Time’s ticking too slowly.

Too slow for Jongin’s liking.

His bloodied hands were trembling uncontrollably and his knees were feeling jelly. Sweat and tears couldn’t be distinguished. Fear, anger, guilt and frustration were painted all over his face. He clasped his hands together and bowed his head. Incoherent words left his lips in prayer.

“Please, don’t take her. I’m begging you, please.”

He hasn’t prayed for a very long time since that time when he felt like no one’s really listening to him. But at that specific time, he couldn’t help but beg for the life of the girl inside the operating room. He couldn’t lose her. He just couldn’t.

“I’ll do anything just- just please- please let her live. She’s the only one I’ve got. Please.”

Tears couldn’t stop flowing from his eyes. His heart’s tearing apart. He couldn’t explain what exactly he’s feeling at the moment. The sound of his muffled sobbing and his muttering was the only thing that could be heard. And it’s suffocating him by the second.

The sound of the door opening made him lift his head. He roughly wiped his tears before approaching the doctor who had an unreadable expression. He was afraid to ask. He was afraid to hear what happened. The doctor took a deep breath and Jongin felt like his lungs were being pricked by needles.

“We did everything we could do.”

Those words rang inside his head. Jongin felt like the sky fell down on him. His shoulders suddenly felt so heavy. He stumbled back, feeling as though he forgot how to breathe.

“She lost too much blood. I’m sorry.”

He felt like he’s drowning and it’s too painful for him to handle. He started pounding his chest to let the suppressed air leave his body.

“I’m sorry,” he cried, falling on his knees. “Somin, I’m sorry.”

If only his tears could bring her back, he’d cry an ocean for her.

For the past one month, Jongin has been waking up in the middle of the night just to find out that he’s been screaming and crying in his sleep. He would hug himself to sleep, praying that he would see her one last time. A month has already passed since Somin’s funeral but he’s still stuck at that time, blaming himself for what happened.

If only I’m not a screw up. That sentence has been in his mind all the time. Time stopped for him. And so did living.

“Mister 304! Mister Kim!”

Jongin flinched and slowly looked at the door. His landlady’s knocking on the door and he knew exactly why she’s doing that so early in the morning.

“Your rent’s due since last week! You should pay or you’ll be kicked out! You have until tomorrow to pay. I’ve been so considerate all this time because of your personal issue but I can’t do it any longer. I have taxes to pay.”

He kept silent.

“I know that it’s hard to move on but you should start picking yourself up.” She paused. “I know you’re in there. I’ve given you a fair notice so if you’re not going to pay tomorrow, be ready to vacate the room.”

He stared blankly at the door, picturing his landlady walking away on the other side. He’s heard that line for a couple of times from his workmates at the shop. Do they even know how hard it is? Do they even know how much I’m trying? Do they even know what I’m feeling?  He couldn’t dare ask them. Because even if they give him the most encouraging words in the world, it wouldn’t help him.

Jongin could feel his back hurting when he sat up straight. He’s sure that he slept while sitting just like every other night. Sighing, he ran his hands over his face. Paying his rent’s his priority at the moment. Getting kicked out and sleeping at the shop could be an option for him but it would be too much of a favor. He shook his head, trying to get his senses back together.

He looked at the empty bottles of soju and stacked ramyeon bowls. Slowly, he started cleaning up. He wanted to keep the room as humane as he could even if there’s a possibility that he would be kicked out. His landlady might not be the kindest person in the world but she’s not exactly a very inconsiderate person. If ever he would leave that unit, he wanted it to look like a human being lived there.

After putting the garbage in the bag, Jongin headed to the bathroom. He couldn’t even recognize his own face when he saw it in the mirror. His eyebags were so dark and swollen. It’s obvious that he’s been crying during the whole night. His hair’s so messy. He has never cut his hair for a month. He looked like a beggar after not shaving for a very long time.

He grimaced and reached for his razor. He thought he should at least look like a human before getting kicked out. He noticed the cuts and scars on his knuckles and hands. He remembered how Somin used to treat his wounds for him while giving him an earful for hanging out with his troublemaker friends. She was always there for him. And it really kills him inside that she would not be by his side anymore.

He stopped what he was doing and shut his eyes, trying to push the memories into the deepest corner of his mind. The more that he would think of her, the more that it would make it harder for him to move on.

But then again, does he really want to move on?

When he got to the shop, the first thing that his boss and his friend noticed was that he has shaved. Jongin could only wonder how much he looked like a homeless person all this time. Sehun even went to the extent of buying a cake to celebrate it. Through the years of working in that repair shop, he has grown close with Sehun.

At first, they were like oil and water. Not being a ‘people person’, Jongin felt so uncomfortable with Sehun’s friendliness. He was like a beaming sun and he’s too smiley for Jongin’s liking.

“Do you think you can fix it? I’ll be in too much trouble with my father if he sees the damage.”

Jongin’s eyes went from the dent on the side of the car to the guy who looked like he did something really terrible. His customer appeared to be a little past the legal age. Jongin could only imagine how loaded his parents are to give him such a luxurious car.

“I can fix it. It might take me more or less 2 days.”

The guy’s eyes lit up in relief and he quickly grabbed Jongin’s hands. “Thank you very much. You’re a life saver. I’ll pay right away in cash after it’s done. Thank you very much.”

If it was his old self, Jongin would’ve shoved the guy away. His old self’s that cranky and allergic to physical contact. But being his new self, Jongin just nodded and waited for the guy to pull his own hands from him. He suddenly wondered how much trouble his customer’s going to be in if his father sees the ugly dent on the car.

“You sure you can fix that in 2 days?” Sehun asked when the customer left. “You’re not done with the painting of the other car.”

Jongin busied himself examining the dent again. “I can do it.”

He heard Sehun sigh. “Are you planning on not sleeping? You’ve been pulling all-nighters. You’re making me look bad to the boss. He might think that I’m slacking off.”

“Not sleeping’s the best option for me.” Because everytime I close my eyes, all I see is her. And I don’t think I’ll be able to keep myself sane. He bit those words back and just gave Sehun and small smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll tell the boss that you’re doing your best. I’ll tell him that you’re painting the car with utmost care. Although it’s like in a snail’s pace.”

Sehun made a face but smiled in the end. He looked relieved that Jongin’s making such sarcastic remarks. He looked like he’s getting better. Sehun saw Jongin break down when Somin died and he has never seen Jongin so lost and wrecked before.

“Jongin,” Sehun muttered and Jongin looked at him. Sehun was staring at the door behind Jongin and the latter knew that someone was there. Judging from Sehun’s expression, it looked like bad news. Jongin turned around and came face to face with familiar faces.

“Mister Kim,” Lee Gabyong, the one with earrings on both ears, greeted with a smug smile. Jongin held the towel tightly before putting it down on top of the car. “It’s that time of the month,” Gabyong continued.

“Can we talk about this outside?” Jongin asked and Gabyong nodded after a while.

“Jongin,” Sehun called out when they were about to step out. Jongin looked back.

“Don’t worry. We just have something to talk about,” Jongin said, trying to look as calm as he could.

“Yeah, don’t worry pretty boy. We’ll just have a small chat over tea,” Gabyong added before ushering Jongin out of the shop.

Something just didn’t feel right for Sehun.

The pain on his abdomen was unbearable that Jongin stumbled once again. He held unto the railing to keep himself from planting his face on the ground. Grunting, he sat and took a lungful of breath. It was even painful to breathe. He’s sure that his face was as messed up as the rest of his body. He’s certain that his arm and a rib or two were broken.

Getting himself to a hospital’s not an option for him. He’s got no money to get himself treated. It was money in the first place that got him beaten up. Who would have imagined that he would borrow money from loan sharks again?

He had no choice. He had no money to prepare a decent funeral for Somin so he had to risk his own life for it. His boss was going through a financial problem at that time and Sehun was just like him – struggling to survive with his wage.

He was sure that Somin would not like the idea of it but he just had to. And look what he got himself into.

Gabyong told him that he has a week to pay what he owed plus the interest. Who would’ve known that the interest would amount to more than what he originally owed? Stupid. Jongin couldn’t blame anyone. He knew it was a poisonous blade but he still grabbed it.

Jongin couldn’t find the strength to stand so he just sat there for a couple of minutes, watching the cars speeding along the road. Everyone’s going at a fast speed and he’s the only one stuck there. His phone suddenly started ringing. He fished it out from his pocket.

“Hello.”

“Where are you?” Sehun asked right away. “Did they hurt you? Should I call the police? I just closed the shop. Tell me where you are and I’ll come right away. Are you listening?”

Jongin crouched, holding his abdomen. He was trying not to make a sound. “I’m at home. I’m about to eat. Just go home and don’t worry about me.”

There was a pause on the other line. “Are you sure? Why did you not come back then?”

“I was not feeling well. I urgently had to use the restroom.” His lies are getting crappier by the day.

“But we have a restroom at the shop,” Sehun reasoned out.

“Hey,” Jongin called out, trying to sound serious for Sehun to get that he wanted him to stop asking questions. “Just go home.”

“But-”

Jongin ended the call. He has used up his day’s worth of energy. When he saw her smiling face on the screen of his phone, his strong will to not think about her came tumbling down. Stupid, if you really want to stop thinking of her, you should’ve at least changed your wallpaper.  He lowered his head as tears threatened to flow from his eyes.

“Are you okay? Do you need help? You can come in, you know. Have some coffee.”

He shut his eyes in defeat. He couldn’t get her out of his head.

“Why are your hands so cold? Is everything okay at the shop? You look so tired.”

His shoulders started to shake. “I am tired. Somin, I’m not okay. I need you. Somin, I’m sorry.”

“I like seeing you smile. Can you smile for me? Please. Pretty please.”

Jongin shook his head. “I don’t think I can do that without you.”

Memories of her- of them filled his head as he sat there. He was a wild fire but she was able to put him out. He was a beast but she was able to tame him. He was broken but she was able to fix him. He was lost but she was able to guide him. He was empty but she filled him up. She made him whole. And without her, the emptiness right now is much bigger and he couldn’t fill it up on his own.

Minutes passed and he found himself standing on the edge of the bridge. He was holding the rail behind him, staring at the river in front of his eyes.

It’s a selfish decision. He’s aware of that. But he couldn’t bear the pain and he’s just too tired to fight the demons in his head. No one’s going to miss him anyway. He wouldn’t have to think of how he would pay his rent and the money he borrowed. It would only take a minute or two. Once he let go, he would be free. It would be a painful way to go but he’s been to used to feeling pain so what’s there to think about?

He took a deep breath.

And then, he was falling.

Gasp.

Catching his breath, Jongin sat up. He could his heart thumping at a very fast pace. His brows furrowed when he found himself inside the shop. He was wearing his usual uniform and he could smell paint from his own hands.

“What’s going on?” He asked himself. “Was that a dream?”

He quickly looked around when he stood. It felt too real to be a dream. He immediately ran outside and he found Sehun wiping a car which looked newly painted. Sehun looked at him and stepped back as if he was scared.

Jongin couldn’t even tell what’s happening. He was sure that he was falling and he even felt the water against his back just a while ago.

“What day is it today?” he asked and Sehun quickly looked at his phone.

“It’s Tuesday. May 9, 2017.”

“2-2017?” Jongin couldn’t believe his ears. He froze for a second or two.

“You see, I did not mean to bump into the car that you were painting a while ago.” Sehun started. “So I don’t think I-”

Before he could finish what he was about to say, Jongin was already out of the shop’s premises.

Jongin could not explain why his feet were leading him to the coffee shop but he did not stop running. And when he got there, he saw her there. Somin’s alive.

It wasn’t making any sense but he had no plan of searching an explanation for it. One thing mattered for him. Without thinking twice, he got inside the coffee shop and headed straight to where Somin was standing.

“Somin,” he called out and she turned around too fast that she spilled the hot coffee that she was holding.

Her eyes widened in horror as she looked at his wet shirt. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Are you okay, sir?” She frantically reached for the tissue but Jongin caught her hands. She stared at him in surprise.

He couldn’t contain the emotions in his heart that he quickly pulled her and hugged her tightly. He was afraid that if he let her go, she would disappear like it’s a dream. Somin squirmed under his arms, trying to free herself.

“S-Sir?”

“I love you.”

Jongin let go when Somin pushed him hard enough to let him know that she’s really uncomfortable about what he’s doing. Her eyes were pinned on him with an unfamiliar expression. She never looked at him like that before. Her eyes always sparkled when she looks at him before. Then it hit him.

May 9, 2017.

Two years before he was hanging on the bridge, thinking of taking his own life.

Two years before he was falling from the bridge.

And at that time, May 9, 2017, Somin and Jongin met for the very first time.

They were strangers.

Jongin couldn’t find the words to say because he couldn’t take the situation rationally. He’s never heard of time travel before and if he’s ever heard it, he’s sure as hell that he wouldn’t believe it.

It’s just impossible.

So how the hell would someone explain what just happened to him?

Hi dear subbies!!! Thank you for sparing your time and for subscribing!! First chapter is finally posted!! Yeay!!!

Thoughts? If you're given the chance to time travel, will you take it? Do you have things that you want to change? Things you wishyou never did? Things you wish you did? Feel free to share ♥