Once I asked one of my friends how it would feel to die. She then told me that she had heard that it would feel liberating and lightening. I could not really understand her answer, because dying would mean leaving everything and everyone behind and that would mean that you would disappear forever. There would be no reset button and you could never see your loved ones, your friends or your family again. Her answer was in my opinion not suitable, but I accepted her answer. It was not the answer I expected, but there was a little truth in it. She was right. Dying feels liberating and relieving because you feel no worries, no pain and no more mourning. You could leave everything behind and go on the road to the other side.

She asked me why I asked her such a strange question, but I did not quite know the answer myself. It felt right and the moment was pretty appropriate. I asked one more question. I asked her what she would do if I died the next instant. At first, she laughed at me, but when she saw my serious facial expression, her laughter then died down and she looked at me with her sad eyes. I could tell she was scared. I mean who would not be scared if your best friend would ask you such a crazy question, but I felt like my question was not so outlandish, because it is clear that everyone will die at some point in time.

I really wanted to know her answer, because it made me curious about how she would react. She said she did not know. That she could not find an answer to my question. Of course, I was a little surprised to know that she did not know what she would do when I was no longer in the world, but it also made me relieved. Because now I could be sure that she had never thought about my death. When she spoke her answer, I started to smile. I was happy to know that she wanted to have me in her life forever. But it also scared me. Because I am not a person who believes in the word “forever”. I do not want a “forever” because forever would mean leaving all the others you love behind.

She asked me the same question. What would I do if she did not want to stay with us any longer? I thought for a moment and I served the absolutely logical answer. I told her that I would miss her, and she would stay in my heart and in my head until my death. I would never want to forget her, nor would I like to forget this moment.

When I told her my answer, she began to cry. Her eyes went red and her tears came out of her pretty, glittering eyes. It was heart-breaking, she said. She was definitely satisfied with my answer and I must confess that I am happy to have her by my side. I could not imagine life without her. I also know that she could not live without me.

Together we sat under the dark blue starry sky, right in front of the huge, sky-blue lake. We went together to go fishing and one thing led to the other. The moment was perfect, and I burned that memory into my brain. I never want to forget this moment in my whole life. At this time, this was my only wish and I begged God to grant me this wish.

15 years later and we were once again sitting together in front of the sky-blue lake, which we had visited before. Only this time the mood seemed a bit darker and more unpleasant. I broke the ice by telling her a joke. Well, the joke was not a bit funny and I did not know exactly how I came to this jo