canon; g
warning: lapslock
note: takes place just months before minseok leaves for military service.  written because i miss him so bad.  and because i'm still soft about xiukai at xiuweet time and will be until the end of time ㅠㅠ

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long hours spent together would make anyone assume an easy approach and effortless words exchanged.  as jongin throws a searching look through the rehearsal room mirror, he thinks all that is bull crap. 

there are various items scattered on the wooden floor.  a small bluetooth speaker, a packet of cotton rounds, and a travel sized bottle of listerine.  minseok hyung s his small duffel bag and even that action is crisp and meticulous like its executor.  as each item disappears into minseok's bag, it's a count down.

it's now or never.

speak up or the moment passes, kim jongin.  

jongin clears his throat, looking down at his feet.  the sound of the zipper closing up makes jongin panic a little.  jongin sneaks a peek at minseok through the mirror again.  minseok's making a little sound of effort as he gets up off the floor.  the few that are left in the practice room are chatting in the corner where the sofas are.  jongin's eyes dart quickly back to his smaller hyung and then back to his own feet.  brushing pretend lint off his shoulders and retying his sweat pants, jongin saunters toward the back of the room finally sticking his hands in his pockets.  

be cool.  be cool.   

act natural.

"hyung" a voice rings out, but it's not jongin's voice.  "which car should i take?" minseok asks one of the managers.

jongin reaches out a hand toward the edge of minseok's hoodie.  no one notices and minseok walks toward the sofas.

great.  you missed your chance.

there's the soft noise of words being exchanged and plans being made, but jongin already feels like he's failed.

"...right, jongin-ah?" minseok's voice breaks through the rain clouds in his mind.

"huh?"  jongin's eyes become round.

"you're riding with me, right?  let's go home."  

all jongin do is nod distractedly as he watches minseok's lips curl up into a tiny, toothy smile.

and usually, minseok likes sitting up front in the passenger's seat.  he likes his space and curling up in the front to watch the traffic and his phone at the same time.  but for some reason, minseok climbs into the back seat after jongin and they're sitting right next to each other.

the manager starts the car and he's on the phone about their schedule this coming week, so there's a lull where jongin and minseok sit.  inside the car is dark and minseok's adjusting himself in the seat, tugging on his hoodie and fixing his shoe laces.  meanwhile, jongin is melting into the seat, trying to disappear into the darkness.  

what's so hard about asking hyung to hang out?

what's so hard?

jongin hasn't noticed, but minseok stills and suddenly, jongin feels a warmth over his hand in between the space where they sit.  minseok's hand carefully cups jongin's.

"jongin-ah" and suddenly, minseok's voice is all too serious and all too somber and jongin feels a weird lump in his chest.  

minseok sighs as jongin stiffens in his seat.

"jongin-ah.  when i'm ..."

silence falls once more as minseok searches for the right words and jongin now feels the lump in his throat.  there's a hot white heat behind his eyes and all he can do is try and not blink for fear of something falling.

"make sure to take care of yourself in the summer.  don't sleep with the a/c on and your clothes off just because it's hot.  you'll catch a cold.  and remember, only idiots catch a cold in the summer, right?"  

minseok pats jongin's hand, trying to get a laugh out of the younger.

when jongin doesn't reply, minseok continues, "don't miss out on your physical therapy.  make sure your back is getting stronger.  and make sure you take time off to relax, ok?  put yourself first for once."

jongin arches his neck back on the head rest.  it's getting harder to stop the tears now and his throat's still blocked up.  he can't get a sound out.  he knows he's supposed to say something, but the bright traffic lights outside the window are all blending together.  the hum of the engine helps pace his breathing and their joined hands is the only warmth for jongin at this very moment.

"jongin-ah" minseok whispers.

minseok's hand moves to behind jongin's back and cups his opposite shoulder.  jongin's head slumps into the crook of minseok's neck.  it's a steep incline since minseok's smaller, but it's comforting nonetheless.  minseok turns his head toward jongin and jongin feels the press of something soft on his forehead.

"jongin-ah" minseok whispers again and it's like a breath. 

"i love you."