Jooheon was curled up in the corner of the couch again waiting for Changkyun. And this time he wasn’t going to fall asleep. He was going to stay awake until Changkyun made it home and he was going to tell him about the baby. Because after his conversation with Hyungwon earlier he was convinced that there was one. And yes, he could technically tell Changkyun in the morning but that wouldn’t leave him much time to process things before their shopping trip. It was a lot to take in. Jooheon just hoped he took it well. They were so woefully unprepared for a baby and Changkyun was such a practical person, he’d realise that. It was going to give him a lot to worry about and needed the chance to get some of that out of his system before Jooheon dragged him off to buy a pregnancy test.

Thankfully he didn’t have as long to wait this time. Changkyun wasn’t working quite so late. He helped teach keyboard lessons on a Friday evening and usually grabbed something to eat before he got home but there was nothing else planned at the shop tonight so he should be back before nine. Jooheon was tired but he was fairly confident he could manage to stay awake until then.

And he did manage it. When Changkyun made it through the door at ten to nine Jooheon was still in his corner of the couch, watching some house hunting show on the tv. He was starting to feel a little drowsy, his eyelids getting heavy but he hadn’t yet succumbed to sleep.

“Hey,” Changkyun greeted him as he came into the living room, spotting him immediately. “Long day?”

“Kind of.” Jooheon said suddenly a lot more awake. “I met up with Hyungwon after work so that was nice. What about you? How was your day?” He asked hoping the answer would be ‘good’, it was going to be a lot harder to tell him about the baby if the answer was ‘bad’.

“Good.” Changkyun said and Jooheon felt a rush of relief. “We were pretty busy but at least that made the day go quickly.” He added as he made his way across the room towards the fridge.

Jooheon just nodded, not sure what the best way to bring up the subject of his possible pregnancy was. He didn’t want to just blurt it out and hope for the best. He wanted to do it properly, in a grown up, considered kind of way.

Changkyun, failing to pick up on his nervousness carried on, opening the door to the fridge. “I’m grabbing a beer.” He informed him. “Do you want one?”

“Not right now, thank you.” Jooheon replied. If his suspicions were tight then there would no beer for him for a good few months.

Changkyun looked a little confused but he didn’t question it. “There’s a can of cola in here, do you want that?” He asked instead.

“Yeah, okay, thanks.” Jooheon agreed, nervousness at the conversation he was about to start creeping in, throat feeling dry.

And Changkyun nodded, grabbed a bottle of beer for himself and a can of cola for Jooheon, took the bottle opener from the fridge door as he closed it and made his way over to join his boyfriend on the couch.

“Thanks.” Jooheon said again as Changkyun set his cola on the table and sat down.

“You’re welcome.” Changkyun told him as he opened his beer and took a sip. “Do you just not feel like drinking tonight or are you still not feeling great?” He asked next, referring back to the pizza incident the other day.

It was a perfect opener but what Jooheon found himself saying was a quiet “I’m okay. I’m feeling much better.” This wasn’t technically a lie. He didn’t feel ill, just tired.

Changkyun, beer still in hand, nodded. “Good, I’m glad. I don’t like it when you’re ill.”

“Neither do I.” Jooheon told him. Why hadn’t he just told him why he couldn’t have the beer? It would have been such a natural way to bring it into the conversation but his brain had just stalled, like a horse that didn’t want to jump a gate.

And Changkyun, still none the wiser to the fact he might be carrying his baby launched into telling him about his work day. About the customers they’d had, what music they’d sold, how the keyboard lessons he was teaching were progressing. Jooheon, still trying to work out how to change the subject to him possibly being pregnant, gave the odd hum or nod of agreement. Then Changkyun, who had moved on to talking about his shift pattern for the week ahead, stopped mid sentence, placing his beer on the coffee table, a hand reaching out to cup Jooheon’s chin. “Stop that,” he said, rubbing his thumb gently over his boyfriend’s lower lip. “It’s going to end up red raw.”

And it was only then that Jooheon realised he’d been doing what he always did when he got nervous, he’d been biting his lip, and biting it hard. Now that Changkyun had mentioned it he could feel it throbbing. Not knowing what to say he didn’t say anything. He just took Changkyun’s hand in his own, lowering if from his face, running the thumb of his free hand absently over his bottom lip himself. Changkyun was right, if he kept that up it was going to end up swollen.

Changkyun, still holding his hand, now looked concerned. “What is it? What’s got you so anxious?”

He was being ridiculous. Even if Changkyun wasn’t thrilled about the possibility of a baby he wasn’t going to be angry. He wasn’t going to walk out and leave him. They’d been together too long for that, loved each other too much. He just needed to say it. Get it over with. So Jooheon steeled himself and took a deep breath. “Okay, so you know how I said I was feeling better?” He said a little shakily.

Changkyun, knowing how anxious he was already just nodded.

“Well I am… feeling better I mean.” Jooheon continued, words coming out in a rush. “But I felt horrible this morning and I’ll probably feel horrible tomorrow too when I wake up because I’ve felt the same way every morning all week. But you don’t need to worry.” He was quick to add, as Changkyun’s concerned frown deepened. “I’m not ill. At least I don’t think that I am. I think… well I think I’m pregnant.” And now he did feel ill again but he didn’t think it had anything to do with being pregnant, it was nerves. His heart felt like it was trying to beat its way out of his chest and he felt more than a little sick.

And Changkyun wasn’t saying anything. That wasn’t helping.

“Really?” He said at last, expression unreadable.

“Yes,” Jooheon said trying to sound more confident than he felt. “I’ve been feeling sick in the mornings, tired all the time, I burst into tears the other day when all Hyungwon did was apologise. It all adds up. And I guess it could be something else, but I don’t know. I just feel like I am. Pregnant I mean. I can’t explain why but I do.”

“You haven’t taken a test?” Changkyun asked, still giving nothing away.

“I wanted to talk to you first.” Jooheon explained. Why did Changkyun seem so perfectly calm? Why wasn’t he freaking out like he was?

“Have you bought one?”

Jooheon shook his head. “I figured we could pick one up tomorrow when we go shopping.”

“Tomorrow?” Changkyun echoed, sounding scandalised. “We might be having a baby and you want to wait until tomorrow to find out for sure?”

“Tomorrow’s not that far away.” Jooheon said, not sure what to make of the sudden change of attitude. Why didn’t Changkyun want to wait until tomorrow? Was he excited at the prospect there might be a baby or did he want that theory disproved as soon as possible so they could pretend it had never been an issue?

“It’s hours away.” Changkyun was quick to argue. “Can you really wait that long? Don’t you want to know?”

“Of course I do… I just… what if I am?” Jooheon mumbled. “What do we do?”

“What do we…” Changkyun seemed genuinely surprised by the question. “We start getting ready to welcome our baby.” He said as if the answer should be obvious. “We get you a doctor’s appointment, make sure we have a house full of healthy food, tell Kihyun so you can get a risk assessment done at work. Then when the baby’s here we love them and cherish them and try and be the best parents we can be.”

Well that hadn’t been the response he’d been expecting. Changkyun seemed so confident and sure of himself. There didn’t seem to be any worry there at all. Which couldn’t be right. Yes, he’d said before that he wanted kids but they’d been talking about the future. And that was what everyone said when they were talking about the future. ‘I guess I want kids some day.’ It was what everyone who’d been together as long as they had said. But if he was pregnant then it wasn’t going to be ‘some day’, they were going to be parents in less than a year. Didn’t that thought scare him? “But we’re not ready.” He told him. “We’re not prepared.”

“Then we’ll get ready.” Changkyun assured him. “And the sooner we know for definite that you are pregnant the sooner we can get started on that. We can get prepared, we have time.”

Jooheon wasn’t so sure about that. They lived in a one bedroom apartment and didn’t have much money to spare as it was. Nursery Practitioner and Retail Assistant weren’t the most high-paying jobs. But Changkyun was still holding his hand, squeezing it gently, giving him a reassuring smile. He looked happy and Jooheon didn’t want to ruin that. “I guess,” he agreed, trying to sound cheerier than he felt. “But finding out will still need to wait until tomorrow. It’s late, the pharmacy will be closed.”

“The supermarket’s not.” Changkyun told him, undeterred. “It’s open twenty four hours. And it’s only a ten minute walk.”

“I’m in my pyjamas.” Jooheon pointed out. “I’m not getting dressed for the sake of walking to the supermarket and back.”

But Changkyun still wasn’t giving up. “You don’t have to.” He said. “I can go on my own.”

“No you can’t.” Jooheon was quick to argue. “Whenever I send you to the supermarket on your own you always come back with a load of crap we don’t need.” Changkyun could never resist a special offer. Last time he’d ventured out on his own it had been canned octopus he’d come back with. There were still three tins of the stuff in the cupboard. He had tried explaining to Changkyun that a special offer wasn’t a bargain unless you were buying something you usually bought and were actually going to eat but it never seemed to sink in.

But Changkyun had already made up his mind. “I can’t wait until tomorrow to find out, I’ll never be able to sleep. And I promise, I won’t pick up anything else, just a pregnancy test.”

Changkyun had a point, he didn’t think he was going to be able to sleep very well either. He didn’t think he could trust Changkyun to stick to his ‘just a pregnancy test’ promise though either. His boyfriend was the definition of an impulse buyer. “Fine.” He said with a sigh. “We’ll go buy a test. But I’m not getting dressed. I’m not changing out of my pyjamas now just to change back into them in half an hour.”

And Changkyun was dropping his hand and jumping to his feet. “I’ll get your shoes.” He offered, radiating nervous excitement. “And a coat… do you want a coat? A jacket? It’s not that cold, a jacket would probably do.”

“My black hoodie’s hanging up in the hall.” Jooheon told him.

Changkyun seemed so eager to find out if there was a baby and Jooheon just didn’t get it. There was no apprehension there at all. But he wasn’t going to complain. Changkyun being giddy and excited was much better than him being annoyed or in denial. So he was going to roll with it and if reality set in later and Changkyun’s enthusiasm waned then so be it. He’d deal with that then. He seemed happy enough now and Jooheon was going to make the most o