I loved you, I love you and I will always love you, but my love isn’t enough to make you stay. I cannot let myself fall even more deeply in love with you than I already am. I told you I could wait for you, I am willing to wait for you, or better said I was willing to wait for you. All the promises I made, I stuck to them, but I am sorry that the last I promise I made will be broken.

The first time that I saw you was when I was 16, you were one year older than me, but you looked like as if you were much younger than me with that chubby cheeks of yours. I was watching from afar, not once had I spoken with you, but fate decided to play tricks on me. One day when you went home, most likely after a little “celebration”, I saw some guys trying to hit on you. Normally, I'm not a person who interferes in other matters, but I could see how uncomfortable it was for you. So, without much thought, I hit the guys heads . Definitely not the best idea, but what better can you expect in such a moment.

The moment I “rescued” you, the look on your face was like you wanted to cry. You tried to hold it in, but my instinct told me to just take you in my arms and give you a big fat hug. It kind of helped, but you started crying and I kinda started to panic. I mean look at the situation. Your crush is hugging you back and crying like a river. It is definitely not the best introduction for the first time. I tried to soothe your anguish and oh wonder, after half an hour of crying and wetting my new bought pullover, you stopped crying and became all shy. It was hilarious for me, but I did not laugh, no. I was staring at your angelic face, at your red-shot eyes, at your puffy cheeks, at your mole right above your right eye and at your ethereal brown orbs. I found myself drawn to your eyes and for the first time I swore that I would protect you at all cost.

After our first encounter, we became friends and not long after that, we became best friends. My desire to ask you to be my girlfriend grew stronger, but I could hold it in. Every day was like my best and my worst day. Your laugh killed me every time and your smile was like the sun to the moon. It was my death shot. My heart ached every time you touched me and believe me it was definitely not seldom. I would often try to laugh it off and say that you are too touchy, but I was no different. I would often squeeze your puffy cheeks and say you look like Squirtle. You would all so often slap my hands away and say that I should respect you more because you are older than me, but how can I when you like the most adorable person of the whole world.

You knew rather rush, that I was gay and to say I would try to hide my uality was definitely not my intention. I am proud of my uality and the moment you said it was ok to you that I was gay, was one of the best moments in my life. I was so relieved and happy to even say something back. There were also Wheein and Hyejin, who sometimes wanted to be called Hwasa. We were always together, and we never had some secrets to hide, ok that’s a lie because I didn’t tell you that I was head over heels for you. My two other friends knew about that secret, but I told them not to tell you though. You were always so clueless, even though you were the oldest between us. It was a drolly time, with you and with Wheein and Hyejin. I wish we could go back to that time because I wouldn’t have made the mistakes, which destroyed our friendship. I am sorry that I was such a selfish , and I am sorry to have never apologized.

It was after our graduation from the university that I found out that you were together with another man called Eric Nam. I could see that he was good to you, better than I was and will ever be. He made you happy, happier than you were with me. At first, I was strictly opposed to your relationship with him, but after some time I could see