Taemin was in the armchair next to the fire, reading over the letter his father had sent. It was short, to the point.

"It was a request from the King, hence I obliged, but make sure to not impose on him in such a way again."

Taemin rested back, closing his eyes. He opened them again to the sound of the door opening– finding Minho step in later than usual. A soldier had informed him earlier that Minho would be visiting the Archduke and had requested him to not wait at the dinner table.

Minho seemed tired and had taken off his coat as he sat in the other armchair, waiting for tea to be served. The Chamberlain placed Minho's tea and Taemin's spiced milk on the table before excusing himself.

"There was no need," Taemin began, "For you to do this."

Minho raised his gaze from the steaming cup of tea he had picked up because Taemin never started conversations. He took in Taemin's face, at how irate his eyes were. He knew what he was speaking of– there was no matter they could converse over–nothing other than the changed dynamic of a knight and a squire.

He lowered his eyes, his grip on his cup tightening, rueing his actions, "I will send them back on first light. I apologize, my actions have harmed your sentiments."

Taemin blinked, feeling himself immerse in guilt as those words settled in. It was fazing him, how calm Minho could be at his hostility, how he could be accepting of his every word. How he had not questioned his ingratitude, how he immediately conceded to what Taemin had only implicitly expressed.

"Why..." Taemin asked, his tone softer, his eyes lowered, "Why did you ask for them to be sent here?"

Minho remained thoughtful for a while, "Because you are hesitant to command my staff... to an extent you eat like a bird... and chose not to voice your discomfort and your failing health. Because you stay confined in these walls, refusing to go out, not wanting to command my soldiers. Hence, I asked for a squire who you could impose on freely and a knight who you could command without reservations.”

Taemin’s mind was rife, rife because Minho had been observant enough to see right through him. Because he had tried… tried to ease it. Taemin felt himself undeserving of such intent, of such attention. Because what he was to supposed to return such intentions with, he had nothing left of it. "I am content with what you provide me."

"But I am not." Minho rose from his seat, having drunk all of the tea in one sip, "I am not content seeing you always on pins and needles."

As Minho passed by, Taemin softly asked, "Was it that obvious?"

"Your eyes give you away."

Taemin looked up at him, his eyes indeed an open book of what he felt, of what he was about to voice, "I am sorry, I have been difficult all this while."

"It is expected, you have left everything behind to be here." Minho's lips curved slightly, "But I pray you to endure the squire and the knight for at least a few days. It would be rude of me to send them away mere hours after their arrival. It would also save me from writing an apology letter to your father."

Taemin was taken aback by his gentle disposition, and he lowered his gaze, feeling the warmth of shame, of how Minho could be so tolerating of he who was so unimportant. For Taemin, even though he could not feel it yet, he knew, Minho was the only one important now... and his request, it was the least he could accept. "You will not have to write one." He softly uttered, raising his gaze when he heard Minho softly answer, "Thank you."

Taemin watched him retire to the bed, sighing as he grew comfortable in his armchair, his mind rife with how he was going to tolerate Jongin being around him for the coming days.

The next day, since the court was not in session and Minho had to go over some scrolls, he suggested Taemin take a ride around town. Taemin was not interested, he was more interested in getting the dusty library cleaned since he had already gone through the few books in Minho's chamber. It was not just the books. He had taken a liking to the art and culture of Aeyan, and was more curious about going through the collections in the underground landings than finding more books to read. But a thought struck him– that this land was not just for his musings. It was his. All his. His kingdom. His people. The meaning of being Minho's consort began to finally settle in– though he had been just a means, a formality for Minho to assume the throne– Minho was not treating him as such. Never had he interrupted when Taemin laid down his opinion in court, never had he questioned him after it, not even his decisions to frankly refrain at times. He had at first seen it in the demeanor of some courtiers, but now there was none of it. The notion of objectifying him, of thinking him as just the King’s accessory. He had forced it upon himself, to treat Aeyan as home… but it was now settling deeper, his own acceptance for this place. He could see it, feel it. He could belong here. Call this kingdom home.

As he lingered on the thought, he no longer wanted to remain within castle walls. The underground landings, the dusty libraries… they might be nothing against what he would experience outside. A sudden wave of anticipation took over him as he wondered about how the simple life in Aeyan could be. Was it the same as the one he had observed in townsfolk back in Seyan? If not, how was it different? How did people here lived? He grew curious with every passing second. Escaping into town, observing people’s tiny, simple happiness had always brought him peace. Had made him aware of his father’s efforts of making Seyan this peaceful. It made him find worth and pride in himself, at the unimportant title he held. He wanted to see it again. Wanted to see what Minho’s efforts were shaping into. Efforts, that one day would be a collective of Minho and his. It overwhelmed him. The thought of how he now bore the responsibility his father did. How, as much as he had always wanted to run away from it… running away was not the first thought now that he thought of it.

Hence, he asked his squire to get a stallion ready, he dressed in lighter robes and put on a cloak, not wanting his outing to attract unnecessary attention and cause wreck and chaos in the everyday life of the townsfolk.

He regretted it right away when it was Jongin, bringing two horses through the grounds, towards the doors of the castle, where he had been standing in wait. The sight of him… unsettled his being and he turned right away, taking the stairs back into the castle but Jongin's voice halted him.

"Taemin."

Taemin turned, his gaze turning into a glare at how he still dared to use his name… how he still wore that gaze. Of hope. How it angered Taemin, not because that Jongin was here, not because Jongin still held hope for them. But because his heart was such a fool, such a shameless fool for Jongin, on the verge of regressing. He did not want it to happen. He would not let it happen.

"Please, come out with me. I have much to say."

When Taemin remained unwavering, Jongin bowed deeply, his voice pleading, "Please."

Something in Taemin wavered then... and he stepped down, mounting his horse right away, leading it out. Jongin swiftly followed, letting Taemin lead the way despite knowing Taemin probably did not know where he was riding towards. They rode for a long time, passing the daily bustle, the town square, the markets, the houses. There were a few fields at the end before the woods began– the boundary between this town and the next– and there was a stone bench near one of the wells a little away from the fields, sighting which Taemin finally halted his horse, taking a seat on the bench as Jongin tied the horses with enough loose rope so they could graze around.

Once done, Jongin came and stood beside the bench, following Taemin's distant gaze towards the downhill that led into the woods. He was hesitant to break Taemin's silence from the animosity he had seen in Taemin's demeanor for himself... hence he waited for Taemin himself to talk, to let him talk.

"Why are you here?" Taemin finally asked, his voice soft, but nonchalant.

"Our King commanded to have a knight prepared and be sent to Aeyan to serve you." Jongin answered, "I volunteered."

"Why?" His voice was harsh, cold.

"You know why."

“I do not.”

Jongin let out a breath of anguish, "It was the worst decision of my life, Taemin. Letting you go.” He paused, “I… I regretted every second of it when I watched you promise yourself away to someone else. I regretted letting my duty towards Seyan, my family’s honor, my father’s stature come before you. I could not live with myself… I cannot– I just cannot live without you, Taemin. When I came here, I denounced it all. I only need you."

Taemin listened to his every word, losing rancor at his words, yet knowing he– they– could do nothing now. “It is too late, Jongin.”

“It’s not.”

Taemin looked at Jongin, his eyes incredulous, his brows constricted at how contentious Jongin’s statement was.

“You were wedded to him as a formality,” Jongin continued, “There is no more need for you here. I know… that you do not care for Seyan, for Aeyan, you never did. There is no need for you to be here anymore, Taemin. You have fulfilled what you could. You made that man a King… and from what I have seen, he seems to require nothing more from you. I have watched you both. There is nothing between you and him. There could never be. How could there be? You love me… and he… he does not love you. If anything… you are replaceable to him–”

“And so was I to you.” Taemin interrupted him sharply and Jongin just stared at him, at how riled up Taemin’s eyes were, at how he was the cloth of his cloak, affected by his words.

“Forgive my ill choice of words, but I am angry. I am angry because I lost you. I am angry because I was fearful, a fool who acted impulsively on that trivial fear.” Jongin stepped forward and knelt before him, taking Taemin’s hands, “But there is nothing more absolute than the fact that I love you.” He gently rubbed his thumbs over Taemin’s knuckles, “I left Seyan… to never return. I left for you. My cowardice made you suffer and your decision made me suffer. Let’s… let’s not suffer anymore. Let’s leave this place, leave everything behind. Once we cross borders into the Kingdom of Yangon, we will be away from it all. Yangon is strongly hostile to Seyan, and Yangon's relation with Aeyan is sour as well. No one from both the Kingdoms will ever follow us because their intrusion will rile Yangon into war. Even if they do come after us... they will never find us. I will make it as such. We can live the life you have always wanted.”

Taemin was overwhelmed, tears pricking his eyes. Because what Jongin spoke, it was already a mirage for him. As much as Jongin occupied the space in his heart, he knew he could not let that space thrive again. He did not want it to. He could never return to how he was before. His heart could never carry the same love he held for Jongin.

He was raging at the beginning but now wanted to keep Jongin as a memory, as someone who was willing to sacrifice his love for something that he believed in more. Seyan. His family. But Jongin’s words were shaking his mindset, rendering this memoir bitter. Making him realize… that he had been prejudiced, he had never considered what he had not encountered. He only enjoyed the thrill of it, their secret meetings, his sweet words, his discreet gestures, his hopeful promises. He had assumed the rest. Assumed he was a righteous knight. A dutiful soldier, loyal to his land, holding values and honor that were stronger than everything.

The Jongin he had loved, had only been a part of him. The rest... a mere assumption. The rest that he was seeing now. It was not what he had assumed... and believed in.

“You turned from me,” Taemin began softly, “And now you want me to turn from my vows to the King, my duty towards two Kingdoms and my word to my father.”

“You have fulfilled–”

“I am not you, Jongin.” Taemin freed his hands from Jongin’s hold, “I will not let go of the King for my selfish reasons.”

Jongin’s face contorted, anger blared in his eyes, “Selfish?”

“Yes.” Taemin answered, his gaze hardening, “You were selfish then and you are being selfish even now.”

“Yes, I am selfish.” Jongin’s eyes were raging, “I decided to be… because there is no one who is going to appreciate my sacrifices.” He paused, “What difference would it make, Taemin? Tell me? What would this namesake marriage accomplish? Nothing that your brother cannot obtain again. What would my selflessness accomplish? Nothing but my own grief.” He calmed a bit, his face growing dismal, “Tell me, Taemin. Do you not love me? Tell me that you do not love me. If you are able to meet my eyes and say it… I will leave the very next second.”

Taemin was silent, perturbed by his words. He could not answer him. He did not dare to, afraid he would not be able to. He did not want to scratch the surface of something he would not be able to endure, live with if it resurfaces.

“I knew you would not be able to answer me.” Jongin rose to his feet, bowing his head, his tone painstakingly formal, "Let's return, Your Majesty. It's a long ride back to the castle." And he left to get their horses and Taemin let out a shuddering breath, closing his eyes for a few moments, feeling his heart twist uncontrollably.

If only... if only his heart allowed himself to be as selfish as Jongin w