Kyungsoo's oldest memory was yellow.

 

 

Yellow, like the frayed edges of his favorite book worn out by time or the sundress his mother worn when they went to the beach and what she kept on wearing even in the gloomiest of days. It was yellow, like the old photographs in their family album whose names were long forgotten. There were pictures of people he did not know, who, despite showing the most cheerful smiles, appeared muted to his eyes. For the first time, he didn't understand why the color yellow appeared so dull. He didn't like how those old photographs made him feel somewhat lost and Kyungsoo, overwhelmed by a rush of fear, ended up stowing them away in their basement.

 

 

Kyungsoo's feet sink into the sand as he steps towards the shore. The cold wind blew steadily past him. There is a skip in his steps, the beat of his heart almost drowning the sound of the waves crashing on the seashore. He ran towards the sea, kicking off his shoes sloppily before planting his feet on the wet sand. The waves chased him and he looks down as seawater covers his feet before pulling away, taking the sand beneath him. Kyungsoo stumbles forward, throwing his arms out in panic, before getting back on his feet. It was five in the morning and the sun was just beginning to rise over the horizon. He raises his camera up to his eye-level, angling his face to look into the viewfinder. Kyungsoo's feet are twitching to run back to his car to grab his tripod but he stood still, barely breathing to take a decent picture of the sunrise.

 

 

He doesn't remember the exact date nor time but he remembers the little things; those that go unnoticed, the tiniest of details, but Kyungsoo cherished all of them. Kyungsoo knew that he was starting to forget. It started out simple like any other. He would forget about important dates and events and then after a while, it would be names, faces—things that shouldn't have faded so quickly. He started to forget everything but the roaring of the waves in his ears and the feeling of sand between his toes. Fear trickled in his heart until he started to suffocate.

 

 

-

 

 

"It happened," says Baekhyun, slamming his tray down next to Kyungsoo's before sitting down. He raises his head from his sandwich to look at him, lifting a brow in question. "It happened!"

 

 

"What?" Kyungsoo replies rather loudly, earning a few stares from neighboring tables. He smiles apologetically before turning back to look at Baekhyun who was looking around the place wide-eyed as if he had not walked these halls for most of his adult life. Kyungsoo slams his hand on the table twice to get his attention and Baekhyun's eyes snap back in focus, smiling sheepishly. "When did this happen?"

 

 

There is a surge of urgency in Kyungsoo's voice and if Baekhyun had been paying attention, he would have heard the trembling of his voice and the drop of terror in his eyes, but he didn't; and for that, Kyungsoo was glad. Baekhyun's smile was unlike anything he's ever seen. He looked like he was glowing. "Yesterday, when I was walking home from work, I saw something bright at the corner of my eye."

 

 

Kyungsoo leans forward, propping his elbows up on the table in interest. Baekhyun's smile grows wider. "He was wearing a cap and I couldn't believe it. I've never seen such a bright color before. He stopped walking when he noticed so he spun around in panic and then he saw me gaping at him."

 

 

"He smiled at me," Baekhyun says breathlessly. It's not like he was talking for hours, but somehow it sounded like he did; like he had run from a marathon before telling his best friend that he had found his soulmate the night before. "We found each other. I still can't—I can't believe it."

 

 

Kyungsoo didn't understand why the smile he offered appeared heavy and why the words that came out of his mouth tasted strangely of coarse sand. "I'm really happy for you, Baek."

 

 

Baekhyun smiles back at him a little too brightly, dropping his head down to eat his lunch before snapping back up to look at Kyungsoo. "Oh, I didn't tell you the best part, haven't I?"

 

 

He drops his fork and leans forward. Kyungsoo can almost see the excitement in his eyes. Baekhyun always talked animatedly. Sometimes the words come out faster than his mouth could move and Kyungsoo would always laugh at him for it because it always seems like he was being chased. Today was different. The words still jumped out his chest yet he looked oddly serene, like a candle flame burning steadily instead of the usual sputtering and flickering flame. Baekhyun angled his head low and held his gaze, the smile on his lips never wavering. "We went to the library earlier to look at the color palette. I never understood until now, Kyungsoo. Everything looks so bright. I still can't believe it. It's—it's blue, like the color of the sky!"

 

 

-

 

 

Blue, like the color of the sea. Kyungsoo takes a few steps back as he chooses the lowest possible ISO setting, momentarily looking up from his camera to look at the water before angling his head to look into the viewfinder again and snapping a picture. He doesn't look at how it turned out and instead lowers himself to sit on the sand, drawing his legs up to his chest just enough for his camera to sit on his lower stomach as he watches the sunrise.

 

 

His oldest memory comes in broken patches. There are faces of strangers playing in the sand and his brother laughing at him as watermelon juice drips down his chin. His face was sticky and the sand clings on his skin after being swept by the wind. It was one of those days where every breath of air is just as hot and humid as the summer's heat. Sometimes Kyungsoo feels like he's watching behind the window of a moving car. Everything goes by in a blur. He remembers shrieking after a seaweed brushed against his feet. It is always the little things that he remembered. His mom tying her hair up in a bun and tucking the loose strands between her ears, hot wind blowing steadily past her. He remembers chasing after a gray ball. It comes in flashes of black and white; like the old projector in their garage; but sometimes, it slows down and Kyungsoo could almost feel the scorching heat of the sun like he's walking on sand again.

 

 

"Oh, no!" yells Kyungsoo as he ran after his ball. It bounced across the sand, rolling farther away from him and eventually halting as it bumped against someone's feet. Kyungsoo stops as the boy looks down at his feet before crouching down to pick it up. He turns it around in his hand, half of his face almost hidden behind his black hair. Kyungsoo's eyes went wide when the boy pulls his arm back to throw the ball when he yells. "Hey! That's mine!"

 

 

The boy turned in his direction, eyebrows lifting at the sight of Kyungsoo stomping towards him. He takes a step back by instinct and threw his hands over his head. The boy cowers in fear. The white ball is still clutched in his hand when he sees Kyungsoo's small feet stop in front of him. "What are you doing?"

 

 

He takes a peek through his fingers warily as Kyungsoo stares at him. "I—are you gonna hurt me?"

 

 

Kyungsoo blinks at him in surprise. "No, I just wanted to get my ball back."

 

 

The boy watches him carefully before slowly rising to his feet and handing him the ball. Kyungsoo takes it from his hand, smiling widely. "Thanks. Do you wanna play?"

 

 

"Um," He mutters, looking around the area nervously. His eyes are wide as he scans the crown, gnawing on his bottom lip as if he was doing something wrong and he's afraid that he'll get caught. "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."

 

 

Kyungsoo tilts his head in confusion and lifts his hand to tug him closer but he flinched away. "I'm not a stranger. My name's Kyungsoo. What's yours?"

 

 

The boy thumbs the hem of his shirt nervously before looking back at Kyungsoo. It was almost as if he was in a daze. It was probably just the sun, but Kyungsoo looked like he was glowing. "It's Jongin."

 

 

He grinned. "So, wanna play?"

 

 

Jongin dug his heels into the sand and bit his bottom lip in uncertainty, brows knitting as he stares at Kyungsoo before slowly nodding. Kyungsoo smiles before running away and throwing the ball at Jongin before bursting into a fit of giggles, running in the opposite direction.

 

 

Jongin catches it with his small hands, letting out a small yelp as he does. He looks down at the yellow ball in his hands and then back at his new friend, Kyungsoo, who was waving at him from a distance. Everything looked a little bit brighter than it was before. He smiles, the thundering of his heart drowning everything else as he ran towards Kyungsoo before pulling his arm back and throwing the bright yellow ball with a laugh. "Catch it!"

 

 

-

 

 

Kyungsoo lifts himself up from the sand and started to walk back to his car, picking up his shoes as he goes. He would have to get this picture up on his wall soon. Kyungsoo wasn't a photographer. He'd only recently learned to take decent photos when Yixing taught him. Sometimes it still feels weird to hold a camera in his hands instead of paint brushes, but he needed to accept that everything around him was turning dull. His heart grows heavier.

 

 

-

 

 

"I could've gone with you, Kyungsoo!" says Baekhyun when he called to tell him he already arrived in his hometown. He had to pull away from his phone for a second, smiling to himself as he looks around his old home. Everything was still the same when they left. The books on the shelves have gathered dust. The air was sour and the house smelled old and musty, but Kyungsoo had spent the entire week to clean everything out and now the only thing missing was the smell of his mother's cooking. "It's been a week and two days since you left. I told you to call me as soon as you arrive! You're such an sometimes."

 

 

He chuckles. "I'm sorry I haven't called you back. I've been busy around the house. I'm painting my walls right now."

 

 

There are a few seconds of silence before Baekhyun's usual upbeat voice comes on but Kyungsoo had known him for too long to know what it meant. "That's great, Soo! When are you coming back?"

 

 

"I don't know," Kyungsoo replied truthfully. The thought of coming back to Seoul hadn't even crossed his mind, but he doesn't let Baekhyun know. "I bought sunflowers yesterday. I'll send pictures of the house when I'm done."

 

 

Baekhyun's laugh was strained. "Yeah, you better. We miss you already. I'll call you later, yeah?"

 

 

He hums. He hears shuffling on the other line before Baekhyun bids him goodbye and ends the call. It's getting harder to breathe and maybe he's spent too long painting this room to feel lightheaded so he steps out of the house, but he knows it's foolish so he sat in front of his door with his back against it. Blue, like the color of the sky, Baekhyun said to him a year ago. Later that day, he stepped outside to look up at the sky, but it looked so... dull.

 

 

"Has it been that long?" He mutters to himself as he leans back against the doorframe. He tilts his head up to stare at the sky.

 

 

Today the sky is gray.

 

 

-

 

 

Kyungsoo tried to convince himself that the room he painted two days ago still needed to air out, so he slept on the couch in his living room. But he knows he can't fool himself into thinking that for so long, so he steps inside his old room once again. Kyungsoo hooks his foot around the leg of a small stool and pulls it towards him. He lifts his right leg up to step on it, shaking his foot twice until he's satisfied that it was on even ground. He lifts himself up, holding a frame in his hands. He finally got around to print the sunrise picture he took a week ago. Baekhyun had been nagging him about it. Kyungsoo wiggles the nail on the wall, checking to see if it was loose. When it didn't budge, he proceeded to hang the picture on the wall before stepping down and admiring his work with a smile ghosting his lips. He moved furniture inside the room right after hanging the painting and found a home for the sunflowers he had bought.

 

 

He takes a picture of the room later that day and sends it to Baekhyun.

 

 

-

 

 

"Jongin," Baekhyun mumbles under his breath as he stares at the picture Kyungsoo sent him. The name sounds foreign on his tongue. Kyungsoo told him about the boy at the beach when he was little. They told each other basically everything. Kyungsoo told him about Jongin and the yellow ball. He trusted him with the little things.

 

 

He told Baekhyun everything. His memories at the beach with his family and Jongin. Jongin—Kyungsoo knows he's the one. He had tried everything to track him down but it seemed like he didn't want to be found. Sometimes Kyungsoo wonders if finding Jongin was like bringing the dead back to life. 

 

 

Baekhyun told him about Chanyeol and his bright blue cap. In turn, Kyungsoo told him how the sky looked dull for the first time and how he couldn't see the difference between colors anymore. Sometimes, Baekhyun could still see the empty look on Kyungsoo's eyes when he confessed that he had completely stopped painting.

 

 

They would talk on the phone almost every night, talking about both everything and nothing all at once. On others, Kyungsoo's voice would come in broken sobs and Baekhyun would hear him mutter the same thing over and over.

 

 

"It's gray, Baekhyun. Everything is gray."

 

 

The walls and the flowers are a bright yellow. The reds, yellows, and oranges of the sun that Kyungsoo had taken earlier that week seemed so full of life... yet Kyungsoo would never get to see it. Yellow, like the first color Kyungsoo saw when he met his soulmate. Baekhyun wipes the tears off his cheeks and types a quick reply. "That looks wonderful, Soo."

 

 

I wish you could see it with me.

 

 

-

 

 

Kyungsoo watches his feet submerged in water. His pants were cuffed up to his ankles. He was out on the beach again. He stares out into the horizon and closed his eyes just as the sun was about to rise, the cold wind brushing against his cheek. He didn't want to watch the sunrise if it meant he'd have to see it in black and white.

 

 

Kyungsoo's oldest memory was yellow. Yellow, like the frayed edges of his favorite book worn out by time or the sundress his mother worn when they went to the beach and what she kept on wearing even in the gloomiest of days. Yellow, like the color of sunflowers and the walls of his room. Yellow, the most luminous of all the colors of the spectrum, drained of life.

 

 

He looks down at the small plastic ball in his hand, staring at it as if it would come back to life. Kyungsoo was glad his parents kept everything from his childhood. It was the only thing that reminded him of Jongin. He squints and held the yellow ball away from his face, staring at the only object that was still in color albeit fading.

 

 

As soon as the sun rose, the yellow ball fades away into gray.

 

 

Goodbye, Jongin.

 

 

-

 

 

Ending note: I hope you enjoyed reading this! Just to make it clear(er): Jongin and Kyungsoo met when they were little, however, they didn't see each other again. Both boys grew up knowing the world in full color despite never crossing paths, but one day everything started to look dull. Each day Kyungsoo struggled, but his world was fading into black and white.

 

I was actually thinking of writing a special chapter for Jongin's story, but I don't want to make promises I can't keep so I guess you'll just have to see. Thank you so SO much for reading this :) Have a nice day!