"I always felt like something was missing. No matter how hard I try, how much I grow" I inhaled the smoke of my cigarette, trying to find the right words as carefully as possible. "it's not enough. And eventually, it never will. I never rest. I never feel at ease."

"What about quitting for a while? What speaks against being for yourself for some time?"

A bittersweet smile ran over my face. "How am I supposed to quit what keeps me alive? Yet how am I supposed to keep on living a life that slowly kills me if I don't change anything? Can I never rest? So many unanswered questions and they might stay that way, don't they?"

My therapist closed his jacket.

It was half past 5, November 22. The days got shorter and the air was cold.

The traffic was heavy and a million noises intertwined into one, leaving us as if we were thriving through the atmosphere.

Nevertheless, we met outside, just like we always did.

I couldn't face my problems within closed walls, so we had a secret spot we would usually meet at.

"Do questions always need to be answered to the point no concern would be left to keep us thriving? You'll be loved no matter how long you take a break. You're G-Dragon and that stands for itself, doesn't it?"

Some birds played hide and seek with a couple of children that had brought old bread along with them.

"But can I love myself as Kwon Jiyong, the resting, care taking man that is in balance with himself?"

I let my eyes wander as I threw away my cigarette. "That sounds just as strange as it sounds impossible."

"Don't you like being yourself?"

Silence broke in. My eyes met a dog that was playing fetch with his owner and suddenly, the feeling of homesickness ran across my chest.

"How could you answer that question if you lost yourself in an image of what people wanted to see" I corrected myself 

"that you yourself wanted to see but was never fully authentically you?

I'm almost in my thirties and I run and run and everybody I knew from highschool stopped running so long ago,

got married, is having children and slowed down, so that I even lost their sight.

Being G-Dragon also means everyone around you stops running - but you can't.

Do you know what that means?"