The heart, it’s one of the most vital organs in the human body. If you only knew the things that the small yet amazing organ is capable of doing, you may be surprised. 

 

 

*beep*

 

 

It’s only about the size of a fist and yet it contains enough force to pump 4.7 to 5.7 litres of blood throughout the body per minute. Beating approximately 72 times while doing so. 

 

 

“scalpel”

 

 

With the average lifespan of a human is 66 years, our hearts beat over an astounding 2.5 billion times. 

 

 

“Close the right end” 

 

 

In addition, it works independently. Or rather, the cardiac muscle is stimulated through electrical conduction, out of voluntary control of the mind… that is to say, it’s completely involuntary and works by itself. 

 

 

“I’ll leave the clean up to you”

 

 

Though what’s strange is that, this small organ often gets itself with stories of love… 

 

 

“Um.. excuse me, Doctor Im.” A nurse peeked her head through the door “The department meeting is scheduled for this afternoon…” 

 

 

“…alright, thank you” 

 

 

I finished up the mandatory cleaning routine after the operation and hastily made my way to the department meeting. The surgery took longer than expected but I guess that’s expected of being a heart surgeon. One mistake can kill a life, and we want to prevent the deaths we can. 

 

 

———

 

 

“Ahh, she’s so cool” a first year resident said dreamily “She’s cool no matter how you look at her her… I’m so jealous of the guys that get to help out in OR, I hope I get to date her some day.” 

 

 

The resident sat at the main desk going through scripts along with a second year assigned to help ease her into the job, albeit sneaking glances at the said doctor tending to some patients. 

 

 

“What, you mean Doctor Im? But you’re a woman?”

 

 

“And what if I am? I don’t see any problems!” the first year countered “I hear that the flash of determination that she gets in her eyes while operating is super dreamy… look at her piercing gaze. If she ever looked straight at me with those eyes, I think I’d probably melt”

 

 

“You shouldn’t try to get involved with her” 

 

 

“Huh? Why is that?” 

 

 

“Well from what I hear, Doctor Im isn’t your typical woman. A lot of the nurses - and even doctors - have gotten into a relationship with her… but the’s never really taken them seriously.” 

 

 

“Oooh, looks to me like she’s a bit of a player, in that regard. I mean, she’s a hottie so she probably isn’t into serious relationships anyway. Seems like she isn’t really afraid to break some hears here and there, you know.” 

 

 

“Yeah, you’d be better off not turning into one of her playthings. If you cross whatever invisible line she’s drawn, then you’ll just wind up hurting yourself needlessly in the end.” The second year said picking up the completed scripts “But then again, even with her sleeping around… she probably has some standards.” 

 

 

“I-It’s not like I’m that ugly… right?” 

 

 

———

 

 

Being a doctor on command, every second at work is intense and requires me to keep a constant front to allow me to push through. This is exactly why I cherish any time I have a break. Sitting in the cafeteria, I stared at the bright light soaking in the heat of my routined body. It had already been a while since I started sitting and I hadn’t touched my food yet. Just as I reached for my apple, I see a brown bob cut and a cling of metal against the table I’m sitting at.

 

 

“You wouldn’t mind if I took this seat would you doctor?” 

 

 

I smirked. We both knew what this was going to end with but what was the harm of putting up a little charade?

 

 

“No, be my guest.” I flashed my toothy smile “Who could turn down a pretty lady such as yourself?” 

 

 

“My my… a sweet-talker as always, doctor” The brunette commented soon noticing the apple in my hands “Is that all you’re having for lunch? Does that give you enough energy to last the day?’ 

 

 

“Oh, i’ve gotten use to eating just this much. I don’t particularly enjoy feeling stuffed.” I said noticing the change in atmosphere, though not necessarily hating it. 

 

 

“But what about sweets Doctor? Don’t you like sweets?” 

 

 

In an instant, the brunette swiftly shuffled closer to the me intentionally invading my space whispering in my ear “Would you care for a little… sweet break after lunch together?” 

 

 

I admit, It was hard to resist going for it as soon as I felt her breath on the side of my face but now that it was time, I was going to take full advantage of it. 

 

 

“With pleasure” I said with one last bite of my apple. 

 

 

———

 

 

After an eventful “meal” after my unfinished apple, we both hastily put our clothes back on being tied to a tight clock. 

 

 

“Seems life Doctor Dave from the paediatrics department is transferring at the end of this month.” the brunette said pulling her arms through her shirt. “So now his colleagues are planning on hosting a farewell party or something like that. Maybe we could attend it together if you’re not busy this Friday?”

 

 

It was always like this and it annoyed me to no end. Out relationships are purely and that’s it.

 

 

“Thanks for the invitation Momo” I said straightening out my doctors coat “But I think i’ll pass. I don’t like crowds anyways. I already see enough of that bunch roaming around during my shifts.”

 

 

I turned back to look a disappointed but resigned Momo “Oh, and don’t follow me out just yet. Stay here for a bit before going back out.” I said before exiting the storage room not giving a chance for Momo to respond.

 

 

“Loving with your heart?” No, that’s nonsense to me. 

 

 

I walked down the empty corridor. It seemed like we took longer than I expected in there. 

 

 

That throbbing pain you get in your chest when things don’t go well… “heartbreak?” 

 

 

 

That’s nothing but your body releasing a bunch of chemicals in response to rejection. 

 

 

 

The button lit up as I pressed the floor I wanted as I got in the elevator 

 

 

 

This specific kind of pain I feel… 

 

 

 

Merely comes from understanding that and preventing the body from releasing the endorphins that give you “happiness”…

 

 

 

There was no more work for me to do, which meant I had the rest of the day to myself.

 

 

 

…and phenethylamine. The “Love Drug” chemical. 

 

 

I passed by many people, but I noticed that someone had worn red. Not many people wear red at a hospital. 

 

 

 

Once the body stops releasing those chemicals into your system, your mind will be able to accept and tolerate the pain… because there’s nothing left to hold it back. 

 

 

 

As soon as I got home, I changed out of my scrubs and put on my clothes to go out. Jeans, a black shirt and a leather jacket. 

 

 

 

If you don’t want to fall prey to your own emotions… 

 

 

 

All you have to do is stay above them and take them by the horns. 

 

 

 

I have arrived. My sanctuary apart from the hospital. I walked into the pub ready to achieve only one goal. 

 

 

 

It’s always more favourable to become the hunter than to end up as the hunted

 

 

 

I never really like the atmosphere at clubs, but it’s really the only the place I can find what I need.

 

 

Standing at the table I stationed myself at, I gazed around the room until I found a suitable candidate. She was beautiful, her long black hair and her gummy smile made me stop and stare. Having it seem that the woman I chose had also noticed me and watched as she advanced towards me. 

 

 

“It’s quite loud here” she offered keeping the right amount of eye contact “would you like to continue our conversation… at my place?”

 

 

 

———

 

 

 

I woke up to a loud vibration on a bedside table. Adjusting my eyes to the light, I sat up groggily to find not only that I was in my bare ness but also being cuddled by the beauty I met last night. 

 

 

Mina was it? I barely remember what happened last night with her, but I know there was a lot of . I was then brought back to attention to what woke me up. My phone vibrated once again causing a loud noise grating against my ears with the table it was on to amplify it. 

 

 

“Ugh… it’s too early for calls” I groaned not ready to get the day going. “Damn it… … you’re gotta be kidding me. An emergency case at this hour?” 

 

 

As I rushed of the bed I was in, I heard the girl groan in her sleep reminding me of her presence.

 

 

Oh yeah, this is her place… I really stayed over for the night. 

 

 

I rummaged for a piece of paper and a pen and left a note for her as I rushed to the hospital. 

 

 

“Thanks, I really had fun last night. I’ll call you” 

 

 

It really is a bad habit to get into, reassuring these people I meet that we’ll meet again when I have no intention of doing so whatsoever. But that isn’t my main concern at the moment. I need to get to the hospital as soon as possible so that I can answer to the emergency call.

 

 

It was a good thing Mina didn’t have a ride last night, If she did I probably would’ve left my motorcycle at the pub and collected it this morning. Speeding is against the laws, but it’s something that I’ve managed to do so often without getting caught. I guess it’s just a small part of my job. Being able to get to the hospital in a limited amount of time. 

 

 

It wasn’t long before I got back to the hospital and ran into the ER shocking people with how rushed I acted. 

 

 

“It’s Doctor Im!, She’s here!” a nurse shouted over the chaos. “We’re sorry for calling you on such short notice, Doctor… there was an accident involving a your bus-”

 

 

“It’s fine. Give me the patient’s chart” I rushed as I turned to the nearest worker holding my leather jacket and helmet “Here, hold onto this for me.” 

 

 

“Several people were injured in the crash- The majority of them need to undergo surgery immediately” The nurse informed as I looked through the chart pulling on my coat. “The patient’s name is Paul, age 59. Male. Fractured skull. He’s sustained several lacerations across his body and other injuries in the crash. He’s barely breathing.” 

 

 

“Okay” I said full operation mode on, tying my hair back into a pony before preparing for surgery “get him into the OR, stat” 

 

 

“Y-Yes” the nurse muttered “so cool” 

 

 

I was too focused on the task at hand to hear the nurses fawning over me as I hurriedly scrambled to get things in order. 

 

 

I was met by my team of operators once I had finished putting on my operation gown and properly erased all possibility of bacteria from my body. I looked at the chart I was given. Room 24. I sighed knowing that it was going to be a long surgery and I didn’t know how long I would be able to stay on my feet. 

 

 

The lights , and I was met with the patient I was going to cut open. The wounds weren’t any better than what it said on the chart and in turn shook me for a split second. The fracture on the head would definitely need to be closed, but there were small bits of shrapnel that I would need to carefully remove. But with the shrapnel so close to the nerves of his brain, any mistake would mean death. Though before we have to deal with that problem, the patients blood levels were dropping quickly, and we needed to find the leak before he runs out of time. 

 

 

“Suction” I said hoping to do something

 

 

“Doctor, his blood pressure is still dropping” A nurse said gently

 

 

“I know…” I continued gently prodding around “But I still haven’t found the leak”

 

 

My hands were by now covered in blood and I was getting anxious. It wouldn’t be look until he would run out of blood, and there’s only so much the machines can do for him. I looked up to the data screen that showed his vitals and almost dropped everything. 

 

 

“His condition’s getting worse” I said hushed but urged “Hand me the haemostat”

 

 

I grabbed the metal instrument given to me and made no haste in applying it to the patient. “Keep supplying the blood. Administer the levophed!” I didn’t want to stop, there was something I could do. The must be something I could do. 

 

 

“There’s too much bleeding. Drain it” I commanded 

 

 

“His blood pressure has gotten dangerously low Doctor..” A nurse warned

 

 

“Doctor, He’s gone into cardiac arrest!” 

 

 

“God damn it!” I swore frantically trying to get the blood to stop leaking “Don’t do this Paul, Don’t be a coward” I muttered hoping for the words to reach him, but like in all cases like this, they didn’t.

 

 

———

 

 

There was so much going through my head, I needed a break. The fact that I couldn’t save a man that was beyond my help wasn’t what was eating away at me. The fact that I was too late was what upset me. If I had been a little earlier, would Paul have survived? Paul would have been able to meet his family again, the same family that I am going to have to bring some news to. 

 

 

I took a deep breath once again, leaning on the railing to support myself. The surgery had taken a little over 5 hours and without the support, I would’ve been sitting on the floor. 

 

 

“Oh? Doctor Im?” A doctor on duty came into the room “Sorry about all this, you’ve had it rough since the early morning. The entire hospital’s gotten frantic because of that accident. Doctors, nurses… they’re even calling in the off-duty staff. Your case in particular though, the patient has already sustained serious injuries when he was wheeled in, you did the best you could” 

 

 

“Yeah thanks, I’ll be fine don’t worry about it” I said bothered with how interested the doctor was getting with my case

 

 

“Come to think of it… I think I saw you at a club last night” he continued choosing to ignore my tone. “Didn’t think you were the type to enjoy that kind of atmosphere” 

 

 

“I have my days, I don’t frequent it too often. Just if I need a break or when i’m feeling somewhat adventurous?” Playing it off trying to steer the conversation away. 

 

 

“I actually like hanging out there myself, would you like to try going together one of these days? The more the merrier” 

 

 

“I appreciate the proposition” I said getting up, making it clear that I did not want to be associated with him any more than I needed to “But I ride solo” 

 

 

With the recent operation still on my mind, there was still something I had to do. It wasn’t the first time i’d ended up in the situation, and it’s certainly the most difficult time of being a doctor. 

 

 

“Hello, are you here for mr. Paul?” 

 

 

“Doctor!” A young girl asked “what’s my father’s condition?” 

 

 

The young girl looked to me with such hope before looking to the man besides her who I assumed was her brother. It was always heartbreaking for my end as well to be the one to bear the news, but it was part of my job, and i’m one who’s good at their job.

 

 

“..My sincerest condolences” I said taking off my glasses and looking at them with my bare eyes “we did everything to the best of our ability. The your father was already in critical condition and had grave injuries on his torso, which gave way to serious blood loss.” 

 

 

“no…” The girl started crying leaning onto her brother who readily embraced her needing it just as much as she did “no.. t-this can’t be true, we just spoke on the phone this m-morning!” 

 

 

“It’s gonna be alright Soyeon-ah” her brother soothed, but also close to tears “we’ll get through this somehow” 

 

 

After bidding goodbye to the siblings, I made my way on to my next patient ready to get the day going again, ignoring the pain in my heart. 

 

 

 

—————

 

 

 

We often hear the phrase, “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone”. 

 

 

And it’s true. So very true. People take things for granted.. and we only truly see how much they mean to use when we’re close to losing them.