The ticking of the clock was too loud, and Kibum couldn’t sleep.

Everything was too loud after the lights were turned off -- the clock, the settling of the house, the wind outside, the static from the muted television. Hell, even the silence.

It was too loud; too much.

Kibum rolled over on the couch, staring at the drama rerun as it played on the screen. It was nearly impossible to get comfortable enough to sleep out here. But, if he slept in his own bed, his mind would betray him with thoughts of...him. Kibum closed his eyes, sighing heavily before he opened them again.

It had been almost six months since he and Minho had broken up, and five since they had last seen each other on the subway. He had been doing fine, until that day...until he saw how run-down Minho looked. Thinner than either of them liked with prominent eye bags, distracting Kibum from fully meeting his ex’s eye.

Why? Why had Minho chosen his job over him? In hindsight, perhaps an ultimatum hadn’t been the way to go, but at the time, Kibum had thought that Minho would have picked him.

He hugged himself a little tighter, inhaling the trace of Minho’s cologne that was still on the hoodie he was wearing.

”Come on, please?”

Minho laughed, holding up the small bottle of Memo Inlé to his old sweatshirt. “Why, though?” Kibum rolled his eyes, which made Minho chuckle before he pressed a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll do it, baby, don’t worry. I’m just curious, that’s all.”

“You’re just leaving for New York tonight and...and I’ll miss you… Stop looking at me like that,” he said, as Minho’s expression softened. Kibum averted his eyes with a smile when Minho started spraying the cologne.

“You know,” Minho said, as he leaned across Kibum to set the hoodie on Kibum’s side of the bed. “There are several ways I could make sure you remember me while I’m gone.”

Kibum leaned back against his pillows, his smile growing. “Several, huh?” Minho hummed as he nodded, and rolled over so that he was laying completely on top of Kibum. His breath hitched as Minho started trailing kisses from his neck to his bare chest. “Do we have enough time?”

“Well,” Minho propped his chin on Kibum’s sternum, giving a smug smile. “If we don’t, then we can always pick up where we left off when I get home. How...does...that…sound?” he asked, punctuating each word with another kiss down from his chest to his stomach to his thighs until he was laying between Kibum’s legs.

He didn’t give Kibum time to answer his question.

Kibum shook his head, refocusing on the drama as the credits rolled. It wouldn’t do to reminisce about the ...and how good it always was… Because it wasn’t just the he missed, he missed everything. The god-awful songs Minho would sing in the shower when he was getting ready for work, the coffee and breakfast in bed on the weekends, the organized clutter around the house, just...his presence.

The house felt so empty, now.

He pulled his phone out of his hoodie pocket, opening up his kakaotalk and then the messages between him and Minho. He read the last few, the stilted exchanges from after they broke up. Then, he started to type...not that he was intending to send it, of course, but he just needed to write what was going through his mind. His thoughts were meandering, but he wrote them all as they came, closing the app when he finished.

Blearily, he stared at the tv as the late-night home shopping show came on, watching the hosts ooo and ahh over gaudy jewelry until he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer.

- - - - -

“Where do you want to hang the streamers?”

“Streamers?” Kibum asked, unable to keep the incredulous tone out of his voice. Both Jonghyun and Jinki watched him with wide eyes as he came out of the kitchen. “Why the would you have streamers?”

“Because...it’s a...birthday party?” Jinki said, his gaze flicking between the other two as if he was unsure now what was actually happening.

“For a grown man…”

Jonghyun scoffed. “Pretty bold of you to assume that Taemin wouldn’t like streamers and balloons for his birthday. As the resident expert of what Taemin likes -- “

“Because he’s your boyfriend.”

“ -- I can confidently say that he would very much enjoy these. As well as the helium out of the balloons that I have to go pick up...with the cake…”

“As long as there’s no helium in the cake,” Jinki said as he stood up on the couch to pin the streamer to the ceiling.

“Tape! Use tape!”

He dropped his arm, the streamer in his hand fluttering to the floor. “I’m not tall enough, anyway...I miss M -- “ Whatever he was about to say was cut off by a sharp look from Jonghyun.

As he had only been half-listening, Kibum glanced up at the awkward silence and squinted when Jonghyun gave him an uneasy grin. “What.”

“Jinki was about to say...the M-word.”

“Mud-blood?” Kibum frowned, looking up at Jinki. “I didn’t know you’ve seen Harry Potter…”

“What?” Jonghyun laughed. “No, Minho. He was about to say Minho.”

“Oh...oh, I mean...I’m fine, you can talk about him. I’m doing better, really…” he added when the other two looked unconvinced.

Jinki cleared his throat. “Where, um, can I find the tape?”

“Mi -- the office. The second bedroom,” he said, pointing over his shoulder to the dim hallway. Jonghyun twirled a bit of the streamer around his finger, and Kibum sighed. “Honestly, I’m okay. I wrote out my thoughts last night, and I think that helped a bit.”

“Where?”

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and held it up. “You can read it if you want to,” he said as he unlocked his phone. He cut Jonghyun off when he started to protest, opening the kakaotalk app. “I really don’t mind. It’s not a big de…”

Oh, .

He had sent it. He had sent the message. .

And, if that wasn’t already bad enough, Minho had read it, too. And not responded.

“Oh...my god.”

“What?” Kibum couldn’t respond, he could only pass the phone over to Jonghyun and sink into the couch as he read the text. “Oh no...Kibummie...were you drunk?”

“I wish! Then I could have an excuse!” He covered his face with his hands. “This is the worst possible scenario…”

“I found the tape!” Kibum didn’t move his hands, but he saw Jinki come around the couch through the slits between his fingers. “Do I even want to know?”

Kibum just groaned in response before finally sitting up and taking his phone out of Jonghyun’s hands. “I need more coffee. You guys -- ” he gestured to the room, hoping they would pick up on his wanting them to continue decorating.

He trudged into the kitchen, his heart heavy as he started to make another pot of coffee. Why hadn’t Minho responded? Did he really mean that little to him now? Did he ever?

“Do you know what I love most about you?” Minho asked, his fingers carding through Kibum’s hair as they caught up on Sky Castle.

“Hm?” He looked up when Minho didn’t answer right away and found him watching him. “What?”

“I swear, I had an answer, but now I just want to say ‘Everything’.” Kibum tried to suppress a smile but failed. “I can’t help it. You’re too amazing and I love you too much.”

Kibum squirmed, turning his head on Minho’s lap so he was facing the television. “Why are you so sappy today?”

“I missed you, so I’m allowed! Plus, you love it. Would you rather I be working?” he started reaching for the cascade of papers spilling out onto the coffee table. Kibum grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together before holding their hands against his chest. “Oh no,” he said drolly, a smile in his voice. “Now I’ll never meet my deadline...”

“What a terrible thing, I’m so sorry,” Kibum said, just as sarcastically, kissing the back of Minho’s hand when he chuckled. After a moment, Minho shifted, and Kibum glanced away from the television. “Do you really have to work?”

“I probably should, yeah. But I can finish watching this episode, don’t worry,” he said, squeezing Kibum’s hand. Kibum nodded with a sigh as he looked back at the television.

He did love him, at one point, at least. That much he knew for sure. Kibum just wished that he could let go of Minho as easily as Minho had let go of him...

- - - - -

7:55 // Do you at least have coffee for me?

Kibum looked up with the subway pulled into the station and quickly pocketed his phone as he made his way onto the train with the jumble of people. Hopefully, Taemin would remember to look at his phone sometime between now and Kibum’s next subway stop. He his teeth at the man who had just bumped into him without apologizing.

Suppressing an exasperated sigh, Kibum reached up and grabbed one of the overhead straps before the train started moving again. “It’s too early for this bull,” he mumbled under his breath, bracing himself as the train started. He scanned the faces in the crowd around him, his gaze trailing back when he thought he spotted someone familiar in the car just ahead of him.

He blinked, disbelieving. Minho? Kibum instantly averted his eyes, turning around in case he had seen him...only to look back a moment later. Minho was still staring off into space. Even at this distance, Kibum could tell that his usually bright and cheery eyes were dull...almost lifeless.

It was a wonder Kibum could recognize him at all.

And, it wasn’t as if Minho didn’t know his job was soul-...he made that comment multiple times in the years they were a couple. As sad as Kibum was to see him like this, anger flared up within him as well. If the train hadn’t been moving, he might have barged into the next car and demanded Minho explain his decision.

But then, Minho yawned, and his eyelids drooped further still. The heat of Kibum’s anger dissipated. Was this his life, now? Just the constant drudgery of work? Jinki had mentioned that he had tried several times to hang out with Minho, after work, and while Minho always said he would, he would also always call several hours later to say that he had gotten caught up at work.

Kibum looked up when the woman over the intercom announced the next stop, and then back to Minho to find him rousing himself. Their eyes met briefly, but Kibum looked away and didn’t see if Minho kept looking at him or not.

The train came to a stop, and Kibum kept a hold of his strap while others exited, watching for Taemin to get on. He waved when he spotted him, and Taemin barely made it onto the train before the doors closed. “No coffee?” he asked once Taemin made his way over to him.

“No?”

“I swear to God, if you don’t start reading your texts...”

“I do!”

“Not just the ones from Jjong.”

“I don’t!” Kibum scoffed, looking over Taemin’s head to where Minho had been, only to find him gone. “Besides, we can always get some coffee at the cafe.”

“I suppose.”

Luckily, Taemin was able to distract him with their ongoing discussion about new choreography to teach the trainees. Once they were off the subway and had their coffee, they went upstairs to the dance studios, splitting up when their groups arrived. He worked with his first group, perfecting their technique and correcting their movements until their session was up.

It would be fifteen or so minutes before his next crew would arrive, so Kibum took the time to stretch his limbs while he waited. He glanced around the room before he met his own gaze in the mirror.

He hadn’t noticed Minho standing there while he practiced the new choreography in their bathroom mirror. Not until he cleared his throat. Kibum glanced over at him, his face instantly turning beet red as he looked back in the mirror. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything!” Minho said, his amusement evident in his voice as he moved behind him in the bathroom to inspect his own appearance before he left for work.

“Yeah, but you were thinking it.”

Minho adjusted his tie pin, making eye contact with Kibum in the mirror. “Maybe I was thinking you’re the cutest, you ever consider that?”

“Were you?”

“Maybe.” He shrugged. “Maybe not,” he added with a twinkle in his eye as he turned to Kibum, raising his eyebrows in question.

Kibum reached up and adjusted the knot of his tie before patting his chest. “Have a good day, I’ll see you later.”

He cupped Minho’s cheek with his hand as he leaned in to kiss him goodbye. “Missing you already,” he said, smiling into another kiss before he left Kibum’s side.

The door to the dance studio opened, and Kibum blinked as he looked away from the mirror. He scrambled to his feet, bowing in greeting to the trainees as they filed into the room.

“Alright.” He cleared his throat, trying to drive any thought of Minho from his mind. “Let’s pick up where we left off.”

- - - - -

As soon as the door clicked shut behind him, Kibum leaned against it, and let out a heavy sigh. Lights from the city illuminated the darkened living room, and Kibum kicked off his shoes and shucked his jacket before he flicked on the lights.

His house was still in disarray after Taemin’s surprise party -- twisted streamers rocking back and forth because of the ceiling fan, the helium balloons drooping as they started their slow descent, and the mess of confetti covering everything.

It’s not like it mattered, that his house was a sty. He was the only one who ever saw it anyways...

Huffing, Kibum stepped forward, grimacing at the confetti that stuck to his bare feet. He went over to the side table and the television, instantly relaxing at the sound of static and someone else’s voice filling the empty space. The fridge light was bright as he opened it, and he leaned against the door. “, I need to get groceries.”

There was literally only two plates of Taemin’s leftover birthday cake. Kibum grabbed one of the plates and went back into the living room, swiping some of the frosting and it off of his finger as he plopped down on his couch. While he didn’t necessarily enjoy Running Man, he wasn’t in any mood to change the channel.

It had been...almost a week since he had seen Minho in the subway.

If he had been having a problem keeping Minho off of his mind before...it was nothing compared to how he was now.

Quite frankly, it was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous.

Maybe he needed to ask one of the others to set him up on a date. It was time, right? Seven months was long enough..he was just being pathetic at this point. He set his plate of cake down and pulled out his phone, checking the last message he sent him.

Still read. Still not responded to.

Kibum pursed his lips, tossing it into the pile of confetti on the couch. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he’d talk to Jonghyun about a blind date. He started brushing the confetti off of the couch so he could lay down. After a second, he stopped.

No.

It was time to actually sleep in his own bed, not the most uncomfortable couch on the goddamn planet. He grabbed his phone and stood, freezing mid-step when he heard a knock at the door. 11:46? Who the hell would be coming here this late?

Slowly, he approached the door, peeking through the peephole. Wait...Minho? Kibum leaned back, rubbing his eyes before he looked through again to make sure. Yep, it was him.

He jumped when there was another knock at the door.

Kibum, pressing his hand to his chest to soothe his erratically beating heart, took a deep breath and reached for the doorknob. Once he pulled the door open, Minho immediately met his eyes. He still looked exhausted but perked up as Kibum leaned against the door jam. “Hey,” he said softly.

“Hey...”

“Can I come in?” Minho asked, his eyebrows raising. Any defenses that Kibum had been building came crashing down, and he pushed the door open a little wider.