If you were to ask Woong what's the craziest thing he has done for love, he would answer it simply. 

 

To let go.

 

He still remembers it crystal clear. It was one snowy evening when he lost him. When he decided to let him go.

 

He knows that Woojin found it very unexpected and on a whim when Woong suddenly broke up with him.

 

But what can Woong do? What can he do if he knows that he's not the one in his lover's heart? 

 

 

Woong sat down as he held his cup of coffee. He's at the very same café where he and Woojin always hung out. It's also the very same place where he got his heart broken plenty of times because of the same guy.

 

The only difference now is that, he's all alone. Lonely and still heartbroken.

 

 

He reminisces their memories together. Where did it go wrong? 

 

It all started when he came back. When Woojin's ex came back.

 

Park Jihoon. That was the name. Woong likes the guy, in a platonic way of course. The guy was adorable, polite, humble and all the good things you can describe a person. He clearly knew why Woojin fell in love and is still in love with him. 

 

He sometimes thinks if Woojin really loved him and if he was the one Woojin wanted to be with. But then again, Woojin would tell him stories about his exes, Woong did too but not as much as Woojin. That was how open they were to each other. So Woong naturally felt like he needed to be that.

 

When Woojin told him that Jihoon was his ex, he had an inkling already that their relationship wouldn't last like how he wanted to.

 

"I just want to tell you that you're the one that I love, Woongie hyung"

 

No matter how much assurance Woojin gave him, he knew that Woojin himself wasn't convinced with his own words. It was just like he was trying to convince himself instead, that he loves Woong and no other. He hopes that Woojin really loved him like how he said he did.

 

When Woojin and Jihoon became best of friends again, Woong was already readying himself. He knew what was bound to happen and if he wouldn't prepare himself, he'll surely end up being more broken than he is right now. Well, it's not like he doesn't feel like the most broken person right now.

 

"He's inviting me for dinner, is it okay if I go, Woongie hyung?"

 

Who was he to refuse? He didn't want to restrain Woojin even if he knew that, that simple dinner could lead into another one and another one and another one—which it really did but he didn't say anything.

 

Everything changed after that. He almost just saw Woojin once or twice in two weeks, whenever they see each other, Woojin was almost always glued on his phone, texting someone. The daily morning and night texts became seldom to almost nothing. Everything changed a lot and sometimes changing means falling apart. 

 

If only he did something, would they still be together now? If only he fought for their relationship, would they still be happy together? Things could have turned differently if both of them tried to fight this battle of love together.

 

But what can he do if in the very first place, he has already lost without even having the chance to fight? What can he do if he knew himself that his lover isn't willing to fight? Even with Woojin not saying it out loud, Woong knows. He just knows. There are battles where we can fight but we surely won't win.

 

The turning point was when he saw and felt that Woojin's love for Jihoon has finally been reciprocated. He saw the way Jihoon loves Woojin in ways he never can, the way he can make him smile in a way he has never seen before. 

 

That was where he decided that he was just the second choice. That he was the one ruining the beautiful picture in front of him. That if someone asks Woojin if it's Woong or Jihoon, he knows he'll have a hard time choosing, not because he loves both but because he knows that he loves the one that he doesn't have. 

 

It was difficult to see Woojin pick him, restraining himself on picking Jihoon, when Woong knows that Woojin could do much better. Woong knew Woojin would have picked what's best even if he thinks that the best thing to do was break Woong's heart. But Woojin has a nice heart so he didn't.

 

Woong decided to make it easier for Woojin. He made it easier for both of them. He decided to let go even if the price was him being heartbroken. Even if it meant that Woojin wouldn't be his anymore. 

 

If he thinks about it, it was his choice if he wants to be broken or if he wants to break someone else but of course, he chose to break himself instead. He chose to be broken so that Woojin will be happy.

 

It was bound to happen. They were bound to end. Letting him go is much more better than getting left behind.

 

If he didn't let him go, he wouldn't see Woojin smile so brightly around him like how he does to Jihoon. He wouldn't see Woojin staring with loving eyes around him like how he does to Jihoon. And most importantly, he wouldn't feel Woojin love him like how he loves Jihoon.

 

He cried for hours after he broke up with Woojin. He let all his tears spill as soon as Woojin was out of his sight. He cried  certainly not only because he was sad and hurt. It was also because that was the lightest he has ever felt in his entire life.

 

"I have one last request before I let you go Park Woojin..." He saw how Woojin's eyes tear up with unshed tears.

 

Woojin nodded so Woong smiled at him, as if fooling himself that everything is okay right now.

 

"Can I have one last hug?" 

 

Without further ado, Woojin reached out for him and wrapped his arms around Woong. And right there, Woong just wanted to turn back time. To have it like how they used to be.

 

The late night talks and drives, the picnic dates, the cuddle times, the making out session that leads to making love. He wishes  that everything can be just like before.

 

"Is this really the end of us?" Woojin whispered at him.

 

Woong just smiled bitterly.

 

That winter night, Woojin didn't give him just a hug but also a kiss. One last kiss. A painful goodbye kiss.

 

He has to admit, he misses him. He misses them, the old them, until now. He wishes Woojin knew that he's in almost everything that Woong did. But he needs to stop thinking about him. About the what if's in their relationship because it'll do no good for him.

 

He doesn't wish to forget about him completely though. Because if he does then he'll also forget the lesson that it taught him. 

 

 

He looked at the door when the bell chimed up. To his surprise, it was the very same people that partly caused his pain right now.

 

His eyes traveled at the entwined hands of Woojin and Jihoon. He noted that they looked really happy. Woojin looks happy, happier than he has ever seen him.

 

And maybe, just maybe, he did the right thing. Destiny has it's own way of writing things and maybe this was it for them.

 

The love he has for Woojin endures pain. A love that bears all things. But life works that way, unexpected and uncontrollable. No matter how Woong tried to endure it and bear it for Woojin, it is still meant to be that way because sometimes life just has other plans for us. Sometimes even better than what we think we deserve.

 

Both of them haven't seen him and he has no plans on letting them see him anyways. He didn't want to play pretend. He didn't want to pretend that he's not hurt when he clearly still is in the process of mending his shattered heart.

 

Now, he has to learn how to try to stand by himself again. He has to learn how to live without him again. He has to be brave on letting Woojin walk away from his life. He has to face the fact that Woojin is still in love with the person he told Woong not to worry about.

 

He stood up, vowing to himself that as soon as he leaves the café today, it will be the start of him trying to stop the memory of them get in the way of making new ones. It will be the start of him, loving himself more.

 

Time will come, where everything wouldn't hurt anymore. Where he can proudly show his healed wounds to them. Maybe in another world, he and Woojin ended up together. But it certainly won't be the world they are in right now, he accepted that already long time ago.

 

For Woong, the art of letting go is making himself, his heart and his feelings a priority. To learn that loving right is loving someone with self preservation.