I could feel the nervousness as I drove to his dorm. The sweaty palms of my hands were sticking to the steering wheel. I pulled at the other side of the road and looked at the building to my left. I heard my phone buzzing and picked it up from the passenger seat.

Tif wrote: [Boo where are you? We are looking for you but cannot find you anywhere.]

Taeyeon wrote: [I am here.]

Baekie wrote: [Going down.]

! Is happening. It is really happening. I bit my bottom lip in an attempt to calm myself down. After all, what the heck I was doing here? Suddenly, someone opened the door from the apartment building with a hoodie covering his head, his arms inside the sweatshirt's pocket. He then bolted towards my car, and he got inside the passenger's seat.

"Drive." He ordered. I looked at his smile, nodded, and drove away.

The ride was so silent, my hands grasping the wheel tightly. I would look at him sideways now and then feeling curious about why he had asked me to meet him. After fifteen minutes of driving, he finally spoke again, "You can pull here."

"Here?" I looked all over the place, especially the creepy building in front of us.

I turned the engine off as he kept texting nonstop. The silence was uncomfortable, so I cleared my throat.

"Oh, yeah! Sorry. I asked you to meet me because I need your encouragement, Noona."

Ah! Dammit... so he did not ask me out because he was going to confess his love? Damn this kid is slow. Maybe if I take the first step? Yeah, do that, and you may as well cut his balls for good. I remember Tif’s words perfectly, ‘Man does not like girls who make the first move.’

“Noona?” He tilted his head wondering why I was not speaking.

“Ah! Yes––” I started telling him the regular bull. ‘You are doing so well. Exo is doing great. For sure you will dominate the world soon. Just look how much trouble you are giving Big Bang nowadays.’

I was just about to speak when out of nowhere, he kissed me. He glued his lips to mine and all I could do was to open my eyes widely in shock.

“You are so beautiful, Noona.” He whispered as he pulled away.

“Y-Y-Yes.” I voiced softly.

“Yes, you also think you are beautiful?” He grinned.

“Yes. I mean NO! Of course not.” I nervously laughed.

“You are so cute. Let’s get to know each other better, yes?”

“Y-Y-Yes,” I answered at the speed of light.

After that kiss, I could not take my eyes off him. We spoke for an hour or two or was it three? I do not remember; I was over the moon until reality hit me with a right punch on the face the next morning.

"Yah! Byun Baekhyun! What is this nonsense?" I shouted the second after he answered the call.

"Yeah, sorry Noona. We needed to drift the attention from all the drama going around here. Don't be mad okay? It will last until the scandal about Kris dies up." He nonchalantly replied. 

"Waah! You really are something else!" I shouted feeling the tears in my eyes. I felt ill just remembering about how happy I was yesterday, thinking that he really was into me. Did I imagine the chemistry? Did I create this fantasy world in my mind? I do not know who I was more pissed with, him or I. "You know what, I am releasing an official statement right now denying all this bs!" I had just finished speaking when I felt my phone buzzing again, and that is when I read the other headline.

I wanted to throw up now. Like for real, what the heck with SM? Seriously? Were they going to use me to fade away this scandal? 

"Noona, I promise this will end soon. Nobody will remember Kris' name in a couple of months, and you will be single again."

"You are a mean person Byun Baekhyun." I cried and hung up. Now that SM had just confirmed our 'relationship' what could I do? I knew I had to play along with this and forget for the next months about finding my charming prince. I fell on top of the bed, wiping my tears away and staring directly at the ceiling, holding my phone tightly. You know what Kim Taeyeon? After all SM has done for you, maybe you need to give back some of that love. I pouted and nodded as I tried to find the bright side of this mess. Yes, you are just helping your hoobaes and the agency that has made you what you are now and just as Baekhyun said, this will only last a couple of months.

I clenched my fist and raised my arm. "Fighting, Kim Taeyeon!" I shouted, and with that, I became my happy, bubbly self right away.

*****

Soooo, the 'couple of months' turned into more than a year. After Kris left, Luhan followed and then Tao. I knew that even Yixing was trying to leave, but SM was working very hard to convince him about staying –– and my 'beautiful' relationship with Baekhyun became the center of hatred and focus of the angry fans. I cannot say I was surprised though, of course, the fans were shocked. Of course, they had the right to be angry, but no matter how hard I tried apologizing about the whole mess they did not want my apologies, and it broke my heart, though it did not break my spirit. If there is one thing I learned during my years and years as an idol, is that people will look for someone else to hate when all they want is to hate themselves. So, I did not dwell on the death threats, the hateful comments nor the ugly responses that overflowed through my Instagram.

The one thing that got me through it all was the hope of falling love. I wanted to love someone; I wanted to start sharing my life with a man that would sweep me of my feet, maybe even write songs about me? Hahaha. Just the thought of having that someone gave me enough energy to wake up every day and go on.

I tried meeting other guys during this time. 

My first suitor or how Tif likes calling them –– victim was Choi Si Won Sunbae. Sunny had arranged a blind date for us both, well, it was blind for him, I did know I was meeting him for dinner. When he arrived at the restaurant, I could see it in his eyes that Cupid had not got him, but he gracefully sat down and stayed for the first course.

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