“Oh, you are so staring,” the dark-haired man heard coming from his left side--- and there was sitting his bestfriend for almost a decade; book on one hand with a smug grin plastered on his face.

“Wh- what?” Jaebeom tried to feign an innocence to mask the reality that his own bestfriend has caught him ‘staring’ to the third youngest of their group. “Staring isn’t a commendable manner, Hyung” Jinyoung rebutted still a hint of conceit playing on his voice.

“I am not staring,” he said, eyes still boring holes to the group’s sunshine that seems like still unaware of the two pair of eyes looking intently at him--- still immersed on the video that Mark is showing him on his phone. Jinyoung scoffed at their leader’s remark, but before he can say anything else, Jaebeom beat him to it and said with a sneer, “I am… just looking.”

And Jinyoung thanked heavens for not drinking any hot beverage at the moment for he will, for sure, will get choked on it, maybe a burnt tongue at most.

The dark-haired male vocalist stood up from his seat and tapped his bestfriend’s shoulder, “Take a picture, hyung. It’ll last longer,” but before Jaebeom can answer his bestfriend’s witty remark, Jinyoung continued, “Oh, Yeah!,” lips formed in a smirk, “You already have a lot.”

Jaebeom was now glaring at his so called ‘bestfriend’ and even wonders if the younger is worthy to be called one. An ‘enemy’ he thinks. He’ll gonna call this sly friend of his, his ‘enemy’ and mentally noted it.

Jinyoung crouched down a bit, “Mind sharing those photos to us, I mean, a good instagram post is enough, leader-nim,” holding back his laughter, eyes in crinkles, he left his now beet-red friend. And not for long, a loud “Yah” was heard and a flying shoe directed to Jinyoung was seen across the room.

 

 

 

Jaebeom promised himself that he must not caught any unnecessary feelings in the kind of job he had. 
‘Feelings shouldn’t be involved in this kind of work’ he said to his 16-year old self. He will not risk his years of efforts, s efforts, and all the things they gave up, to be where they are right now.

But who was he kidding, he can only now laugh at his teenager self--- naïve, and innocent on things around him. 
Because how much he wanted to believe that love is only meant for movies and books--- love came along the way.

Unnoticed, discreet, inconspicuous---- because unfortunately, love does not walk into your life wrapped in a colorful present.

And in his case, it comes in a personification of the first flower in spring, the vibrant and nostalgic colors of autumn, the serenity of winter, and the warmth of summer.
The genuine smile, the sentimental look, the innocent touch, and playful banter---- Choi Youngjae.

The others started to gather their stuff; all exhausted enough to hurry back home and call it a day. Jaebeom watched as Youngjae laughs with the younger members of their group--- the way Bambam makes some undecipherable noises while the maknae tells some funny story that earns Jackson’s hyena laugh, and on the other side of the room Jinyoung and Mark seems immerse on their own world, having silent conversation only the two of them can hear.

It always warmed Jaebeom that despite their differences everyone got along together seamlessly, and that what made him feel pacified and accomplished every night.

“Stop playing around and hurry up, rascals!!!” he shouts- commanded to catch the attention of the other six boys; and hurry up they did. 
Im Jaebeom was not the most passive-aggressive person here. He will tell you what you need to hear not what you wanted to hear. He was never the one who goes beating around the bush.

He is blunt in all ways and he wanted Youngjae in the bluntest way.

He wanted his lips, his hands, his arms. He wanted him the way the ocean wants the shore, always and constantly reaching and running back. He wanted him the way the rain wants to fall, the way the sun wants to shine, the way the words want to be read, the way lyrics wants to be sang.

He wanted him to indescribable sums, to the millionth degree, that no amounts of rain could dose the fire he had for Youngjae.

But then, he learned to be unnoticed and discreet, he started to steal other words’ meaning to mask the words he really wanted to tell the younger lad--- words that he wanted to make it past his mouth but doesn’t have any courage to.

As the other members slowly disperse and went on their way outside the practice room, Jaebeom slowly approached the younger who seemed to be struggling on fixing his bag strap.

“Call me when you got home safe, okay?” he told the brunette lad standing in front of him, bag now weighing down his shoulder. And that earned him a genuine smile from Youngjae.
He wished and hoped that every time he said to the younger those words, he can understand the underlying meaning behind those innocent phrases his coward mind managed to weave together.

“Yes, hyung. You as well, don’t stay so late at your studio,” the younger reminded him sternly, whilst trying catch Jaebeom’s wandering gaze. The soft pat on his arm made him met the younger’s warm eyes.

And yes, Jaebeom knew, once his midnight orbs met the younger’s caramel ones--- Youngjae understood.

Jaebeom cleared his throat ready to fire some remarks on how the younger just sternly commanded him, instead, all he did was pull the younger closer to him and bury his nose to the younger’s brunette soft locks and inhale his natural calming scent--- a hint of lavender and white musk--- whilst the younger’s arm caught in between the two of them.

No one else had been able to make Jaebeom feel so strong and vulnerable, while just as safe and equally as humble. With Youngjae in his hold, he knows that it was the younger, no one else, whom he was willingly surrender himself to.

Under the warm lights of their company’s practice room with Youngjae in his embrace--- he felt at home.

Tightening his hold to the younger’s waist, he hoped that Youngjae will take it as a subtle plea,
to never let go of him.

 

 

 

“…okay?” the delicate sweetness and overflowing care on Jaebeom’s voice halted the movements of the younger. Then he realized that the older was now standing in front of him body’s only arm-reach apart, eyes piercing but still exudes softness he rarely shows to others.

Youngjae doesn’t think it is fair--- the way the older look at him. Because by the time Jaebeom turned the other way, his heart starts to ache as if it just took a beating from a wild tiger that hadn’t been eating in weeks. 
But under the warm fluorescent lighting of their company’s practice room, when he looked at his eyes, it is as if Jaebeom’s eyes haven’t seen sunlight in years. And it shaken his nerves out of his body and onto the floor---

----- Jaebeom, their stern leader, seemed to be perfectly fine.

When, Youngjae was young, his brother told him ‘you should not rely on another person to fill the empty spaces in your heart,’--- that you are just as strong on your own. But right now, as Youngjae’s eyes landed on their leader, he came to a realization… some of those ‘empty spaces’ are only shaped for another person to fill.

That it does not matter how much you love yourself or how confident you have become. Because in the end he cannot hold himself while crying over hurtful comments, roll over and hug himself to fall back to sleep after a bad dream. Youngjae realized that the moment he cried his woes and tribulations to their leader that one cold night at the rooftop of their company--- Life is about love and love is meant to be shared.

Because the truth was, when you started to love someone, you are slowly getting to know them more intimately--- more clearly you will see their flaws. And Youngje fall in love with Jaebeom’s scars, the way he made sarcastic remarks, the way their leader feels helpless at 2am, the way he can get angry easily, and the way he sometimes wanted to be alone.

He fell in love with all of him.

And Youngjae learned how to read Jaebeom.

Youngjae knows the reason why he is silent. He traced his weakest spots. He learned to distinguish the grey in his black and white.

Jaebeom showed Youngjae one important thing that no one has ever been able to show him before--- Not that he is beautiful, not the he is smart, not that he is sweet.
None of that coming from him. But he showed him something more important than those things.

Jaebeom showed Youngjae he is important.

As he softly pat Jaebeom’s hand to catch his wandering gaze, he hoped Jaebeom can see that he made Youngjae feel like the world is lucky to have him.

He stumbled in his feet as Jaebeom pulled him in a tight embrace--- his arms between their bodies. He can feel Jaebeom’s arms encircled his waist with a noticeable grip, the way he nuzzled his nose to his brunette locks, the way he can feel the erratic beating of his heart but still with a composed and steady stance. It always made Youngjae wonder how can Jaebeom easily masked his emotions--- discreet and unnoticeable by a passerby.

In Jaebeom’s hold he found the answers. Jaebeom… made his life like an arrow; the tip is a deadly sharpened point, so people can never come so close. Afraid that he will disappoint.

A silent scream of fear on how far he would fall, if ever tried to fly.