I recommend listening to Can I Be Him  by James Arthur while reading the story.                       __________________________________________________________

Blackpink's Jennie and Exo's KAI Reportedly Dating

It’s official, EXO’s Kai and BLACKPINK’s Jennie are in a relationship! On January 1, EXO’s agency SM Entertainment confirmed the pair are dating and gave the brief statement, “Kai and Jennie have become fond of each other.” Earlier in the day, Dispatch reported that the two idols are currently in a relationship and included photos taken of the pair as they enjoyed a late-night date in November.

He knew about this already. He had seen them once when Kai visited her at blackpink's dorm, that day he had made a flower bouquette for Jennie and that day he wanted to confess to her. 

He was surprised and heartbroken that day and up to now he still is. He missed his chance to confess to her. He was too much of coward to tell her and in the end he ended up losing her. I always lose. Even during WIN, no matter how hard I try to make a careful decision without repercussions, I always lose something and at this case I lost her.

Hanbin didn't finish reading the article as there was no point in continuing to read while he was hurting inside. He was restless on the bed thinking about Jennie. Thinking about Jennie and Kai as a couple. He had been on his bed just moving around, lying down, sitting back up, then lying down on his side again. As he stared out the bright window light, dazed, he began to hum a tune. 

He realized he'd been humming, glancing at his watch, it was 4pm. He sat up and decided that he had to go to.

******

Hanbin found himself sitting in the studio spacing out. He thought that going to the studio would clear his mind of Jennie but it only made him think about her more. He snaps back to reality once the doors of the studio open revealing Raesung. "Oh hyung, what are you doing here?" Hanbin swivels his chair around to face him. "I was trying to come up with new song."

Raesung walks over whilst shaking his head. "You know you should take a break when you can right?"

Hanbin chuckled at how caring the younger producer is when Raesung is also just like him. "Pfft. Yah you can't say that to me because you're exactly like me."

Raesung grins. "Well have you produced or written any? Also don't you still have unreleased songs? Why don't you just tweak them?" Raesung questions.

"Sadly no. I've been here for about 4 hours and a half and all I have done is stress over things and space out and I need new ones because the old ones aren't good enough." 

"Wow, is the genius Kim Hanbin stuck? Sounds like a total mess." Raesung says as he looks at the crumpled sheets on the desk and the full trashcan. Hanbin reaches for the nearest crumpled paper and chucked it at Raesung. "Usually I'd have at least lyrics down or at least a note. But all I have are this 2 lines I wrote about 3 weeks ago. I don't even have a melody yet."

When Raesung was about to respond his phone rung. Raesung quickly mumbled a sorry to Hanbin and fished out his phone from his pocket.

"Hello?... oh I'm with hyung... oh alright." Raesung pulled the phone off his ear. "Jaewon hyung is asking if you wanna go out with us." Hanbin ponders over it but decides no as he shook his head. Raesung lifts his eyebrows, "you sure?" Hanbin just shakes his head again, "tell him I have to do work." Raesung nods and goes back to the phone. "He doesn't want to come, he's at the studio right now trying to make a new song... mhm ok... yeah I'll meet you at the place... ok bye." Raesung ended the call and spoke. "Me and Jaewon hyung are going out to eat, I wish you could come. You sure you don't wanna come?" Reading asks one more time hoping his hyung would change his mind.

"Nah, you go ahead I'll stay here and at least try to make a song." Hanbin refused. Raesung frowned a bit, "alright I understand. Well see you hyung." Raesung waved at him as he left the studio. And Hanbin was back to his song writing.

But looking at the blank paper and the stress he might come across again he decides to take a break by going to the cafeteria. It's not that he doesn't want to go out with Raesung and Jaewon but he isn't in the mood so he eats alone instead. When Hanbin got to the cafeteria, as expected it was empty. He lets out a sigh and gets food. 

Hanbin grabs his tray and walks to the table at the very back of the cafeteria. Sitting alone and eating slowly. It was very boring for him so he took his phone out.

Hanbin's phone opens up to the article he hasn't finished. He stares at it for quite a while contemplating if he should continue reading it or not. Curiosity winning him over he scrolls down to read through it.

Dispatch's photos reveals Kim Jennie and Kai on a date on November 25, but apparently they've been dating as early as October. Spending quality time together at Paris during Fashion show week. The couple has posted individual photos of Paris' the Eiffel Tower as proof.

His thumb scrolled down and saw one of Jennie's posts on Instagram with a caption that says, "Had the most romantic dinner admiring the Eiffel Tower. #happyjen"

The last part of the caption makes him stare at it. That caption alone is enough for him to turn off his phone and placing it beside his tray. He looks down on his food smiling bitterly. I guess it really is too late now. As long as you are happy then that is enough for me. I just wish I was the one with you instead. Can I be him? Hanbin sighs and resumed his eating mindlessly. 

After a couple of minutes somebody sat in front of him. "Why so down oppa?" He hadn't heard anybody come in the cafeteria and as far as he knows he was the only one here so that mere question makes him slightly back up in shock. He chokes on his food as he looks up. The intruder saying sorry and quickly grabbing water for him. "Mianhe oppa I didn't mean to scare you like that." Hanbin drinks the water and pound on his chest and wheezed. "Make some noise at least Lisa when sitting down. I could've died because of you." Lisa sheepishly scratches her neck, "hehe sorry I sat here because you were alone and look so sad. Why?" Hanbin not wanting to reveal the real truth instead says, "Oh uh it's because I can't come up with a song right now as I am having such a hard time." It really is the truth he isn't just telling her the reason why he can't make a song or who was the one blocking him to do so. 

"Really? That's the only reason?" Lisa prompts. Lisa was probably the closest to Hanbin from their nonagon commercials and Hanbin treated her like a little sister from then on. They're friends but they aren't that close.

"Yeah." Hanbin replies as he drinks more water, eyeing his phone. Wait if Lisa is here, then she can't be alone she probably came with someone. Hanbin quickly snaps his gaze back at Lisa. "Lisa-ya did you come here alone?" He cannot see Jennie right now because he is afraid he might do something stupid in front of her.

"Aniyo I am actually here with my unnies, they just told me to wait here first but then I saw you alone so I sat here to keep you company. In fact they should be here already." Lisa answers as she checks her watch. 

"Uh Lisa um I'm gonna go first ok? I'll see you later thanks for keeping me company for a while." Hanbin says in hurry as he cleans up his food and trash. Lisa was bewildered, "But oppa you haven't even finished your food and don't you wanna wait for the girls and eat with us?" Hanbin took his tray and was about to make his escape but the girls came in just as he stood up. "Oh there they are!" Lisa waved her hand to her members. "Jisoo unnie over here!" 

Jisoo quickly walks over and notices Hanbin. "Oh annyeong Hanbin!" Jisoo greeted. Hanbin looked like a deer caught in the headlights. He slowly forms a smile and greets her back and bowing to the others that was beside her. 

"Are you done eating Hanbin?" Jisoo asks looking at his tray. 

"He actually isn't done eating but he was going back to the studio to work again. I told him to finish his food first." Lisa says. Jisoo raises her eyebrows and then glares at Hanbin. Hanbin tried side stepping Jisoo but she blocked his path. Dammit Lisa now because of you I can't escape.

"Yah Kim Hanbin sit back down right now and finish your food or else I will staple you to the cafeteria seat until you finish your food." The girls grimaced as they imagined the scenario. Rosé  whispered to Hanbin while eyeing his tray, "Oppa I think it's best if you just finished your food. Jisoo unnie might really do it and I'm scared for your well being." 

Hanbin slowly swallowed his saliva in nervousness and went to sit down. Picking up his spoon and shoving food in his mouth showing Jisoo. Jisoo smiled and made a fist in the air as she was celebrating her victory in forcing Hanbin to finish his food. In all honestly Jisoo wouldn't have done that but she knows the younger one already. Though they might not hang out or see each other much she knows about Hanbin's habits because of the talks around the building about him staying up and barely eating and sleeping also she remembered iKON members talking about Hanbin's habits during the commercialn And she really wanted to help him because she knows how unhealthy it is and hearing how he didn't even finish his small tray of food, her mother instincts came out.

The girls got their food and returned to the table. With Hanbin eating quietly the girls chatted in their own world. Hanbin moved a bit away from them and went on his phone. He quickly closed the browser and went on his Instagram. He was scrolling and looking at his feed. He saw that One had posted a picture of him and Raesung and some other song writers eating at a barbeque place. Hanbin could've been right there right now. But he chooses work over it. Suddenly a FaceTime caller ID came on the screen. It was Jaewon. He answered it looking to make sure that the girls are still talking then he turned his back from them. Jason's face was on the screen smiling happily while eating some food.

"Hey Hanbin, you should've came with us. We haven't hung out in a long time and you choose to work instead over us." He spoke with his mouth full.

"Sorry Jaewon-ah but I really gotta finish this song ok. Just go have fun there with Raesung."

"Alright-" Jaewon was cut off with Blackpink's laughter. "Wait Hanbin where are you and who are you with?" 

"Huh? Oh I'm just at the studio alone Jaewon." Hanbin lied.

"Hanbin-ah stop lying you are obvious." Jaewon started moving around on the other end trying to see who is with Hanbin but he forgot that doesn't work on a FaceTime call. 

"Are you