The figures on the sales report blurred together and Minho rubbed his eyes, attempting to refocus. It wasn’t like it was that late. He grabbed his phone, blinking slowly when he tapped the screen. Okay, so maybe it was. Still, he should finish reading over these reports, since he had that meeting with investors in the morning.

Yawning, Minho tossed his phone aside and stood, heading for the kitchen to make himself yet another cup of coffee. He tied his robe loosely around his waist, and he found only find one of his slippers on his way to the kitchen. The clock on the oven blinked 3:05 when he glanced at it on his way to his Keurig. He found the darkest roast he had and popped the pod it and started it brewing.

He grabbed the full cup of coffee, and replaced the new pod with a new, lighter roast. Minho doctored his coffee to his liking before the other cup finished brewing, and he stirred in the two teaspoons of sugar, just the way…

Oh, right. Kibum wasn’t here.

Maybe he should just go to sleep. Play catch up tomorrow.

He held the coffee cup over the sink, poised to pour it down the drain.

”Minho?”

He grinned at Kibum’s incredulous expression, holding up the coffee he had gotten for him. “Surprised?” He glanced down the hall when Kibum tried to peek over his shoulder. For the moment, there was no one to watch out for. “We’re good, I think.”

Kibum nodded for Minho to come inside his dance studio, taking both coffees from his hands and setting them on the chair halfway across the room. “I thought you weren’t going to be back until tomorrow?”

“I took an earlier flight,” he said as he closed the door behind him. “I missed you too m – hey…” He couldn’t help his dopey smile as Kibum slipped into his personal space. Kibum wrapped his arms around Minho’s waist, pulling him just that much closer. “Did you miss me, too?”

“Maybe a little,” Kibum muttered into his skin as he left a trail of kisses up his neck. Minho couldn’t hold back his sigh, and Kibum chuckled as he leaned away to look into his eyes. “When do you have to go back?”

“To work?” Kibum hummed his answer, his eyes dropping to Minho’s lips for a second. “They still think I’m in New York.”

Kibum’s gaze instantly flicked up to meet Minho’s eyes. “Oh?”

“So…that means I have tomorrow off…”

“Hmm…we’ll have to think of something fun to do.”

Minho smiled when Kibum’s cheeks dimpled, and he carded his fingers through the hair on Kibum’s neck. As he leaned in, he stopped a fraction away from Kibum’s lips. “I’ll see you after you get off, baby.” Closing the distance between them, Minho kissed Kibum, smiling as Kibum pulled him closer, the kiss deepening…until…

The doorknob beside them jiggled, and they instantly broke apart. Kibum wiped his lips as Minho went over to grab his coffee from the chair. He smiled at the trainees as he passed them on his way out the door. “Who was that?” one of them asked Kibum.

“My roommate,” Kibum started to say as Minho closed the door behind him.

Sighing, Minho set Kibum’s cup of coffee aside and took up his own. He flicked the kitchen light off on his way back to the living room, taking an experimental sip of his coffee as he made his way back to the couch. He took another sip and glanced at his phone before he started to arrange the reports on the coffee table.

Wait…he had a notification?

He stared at the blinking orange light for a second. Who would be texting him right now? Maybe work…actually, probably work. His sense of duty was the only reason why he put down his coffee and picked up his phone.

But…it wasn’t work.

The Yeobo with the blue heart emoji after it burned into his eyes. Why had Kibum texted him? After all this time?

The Yeobo was a joke he had made almost a year ago when he had gotten home from work to find that Kibum had dinner waiting. It had embarrassed Kibum, which was adorable. So, he made quite the show of changing his name for him on kakaotalk, and…after they broke up, he hadn’t had the heart to change it back to Kibum.

Oh, he tried to several times, but every time he did, he would read through their old messages and he just…couldn’t.

The screen went black, and Minho unlocked his phone, immediately opening the message.

Yeobo 💙

3:07 // Honestly it’s stupid. It’s stupid how much I miss you. Even though you’re not here beside me, you are. Will I ever be able to get rid of you? As much as I want to or would like to, I can’t. I think you’re a part of me and you always will be. Do you miss me, too? Even a little bit? I hope so. I hope I irritate you with how much you think about me and I hope you remember us. What we were. What our future could of been. I’m trying hard to be strong, but the nights are long without you here. So are the days. Maybe I’m just lonely.

Minho’s grip tightened around his phone as he reread the message again and again. Did Kibum mean to send this? It didn’t seem like something he’d willingly admit unless he was drunk.

And even then.

Still, Minho started typing a response. I miss you too, so much it hurts. I wish we had never ended… He stopped, letting out a sigh as he started to backspace. Even though Kibum sent it, it felt like an accident. Like, he didn’t intend for Minho to read it. So, Minho exited out of the app and set his phone aside. He grabbed his coffee again and picked up the stack of reports.

* * * * *

Ring-ring…Ring-ring

Minho stirred, stretching to fumble with his alarm clock. With a shiver, he dropped his head back on the throw pillow, curling in on himself for a little extra warmth.

Ring-ring…Ring-ring

Yawning, Minho peeked over the arm of his couch, locating his phone before he picked it up. “Hello?”

“Oh good, you’re awake,” his father said into the receiver. Minho held back a scoff. Barely… “I wanted to discuss the meeting before you get here.”

Minho closed his eyes, setting his phone on his lap as he sat up. “Okay,” he said once he held up the phone again.

Why was his father so chipper in the morning? Maybe his secret was that he actually slept at a normal time. He listened as his father talked on and on about his expectations for him during the meeting, and switched from the living room phone to the one in his bathroom.

Minho looked into the mirror, his fingers tracing the bags under his eyes. He set the phone down, filling his hands with cool water and splashing it over his face. Hopefully, that would help. He picked up his phone again as he brushed his hair back with his fingers as his dad kept talking.

“Do you think you can do that?”

“I’ll do my best.” He flinched at his tone and braced himself as his father went silent on the other end.

“You haven’t been spending time with that Kibum again, have you?” When Minho didn’t answer him right away, his father took that to mean that he was. “I didn’t have to promote you, you know. You’re lucky Minseok started his own company so that you could do something with your life.”

“Father, I haven’t…I haven’t been.”

“I’ll see you when you get here.” The click on the other end signified the end of their discussion.

As much as he wanted to throw the receiver across the room, Minho walked it over to its place on the wall. He went into his walk-in closet, then, inspecting the sparse assortment of suits hanging there. Minho reached for the gray Givenchy suit, caressing the darker stripes with his thumb.

“I swear, if you don’t at least try on this ing suit, I will dump you.”

Minho looked around, checking to see if the attendants were paying them any attention before he booped the tip of Kibum’s nose. “No, you wouldn’t.”

“Okay, you’re right…but…think of the baby,” Kibum said, jutting his bottom lip out in the barest hint of aegyo.

Minho threw his head back, laughing hard enough for Kibum to shush him so he didn’t disturb the other customers. “Fine, I put it on, but just for you.”

“Why won’t you buy it?” Kibum asked as he trailed behind Minho on his way to the fitting room, sitting outside when Minho closed the door behind him

“My father said not to be too flashy with what I wear.” Minho smirked when Kibum started to laugh as he slipped out of his t-shirt and jeans. “Don’t you start.”

“I’m sorry, I just don’t see what’s so flashy about wearing black all the time.”

Minho zipped up his slacks, glancing at the closed door. “What? You think I should change?”

“I think…you should wear what makes you happy and confident.”

He finished tucking in his shirt then undid the top button before he shrugged on the jacket. “What do you think?” he asked, opening the door to let Kibum see. His boyfriend sat still, staring unblinkingly at Minho where he stood in the doorway. Minho could feel a smile curl his lips upward, and he ed the second, tugging at the collar to let just a bit more of his chest show. “Do you have any thoughts, or…”

“I…think…that we should buy this and go straight home.”

Gulping, Minho let go of the Givenchy suit, grabbing his plain navy one instead.

* * * * *

It had to be a trick.

His eyes must be deceiving him. Unsurprisingly, he hadn’t gotten a whole lot of sleep last night, so perhaps his brain had conjured up exactly what he wanted to see. Who he longed to see.

Kibum was there, just in the other car on the subway. Their eyes met for the briefest of seconds, and he looked away. But it was him. Looking healthy and as beautiful as ever. He blamed the tears stinging his eyes on his exhaustion, even if he knew that was just a lie he was telling himself. He blinked, driving them away, as the other passengers started to deboard the subway.

Oh, right, this was his stop. He had a plane to catch.

The journey to the airport, and even through security as well as boarding the plane, passed by in a blur. He had done it so many times, now. Too many. Minho stuffed his carry-on bag into the overhead bin, not even reacting when something fell out of the side pocket, bouncing off of his arm and onto the ground. He slid into his seat, slowly reaching down to grab it, only to find that one of the stewardesses got to it first.

“Is this yours?” she asked, holding up the little black box.

“Yes,” he said, his voice almost too quiet for her to hear, judging by the way she squinted an leaned closer to him. He held out his hand, and she placed it in his palm.

The ring box bit into his palm as he tightened his fist around it in his pocket. “Please, Minho, sit. We have a lot to discuss.”

He stared at his father, a silent plea in his gaze. A silent plea that was being firmly ignored. Minho took a deep breath, steeling himself, and sat down in the armchair opposite his father. “How did you know?”

“Your mother saw you two. At the mall. She said that you and…he were hanging all over each other.” Minho averted his eyes, his face heating. “I think it goes without saying that we don’t approve of your little tryst.”

Wow, what a huge surprise…He had no idea that would be the case.

“Do you…love him?”

“More than anything in the world,” Minho answered without thinking. His eyes widened a second later…he probably shouldn’t have said that… “What do you want from me?”

“What do I want with you? Nothing. ‘What do I expect from you?’ should have been your question.” Minho gritted his teeth, refusing to ask. “I expect that you’ll break it off with him immediately, and never see him again, or – “

“Or?”

“Or I will tell his boss that Kibum is a homoual. I am friends with Sooman, after all. I’m sure you remember that.”

He did. …

“As long as you do that, I’ll keep the information to myself. I wouldn’t want you to cause any more shame on the family, as it is.”

Minho cursed himself as tears filled his eyes. Stay with Kibum, and risk poverty and ostracization for them both. Let him go, and rest assured that Kibum would be safe. When it came down to it, the decision was easy.

“Okay,” he said, raising his chin as he met his father’s eyes. “I’ll do it.”

The stewardess walked away, and Minho’s gaze slipped to the ring box. He remembered that day vividly – the day he had bought the ring. Jinki was there with him, as Jonghyun and Taemin could not be trusted with any secrets ever. It was a hard decision, narrowing down his choice for the perfect ring for Kibum. In the end, he decided on a thin silver band, five tiny diamonds etched into the top.

Honestly, it had been an impulse buy. He and Jinki had been at the mall to pick out a new coat for Jinki before the winter hit on one of Minho’s rare days off. But when they passed by the jewelry shop, Minho couldn’t help but stop and look at one of the rings that caught his eye, and they ended up scouring the selection to find the perfect one. He hadn’t been planning on proposing, not quite yet, but now that he had the ring…why not? Jinki entertained him for the rest of their time at the mall, coming up with ridiculous scenarios for Minho to propose.

He had almost forgotten that he carried it with him, still. It was a little piece of Kibum – even if he wasn’t aware of its existence – a little reminder of what they could have been.

The flight attendants started their safety spiel as the plane started to taxi onto the runway. Minho leaned back in his seat, his eyes closing. Hopefully, he would dream of happier times.

* * * * *

Deliberations in New York took longer than they needed to. They always did.

Minho opened his eyes when the elevator dinged, stepping forward and down the hall to his condo. His briefcase swung back and forth at his side, tapping against his leg as he fished in his pocket for his keys. Once the door was unlocked, he trudged inside, tossing the briefcase on the nearby sofa. He flopped down on the other, tucking himself easily into the curve of the couch.

If it wasn’t already enough – the neverending hours at work, the long flights, the general lack of sleep, the soul-crushing silence of the empty room – he hadn’t been able to get Kibum off of his mind. Not since the subway.

If he could only…see him again…speak with him one last time…beg for his forgiveness…then he might be satisfied.

He didn’t dream of happier times. Not on the flight, not when he tried to sleep in his hotel room. Not ever.

”So,” Kibum said, his previously impassive expression faltering with a quiver at his chin. “Which will it be?”

“Kibum…I – ”

“It shouldn’t be a hard decision, Minho. Me…or your job.”

Minho gulped, his shoulders sinking as his gaze fell to the floor. Ah, his time was up. When his father told him to break it off, he tried. He genuinely did. It was just…wanted to be selfish. To live on borrowed time, for a while. He knew their days were numbered, and he wanted to savor every he could with Kibum, memorizing everything.

But it was over now. He had driven him away.

He took as many hours as he could at work, barely making any time for Kibum. His Kibum. The sudden productivity from his son seemed to surprise Father, and he got a promotion at work. And with that, came more flights to and from the states and more responsibilities…and less time with his boyfriend.

It was only a matter of time before this day would come. When he’d have to say goodbye.

Not that he was ready, of course. But it was time.

Minho met Kibum’s eyes and held his gaze, burning the curves and lines of his face into his memory. “I’m sorry.” Kibum’s bottom lip quivered until he clenched his jaw, turning his face away from Minho. It took a moment for Minho to summon the courage to stand, to walk past Kibum on his way to the door. “If I could make one last request,” he said, his voice quiet in the strained silence stretching between them.

When Kibum didn’t answer, Minho looked back and found that he hadn’t turned his head to watch him go. But he was listening.

“Please, don’t hate me.”

As he opened the door, Kibum’s head twitched toward the noise and Minho froze, waiting. “That’s the thing. I could never hate you.” And, with that, Minho closed the door behind him.

Minho rubbed his eyes, driving the reverie away.

It’s not like he could do anything about it. He couldn’t go see Kibum, which meant he couldn’t apologize and try to make amends. It would be pointless.

His cell phone buzzed in his pocket, and he dug it out, the ring box falling out with it. As Minho sat up, he took up the ring box and opened it. He stared at the gems, and they seemed to stare back, teasing him, taunting him. Minho snapped the ring box closed and carried it with him to his closet, setting it down among his glasses..

Maybe, his traitorous mind thought, and he pushed it away as he stood in front of his suits. What if, it continued as Minho pulled out the Givenchy suit. He had yet to wear it, to work or otherwise. It wasn’t long before he had stripped out of his travel-worn suit and slipped into the designer suit. Why he put it on, he wasn’t sure.

“You’re being selfish,” he said to his reflection, as he adjusted his tie pin. Was it worth throwing their safety away? Just for a moment of weakness? He dragged his hand across the nape of his neck, sighing heavily, as he stared at the ring box. It didn’t matter that he felt like he was deteriorating on the inside. It didn’t matter that his heart ached every second they had been apart.

It didn’t matter what he wanted. Or needed.

Minho grabbed the ring box, taking it back into the living room and sinking into the sofa. He had to be strong…for both of them. As he flipped the box over in his hand, his mind wandered to the text message Kibum had sent him.

I think you’re a part of me and you always will be.

No matter how much he tried to be strong, he was always so weak, when it came to Kibum. His fist tightened around the ring box, and he shot up from the couch, running for the elevator.

“Where to?” the taxi driver asked, suppressing a yawn as Minho buckled up.

Home.

Minho rattled off Kibum’s address without a thought, and he leaned back in his seat as the car pulled forward. He stared out the window, watching the city lights pass him by as he took deep, calming breaths.

For better or for worse, he had to be selfish this one last time.