Dear KimMing,

Should I start this with a simple hi? Naaa.. you wouldn't like it. Of course you'd like more than that just like how you greet me every morning whenever we talk over the phone. Your voice is always my energy to push myself out of the bed. Your enthusiasm always fills up my mood.

Remember when we first met? You said I was the prettiest person you've seen, I was really shy back then, so I avoided you. But you, you weren't affected, you even said more cheesy lines that soon made my friends laugh as well as yours.

It wasn't just one time, it always happen whenever we meet or just bump somewhere inside the campus. Those sweet pick up lines went viral when you started posing it on my locker everyday and people started talking about it at school.

I was annoyed at first, because the attention was suddenly drawn to me. I hate crowd, I hate attention, exact opposite from you because you're the one and only campus prince..

..but you didn't settle with those things only every lunch, I would always see you waiting outside. At first I thought you were waiting for one of my classmates but when you blocked my way and asked me for lunch, only there I had realized that you were waiting for me..

You stopped posting cheesy lines on my locker only to use another tactics.

You started introducing me to your life, your hobbies and and your friends.. I was Indenial yet I knew right then and there that I'm starting to like your personality..

You're an outgoing person while me, I love staying indoors..

I also found out that we share nothing in common. We are standing at the different side of the parallel. Yet we always meet in the middle. You showed me your way of living. You made me happy with everything you do until it was the time we have to say goodbye to highschool.

College life was cruel, I never get to see you and hang out with you always. It was sad. Specially when we don't go to the same university..

But you never failed to make me smile anytime you can. Remember when my classmates used to swoon over you whenever you come to our school to fetch me up? The first time was drastic, they even begged me for your number and whole name because they still don't know who were you to me. Well, I can't also bring myself to say that you are my lover because fore and foremost, we never get to confirm what we are. Am I just a friend or someone special? Because you are to me. We have no label to start with.

We were just there for each other, laughing, smiling and cuddling with each other.. but no label..

Fifth month of college came and I was so down because I want to ask you something yet I can't bring myself to say it to you. So I settled with our routine.

Until I can't bear it anymore.

I asked you, and neither of us speak, but  then you held my hand and squeezed it assuringly.

"Should call myself your boyfriend then?"

"I don't know.."

You just smiled wider and embrace me.

"Label is just label. It won't change the fact that I love you."

That night, you gave me my first kiss.

I was happy.

Starting that day, I was finally able to proudly say you were mine. We were happy. We travel together, hang out with friends, movie everytime available and even play sports when we feel like it.

Third year. You went to my apartment, drunk. I panicked because you never drink once.. you're not good with alcohol.

You were burning hot and beer stings out from your body.

I kept you that night..

..but in the morning,

you weren't there.

What's more crazy was you were gone for five days. I was worried, sad and confused..

I don't know what happened. I have no idea because you never tell me anything about your problems, one thing I sometimes hate about you.

You always smile and makes me laugh, listens to me whenever I need someone to lean on. But you, you never bother to share your burdens to me. It's ashame of me knowing nothing about what you'v3 been going through. I was sorry, I felt useless.

You showed up after five days.. it was midnight when you knocked on my door. I can't really sleep that night and seeing you back was a relief.

Where have you been? What happened? Tell me..

..was the words that came out immediately as I held you close to me.

Five days of no connection was hell. It was hell without your voice in the morning call, without your messages to motivate me, without your smiles as I videocall you.

I felt alive that night. The same night we claimed each other's body and soul with the heat of our love, overflowing with tenderness.

You made me so happy.

I found out that you're father enlist you in a military training, you don't want to go. You want to be a photographer but that's not the faith you're dad wants you to have.

So you rebelled and didn't show up for a week.

You cried that night and what hurts me more was that I felt impelled to do something to stop it. But we both knew we can't do anything about it unless we run away, but I don't want that. I don't want to take both of us away from  our family.

 

You gave me a ring, it wasn't as luxurious like what you've always been wanting to give me but it was more than what I want to have, as long as it's from you and sealed with a kiss. You promised me that we'll get marry as soon as you come back. I'll wait..

They took you away from me after 2 weeks. We don't want to let go of each other's hand. We don't want to be apart but we knew better than to escape. So we let go..

It was the most painful to see you cry as you go and whispered goodbye.. it felt dying. 

"I'll be back, I promise."




 

But it's been four years of waiting.. you're still nowhere to be seen and hear.
 

Three months ago, I received a letter from you. I was the happiest. You told me about all the hardships you've been going through. I wanna embrace you and tell you how brave you are to me. You're my hero.

A diamond ring was enveloped in it. I started reading just to end it with a yes when a question popped out at the ending saying you'll marry me.

You'll be home two days from now, you said in the letter.
 

A news came to me this morning..

Your troop were ambushed and only three men were able to go back alive.

You weren't one of those three.


 

Dear KimMing.. I'm still waiting.

                                -Hannie.