7 years old Jeno was busy reading Alice’s Adventure in Wonderland for the nth time. The night was quiet with occasional howling of foxes out in the forest. Jeno liked nights like that. He felt at peace. It was also one of the very rare days when he didn’t have to hear his parents fighting, yelling. Hear his mom sobbing. He wished things would always be this peacefu-

“HOW DARE YOU GO OUT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION?! TO MEET WITH YOUR SECRET BOYFRIEND? OH NO NO, YOU CAN’T FOOL ME, YOU . I KNOW WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU GO OUT. JUST ADMIT YOU FOUND SOMEBODY NEW AGAIN.” Jeno’s dad’s voice pierced through the silence of the night, along with the sound of something breaking on the floor and a cry of a woman filling the air.

So much for a peaceful night.

Jeno debated opening the door to his room and see what his parents were up to. And even though he was small and weak, he was sure there was something he could do. Dad was beating up mom again. Jeno hated to see his mom get hurt. More than he hated not being able to join the singing lesson.

Jeno heard the sound of someone slapping the other and he instantly knew it was his dad. He got down from his bed, put on his rabbit slippers and then slipped out of his room. He ran to the living room and saw his dad standing there, his mom crying on the floor. “Dad! Stop! Don’t hit mom! Don-“ Jeno couldn’t finish his sentence because his dad was staring at him with red eyes and a sickening smile. Jeno shrank in fear. “Oh look, . Your precious son is here. Ah yes, he’s your son. Not mine. I don’t believe he’s mine. You sleep with every living creature out there. This… this ugly kid can’t be my son.” At his little speech, Jeno felt offended. He wasn’t ugly. Everybody said he was cute, thank you very much. But before he could open his mouth, his dad picked up a metal rod from the floor and started walking towards him. Jeno stumbled to take a few footsteps forward. But before his dad could hit him, his mom almost jumped on his dad, “Stop! He’s a kid! He’s YOUR son! He didn’t do anything! Let him go, please. Don’t hurt him!” at that, dad stopped and slowly turned to face mom, “You dared to touch me? To stop me?” his voice was deadly calm and suddenly Jeno realized, he needed to run, he needed to get out of there. And so he did. He ran like his life depended on it. Thankfully there was a closet nearby. He ran inside the closet and closed it tightly.

He could still hear his parents fighting, screaming. Sounds of bones clashing against bones, his mom yelping in pain each time dad’s fist collided with her body. Then suddenly there was a gunshot. Then the sound of the front door slamming shut. Everything went quiet after that. Jeno waited for a few minutes before he opened the closet to peek at the living room, hoping for his mom to greet him with a smile like she usually did.

And then Jeno screamed.

Jeno woke up with a start next morning. He had that nightmare, again. Well it wasn’t exactly a nightmare. It was a memory. A memory he wanted to erase, to get rid of. A past he was trying so hard to erase. But that was the thing about past. You had to live with it, memories buried deep inside your heart, pretending like it never happened even though the wounds would never heal.

Jeno shook his head. Past was in the past. Now it was the present that mattered. He still needed to find a new job and go grocery shopping. He ran out of vegetables. Instant ramen wasn’t healthy. Well, time to start his day with a cup of coffee and make a to-do list.

Jeno was walking through the aisles of the grocery shop and debating if he should buy a packet of chicken or not (they cost a lot, okay.) when he saw them. They seemed to be buying alcohol and a few packets of cigarettes.

Mark and Donghyuck.

. .

Jeno turned around and ran for the counter. He paid for his vegetables and almost ran out of the store. But before he could turn the corner, a pair of strong hands yanked him into an alley. Jeno fell on his back on the road. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know who it was.

“Well well well. Look who we got here.” Mark’s voice reached Jeno’s ears and he shivered. A sense of fear clouded his sense and he prayed for a lightning to strike him, or the ground to open up and swallow him. As long as he didn’t have to face Mark, anything was fine. Jeno attempted to sit up, only to be pushed back again. “Hello, Mark. And Donghyuck.” He muttered. Mark snickered, “We’ve been looking for you for months. But you keep running away. When are you planning to pay us back? After we die?” And then he punched Jeno on the face. He could taste the blood in his mouth. .

“Soon. I promise. I got kicked out of my job. I don’t have money. Please. Just give me a few days. I beg you.” Jeno whispered. Too tired to fight. Donghyuck took out a packet of cigarette and spoke without looking at Jeno’s direction, “We’ve been giving you ‘time’ for 2 months. You were supposed to pay us back within a month. Three months and we still don’t have our money, kid.” Jeno felt frustrated. He knew dealing with these kids who did drugs, beat up anyone they pleased, did lots of theft and robbery was a bad idea. But Jeno needed the money, for Taeyong’s sake.

Mark stared at Jeno for a while before standing up and straightening his clothes, “Fine, another month. You have until July to get your together. And if you fail, you either sell your soul to us or end up dead in a river. Whatever you prefer.” He sent one last kick at Jeno’s stomach before turning to face Donghyuck, “Let’s go, baby. We have places to be.” Donghyuck nodded and placed a kiss on Mark’s lips. And just like that, they were gone. Leaving Jeno behind in his pains and miseries.

“Holy , Jeno! What happened to your face?!” Renjun rushed to Jeno the moment he stepped into Wanderer’s Café in the evening for his shift. “Oh lord, you look like . Did you get run over by a truck or something?” Renjun asked as he caressed the part of Jeno’s face where Mark punched him. Jeno attempted to hide it with some makeup but it obviously didn’t work. Jeno winced in pain but leaned into his best friend’s touch anyway, “I met Mark and Hyuck this morning.” Renjun frowned before leading him to the stuff room at the back of the shop, “Just accept my offer and take my money, pay those ers back. You can pay me back later. But no, you’re a stubborn who refuses to listen to me. Jesus Christ, look at what they’ve done to you.” Jeno shook his head, “I don’t want to borrow money from you and that’s final.” Renjun himself struggled with leading a decent life. He went to college, unlike Jeno, and had vocal lesson, dance lesson. His rent was also higher than Jeno. He needed the money and Jeno would never want to be a burden to the boy he’s been friends with since elementary school. He already owes him way too much.

“I forgot to tell you something. Taeil had a call from Johnny. His mother is very sick. Probably won’t last for long. So he flew to Canada early this morning. He tried calling you but you didn’t pick up the phone.” Jeno stopped making the cold Americano and looked at Renjun, shock and disbelief written all over his face. Taeil left? And he couldn’t even go to the airport to see him off, or tell him everything was going to be fine? Jeno swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, taking his attention back to the coffee in front him. He can’t be weak. Not in front of Renjun.

Later that night, Jeno found himself back to the abandoned park he visited the previous night. He sat on the swing and again looked up to the sky. His mind was filled with worries, pains and fears. He suddenly realized that there was nobody with him now. No one to listen to him, to hold him when he’s feeling down. And without Taeil there, soft but strong, the city of Los Angeles seemed to swallow him whole. It suddenly seemed too big for a guy like Jeno, too empty, too scary. Jeno had never seen life as as colorful as his classmates described. His world was filled with nothing but black and white colors. Completely void of happiness or any such emotion related to that word. And for a brief moment, Jeno imagined a world without him in it. Nobody would remember him, nobody would cry for him. The world would continue with its activities as it always did. The sun would rise like it always did. And the stars would continue shining, not knowing that the boy who loved staring at the night sky was no more.

“Hey.” A voice greeting Jeno, pulling him out of his thoughts. He turned to look at the source of the voice, only to find the boy from the night before sitting on the swing beside his. “Hey, Jaemin.” Jeno found himself smiling, He didn’t even know why. “Rough day?” Jaemin questioned. Jeno shrugged “Kind of. But I’ve been through worse. What brings you here again? Painting again?” “Nope. Just needed some fresh air. And a mysterious boy I met here yesterday may or may not have played a role. If you know what I mean.” Jaemin . Jeno let his head fall back and laughed, “You’re really something, boy.”

Jaemin talked about his day. About his teachers and complained about his homework. Jeno listened in silence and nodded sometimes, adding some questions here and there. “So Jeno, tell me about yourself. Do you go to college?” Jaemin asked after a while. “I wish,” Jeno let out a bitter laugh, “I dropped out of high school. Had to make a living if I wanted to survive.” “Huh? Why? What about your parents?” “Mom died when I was 7. Dad disappeared. I didn’t have anywhere to go to…” “What about your relatives?” “They didn’t want a burden. I lived on the streets until a guy took me in. These streets are where I grew up. Streets are all I’ve even known. And this is my home. The gray asphalt and people looking at me with disgust.” Jeno didn’t look at Jaemin. He was sure Jaemin was going to hate him, or worse, pity him. They all did. Jeno wanted neither.

“It must’ve been hard. But hey, you’re still here. You didn’t give up, struggled and worked your way up. I think that’s something deserving of respect.” Jeno didn’t expect the reply he got from Jaemin. He looked at the boy in surprise. Jaemin grinned at him, “You have my respect, dude.” “Thank you.” Jeno whispered back. And if Jaemin noticed the wavering in Jeno’s voice, he didn’t question it.

Jaemin was right. Jeno had come so far. He could go farther and show everyone what he was capable of. Someday he’d be okay.

And with Jaemin beside him, the stars somehow shone brighter than ever.