< (1) - a dream is a wish >

IRENE

I’m never in a rush to go to bed. It just happens.

Sometimes I’ll be busy with a schedule and find myself drifting to sleep on the couch backstage, trying to catch the sleep I lost the previous night.

These days I find myself becoming more and more restless as the year travels ahead. Commercials to film. Comebacks to practice. Concerts to prepare. I’m becoming more and more acquainted with the early hours of the morning than I am with the back of my eyelids.

Seulgi always notices when I’m starting to fall asleep though. She’s there when I need her to calm me down. At nights when I feel lonely or have nothing else to do she comes to my room and we would talk about how our day went and what we would cook tonight. She somehow always knows when I need company.

I fall asleep by the time she comes back with a warm cup of coffee. I remember asking her for one despite my disinterest in bitter flavours. But the coffee was supposed to keep me awake. Ironically, Seulgi came to discover that I was already a slave to the night.

I must’ve been out of my mind but I swear I heard something from her that day. A little whisper and a touch on my cheek.

“If only you knew.”

Knew what?

But the warmth on my cheeks vanished before I could understand why it was there. And when I woke, the soft glow of the sun welcomed me in its warmth instead. I discovered that someone left me a mug of hot chocolate, lukewarm but comforting, and a note saying:

Just rest.

— KSG

And I did as I was told.

.

.

.

The second time it happened was in the car.

We were making our way to a recording session and it was an hour and a half’s journey to get there.

Car journeys make me nauseous and long car journeys are just cruel. I’m used to them already but when I’ve had less than 3 hours of sleep that night, I could barely keep myself awake. But car rides are useful because I can catch some sleep. A temporary solace in a busy world.

But it gets cut short because the car slows down its engine and we’re already there.

Goddammit.

I’d do anything not to get up. The members are taking off their seatbelts and shuffling out of the car, out into the cold air. I shut my eyes and hope to God they allow me at least one more minute. Anything.

“Unnie...we’re here.”

Great.

The guilt creeps back in and I’m thinking maybe I should get up. I’m going to have to. If it wasn't for Seulgi reminding me, I probably would’ve stayed there. If only I could just sleep for thirty more seconds...

“Joohyun unnie wake up,” Seulgi’s hand is on my arm now. “If you don’t...then I might....”

A moment seemed to pass and suddenly I’m half awake. Somewhere between the fatigue and the cold air lies the rest of Seulgi’s words to the end of her sentence. Floating within the silent air surrounding us.

She might...?

I peek my eyes open and see a pink tinge to her cheeks. Maybe it was the cold air wafting in from outside that made her like that. The indoor light could hardly illuminate the features of Seulgi’s face to know for sure. Either way, I couldn’t tell.

All I know was that I was so tired.

“Unnie! Let’s go!”

Finally moving to the sound of Sooyoung’s chirpy voice, I decided to let it go.

.

.

.

The next time I passed out was when I returned to the dorm after my schedule.

It was just me this time who returned home early and I was exhausted. Five hours spent at recording and another three in hair and makeup. It was draining. But I kept my face neutral to the bitter end. It was part of the job after all.

I set the keys on