It had all started with an Tumblr post.

Hey if any of you guys wanna dm me i wanna make some friends :)

Minseok wasn’t really expecting anyone to respond when he’d typed those words in, but when he opened the app the next morning, there was a notification from someone named “chen_in_april.” The username had an icon of a field of poppies; he must like spring, Minseok thought. The message read, “hi :3”. Minseok grinned before typing a response.

You: hi :D what’s your name?

chen_in_april: jongdae - chen is my nickname hehe

You: my name is minseok :) nice to meet you jongdae

And just like that, things clicked. First they talked about school and how the semester was going for them. Jongdae turned out to be a college kid like Minseok, and in his second year of college.  Things turned to pets (Jongdae said he really wanted a dog, and seemed to be obsessed with pictures Minseok sent him of Tan). Surprisingly, the conversation never seemed forced, and was never awkward. After a month, they turned to skype and facetime.

When Minseok saw Jongdae’s for the first time, saying he was breathtaking was an understatment. He had sharp cheekbones on top of the softest looking cheeks. Jongdae’s mouth curled up at the corners - he was truly the embodiment of “:3”. His sparkly eyes had crinkled up in a grin when a shy Minseok had hid his face with his blanket in embarrassment.

Every Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and all time over the weekend became their regular facetime sessions. Those were the best days of the week because that meant seeing Jongdae’s face and hearing his voice. Sometimes they would stay up till 1am just talking about random things. At least that’s when Jongdae scolded him and made him go to bed. On the other side of the screen, it was still afternoon for his friend. This made it hard for them because when Minseok was awake in the middle of day, Jongdae was sleeping. Minseok also thought it was so cool that he lived in Canada, except that there were 10,505 miles separating them.

It was some Friday in November, a few months after they began skyping, where Minseok had his laptop open and Jongdae’s face filled Minseok’s open laptop. He had ramen stuffed in his mouth, and he was gurgling something about how he saw this really funny video of a frog on a unicycle ‘dat boi?’ Minseok was about to laugh and say how old that meme was and how much of a grandpa Jongdae was when a strange warmth spread through his chest. It was hard to describe, but he felt so happy in that moment. He looked at his friend, and really took a hard look at him. Jongdae was holding up his phone to the camera with the meme playing on the screen, but Minseok wasn’t looking at his phone. He noticed how Jongdae’s eyes were crinkled into slits, how his cute little dimple appeared on his left cheek, and how his cheeks were begging to be smooshed and poked. His giddy laugh honestly made the sun shine. A thought slunk into Minseok’s mind.

Do I like him?

At this point, Jongdae had stopped cackling about the stupid dat boi meme to notice that the other wasn’t laughing with him. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and his smile faltered a bit.

“You ‘kay, cowboy?”

Minseok just stared into empty space, looking like he’d just seen a ghost. Jongdae repeated his question, now with more concern. Minseok took in a breath of air, snapping his eyes back to the laptop.

“Yeah I’m good.” He faked a yawn and rubbed his eyes for conviction. “Just a bit tired from work that’s all.”

“Really? It’s only 9 - you never go to bed before 11.” Jongdae’s eyebrows quirked up into the infamous arch that was oh so adorable.

“Yeah! Yeah just gonna call it a night.” Jongdae’s confused “goodnight” cutting off with the slam of the computer. Minseok’s heart was beating erratically. He wiped his hands on his pants before realizing they were clammy. Again, that thought was imprinted into his brain.

Do you like Jongdae?

He searched his mind for all those memories with Jongdae. His birthday call that had Jongdae screeching ‘Happy Birthday’ into the phone, when Minseok read him some fairytales past midnight and had to shush Jongdae every 30 seconds because he was giggling so much, when Jongdae bawled his eyes out because he failed his semester final. The answer was simple and always had been.

Of course.

Minseok had no idea what to do with this information. The realization that he had feelings for his close friend scared Minseok to death. So he dealt with in the best way he could: by avoiding him. Honestly it wasn’t a bad plan in his mind. He only had to say he was working later shifts at his job, or that his professors assigned him project after project this week. One week. Minseok allowed himself one week. After one week Jongdae would have to be suspicious of his antics and demand why Minseok was clearly avoiding him.

Thursday came around too fast. Were things going to be awkward between them now? Did Jongdae feel the same way? Minseok wanted to throw up. The only thing that had been on his mind this past week was Jongdae. His stupid smile had an infinity for invading every crevice of his mind. Now that he knew he had a crush on his friend, he sometimes found himself daydreaming of holding Jongdae and cuddling him. Would he be the big spoon or little spoon? From what Jongdae told him, they were both the same height so that means-

“Minseok get back to work! What’re you doing?” His boss’ voice snapped him out of his trance. The burning sensation on his left fingers made Minseok looked down and see that he was pouring fresh coffee into and overflowing cup.

Minseok felt like he had to tell Jongdae his feelings or else he would actually explode. The thing is Jongdae could either have the same feelings or not and it would be totally awkward. Minseok would have to live in eternal shame and awkwardness in the fires of hell-

He decided to write him a letter. Well, a letter in text format. Minseok thought about what he would write about all night. He had a loose idea of what he would actually put in words, but he decided to wing it - great idea. Morning came, and he forced himself to pick up his phone.

    Dear Jongdae,

Nope.

    Jongdae I’ve been thinking-

Eh.

It took Minseok a total of 2 hours to construct a well sized paragraph. He had to lock himself in his room, but he emerged a slightly more confident man. Maybe a slightly more anxious man, but that didn’t matter right now. He jabbed his finger at the send button before he would stop himself. His stomach clenched at the sight of the sending caption pop up. As soon as it sent, Minseok let out a screech and threw his phone on the couch cushions. The weather was nice, so he decided to go on a walk to ease his mind a bit. Once he got back, he could deal with problems. Procrastination was Minseok’s strongest suit.

When Minseok picked up his phone after an hour, the lock screen read 9 missed calls and 8 new messages. Oh my God. Before he could think about it, he opened the first message he saw.

Minseok pls message me baaack

He could actively feeling his blood pressure rise. Minseok scrolled up to the first message, hands clammy.

Jongdae: omg Minseok’s alive how’s it going buddy

Jongdae: I’ve literally felt the same way about you since forever

Jongdae: i was so scared that you didn’t have the same feelings as me

Jongdae: ever since we met i just felt a connection you know??

Jongdae: i like you, minseok. Like really like you

Jongdae: Minseok??

Jongdae: you didn’t run away did you? Stupid face pls come back

Jongdae: Minseok pls message me baaack

Minseok slapped himself. Was this reality was this real? He read the texts again to make sure, a bright bubbly feelings growing in his chest. Did this-did this mean that they both liked each other equally? It must have, right?