Oh you’ll still be
Still pretty pretty pretty

. This song. Again.
I remember when they presented this song to us. I remember feeling shattered, all over again. It's like this song was made to taunt me, to rub more salt to the ever-fresh wound that is my heart, my soul.


I can’t eat, I’m dying
I feel you even to my bones, I’m dying
Tonight, you’re so bittersweet

Yeah, right. It's been years but I still can't eat properly everytime I'm alone, everytime my mind drifts to her, and that happens almost everyday. Funny because people see us as a group who eats A LOT. I do. But not when I'm alone. I can't find the strength. We used to eat together. You used to check on me everytime. It's true what others say that you can't appreciate someone enough until you lose them. I'm dying. That's what it feels like everytime I close my eyes. Ironic because no one knows how dying actually feels but I assumed it was like this because it's almost too unbearable.


I won’t be a loser and look at your Instagram
Feeling like this alone, what should I do?

But I am. I am a loser. I always find a way to believe that maybe, someday, sometime, we can go back to how things were. That maybe, I can be that person in your photos with you. What should I do? I'm lost without you.


Hey where you at
What do you expect from me?

Where are you? I can't find my way home.


Woo, I saw that person next to you
My heart aches but there’s a smile on my face
You guys look good together

But we looked good too, didn't we? It could've been me. Hell, it should've been me. Is my heart going to be this broken forever?? To be honest, I don't think I'll mind if it is for you, if it's because of you.


You’re still pretty, still beautiful
I can’t believe it

Will anyone ever be prettier than you? Is there anyone as amazing as you? I doubt it. You were my everything. You still are.


I feel like crap, wherever I go
I’m afraid of my days without you

I'm always afraid. But the thought of you also gets me through the day. Thank you.


Oh my lady still my lady
You disappeared like smoke

My lady.. I really think this song was really for me. I loved calling you my lady because you were the only one for me. You disappeared like smoke because I decided to put out the fire. I won't forgive myself.


Wherever I go, it’s you, I’m going crazy
But when I turn around, I can’t see you
You’re still

Can't I really go back?


Why was I such a fool (so pretty)
Why did I let you go? (you’re still)
I keep regretting
I’m still confused
If it’s you or me (you’re still)

Why? Just.. why?? It seemed like the best decision back then but now, I am almost sure it was not. I should have stayed. I should have hold on tight. I should have realized my life without you. Regrets fill my heart. Confusion makes my head haywire. If it's still you and me...


Your pretty smile (so pretty)
Drives me crazy tonight (you’re still)
Dazzling and pretty
I’m still confused
If it’s you or me

Was it you? Or me? I should have run to you and hug you. Or you should have looked for me. Or maybe I should have seen the look in your eyes. Or, you should have heard my heart shatter. But, does it matter? At the end of the day, I'm lost.


I didn’t know how to love
I just thought you were my destiny at first sight
You always brightened and scented my nights
Like a candle, your lips were deep and sweet

I didn't know until I met you. You taught me how, you showed me I can. You gave my nights more meaning. I felt stronger in your arms. Our kisses.. I always get lost in them but be home at the same time. The feeling of your skin to mine, I can live in that ecstasy forever.

Until we decided to let go.


On this night without you, regret from that day washes over
My room is dark and your candle has melted

On this night. It's like every other night after that one. I wish I've done things differently. I wish I was brave enough not to let you go. My room is dark but so is my life.


How are you doing? Hope you’re not struggling like me
Cause I’ll take all your pain for you

I will if I can. I just hope you were not as miserable as I am. I hope those smiles are real. I hope that person treats you better than I did. Or am I just trying to be nice? My genuine wish is that I never leave your heart, that I am still the best part of you.


Woo, I saw that person next to you
My heart aches but there’s a smile on my face
You guys look good together

In my mind, we still looked better together. 


You’re still pretty, still beautiful
I can’t believe it

Always.


I feel like crap, wherever I go
I’m afraid of my days without you

Will I ever be fine?


Oh my lady hold me lady
You disappeared like smoke

I hope the fire we had didn't die. Because it keeps on burning in me. It keeps me sane. It keeps me going.


Wherever I go, it’s you, I’m going crazy
But when I turn around, I can’t see you
You’re still

My lady. 


Rain is falling,
Drenching me
Forget it get it get it you
You ruined me oh

You ruined me? This is the one line in this song that's wrong. You will never ruin me. You believed in me when no one thought I can make it. You fixed me. You keep me sane even if you're far away and not mine anymore.


Lonely on this night
I’m just singing this song I used to sing for you
Inside my head

On this night. It's like every other night after that one. I keep remembering your smile everytime I sing, everytime I put a tune on some words I managed to put together, even if most of them were gibberish. Your eyes always told me you love me. I hope mine did the same..


You’re still pretty, still beautiful
I can’t believe it
I feel like crap, wherever I go
I can’t stand it without you

How did I managed without you for years? Keeping myself busy. Work and being tired keeps me from thinking about you. But.. not tonight. Not most of the nights.


Oh my lady hold me lady
I don’t wanna leave ever again

Can't we really go back? I want to run to you and hold you tight. I want to hear you say you won't leave my side. I want to assure you that it'll still be us, that you're still mine.


In my past memories
I turn around but I can’t see you
You’re still

My lady.

Why was I such a fool (so pretty)
Why did I let you go? (you’re still)
I keep regretting
I’m still confused
If it’s you or me (you’re still)

Your pretty smile (so pretty)
Drives me crazy tonight (you’re still)
Dazzling and pretty
I’m still confused
If it’s you or me
 

The song ended. But my mind is still somewhere far. I sighed. I wish I can call you and tell you my worries right now. I want to hear you say that I'll get through this, that you'll help me get through it.

A knock brought me back from my thoughts. Rowoon's head is suddenly on the door.

"Okay, so I knocked after I heard the song is done. You're thinking about her again?" he asked.

I nodded. He know me so well and I'm forever grateful for that. I looked up to see him smiling sadly.

"Your brother is here. You gonna be okay?" he said.

"Yes. It'll just be a few weeks of rest. I'll be back once I feel better. I really wish you guys the best. I'll stream too!", I said while making my way downstairs.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," he gave me that knowing look.

I stopped. I forgot how this guy can literally see through me.

I smiled and shrugged . "I'm actually hoping I can bump into her. I just want to see her again."

"I know, I know. Relax," I said cutting him off before he even starts scolding me, again. "I won't do anything stupid. I'll rest and be back here in no time."

I waved at him and made my way to the car where my brother is waiting.

"But I really wish I can see her," I whispered, making sure he didn't hear anything.

--

Still My Lady by SF9 English translation by popgasa
Word count: 1514