The rattling sound of his foot against the hospital's white tile causes him more anxiety than it keeps him calm, but he can't stop and keeps banging his heel against the floor quickly, the annoying sound echoing in his head like a hammer.

 

He’s feeling like he’s going to tear his hair apart for all the feelings he has stuck inside, out there outside the room, waiting his turn to go in and see Youngjae. The doctors have had him from test to test, checking that everything is fine and well, it’s obvious that they had to check him but they didn’t give them time to even say hello.

 

A little less than an hour ago, Youngjae was returned to his room, they were told that everything seemed fine with him, his organs function normally, he can talk correctly and he has no serious neurological problems. He has amnesia and will need therapy to walk again but besides that everything is fine which, considering all the other probable less favorable scenarios, is already a miracle by itself.

 

Youngjae's parents went in to see him first, at the offer of Jaebum himself who had an unexplained panic in the last second and couldn’t force himself into his room.

 

And he wants to see him, he’s dying to talk to him but at the same time he suddenly feels that he cannot do it. He’s afraid of what Youngjae will say, of disappointing him, that he may no longer love him or that he doesn’t remember him.

 

Half an hour later, Youngjae's parents leave the room and he knows it's his turn, it's time to face whatever comes but the smile on Mr. and Mrs. Choi's faces comforts him a little.

 

"He wants to see you," the woman says patting his cheek with affection, but since Jaebum doesn’t move from the seat, she gently pushes him to react, "Everything is fine, don't be afraid."

 

Jaebum gulps with difficulty and breathes in deeply, he can do this, is just Youngjae, his Youngjae, and he also asked for him, he knows that the fear that he has forgotten him is unfounded.

 

He enters the room carefully, as if he’s breaking into something even though that same room became his almost home in the recent months.

 

And there he is.

 

His heart accelerates so suddenly and takes a so rapid speed that it’s painful, his eyes fill with tears at the sight of those small but bright eyes looking finally back, full of life and when Youngjae smiles at him, God, he has missed him so much it’s unbearable.

 

"Jaebumie hyung."

 

"Hi, baby," he says in a whisper and slowly approaches, slower than he would like, far from what he always imagined it would happen the day he woke up - in his mind he always ran and squeezed him in a hug, and then they lived happily ever after.

 

In reality, it's Youngjae who extends his arms to receive him and Jaebum soon reaches his side, hugs his waist and hides his face in his chest, he feels how Youngjae wraps him in a hug that feels so warm and comforting and soon all the tears he has had accumulating for a long time of relief, of happiness - the total opposite of the tears he has shared before, begin to run down his face.

 

Youngjae caresses his hair gently but says nothing, Jaebum can feel small spasms that aren’t his own and he knows that Youngjae is also crying - but he doesn’t want to cry anymore, all he has needed he already has it and he can’t waste time making him cry when he can see him smile.

 

"I’m sorry," Youngjae also speaks softly and Jaebum frowns, pulling away to look at him.

 

"Why?"

 

“For being like this… they told me that I've been in bed for almost a year… I’m so sorry. I don’t…"

 

"Hey baby, it's fine. It’s okay." Jaebum tells him smiling softly, and caresses his face gently, “It's not your fault, I'm happy you're fine now. You don't have an idea how much I missed you.”

 

"I missed you too."

 

Jaebum can’t stop the smile from widening, approaching and finally, after what seems like a century of drought, he leans down and touches his lips with his own, they are warm and plump just as they always have been and the feeling of the soft touch being returned let him know that this isn’t a dream. That they are two again and he’s no longer alone.

 

When he tries to deepen the kiss, Youngjae pushes him but hugs him a second after, hiding his face in the hollow of his neck.

 

"Jae?"

 

"Sorry, sure I smell horrible with all those months without touching a toothpaste..."

 

Jaebum laughs and sinks his nose on his hair - he obviously smells like hospital but this or pomegranate conditioner, it doesn’t matter as long as he’s here.

 

"You know I don't care about that, right?"

 

"Uhm..." Youngjae shrugs and kisses Jaebum's neck lightly.

 

"I've seen you in your worst, I even kissed you that time you had a really bad cold. You said you were disgusting but I kissed you anyway."

 

"When did you do that?" Youngjae hits his shoulder but when he sees Jaebum's face, which is almost as if in shock even if he tries to hide it quickly, he realizes that maybe that moment is one of those things that one doesn’t forget. "Sorry I... I don't remember."

 

Jaebum shakes his head, the doctors have already explained it to him, Youngjae doesn't remember at least the last 2 years of his life, they discovered it in the routine questions and apparently, of the important events, he can remember until he entered college and he started planning his move with Jaebum.

 

Which means he has no idea what left him in a coma, or absolutely no memory of Yejun.

 

The doctor told him that events like these, especially one so intense that involves having given birth, were things that tend to return on their own, that he’s likely start to get his memories back gradually in a couple of weeks.

 

And he also warned them not to give him too much information at once, it’s best to let his mind rest, remind him of some things and be very careful when telling him that he was pregnant so as not to cause him any shock.

 

Youngjae's parents agreed that it has to be Jaebum who tells him about the baby and he decides to wait a few days - he’s not going to hide that of course, he just wants to wait a bit for him to get better, give him time to recover, breathe, settle and talk to him when he’s more stable.

 

For now, he’ll only tell him about unimportant things, such as that kiss he gave him when he was sick.

 

“It was shortly after we moved together,” he says in a soft voice, combs Youngjae's hair behind his ear, “You said it was your karma - you got really sick but you refused to come to the hospital, you had a soaring fever while you swore you were fine.” He rolls his eyes remembering how stubborn Youngjae used to be in those aspects. “After 3 days in bed, you finally left the room magically cured but hungry as hell. I was happy you were fine, yeah? But now that I think about it, you didn't care that much about your meds breath at that time cause you almost took my tonsils out with your tongue.”

 

Youngjae huffs, grimacing, "Shut up."

 

Jaebum laughs and Youngjae soon accompanies him, they laugh together until their stomach hurts and it's all he needs at the moment. Finally that dark hollow inside disappears, filled by the beautiful laugh of the sun.

 

"Are you going to let me kiss you or not?"

 

"After brushing my teeth."

 

Jaebum wrinkles his nose in disagreement, and goes to the bathroom almost running to return with a toothbrush and a glass of water.

 

Youngjae lets out a loud laugh and takes the brush, "Do you want to kiss me this bad?"

 

"Yeah, hurry up."

 

"ert." But the smile that plays on his lips belies him, he is happy that Jaebum wants him as much as ever. That he still loves him.

 

As soon as he finishes brushing his teeth, Jaebum has already took the brush from his hands, he puts everything on the bedside table and pounces on him, pulling his neck to stick his lips in a more frantic kiss, in which he shows how much he has needed this, without filters in a dirty tongue dance with saliva and toothpaste he lets him know how much he has missed him.

 

It's like coming home - all of this makes it more real, Youngjae really kisses him back with a comparable hunger, clings to his shoulder and one of his hands closes in the hairs on his nape, receiving and corresponding all the passion contained that Jaebum has to give.

 

"I love you, baby." Jaebum says without air when they pull away, Youngjae smiles and hugs him tight enough to cut his breath.

 

The position is also uncomfortable, so Jaebum moves him gently to be able to lie next to him on the mattress, surrounds his waist with his arms, their legs are intertwined and Youngjae looks at him with a tender smile on his face, it makes Jaebum feel loved and his heart no longer fits inside him.

 

They stay like that for a long time, just looking at each other and smiling like two idiots in love, then suddenly laughing and then just looking at each other with no expression again.

 

"What are you thinking about?" The older asks, raising a hand to touch the frame of his face with a finger, slowly and softly.

 

Youngjae shrugs and gets closer, hiding his face in his chest and inhales his scent, he can remember well that Jaebum always smelled of soft cologne, it was a delicious smell, not too overpowering, just enough to drive anyone crazy. Now, strangely he has a smell that is quite the opposite.

 

"You smell like powdered milk."

 

Jaebum lets out a laugh and nods, “Yeah I bet, why? Smells bad?"

 

"Not bad, just weird."

 

"At least the stage of the vomit smell went away." He explains without thinking about what he’s saying, "I prefer milk a thousand times over."

 

"Vomit?"

 

“People think it's not that bad, but when you’re throwed up on 3 times a day the smell is just... like it permeates in the skin and isn’t nice at all. It doesn't go off!”

 

That makes Youngjae laugh, Jaebum has always been dramatic but he can't imagine someone letting themselves be vomited by someone else willingly, "Hyung, what are you talking about?"

 

That question finally makes something click in his brain, he’s about to give Youngjae the news that they have a child in the most stupid way in the world and the least he wants is for the boy to get something for the abrupt lack of tact.

 

"What?"

 

"You tell me." Youngjae keeps smiling but frowns.

 

The older moves his hand to downplay it, “It's nothing, forget it. I have to use more softener maybe?”

 

The other approaches again and sniffs him, then shakes his head, “I really like it. It's almost as if it reminds me of something, but I don't know what.”

 

Jaebum's heart jumps and he doesn’t know if he’s nervous or excited but it’s not the time to tell him just yet so he leaves the subject aside and dedicates himself to silently enjoy the simple joy he gets in having Youngjae like this again, with his face hidden in his chest, about to fall asleep.

 

"Thank you for staying with me." Youngjae says suddenly and raises his face to look at him, it seems is something he has wanted to say for a while but he didn’t dare to do it, "I know it has been a long time and I don’t remember a lot of things and..."

 

“Jae, you are my entire world. No matter what or how much time passes, I’ll be with you and I will always love you." Jaebum assures him, he breaks the hug to hold his hands firmly in his and kisses his knuckles gently.

 

"I love you." The younger smiles, because for him it hasn’t been months since the last day he remembers having been with his boyfriend and the present, and he feels so loved as back then, as if this really had been nothing more than a night's sleep.

 

"Thanks for coming back to me." Jaebum whispers and caresses the back of his hands with his thumbs, and stares at him almost without blinking, as if he doesn’t believe this is really happening.

 

"I’m gonna sleep." Youngjae tries to get closer to him, settle into his chest and closes his eyes but Jaebum stops him, squeezes the grip on his hands almost desperately.

 

"Wait a little longer."

 

"Hyung, I'm tired." But still, he opens his eyes and looks at him again. He has dark circles under his eyes, fatigue is noticeable, it has been a long day for him and he really needs to sleep.

 

“I know, I'm sorry, just a second? Look at me a little bit more.” He asks, he’s afraid that if he closes his eyes, all this will end and he’ll see that everything has been a fantasy made by himself. He’s afraid he won't wake up again.

 

"Babe," Youngjae smiles because he has always been able to read him, "You know tomorrow I’ll still be here, right?"

 

"Yes, I know but ..."

 

"It's okay," The boy takes a hand to his hair, is long now and he loves it. He looks cuter than ever. "I promise I’ll stay here, I’ll not go anywhere anymore."

 

"Alright." But he still seems resilient to let him go, as if he wants to record every second of this in his memory because he doesn't think he'll really be there in the morning.

 

"Hyung."

 

Three minutes later, Jaebum sighs and nods, he gets up from the bed and kisses his forehead. "Sleep tight, Jae."

 

"See you tomorrow, okay?"

 

"Okay."

 

"I love you."

 

Jaebum smiles and nods, "Love you too," he says without making any sound, but he knows his boyfriend can read his lips perfectly and waits for him to close his eyes to leave the room.

 

When leaving, Youngjae's parents are still there and, at seeing him leave smiling, they know that everything went well. Jaebum leaves the door ajar for Mr. and Mrs. Choi to spend the night in the room with their son.

 

"I have to go see Yejun, but I'll be back as soon as possible."

 

"Okay, it's best to spend the night with him," his future father-in-law tells him, patting his shoulder tenderly.

 

Mrs. Choi hugs him before moving on to the room, "Go with Yejun."

 

He nods and this time, when he leaves the hospital, he feels light.

 

*       *        *        *

 

"Loser!" Youngjae screams laughing when he wins this Smash round again. Jaebum growls, throwing his control on the bed.

 

He really believed he would have a chance to beat him now that he was in bed and maybe his reflexes weren't as sharp as before, but after 5 missed rounds he realizes Youngjae's brain is working perfectly fine.

 

"I can’t believe this. You're not even supposed to be gaming, give me that already.”

 

Youngjae laughs again, "You had a year to train and you still can't beat me."

 

The older boy sighs, “Obviously no. Do you think I could get to play when you were in bed?”

 

"Well yeah, you could take advantage of free time, right?"

 

"What free time? I didn't even have time to sleep.”

 

"Why? You weren't overexerting yourself at work, were you?”

 

"Not much."

 

Youngjae looks at him suspiciously, Jaebum knows he doesn't believe him but while he has told him about everything that has happened over the years that he can’t remember, he hasn’t said anything about Yejun yet, and can’t tell him that not having time is because he has a baby at home that needs his full attention.

 

"Seriously, everything is fine. It took me a while to adjust after graduation and all.”

 

"Can we play again?" Youngjae smiles at him, letting go of the subject, trying to take the control.

 

"No, you humiliated me enough already."

 

"Hyung!"

 

Jaebum smiles back at him, lying down on the bed next to him and hugging at his chest, "Sing something for me."

 

Youngjae's arms wrap around his shoulders, settling comfortably with him over his chest and in a whisper, Youngjae sings, a tune he immediately recognizes from a song they'd written together years ago and he smiles.

 

How he has missed this, just him and Youngjae together in silence, feeling the beat of his heartbeat in his ear that lulls him.

 

"Hyung?" Youngjae says after a while in silence, and he lifts his face to look at him.

 

"Uhm?"

 

"I was talking to my parents, about what happened."

 

Jaebum tensed for just a second, hoping Youngjae wouldn't notice, "And what did they say?"

 

"That I should talk to you."

 

He bites his lip in doubt, he hasn’t yet thought about how he’s going to tell him and he’s afraid to drop the bomb just like that. Even though Youngjae’s already stable and getting better every day, there’s still a little voice inside him telling him that if he says it, if he's not careful, Youngjae is going to fall sick again.

 

"And what do you want to talk about?"

 

"Why am I in the hospital?"

 

"You had surgery, it was..."

 

"I know that, but what kind of surgery in the first place? Why did I need it?”

 

"Ah, that was for something... that you had... was it really fun actually, like an accident?" He mumbles nonsense babble with his brain working a thousand times an hour. Well now that he asks is as good a time as any to tell him the truth, but how do he tells him?

 

"Something like what, Jaebum hyung?"

 

"You shouldn't worry about that, Youngjae." He says at the end, leaving a kiss on his forehead and getting out of bed, "Everything is fine now."

 

"I just want to know."

 

"I know, but it's nothing to worry about right now, you just have to get better and come home to me."

 

"But -"

 

Saved by the bell, Jaebum's phone rings and it’s his mother who’s now taking care of Yejun, if she’s calling something must have happened to him.

 

"Sorry Jae, I have to answer," And without waiting for an answer, he leaves the room leaving the door ajar with the intention of returning to his boyfriend's side immediately.

 

"Hello?" As soon as he hears his mother's voice, the expression on his face changes, to a worried one, his mother tells him that his son has a fever and he’s not getting better, "Now I'm going to pick him up."

 

His mother then asks about Youngjae to which he only replies, "I'll take care of it, everything's fine, Yejun needs me."

 

As he hangs up, Jaebum rushes into the room, Youngjae stares at the door and frowns at him.

 

"Baby, I have to go, it's something at work, I promise to come back later, okay?" He lies nervously, gathering his things in a hurry.

 

"You have to work now?"

 

"Yeah, forgive me, your parents won't be long in coming so everything is fine, I don't want to leave you alone but..."

 

"Is it really urgent? Like an emergency with a song?”

 

"It's not that Jae, but they need me, I have to go."

 

"Yes, it's the job." Youngjae sighed looking suddenly sad, looking away, "And what about the thing we were talking about?"

 

"I'll tell you what happened when I get back, okay? I promise." Youngjae nods, removing on the bed a little and turning his back to him, Jaebum reaches out and kisses him on the forehead gently, "I love you."

 

He doesn't wait for an answer and walks the hospital hallways with quick steps, his mind so focused on his sick baby that he doesn't realize how disheartened Youngjae looked when he left.

 

*       *        *        *

 

A few days later, the doctors allow Youngjae to have more visits and Jinyoung of course is the first in line, arrives with Mark just 5 minutes after the visiting hours begins and he’s carrying Yejun in his arms - that night Jaebum spent the night at the hospital and his friends volunteered to take care of him.

 

Jaebum’s waiting for them in the hall, he asked them to send him a message when they were coming to get Yejun, of which Youngjae doesn't know anything about his existence yet.

 

"Papa!" Yejun screams as soon as he sees him, making grabbing hands to go to his arms.

 

Jaebum turns to the door that is still open with fear that Youngjae has heard it and almost runs to take the baby in his arms, “Junnie! You had fun?"

 

Jinyoung rolls his eyes with a smile on his face, Mark also smiles and leaves Yejun's diaper bag on the floor, he doesn't understand why it’s so heavy if it doesn't have a lot of things inside. "Of course we had a lot of fun, right Junnie?"

 

The baby probably doesn’t understand what they are talking about but he smiles, he shouts something only he knows what it means and Jaebum puts a finger on his mouth gently, as he rarely does, to silence him for a second. "Shh, shh, wait a little," he says softly and the baby copies him, lowering the volume of his voice considerably, although he keeps moving his mouth under Jaebum's finger.

 

“We already had breakfast, he ate very well,” Jinyoung informs him, although he decides not to mention the orange carrot porridge mess his kitchen turned into and Mark's white shirt ruined.

 

"You need to eat something."

 

Jaebum nods and hangs the diaper bag on his shoulder, “Go with him. I'll be back in a while."

 

Jinyoung says goodbye to Yejun opening and closing his fists and making weird gestures and they both go into the room but Jaebum stops Mark just before entering, taking him by the elbow. "Don't tell him anything about Yejun yet."

 

"We know, relax."

 

Jaebum is about to answer but Jinyoung ignores him and they enter the room, closing the door behind him.

 

"Hey, Choi Youngjae!" Jinyoung greets the boy in bed, Youngjae stares at a point on the wall in front of him, frowning and Jinyoung can almost hear the gears on his mind working at a thousand per hour, but he stops whatever he’s thinking of and outlines a huge smile.

 

"Hyung!"

 

"I'm so happy you're fine, Jae!" Jinyoung approaches and hugs him tightly before sitting on the mattress next to his legs.

 

"How do you feel?" Mark asks sitting in the chair next to him.

 

"Fine, tired most of the time but doctors say it's normal."

 

“I missed you so much Jae. Live having only a depressed Jaebum as a friend is boring.”

 

Youngjae laughs softly and shakes his head, "You have Jackson hyung."

 

"He's too much sometimes," Jinyoung feigns chills, "You're perfect."

 

"And Mark hyung?" he says pointing to the other boy and this one just shakes his head, disappointed.

 

"He loves you more, you just noticed it now?"

 

"He's more perfect than you," Jinyoung clarifies, looking at his boyfriend with an annoyed gesture, "But he doesn't count because we're more than friends."

 

Mark snorts and Youngjae rolls his eyes, he decides to start a conversation with Mark and he tells him that he has been very busy with something about his thesis, and since Youngjae doesn’t know he has been with that for almost 2 years, he’s the only one who doesn’t make fun of him for taking so long to write it.

 

They also tell him about the time he and Jinyoung moved together and that Jinyoung finally went to Los Angeles last Christmas to meet his family in person and Youngjae is happy that they are already making everything official. Before, or at least as far as he remembers, Jinyoung swore that Mark's was nothing more than a booty call.

 

When he asks about his other friends, they tell him that they vetoed them again from the hospital because Bambam came up with the brilliant idea of ​​entering his room disguised as nurses and doctors, something he saw in an American show. Of course it didn't work, so he’ll probably see them in a couple of days when the nurses aren’t angry anymore.

 

The boy laughs and answers everything they say, asks them questions about what has happened all that year and about things that he doesn’t remember but is absent, he has his mind elsewhere and Jinyoung is quick to notice, though he keeps talking like nothing and doesn't ask questions, maybe he feels a bit insecure talking about it with both of them so he intends to get Mark out to try and talk with him about what’s going on.

 

"Is there water here?" he asks interrupting some other story that Jaebum told him and Youngjae has to verify that it really happened, capturing the attention of both.

 

“I think at the nurses station,” Youngjae responds, looking at the bottle on the nightstand, he has nothing left but a gulp.

 

“Mark hyung, can you bring us more? And something to eat!”

 

The older is about to complain, he wants to stay with Youngjae but the look that Jinyoung throws at him opening his eyes and pointing the door with his head in a movement that he thinks is very discreet lets him know that he wants to talk to Youngjae alone.

 

"Yeah, okay, I'm going to see what I can buy."

 

As soon as he leaves the room, Jinyoung looks at the other with narrowed eyes, trying to decipher what is in his mind.

 

"What?"

 

“Spill it out already. What are you up to?”

 

 Youngjae seems baffled, “Nothing? I don’t know what are you talking about."

 

"What are you thinking so much about?"

 

Youngjae knows that it’s useless to hide something from Jinyoung, so he tells him what has been going around in his head in the recent days, "Hyung... is Jaebum hyung dating someone?"

 

"You?" Jinyoung frowns, he already knows that he means someone else but he doesn't understand where Youngjae's insecurity comes from when Jaebum has been obsessed with him since forever.

 

Youngjae shrugs and turns his face to the other side without saying anything, the older sighs trying to understand him but he doesn’t like to see him like this for something that has no rhyme nor reason to it.

 

“Youngjae, Jaebum loves you. That hasn’t changed even bit and he’s not capable of cheating on you with anyone.”

 

Youngjae smiles pitifully, “He can't cheat on me because I wasn't even conscious. I mean, I get it, I was nothing more than a shell. I can't blame him.”

 

"Don't say that, to Jaebum you always have..."

 

"I've heard him." Youngjae looks at him again and his voice shakes a little, "That nobody tell me anything about him, that he has to be by his side at night, that he has to explain what is happening... he seems to be someone very important to Jaebum."

 

Jinyoung opens his eyes as a plate upon hearing the confession, his mouth forms an imperfect ‘o’ at those words. He can't believe what he just heard and wants to laugh because it's ridiculous but he knows it's an important issue for Youngjae.

 

All this is because of Jaebum, who keeps that stupid hope that Youngjae will remember everything for himself and doesn’t get the full courage to tell him everything. He’s his son, damn it, even if the memories come later on, he has to know what really put him in the hospital and doesn't deserve a vague answer on the matter.

 

"Youngjae..."

 

“I don't want to break into his life like that if he already has someone else, hyung. I don't want him to force himself to be with me. If he feels sorry for me or... ”

 

"Hey!" Jinyoung interrupts and approaches him, takes one of his hands and looks at him severely, “Don't think too much. Your little head is playing tricks on you, I swear Jae, it's nothing you’re thinking of.”

 

“You know it, right? What’s happening, what everyone hides from me.”

 

"Listen, you have to talk to Jaebum about this, okay?"

 

“I'm tired, hyung. When I ask, they just say ‘it was because you lost a lot of blood in a surgery’ and ‘talk to Jaebum’. And I don't remember anything about needing surgery and Jaebum doesn't tell me anything and he’s always mysterious and…”

 

"Jae, I get you!" Jinyoung stops him, he would like to convince him that everything is fine but he knows that the only one who will be able to reassure him in the end, is Jaebum, “I know it’s not fair but I’m not the person who has to explain this to you. But be sure that guy loves you like you don't have an idea. Do you know how many days he has come to the hospital?”

 

Youngjae shakes his head, he still looks sad and confused and the older smiles, “Just over 300. He has come to see you daily, without missing a single day. The first weeks he literally lived here, because he couldn't stand being away from you. Youngjae, your boyfriend has been lamenting, blaming himself, being the saddest and most unhappy person in the universe, but when he came to see you he pretended to be happy, because he wanted you to see him being optimistic and strong. He was a mess. When you woke up, you gave him back a lot of things he lost.”

 

"Has he really come here every day?"

 

"A flood could be falling or the city could be burning, he was here with no fail."

 

"He's an idiot." Youngjae mutters, but a small smile appears on his face.

 

"But he loves you." The older reassures him and Youngjae nods - he already knows, but that doesn't take away the fact that he's hiding something from him.

 

Jinyoung is going to kill Jaebum as soon as he sees him.

 

*       *        *        *

 

"Hey baby," Jaebum greets happily upon entering Youngjae's room, brings with him a bouquet of yellow tulips, the employee said it means ‘There's sunshine in your smile’ in the language of flowers. There is no flower more suitable for Youngjae than that. 

 

“Sorry I’m late today, we have worked on this song for centuries and we still can't finish the arrangements as we want. I brought you this, they always remind me of you.”

 

Youngjae brings the flowers to his nose and then leaves them in his lap, looks at Jaebum with a dismayed look.

 

"Hyung, we need to talk."

 

The boy's look is so severe and intense that Jaebum knows that this time he won't be able to distract him with some funny story, he has to be honest once and for all. It's been a week since he woke up and after everything Jinyoung told him, he can't keep hiding something so important.

 

He doesn't want Youngjae to feel bad, thinking weird things about the ‘secret’, and although he doesn't want him to have any shock caused by the news, he knows that he has to tell him. He’s already stable and that shock is just an excuse because he can't find the words to tell him they have a child. How can he tell him that? Just like that, plain and simple, hey we have a baby, his name is Yejun? Or does he have to start telling him that he got pregnant?

 

He sighs and sits beside him on the mattress. When Youngjae is discharged, the hospital will charge him the bed, because that particular spot is already sunk because of how much he has sat there.

 

"Alright."

 

"Tell me, then." Youngjae tells him no more, because Jaebum doesn't need to listen explicitly to what he means, he already knows.

 

"I'm going to... what happened is that because you needed to come, so we..."

 

"Don’t go around it anymore, Jaebum," The boy complains, grimacing, he doesn't want to turns into the matter anymore, "I'm tired of all this. I’m not going to die if someone tells me the truth and as it seems everyone thinks you are the one who has to tell me, say so. I'm tired of being the only one who doesn't know about anything.”

 

"I'm sorry, baby." Jaebum says feeling guilty suddenly. He knows that Youngjae will hate him when he knows what he has been hiding. "You're right, just let me think how to start, yeah?"

 

Youngjae raises his eyebrows, waiting for whatever he’s going to say and Jaebum sighs heavily.

 

"You and I..." ‘Wow, this is difficult,’ he thinks, now he understands how hard it should be for Youngjae to tell him they were going to have a baby when he just discovered it. “When we started living together it was… crazy. I loved waking up next to you and having breakfast with you, and I loved seeing you all the time walking around the house in a shirt and boxers. I couldn't get away from you.”

 

Youngjae couldn't help smiling slightly, but rolls his eyes. "I already know that."

 

"Yes, I'm sorry. Actually it all started with spoiled seafood. Well, it wasn’t actually bad but we thought so, because you really got sick. You were throwing up every morning and I didn't know what to do but then the doctor told you it was normal.” He said using more or less the same words Youngjae used when he said he was pregnant.

 

"How could it be normal?"

 

"Your body was preparing for a lot of changes."

 

"I still don't know what you're talking about."

 

“The throwing up stopped a couple of weeks later,” He keeps talking, ignoring the other. Actually he’s not really aware that nothing he says makes sense to him now, “But then the cravings came and God Jae, you wanted to eat the weirdest things. You ate sausages with strawberry jam, once you wanted a Milky Way wrapped in bacon, that was disgusting. One day you told me you really wanted to the wall because it smelled good. When you went from that to jalapeno sandwiches and Oreo milkshakes I was relieved, I swear.”

 

Youngjae’s eyes are already teary, looking as if everything is finally sinking in, he bites his lip and Jaebum puts his hand in his hair, gently the strands.

 

“And you got so, so pretty, Jae. Your eyes shone and your skin was softer than normal, all of you were dazzling, you were perfect. Although it was also difficult, of course. Everything hurt and you couldn’t get full nights of sleep and you were very tired because that little worm everything he could. But it was worth it Jae, every day of those nine months were worth it.”

 

The boy isn’t an idiot, of course he gets everything he said, only it’s not what he expected. All this mystery, that Jaebum has his interest in another person he had to see him every night, everything makes sense, even his new smell. And it never crossed his mind for a second, he thought of everything but that and now it's so obvious.

 

When he looks up, tears run down his cheeks, his heart feels weird and all his feelings are so mixed that he doesn't know what he feels, he stares at Jaebum and his voice breaks off when he finally talk, "Hyung... we have… we have a baby?"

 

Jaebum smiles tenderly, and approaches to wrap his boyfriend in his arms. "We have a baby."

 

 "How is he? Is he..."

 

"He’s beautiful, Jae, he’s perfect."

 

Youngjae cries harder and clings to Jaebum's shirt, which is already wet with all the tears, "Why didn't you tell me?"

 

"Forgive me, baby. I was so scared the news would make you sick, I didn’t want to lose you again. I didn't want to hide it but I didn't know how to tell you…  we're young and I didn't know how would you react... I'm sorry.”

 

"I... how could I forget it?" Youngjae lifts his face and looks at him in despair, "I’m a horrible person, what kind of father I am if I can't remember that I had a child?"

 

"Youngjae, this is not your fault." Jaebum tells him sternly, he won't let him blame himself for something like that, he won't let him feel the same as he felt for a long time, “What kind of father you are, you say? You’re the kind of father who almost gives his life for his baby and who fought against himself to see him grow up. What happened wasn’t something we could control. Don’t think for even a second that you’re a bad person just for this. If you can’t remember I’ll remember everything for you, and even if your mind doesn’t, you heart remembers, I know.”

 

“Hyung… and now what will happen? I wouldn't... you already have your life done. The baby doesn't know me and what if it’s weird that I suddenly move into your house, I...” Youngjae says when he calmed down, Jaebum gently wipes his tears with his thumbs and shakes his head.

 

"Youngjae you are part of our life, you always have been." He explains, speaking tenderly, “It's not that you're going to move in with us, that's already your home, you're just going back home. And Yejun of course knows you, what are you talking about? Do you think I'm so bad that I never brought him to see you? He knows very well who you are and he’ll be happy to have you with him again.”

 

"So..."

 

“So, when you’re discharged you’re coming to our new house and you’ll see Yejun grow up. He’s so smart and funny, you’ll never get bored with him. You’re gonna love him very much.”

 

"I already love him."

 

Jaebum smiles and hugs him again, lets Youngjae keep using his shirt as a handkerchief until he relieves himself, hoping that the tears he sheds are of happiness and not of insecurity or regret.

 

"Hyung?" The youngest asks still with his face buried in his boyfriend's shoulder.

 

"Uhm?"

 

"Can I meet him?"

 

“You don't even have to ask that, baby. I’ll take him with me tomorrow morning, okay?” Jaebum kisses his crown and continues to gently his back.

 

"Okay."

 

"You're good?"

 

“Yeah… nervous? I think. I don't know. What if he doesn't like me?” When Youngjae looks up into his eyes, Jaebum can't help but melt. Like this, with teary eyes and a pout in the face, he looks more like Yejun than ever.

 

“Silly, you’re his dad. Yejun loves you, alright?”

 

"Alright." Youngjae finally smiles and kisses Jaebum, "I bet you're the best dad in the world."

 

Jaebum laughs, “I didn’t want to disappoint you, you know? But you have to know the first weeks I was awful, the worst.”

 

"You would never disappoint me, Jaebumie."

 

“I love you, me and Yejun. We both love you."

 

Youngjae hugs Jaebum again and now that he can understand it, he loves this smell of powdered milk and baby wipes more than ever.

 

*       *        *        *

 

When his therapy ends, the nurse helps him go back to the room in the wheelchair, the doctor says that everything is fine and if he continues working as he’s now, he’ll walk again in a few months.

 

As soon as they enter, Youngjae can hear giggles and he smiles automatically, his heart skips a beat and he doesn't know if he's more excited or more nervous when he sees Jaebum holding a baby's little hands as the little one jumps on the bed, or at least tries, his plump little legs move to the rhythm of imaginary music and he laughs and screams happily along with Jaebum.

 

The scene is moving, the way Jaebum's eyes shine looking at that little meatball and his smile is the most beautiful one he has seen on his face ever and contrary to what he originally thought, that he would feel an invader in that little family, he feels so much a part of it that it’s as if he himself had been with them all along - he realizes there has always been room for him.

 

"Hey, Jae." Jaebum smiles at him, the baby is with his back to him so he can't see his face yet when his boyfriend picks him up and walks towards him, “Someone wants to meet you. Junnie, say hi to Daddy.”

 

If he had been standing, he surely would have taken a few steps back, he panics but the nurse notices his nervousness and pushes the chair a little, squeezes his shoulder gently before leaving the room, he follows her with his eyes and when he looks back at the other two, the baby has his eyes on him.

 

Yejun looks at him and smiles and Youngjae's heart is spinning, expanding and there’s no room for more happiness, in some strange way he feels that this is not the first time they meet and he loves that baby so much that he never imagined that it was possible. And when he calls him, he says 'Dada', and he wants to squeeze him against his chest and never let go.

 

Jaebum smiles softly and hands the baby to him carefully, the younger’s arms tremble as he reaches out to take his son for the very first time, the baby looks at him with a smile and small, pretty eyes. 

 

He touches Youngjae’s face with his chubby little hands and then he hangs it around his neck, muttering something he doesn't understand and he stays very still, he's not asleep but he seems very comfortable in his arms.

 

Youngjae looks at Jaebum with a pure happy expression on his face, "Wow." Is the only thing he can say, that makes him laugh.

 

Jaebum nods, because yes, it’s amazing to have your baby in your arms and hug him, just seeing him is.

 

Tears run down Youngjae's cheeks when Yejun moves away from him a little to speak, he doesn't understand half of what he says but he nods to everything and laughs when he laughs and can't stop looking at him, even his face hurts from smiling so much, the baby is perfect, even more than Jaebum could put into words.

 

Jaebum sees them play, he doesn’t want to interrupt them but it seems amazing how they connect so quickly, it’s incredible how in less than a second Yejun adapts to Youngjae, it’s as if he really understood everything, as if he knew it.

 

And they’re beautiful together, their smiles are identical and he pulls out his phone to immortalize the moment, takes pictures of them non-stop, even when Youngjae asks him to and ignores Yejun when he wants to grab the phone, every second of this is going to be documented and nothing will be able to avoid it, the two loves of his life are fine and with him -  he can’t ask for anything else.

 

After a while, Yejun finally falls asleep and stays in Youngjae's arms, who is fascinated and definitely reluctant to let him go, Jaebum helps him lie down without waking him up. They both watch him sleep in silence, Jaebum reaches out to take his hand and Youngjae clings to him tightly.

 

"He looks a lot like you," Youngjae says in a whisper, finally looking up at his boyfriend, smiling at him.

 

"He looks much more like you, it’s your miniature, everyone says so."

 

Youngjae laughs, shaking his head, releasing Jaebum's hand to carefully outline the features on his son's little face. "I really see you in him, do you think it's weird?"

 

The older boy kisses him briefly, "No, I see you in him too."

 

"Don't you think he's the best thing we've ever done together?"

 

"Well, we wrote songs together and they’re not bad. We still got royalties from that pair we sold to those producers we met in college, remember?"

 

Youngjae slaps his shoulder and rolls his eyes, "Really?"

 

"Yeah, they still pay," Says the oldest with pride and manages to dodge the fist that would be punching him again.

 

"Are you really comparing our son to songs?"

 

"Hey! Those songs are good!” And he laughs when Youngjae snorts, obviously as much as he might love to those songs, none of them compares to their baby, nor even the feeling he causes, "Youngjae?"

 

"What?"

 

"I love you."

 

Youngjae smiles more if that’s even possible, and uses one hand to take his by the neck, drawing him to his face, “I love you too. So much." He says before kissing him.

 

Definitely nothing compares to having his little family finally complete.

 

 

---

 

Aaaand the End! 

 

I originally wanted to do something with JB & YJ & the baby on their daily lives but then I thought this wasn't a bad way to finish it and I would last a looot longer to update so ...

 

Maybe one day I surprise you with a extra chapter or smt, but for now I didn't want to left this unfinished

 

Thank you so much for reading you guys! :))