Yeah, I know. I know everything that you do, I know how you do things, I know what to expect, I know how you think. I know everything but I still chose to see the wrong things that's why I end hurting myself." A tear fell from Nayeon's eye she wiped it before Jeongyeon even see it. She thought some things are better left unsaid, she knew it anyway. But Nayeon's a coward, she wouldn't say.

She kept silent. To think, for her to think, for Jeongyeon to think. Like the silence in that 1 year, she gave Jeongyeon the space that she wanted. She wanted to bother Jeongyeon, to keep sending her stories about her day, her vacation, when she's sad or when she's happy but she gave Jeongyeon the space that she needed. Even if she wanted to tell her everything, it's always Jeongyeon. 
 
"Do you think if we ate outside or watch the cinema before it would end up like this? Silence?" Jeongyeon asked changing the topic. "Maybe or maybe not." She wanted to say no, she wanted to fill it with good memories, with Jeongyeon's laughs and hers, with their smiles and unforgettable stories. She wanted to go to the arcades with Jeongyeon, (she knew Jeongyeon loved it there) she wanted to go to photo booths, (Jeongyeon loved keeping photos) she wanted to go to cinemas, try different restaurants, she wanted to try all things Jeongyeon loves.

"This is the one time that I ever to have you the whole day, alone. Just you and me. Why did it have to be this time?" Jeongyeon said, not waiting for her answer. "We could have had a better memory than silence and bitterness."

"After this, will we ever see each other again? will you talk to me again?" It was selfish. She still asked, it was almost a whisper, she doubt Jeongyeon can hear it.

"Not too soon. I feel like every feelings that I lost for a year is here again. Every time I see you everything comes back. But, If everything ends well, we don't know how our relationship will be. Maybe, we'll just be strangers with thousands of memories. Or we'll be friends with a funny past." Nayeon was about to say something but Jeongyeon ran. It almost missed Nayeon's eye, Jeongyeon's teary eyed. 

She asked herself, when did our chance started slipping out of my hands. Since Jeongyeon confessed and she said she was not ready? Since she started hanging out with Momo trying to forget her feelings for Jeongyeon? Or was it since the very started when she fell for Jeongyeon? She knew the answer. She was a coward, she was scared of what ifs. What if It didn't work? What if we didn't knew each other like we thought? What if all the risk will be in vain? She decided to just have Jeongyeon in her life as her best friend rather have Jeongyeon as her girlfriend but ended up being a stranger. 

For the last time, she wanted to be brave. She wanted to risk it all. She wanted to ran, to go after Jeongyeon. But she was a coward, until the end she was a coward. So, she looked at Jeongyeon's back without an assurance of return.