Seokjin couldn't even attempt to deny how his heart pounded each and every moment which he had to witness his dongsaeng suffering. The episodes were not a constant occurrence, no matter how terrifying they were when they did occur, but there was something which was constant. As of late the self doubt, the loathing, the consistent practicing which kept them all awake at night, that had become normal for Jimin. Seokjin hated how he didn’t believe in himself any longer, and he hated the fact that nobody knew the true reason why his dongsaeng had lost this trust in his abilities. It didn’t take great effort to piece events together. Jimin had always been harder on himself than he should;however, his truly harmful habits didn’t begin until that manger had been hired several months ago. He had been absent from all company activities since that evening three months prior; however, Seokjin could tell that whatever had transpired between he and Jimin was still affecting the other. His dongsaeng didn’t wish to talk about it, yet something had to change before he hurt himself again.

It was Seokjin whom had suggested the trip to PD, the other agreeing under several conditions. He merely wanted them all to take time away from the studio, practices, and responsibilities. He wished for his dongsaeng’s to unwind their nerves, secretly praying that distance would help Jimin become more willing to open up to him about what had happened which hurt him so badly. PD had agreed for a company paid vacation; however, they were going to film it. Seokjin agreed to the terms which weren’t exactly what he had imagined, because the change of scenery and fresh air would still be better for them than remaining here.

They had cameras, staff members, the whole company image following them; however, simultaneously they were still able to make it a good time. Seokjin couldn’t say that they hadn’t had any misfortunes; however, they only had a limited amount of time and the eldest wanted to make it the best he could for them. 
They were approximately halfway through the trip when he begun to worry for Jimin again. His previous symptoms hadn’t completely left; however, it was too much to ask for one simple week long vacation to completely cure his brother’s mind. Without the pressures of practice and vocals and dancing surrounding him, he had begun to see his dongsaeng smile once again. If only for a few seldom moments, it made his heart sing to think that he might be happy right then. Partly through the trip Jimin stopped sleeping, he wasn’t eating nearly as much as he had been prior, and he wouldn’t talk with anybody. Seokjin could see how he put on a happy expression for the cameras, and then would sneak away into Sejin’s things when he thought no one was looking. Seokjin knew what his dongsaeng had been acquiring, he just didn’t want to fathom that it was true.

His medical supplies were in Sejin’s bag due to the filming. His prescribed medication for severe episodes, less intense pain relievers, hot patches, ice, all of it was packed away in Sejin’s things. Seokjin couldn’t be certain what exactly he was taking, because Jimin wouldn’t give any leeway that he was in pain. His expressions would show discomfort, yet his words would say opposite and Seokjin wasn’t certain if he realized that they knew him well enough to know when he lied. Off camera they had been certain to ice and relax his muscles every night, tried to make him eat a healthy amount of good nutrients: the various things that they would do on a daily basis to care for Jimin’s condition. Sometimes it just wasn’t enough.

That morning Seokjin had immediately had a sour feeling in his chest, it felt as if the air was thick around him. Exiting everything had appeared as normal as could be possible. The members were scattered towards various places of their temporary home, with the exception of Yoongi whom was still attempting to wake himself. He had attempted to comfort himself, claim that nothing was overtly wrong, until he noticed the glaring fault which had been storming towards his head.

“Where’s Jimin at?” Seokjin had attempted to conceal his concern, not wanting to worry anybody about something that wasn’t confirmed to be an issue. An odd feeling when he woke was no reason to cause a panic; however, it didn’t work in that fashion. They had noticed too. They were just as worried. 
“He was still sleeping when I woke, and I didn’t want to wake him since he’s been having such a hard time.” Taehyung’s head bowed low as he spoke, worried that he had done the wrong thing for his friend. Seokjin knew how close they were with one another, and he knew how much it hurt Tae when Jimin was like this. “I-I was just going to wake him when we got breakfast.”
“Oh, okay. That’s good, he needs his rest.”
“Th-here’s something else I need to tell you hyung.” Seokjin wasn’t the only one perplexed by this, everyone else having a similar reaction indicating that he had kept it to himself. Taehyung didn’t do this often, Seokjin moving beside his dongsaeng once he realized how serious it was. He placed his hands around Taehyung’s shoulder’s, wanting him to know that he was there for him. 
“What is it?” 
“This shouldn’t air.” Seokjin nodded, not needing to take any action. Hoseok and Namjoon did it for him, both moving to have the producers and staff present to temporary halt production. When asked why they told them that it was a private matter that they didn’t want broadcast. Sejin had left to go handle some ‘company business’ on his cell phone which he didn’t want the boys to overhear yet, meaning that once production had halted it was only them once again. By this time Yoongi had joined them, Jungkook telling him what was happening before moving to get Taehyung a glass of water.

“It’s just between us now.” Taehyung nodded, gulping the cold liquid that Jungkook had provided him with before thanking him and continuing. 
“When I went to try and help Jimin with his ice before we went to bed last night, he didn’t want me to. He got really mad and me. He said that it was his health and it was none of my business what condition he was in. I know that he has trouble sometimes so I tried to comfort him, but he just wouldn’t accept it. When he left the room it took him hours to come back, but he was carrying a couple of his pills from Sejin’s suitcase.”
“What pills were they?” To some it may seem like an oddly specific question; however, Bangtan understood where he was coming from. The muscle relaxers were a stronger medication, intended for severe episodes that needed intervention only. Often Jimin was so distressed when they were required that he couldn’t get them on his own, and if he were to have gone into the room and gotten those specific pills it meant something serious had happened. 
“Just the regular pain pills.” Seokjin nodded, rubbing Taehyung’s back as he finished speaking. He was glad that Taehyung had told them.

“This kid, when is he going to remember that he can trust us with this stuff?” Yoongi was frustrated and Seokjin knew that he didn’t mean anything by it. Still, the comment had come off a bit harsh. Several of the other members looked offended on Jimin’s behalf.
“He knows that he can trust us. We just don’t know what’s going on in his head right now. It’s still a bit messed up from before.”
“That freakin’ “manager”. You should have just let me hit him when I had the chance.”
“Then he would be messed up from seeing you hit a guy, and you would be in trouble with the police when he reported you.”
“The guys obviously not a saint anyway! I would have had reason enough to be fine.” Nobody replied, because somewhere within their souls they wanted to see that man experience what he had put their dongs