sns : seokiebao

“ and how could you possibly know what love is? how can you even say it so easily? after all these years? do you really love me? or are you just scared of being left alone. it’s always been like that, isn’t it? when we were young, you would often tell me that you wanted someone to love you- to hold you- to never abandoned you just like your parents did. ever since we were young, i’ve always been just the last go-to person, minseok. and i don’t want that. i’m so tired of being your last resort.

are you saying you love me because jongdae is tired of you? or jongin doesn’t want to be your body anymore? both of them are trying to get away from your psychotic , so you’re here coming back to me and professing that you can’t live without me. what a bunch of bull.

i don’t need this. i really don’t. i love you but, i can’t always be the one to save you from yourself. i’m not sure if you know but, when i went back to china, i’ve met someone. and i think i might have an actual love shot with this guy. he’s tall, he’s handsome, he’s funny- he takes care of me. he only wants me. and only me. he doesn’t want one- two- many guys chasing after him. so please, let me find my own happiness without you. let me try to be happy without you.

i hope you find everything you’re looking for. “

blinking back the tears threatening to spill, luhan leans back with a sniffle, leafing through the words he’s written and deleted for the third time. in his heart he knows he’s not ready to let go of the only man he has ever loved and adored throughout his life.  but, he knows in his mind that- that man would never truly be his. would letting go of minseok brings him closer to his own happiness? or ishe forever doomed to love someone that could never return his feelings. it wasn’t that minseok didn’t love him. he loved him a lot. and he’s sure of it. he’s not oblivious at the way minseok cares and longs for him- it’s jus that- minseok was someone who was never sure of what and who he wanted in life. 

remembering the first time they’ve met, luhan smiled at the vague memory of the young and innocent warrior he met at the park. the short and chubby seven something years old little man telling the big bad ten years old bullies to leave luhan alone. to pick on something their own size. with his tiny fingers balled into a fist, he puffed his cheek in formidable stance with intent on challenging the tormentors. and in that exact moment- even without knowing what love was luhan has fallen deeply with the tiny boy.  promising to always stick by his savior life. and now.. twenty something years later, is it finally time to let go?