inspired by ♫ "unfair" by exo.

"hoobae" is a term for someone in the same institution (i.e. a school, college, company) but in a earlier year or having entered later.

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it had been a pretty perfect day.  crisp autumn leaves had blanketed the ground in a gorgeous rust color.  there was a brisk breeze but it was still warm with the sun shining down and the hot cup of coffee in his hands doing the rest of the warming up.  minseok had been in a pretty damn good mood.  so when junmyeon had called ten minutes before they were supposed to meet, asking if he could bring along one of his hoobaes* from his department, minseok had said yes.

and maybe that's when everything went to hell, thinks minseok.

he still remembers leaning back in the outside patio chair.  he'd arrived at the coffee shop early and because it was such a nice day out, he'd chosen an outdoor table with a view of the road out front.  just like that, he'd watched as junmyeon walked closer leading a tall, lithe man with sleepy eyes and sun kissed skin.  minseok can pinpoint the exact moment when his vision had started seeing the world in slow motion.  those long svelte legs had glided into the shop behind junmyeon and those long toned arms had reached up to rub his eyes.  briefly, minseok thinks of the phrase 'love at first sight', but it's so much more than that.  it's his heart being dropped from the tallest building in the world.  it's his skeleton dissapating from his body and turning his muscles into useless piles of goo.  it's his lungs collapsing into itself because the atmosphere has gone all wrong.  it's his heart, convulsing like a fish out of water.  it's his nerve endings firing erratically and then, not at all. 

to oversimplify, it's excruciating pain and heavenly bliss at the same time.

and just as fast as his pupils had dilated, reality plays back in normal speed and junmyeon is smiling and walking up to him, gesturing to the alluring man that's just killed (and brought back to life) minseok with one glance.

"hey, you're early!  this is kim jongin.  he's in the performing arts department with me" junmyeon says.

and it's that easy.

kim minseok falls and he falls hard.

###

it really isn't fair because kim jongin isn't all god good looks and charismatic smiles.  there's a silly side to him that manifests in his dopey laugh, his penchant to pout caused by his horrible bad luck at games, and his latent sleepiness in the morning and after meals.  there's things like the undeniably iness that comes off of him in waves when he shows minseok some choreography he's learned in dance class and when he makes a certain expression, listening to someone intently.  there's the soft aura that envelops him when he's talking about his niece and his nephew and how he wants children as soon as possible.  

it really isn't fair.

because of all the gaps between his looks and his personality, the way jongin smiles at minseok is what hurts the most.  it's hard because jongin's the type of person to take to close friends deeply with loyalty and minseok isn't strong enough to push jongin away.  slowly, even without junmyeon around to act as buffer, they start to greet each other at school.  they start to hold conversations longer than a minute.  and eventually, they start meeting outside of school too.  they now had a coffee shop that they referred to as 'the usual spot' and if one arrives before the other, they know what to order for the both of them.  

every time they meet, minseok thinks that this is practice, that he's getting desensitized.  but each time jongin walks in, smiling and waving at minseok, minseok has to remember to breathe. 

in through the nose. 
out through the mouth.

"hyung! did you wait long?"

in through the nose. 
out through the mouth.

"you got me a latte, right?"

in through the nose. 
out through the mouth.

"ah! there's latte art on it!  a teddy bear... how cute..."

in through the nose-
 

he can't help but hold his breath at the soft but radiant smile before him.

###

for all the unfairness, it's unexplicable why minseok keeps coming to all the performing arts department get-togethers.  junmyeon invites him and minseok always pretends to come begrudgingly because he knows junmyeon will sit him down next to jongin, saying, "come on.  it's ok.  you know jongin, don't you?"

and minseok tells himself that this is ok because he invites junmyeon to the engineering department drinking parties as well.  but somehow the performing arts department always seems to have something going on each week and slowly, but surely, more people in the department recognize minseok, calling him out by name.  it's embarrassing to say the least and it comes to the point that they keep recommending that minseok switch majors.

"hyung, did you have professor lee last year?" byun baekhyun asks him one day and minseok has to remind him that he's not a music major much less in the same department.

baekhyun bursts out laughing, clapping his hands together, as if just remembering.  but then a long arm wraps around minseok's shoulders and a deep voice resonates filling minseok's bones.

"baekhyun hyung, don't forget minseok hyung's smart unlike you."

there's a twinkle in jongin's eye signaling that he's joking, but the smile stutters on minseok's lips because jongin's proximity is doing things to his major internal organs again.  he feels a twinge in his diaphragm and a stab in his gut, all of this making him stiffen under jongin's touch.  but just as soon as the pains come, jongin's arm is gone and reaching for the last scoop of potato salad.  and despite the prelude of pain, there's a hollowness after jongin has distanced himself.  it's a different kind of pain - one that aches and gnaws instead of tugs and pulls.

whatever this is, minseok thinks.  this isn't love.

his heart slams into his sternum when jongin squeezes minseok's thigh under the table, giggling at something jongdae has said.  jongin bows his head towards minseok, trying to share the mirht of the moment.  minseok's cheeks flush, not from the alcohol that always accompanies these departmental parties, but because jongin keeps looking back at minseok after every joke, like it's just the two of them versus everyone else.  

no, this is definitely not love, minseok thinks.

it's a disease.

it's torture.

it's misery.

jongin's a little drunk now and his neck is flushed red.  getting a little more hyper than usual, jongin hugs minseok.

"you're the coolest hyung ever" jongin says, burying his nose in the crook of minseok's neck.

"hey! what about me?" pouts junmyeon, looking a little tipsy himself.

junmyeon goes ignored because jongin's drunk giggling and minseok's trying his best not to break down. 

"hey, are you ok?" junmyeon asks, finally noticing the expression on minseok's face.

minseok nods, but it's a lie.

it's not fair, he thinks.  it's just not fair.