for. rita.

There isn’t a single thing Joohyun doesn’t love about Kang Seulgi.

There truly, truly isn’t, Joohyun swears to herself as she tucks one wandering strand of hair behind the younger girl’s ear, smiling a little because she can never stop herself from doing so when she is around her.

“You’re staring again,” Seulgi whines and hides a little under the blanket they’re sharing in Joohyun’s bed like it’s a shield and the latter’s gaze an arrow of steel. “I’m starting to think you’re doing this on purpose.”

Joohyun snorts but doesn’t disagree. “And pray tell, why would I do it on purpose?”

“Because then I blush and you get a kick out of it,” the brunette says, grumbling and looking up at her as if to dare her refute the claim. “Don’t think I didn’t notice.”

This time, a cheeky grin is offered. “Okay. I’ll admit you’re right.”

They’ve been dating for a little over three months now, but they’ve known each other for years longer; friends or more than that, Joohyun has always found it charming, that pretty thing Seulgi does when she’s embarrassed or panicking: the blush that blooms in each cheek and the quiet bursts of shyness in her eyes. Much to Joohyun’s delight, her girlfriend is easy to tease. If only a compliment sent her way, if only a gentle quip, Seulgi blushes and whines and she’s so, so, so adorable it hurts.

Joohyun’s heart wobbles with affection at the hint of red that eventually taints Seulgi’s ears as if on cue. With a warm smile, she doesn’t dare look away. Shuffles a little under the blanket to snuggle closer and wraps an arm around the girl’s waist. “It’s because you’re pretty,” she tells her, carefully connecting their foreheads and nudging her nose with her own. “It’s precious, the way you get so red and fidgety when I look at you, but not when other people stare.” A peck on the lips. “It’s adorable.”

“You say that as if you don’t blush too when I look at you or when I tell you nice things,” Seulgi argues although in vain –and by ‘telling her nice things’ she means when she openly flirts with her. Though she’d never, ever call it that because the word’s too blunt and unromantic and uh, saying it out loud makes her blush. She whines as the thought settles in her mind, mocking her too. Her frustrated cries are muffled by Joo’s chest as she hides in there. “I hate that I blush easily,” she mutters, her grilfriend’s shirt. “You should at least pretend you don’t enjoy it as much as you do.”

“Oh come on, where’s the fun in that?”

Seulgi groans loudly as her hand reaches Joohyun’s neck and she looks up to make the older woman’s stomach flood with warmth at the sight of her pouting lips. “Evil,” she whispers, eyes too gentle for the word to be insulting or offensive. “No wonder Sooyoung and Yerim are so wild. They definitely take after you.”

The thing is Joohyun’s never really believed in butterflies unleashed by adored lovers and all the stolen breaths; the stories of undying love that make forever feel like the flutter of an eye always felt… off. Like she wasn’t meant to experience the passion in the novels, because she kissed men before Seulgi and they never made her swoon. And then she met Seulgi, and Seulgi’s the nicest kind of different she’s ever known. She’s the first woman she grew to love more than a friend, but more than that, Seulgi gives life to those fireworks behind her eyelids. Opens her heart like glass doors and waltz inside it and treats it like it’s home.

The thing is Joohyun’s not sure Seulgi knows just how much love she has for her.

The thing is she needs to know.

“Now, now,” Joohyun coos, grinning at the lovely brunette she gets to call her lover. “Do not bring our kids into this.” Of course this makes Seulgi smile again, the affection she has for Sooyoung and Yerim so great and evident. Her hand leaves the small of her back, only to cup her jaw as her thumb gently grazes her rosy cheek. Her beautiful, beautiful tinted cheek. “I personally love it that you blush so easily. It makes you that much more endearing to me.” Words faithful and tone reassuring; the lightness of their bickering suggests this is no big deal but Joohyun knows better. Joohyun knows Seulgi’s hard on herself, and therefore there has to be a bit of truth hiding between the lines. “It means I affect you, it means you care. Sometimes it means you’re happy and sometimes it lets me know you’re upset.”

No matter how she thinks of it, there isn’t a single thing she doesn’t love about Seulgi. There isn’t a single thing she can’t learn to love.

“I feel like it makes me an open book you can read whenever you please,” the love of her life says, small and vulnerable. Joohyun nods gently, waiting for her to speak up because she will always want to listen to what she has to say. “I know it’s no big deal, I get that. It’s stupid. But it just… embarrasses me? A little bit? That I feel so much for you and it shows.”

Seulgi looks down a little after saying that, like she’s done something wrong. So Joohyun’s fingers reach for her chin to make her look up and smiles. “Don’t say that. It’s not stupid. If anything, it’s reasonable.” She tries to imagine what it’d be like if Seulgi could hear how her heart leaps in its bone-cage for her whenever they’re together, and it makes her feel – very much like her girlfriend feels right now. She connects their foreheads again and caresses Seulgi’s lips with her forefinger. “Would you believe me if I said I feel just as much for you?” She asks, chuckling at the way those lips curve under her touch at the confession.

It’s terrifying, how her own happiness is now directly connected to someone else’s. How it feels okay, now, to depend on someone and let them depend on her too. Love’s not a feeling, she realises, it’s a lot of feelings and choices and words; love’s of every colour and shade.

“You’re staring again,” Seulgi remarks in a murmur, her tone playful. As Joohyun looks deeper into her eyes, she finds stars there no longer clouded by doubt.

“That’s because you affect me too,” she admits, wanting the girl to understand this isn’t a competition and her feelings – their feelings – weren’t threats they should fleet. “I just – It’s like every time I look at you, it’s the first time I’ve ever laid my eyes on you.” The cheesiness of it all makes Seulgi laugh, their noses brushing a little as she leans forward. This is just a story they get to write for themselves, and they both have a say in this. “I’ll tell you what,” she begins, holding back a small laugh when the younger woman playfully bites her finger. “Every time you blush and I feel like it might be giving away how you’re feeling, I’ll tell you something private about how I feel, too.”

Seulgi raises an eyebrow, clearly curious. “Like what?”

“For exemple, right now, my heart is beating really, really fast because you’re so close to me. I feel like saying those three words to you now but I’m afraid it’s too soon.” The admission’s light on her tongue, and to Joohyun, it’s refreshing she can say this and not feel threatened by the vulnerability of it all.

She wants their relationship to be like this forever.
Light. Pure. True.

“Okay.” It’s all Seulgi says, though her eyes seem to blink murmurs of gratefulness. Her hand finds Joohyun’s and brings them behind her back as she inclines her head just enough for their lips to touch. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.

“I’m thinking of saying those three words, too. Seungwan said I should wait until I’m more… sure.”

“She’s right.” Joohyun encourages her, enjoying the way their lips kept brushing against each other as they spoke. At least in this moment, they didn’t need to say the words to feel them. She grins. “I three-words you.”

Seulgi’s laugh is everything. Her cheeks tint red instantly. “I three-words you too.”

There isn’t a single thing Joohyun doesn’t three-words about Kang Seulgi.