just once

first date

"Let's go out." That's the only thing Jeongyeon can remember on why she's sitting in this car heading somewhere, she's assuming to the mall. In any other time she would have just shrugged it off and think it will never happen. Impossible. Just mere invitations.

This time she didn't hesitate and just go. She didn't know how she got the courage but here she is.

Short hours of drive, no one talked. It was a silence, not an awkward one like they used to have, not even a comforting silence, just silence. If it was like before, Jeongyeon would ask silly stuff without looking at Nayeon because it's awkward or Jeongyeon would tease Nayeon for the most nonsense stuff. Just Jeongyeon trying not to make anything awkward, she fails every time. Like how they started, awkward and silent.

Nayeon leads the way, they walked into the cinema place. Nayeon bought popcorns and tickets while Jeongyeon is just standing beside her, clueless on what they will watch. They entered the cinema, popcorns and drinks in hand. They sat not too far, not too near in the screen.

The screen played few trailers and commercials before the show started. It was a marvel movie. "Remember when we we're supposed to watch Avengers: Infinity War?" Nayeon said, reminiscing the day where they're supposed to watch the movie but didn't happen.

"Yeah. I was willing to spend my 1 week allowance for that." Jeongyeon gave out a bitter laugh. Before, she was willing to give everything for Nayeon, do anything for Nayeon. Everything and anything for Nayeon.

Nayeon's heart was filled with guilt although Jeongyeon never thought of blaming Nayeon, never once she blamed Nayeon. She blamed herself for every pain she felt, she fell for Nayeon on her own, she was a good person with a golden heart. Jeongyeon fell for her in every single way, ended up hurting herself. Nayeon even asked how she can help Jeongyeon to move on, to keep their friendship together. Sometimes she is too nice for her own good.

"Sorry." Nayeon said with a guilt in her voice. "It's all good." Jeongyeon said and smiled. They continue to watch the movie, enjoyed it so much, as expected. Nayeon made the right choice of choosing the movie. She knows Jeongyeon is a big fan, she'll see her smile once again. A year of not talking felt like a nightmare to the both of them. It was so hard but eventually got used to it. Jeongyeon slowly starts to move on, but not yet fully. A year isn't enough.

After the movie they went to eat in a korean restaurant. "I said before that I will treat you here." Nayeon said. Jeongyeon remembered it, Nayeon and her new friend, Momo eats here every time, they got closer than Nayeon and Jeongyeon ever did, really fast. That's when Jeongyeon started not worrying about Nayeon, who she cares about so much. She has always been afraid to distance herself to Nayeon, scared of Nayeon being alone, not have someone to talk to, have no one to hold her when she's crying, no one to lend her shoulders to catch her tears. She was ready to sacrifice her heart in exchange of Nayeon not getting hurt.

"And I said, I won't let you treat me." Jeongyeon said and ordered her food and payed for them. Nayeon did too.

They ate quietly as if they're alone, not with each other. Sounds of utensils bumping, ice clashing with the glass, and a ballad song in the background are the only sound that can be heard, not each other's voices. "I missed you." Nayeon said breaking the silence. "You never said that, in our 5 years of friendship, months of separation, you never said you missed me." Jeongyeon said, playing with her utensils trying not too look at Nayeon, distracting herself from what she is feeling inside. "I always said I miss you. Always." She continued, trying to hold back her tears, feeling the lump in . "So, I have to be away for a year for you to miss me." Jeongyeon said smiled bitterly but not showing Nayeon.

"I'm sorry, you know that I missed you. I don't have to say it." Nayeon said. "Yeah, I know. I know everything that you do, I know how you do things, I know what to expect, I know how you think. I know everything but I still chose to see the wrong things that's why I end hurting myself." Jeongyeon said, she's already saying whatever she wants, all the things she held back in all thise years; she just want to say it for once.

Nayeon was silent, like how silent she is for the space Jeongyeon asked. Jeongyeon wanted Nayeon to atleast talk to her, some good mornings and good night but it never came. Maybe, it's for the best or else Jeongyeon will give up, hurt herself in exchange of talking to her again.

"Do you think if we ate outside or watch the cinema before it would end up like this? Silence?" Jeongyeon asked changing the topic. "Maybe or maybe not." Nayeon said not having a certain answer.

"This is the one time that I ever to have you the whole day, alone. Just you and me. Why did it have to be this time?" Jeongyeon said, not expecting an answer. "We could have had a better memory than silence and bitterness."

Nayeon is silent. She didn't know what to say, pain was evident in Jeongyeon's tone. "After this, will we ever see each other again? will you talk to me again?" Nayeon said, it was almost a whisper, just low enough to only be heard be Jeongyeon. Maybe it's a little too selfish to ask for it but still she did. She was hoping after a year everything will be better. She was wrong.

"Not too soon. I feel like every feelings that I lost for a year is here again. Every time I see you everything comes back. But, If everything ends well, we don't know how our relationship will be. Maybe, we'll just be strangers with thousands of memories. Or we'll be friends with a funny past." Jeongyeon said with a raspy voice and teary eyed she never tried to show Nayeon, grabbed her bag and left without making an eye contact.

Nayeon looked at Jeongyeon's back like how she left before, it's the same without an assurance of return.

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yooijblck
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najeongmitrash
#1
Chapter 2: Been reading this lots of time and it still manages to ache my heart :(
kiddoatheartu #2
Chapter 2: Jeongyeon's POV was sad but after reading Nayeon's POV it was heartbreaking. But I can't blame Jeongyeon if she's acting cold towards Nayeon since she was the first one to reject Jeongyeon's feeling in the first place but after reading Nayeon's POV I torn between pitying her and scowling since she did have a chance but she didn't take it. If only she did became honest with her own feelings and risk everything like what Jeongyeon did then we can have a happy ending. Augh! I was hoping they can at least be friends rather than a mere strangers but I know it's not that easy. Thanks for your story author-nim!
ohmymyoui
1436 streak #3
Chapter 2: You can really tell from Nayeon's POV that she was hopeful
zeyzul
#4
Chapter 2: It's really excruciating watching two fools stupidly fall for each other, but ends up running away from each other though it is always that obvious how much they love each other. :3
gingeringly
#5
Chapter 1: Any chance for a sequel with a good ending? The angst was great. But my heart needs happy ending. Haha
trashedpotato13
#6
Chapter 1: a nice serving of angst in the morning, i am living TT