Chapter 2 

The sun is going down and lanterns hanging from above starts to brighten the street. Couples are seen to be holding each other’s hands as they wander around as the children playfully running while enjoying the view of colorful lights around them; they are all accompanied by someone who is close to them but Kyunghoon isn’t one of them. He prefers to be alone in appreciating the stunning place. As he walks by, he saw his one and only friend, Soeun, chatting and laughing with their classmates. She is an extroverted, fun, witty and easy to get along with which is the reason why she’s popular with everyone. They are different from each other but somehow they understand each other – like they are the one’s missing piece. Soeun is the first one and the only one who approached him so Kyunghoon cherishes her more than anyone and slowly developing feelings for her but he knows his limit. He knows that Soeun only thinks of him as a friend and he knows that she is better without him. As soon as he saw Soeun stared him back, he avoided her and walked away from her but he didn’t know that Soeun followed him. He lifted his scarf to cover his lips and sat on the bench where only few people are there.

“Hey, are you avoiding me?” said by a familiar voice. Kyunghoon turned around and saw Soeun standing behind him.

“What makes you say that?” he replied quietly. Soeun rolled her eyes and sat beside him.

“Lately you don’t talk that much.” Kyunghoon smiled.

“I don’t talk much.”

“Well, when you’re with me, you’re yapping nonsense and singing whenever you feel like it but now? You’re making excuses to not go with me. Did I do something wrong? If so, I’m sorry.” she asked. Kyunghoon looked at her and he can tell that she’s worried but he scared to answer. He scared that if he confessed, it might affect their friendship so he holds his tongue then suddenly, Soeun moved a little closer and kissed him on the lips.

“I-I like you. I really do. And I know that you don’t like-“she stopped as soon as Kyunghoon kissed her back and the first snow starts to fall.

Soeun looked at herself in the mirror as she flattens her dress. She fixed her makeup and she makes sure that her hair is perfect. When she’s done, she immediately went to the music festival where her current boyfriend is performing. It’s been four years since they started having relationship and when Kyunghoon decided that he wanted to be a singer, she supports him. But because his band is becoming popular, he’s busier than ever with TV and commercial offers; as for Soeun, she’s also busy with her studies especially she’s a graduating student. So for her, attending his concerts is the closest way to see and spend time with each other. Kyunghoon is private with his personal life, he rarely seen spending his time with his old friends and family but the only thing that he’s open about is that he’s currently dating Soeun. He ignores the stereotype of idols hiding their relationship to public because for him, it’s unnecessary. He loves her girlfriend no matter what happens and he’s proud to introduce her to public.

She wanted to surprise him so she didn’t tell him that she’s going. When she got there, as expected, there are many girls in there desperately to see Kyunghoon in personal wearing Buzz t-shirts and other merchandises. But then, she slowly noticed and recognized by some fans. Some of them are glad that they met her in personal but some can’t hide their jealous faces.

“That’s Soeun? I expected much.” A fan whispered to her friend.

“Me too, I imagined her differently. I didn’t know that Kyunghoon lowered his standard.” Her friend replied. They didn’t know that Soeun heard their conversation but she kept it to herself. After the concert, she immediately went near backstage exit door so she surprise Kyunghoon with her self-made banner saying, “What if I love you Kyunghoon?” with the face from the Matrix. It’s their inside joke, she made him watch the Matrix and he can’t help but referencing it to his girlfriend. When she will finally call him, the fans ran towards her and pushed her back so she accidentally dropped her banner. She couldn’t reach it because the fans are already stepping her banner. Kyunghoon waved to his fans and didn’t notice Soeun standing in the corner. As soon as he sat down, Junki informed him that he saw someone that looks like Soeun. Kyunghoon got curious so he lowered the level of the car’s window to look at the girl that Junki’s referring to and he saw his girlfriend staring back at him, unhappy.

When she got back in her dorm, the whole room is pitched black. She dropped her filthy banner on the floor and she the lights. She picked up the mails which are from his’s fans, she got used to it, receiving hate messages from them saying that she should leave Kyunghoon because she’s not right for him. She never tells it to him because she knows that he’ll just get worry and it might affect and ruin their band’s career so she ignores it and she straightaway throws the mail in the garbage can.  She sat down and checked her phone. She received few text messages from Kyunghoon and when she opened each one of it, her tears start to drop. She can’t control her tears, she always wanted to cry in front of him but she never does. She miss him so much, she miss his hands, his hugs and his kisses; even how much she hopes for their relationship to continue; that hope slowly starts to fade.

Soeun woke up from the knock on the door. She got up and opened the door. It was Kyunghoon. He immediately hugged her and kissed her cheeks.

“I got worried, you didn’t even answer my texts.” She didn’t answer. Kyunghoon then looked at her room and its huge mess. Her clothes are all over the floor, her mails were torn to pieces and her dishes are piling up in the sink.

“Are you okay? I don’t reply on my messages or e-mails. I haven’t heard of you since you came to our concert?” he asked but then he can’t help but noticed a letter with his name written on it. He read death threat messages from his fans.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You’re busy.” She said with sarcastic voice.

“What? You’re receiving death threats. Is this why you don’t want to talk to me anymore? I can handle-“

“No because I’m done with you!” she angrily shouted as her eyes wet with tears.

“Y-you’re done? After all these years and you will suddenly give up?”

“You know why?” she then snatched the mails from Kyunghoon’s hand and she slowly moves it closely to his face.

“I don’t give a damn with these hate messages. I got used to it; I am used to hearing words that I’m not right for you  I could bear with it but you know what I couldn’t bear? Losing you. I just – I feel like I’m losing you. We barely see each other; we barely talk with each other and I’m getting tired of it.” She throws the torn mails as she wiped her tears. He hugged her tightly and consoled her, “I’m sorry… I don’t want to lose you either.”

  ***

“Are you okay Kyunghoon?” Sunghee asked. Kyunghoon smiled and then he nodded.

“Kyunghoon, what’s the problem? You can tell me anything.” He added. He hesitated at first but when Sunghee is going to leave, Kyunghoon replied, “Soeun and I had a fight. Every time I’m with her, it looks like I’m just hurting her even more. I don’t know.”

Sunghee sighed.

“Love is indeed complicated but one thing I know, if you really love someone then you’re going to do everything for her. Just ask yourself, what’s best for her? What’s best for the both of you?” Kyunghoon looked down on his feet.

“Listen, I am having a housewarming party later. You should come and just have fun. You’re still young, you shouldn’t worry too much.” Sunghee smiled.

“Buzz, you’re up.” Stage manager called.

After their performance, they went to Sunghee’s house. Kyunghoon is a bit quiet than usual. Most of s are socializing with other celebrities, but Kyunghoon rather want to be alone. He then thirsts for a beer so he went to the kitchen. He saw a tall, pale guy standing in front of the kitchen counter.

“Is there any beer left?” he asked and then the guy turned around. He looks familiar and then he remembered he’s one of the bands who played after them. As he stared at him, he somehow reminds him of Soeun.

“I-I think I drank the last of it.”

“Classic Sunghee. He’s having a party but there are not enough drinks for his guests.” He said jokingly. The guy chuckled.

“I just wanted to say that I like your voice.” Kyunghoon blushed and thanked him.

“And… it might sound weird but I really wanted your autograph.” Kyunghoon was shocked and he doesn’t know what to say; this guy does remind him of Soeun.  

Buzz is having a fan meeting and Soeun surprised him asking for Kyunghoon’s autograph on her guitar pick. Kyunghoon was shocked and laughed at her girlfriend.

“I just wanted to say that I like your voice.” Kyunghoon blushed. It was refreshing to hear from someone he loves.

“I really wanted your autograph.” She joked, Kyunghoon laughed and gave the signed pick.

Suddenly the guy’s bandmate approached them and asking to come with him. When he leaves, he saw the snow slowly falls to the ground. That’s when he realized that he truly loves her and wanted to spend his whole life with her. He immediately leaves the party and called her to come out and if she could meet her now. Soeun agreed.

She was standing in the park waiting for Kyunghoon to come.

“Soeun, for this past few days… I know that I hurt you. I know that you suffer because of me but I want you to know that I love you and I am willing to do everything for you. I am willing to spend my whole life with you and I am willing… to turn down this celebrity thing for you.” Kyunghoon said. He then bend his knee and reached for the ring from his pocket.

“Will you marry me?” Soeun stared at him and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry but I won’t accept it, Kyunghoon. I think we both know that our relationship isn’t working even how much we wanted to deny it. I don’t want to ruin your career or give up your career because I know how important it is to you. I think it’s for the better.”

Kyunghoon left speechless as he watched Soeun walking away; knowing that it will be the last time seeing her.

                                                                                            ***

Buzz went to a temporary hiatus until they announced that they’re disbanding. Four of the members are enlisting in the army so Kyunghoon will be the only one who will be active. He went solo and released his first solo album but sadly, it wasn’t successful. Everything didn’t end well for him, he wasn’t popular as he used to be and top it all up; he heard that his ex-girlfriend is happy with her new boyfriend.  He has no one. He began to suffer severe depression. He didn’t talk to anyone including his bandmates. He didn’t left his house for a year and even stopped listening to music.

2012, he began his military service. While serving, he didn’t expect a lot of praise from his fellow armies. They supported him and wanted him to perform military band performances and concerts. When he finished his army, the band plans to comeback. But because they are desperate to promote their band, Kyunghoon was asked if he could join a variety show called Knowing Brothers. He doubted himself at first because he’s not great as MC and he couldn’t handle the stress in being in a variety show but then he tried.

He was invited to be in the press conference for the new variety show. This is the first time he’ll meet other cast members. They are all looked familiar to him but there is one person who stands out from the rest. He’s pale as white and beautiful for a guy. He thinks that he knows the guy for imitating him in comedy shows. He gazed at him once again as he heard the MC of the press conference introducing him, “His band is also popular in and outside Korea. Please welcome, Kim Heechul.”