it’s just starting to snow when dawon and luda exit their cab just outside the fairgrounds, white flurries flying through the wind in the air just in the right tantalizing pattern that dawon wonders briefly if this is what people think of when they ‘dream of a white christmas’.

luda snorts and swats at dawon’s arm when she mentions as much aloud, head shaking before she’s pushing the taller girl toward the entrance where she sees everyone waving them down. “i’m pretty sure if you say that in front of yeonjung and soobin, they’ll start a musical number even if it’s well after christmas.” dawon hums, mildly interested, and luda swats as her again. “so i’d appreciate it you didn’t mention it. i’d like one trip where it doesn’t turn into, like, the sound of music!”

(dawon doesn’t remind her that the reason their last trip turned into a musical was because of luda, teary-eyed and smile on her face after her win at the championship game, had begged all the girls to take a spontaneous trip to the lake house jiyeon’s family owned.

safe to say, thirty minutes after arriving, luda had already gotten herself well over the line of tipsy and demanded that everyone join in on her much needed revival of a classic! and thus proceeded to reimagine the lyrics of ‘my favorite things’ (dawon is still slightly miffed that in luda’s newer version, she somehow ranked lower than unburnt crust on pizza and the way a rabbit’s nose wiggles) and wouldn’t stop until everyone, less tipsy but just as jovial, joined in.)

dawon smirks at the memory and shakes her head when luda questions her, instead pushing her toward where mei qi and juyeon stand, the two instantly latching onto her without a second thought. luda bristles at the attention then calms, body sinking into mei qi’s when the younger wraps her arms around her shoulders, juyeon brushing snowflakes from luda’s bangs with the utmost care. it’s cute, dawon notes, how luda becomes so small between them but welcomes it all the same. it was new and surprising for everyone at first when they became a trio, but they’re all good together.

(she remembers how juyeon and mei qi had stolen luda’s heart the moment choi yuna and jung eunbi had invited them to sit with them and their friends during an open mic night a year and a half ago. remembers how juyeon had stuck two pretzel sticks up her nose to make luda laugh after a particularly sour note in her drunken daze and how mei qi had held luda’s hand when it began to shake from nerves.

she also remembers yuna slipping her the duo’s numbers when juyeon had stepped away to answer a call, mei qi following quietly to keep her from falling as her steps slurred just as much as her words.

remembers how luda’s cheeks had burned hotly when she had almost declined until juyeon’s hwang eunbi, how dare you say we don’t know how to get a girl’s number! had echoed around as she yelled into her phone.

she remembers shooing luda off onto a date with them two days later. remembers how its been the three of them ever since.)

a hand sliding around the crook of her elbow makes dawon jump, hand flying to her chest as she turns to come face to face with hyunjung, usual smug smirk on her lips as she watches dawon settle. the older girl has snow covering her hair and shoulders, and it reminds dawon too much of back then and not now, and she has to bite down on her lower lip, hard, to bring herself back into the moment at hand.

“are you good, dawonie?” hyunjung teases, hand sliding from her elbow down into dawon’s own and squeezing gently as she twines their fingers together, “didn’t mean to scare you again.”

(she smiles in the same way that throws dawon back, once again, to the day on the bleachers. to the day where hyunjung went from an unattainable entity to someone dawon believes she couldn’t dare to live without.)

dawon steps closer to hyunjung instinctively, free hand lifting to brush at the olders cheek when a few flakes fall and settle there, smile pulling at her own lips. “you always scare me, hyun,” she states quietly, glances up briefly to catch the surprised look that sweeps over hyunjung’s face. there’s a slight tinge to her cheeks now and dawon counts it toward the cold more than anything else. “come on, we gotta get inside before juyeon knocks the place down in excitement.”

(she doesn’t catch hyunjung’s disappointed smile as she turns to lead them in.)

turns out, when they step onto the official fairgrounds, it’s couples night. dawon can’t look more than two feet in front of her without seeing someone holding hands, feeding each other snowflake-esque shaped cotton candy or pressing a kiss to a cheek. there’s a banner strung across the entrance that reads two for one special, love is the only currency you need and she cringes mildly at both the cheesiness and love that comes with it, then turns when she hears luda whine, the girl pushing at juyeon’s shoulders when she tries to kiss her cheek in excitement, mei qi standing close and holding the older girl’s hand tight in her own.

“juyeon, come on! just because it’s couples night doesn’t mean you have to leave your spit on my cheek!” luda screeches, knocking her knuckles against juyeon’s forehead when she gets too close again. but the younger laughs softly, amused and in love, and grabs at her hand, presses a kiss to her palm instead and intertwining their fingers before dragging the two girls behind her toward the ticket booth.

hyunjung clears beside dawon, demanding attention once more and dawon instantly gives it. it should be concerning for dawon now, to be so attuned to hyunjung that all other things fall away when she comes around. but it isn’t, because hyunjung is good, and anything that’s good can’t be a concern when it’s name is kim hyunjung.

“so what do you want to do about the discount?” she asks, tugging dawon toward the ticket booth without a second thought. “we know mei qi, luda, and juyeon are getting a deal—xuan yi and jiyeon, too.” she hums, glances over to where sojung, soobin, yeonjung, and dayoung whisper frantically, probably trying to figure out their pairs just to get the discount. jinsook and cheng xiao stand beside the foursome, tickets in hand and cheng xiao’s head on jinsook’s shoulder, content as they watch the other four conspire together.

dawon’s head tilts as hyunjung reaches for her wallet while she looks over the prices, tugging at the olders hand gently to try and pull her back. “but we aren’t a couple.”

hyunjung stops short at that as she takes the tickets, eyes wide and just shy of hurt when she turns to dawon again. the look is gone almost instantly, replaced with her usual smile.

(dawon notices that it’s tighter at the edges, more forced than natural. the smile hyunjung uses during her shifts at work when a customer is a little too annoying after she’s been on her feet for several hours.

she doesn’t like it aimed at her.)

“you’re right, we aren’t,” hyunjung finally says after a few tense seconds, eyes glancing to where the others are trying to pretend they didn’t witness the whole thing, then looks back to dawon. standing taller, almost as if she’s bracing herself against some strong force, she adds, “i just thought we could save some money, you know? i know you wanted to buy that new expensive music journal, so i was trying to spare some extra spending for you.” she chuckles, it’s quick and short and nothing like hyunjung’s usual boisterous, belly-aching laugh. hyunjung turns, looking at everyone but dawon now. “you guys ready?”

she drops dawon’s hand and moves to sojung’s side instantly, dragging her inside without a glance back.

dayoung is at dawon’s side in a blink of an eye, arm around her waist and head on her shoulder. “let’s go in, i’ll buy you a hot chocolate.”

dawon nods, dayoung kisses her cheek, and leads her further in.

she misses hyunjung’s hand in hers already.

dawon doesn’t see hyunjung much for the next two hours.

whenever she happens to catch a glance of newly dyed gray hair blowing in the wind, it’s instantly obscured by the wall of a prize booth or lost in the crowd moments later, sojung’s shrill whines of hyunjung, slow down! you’re gonna rip my arm off! the only indicator that it wasn’t dawon’s imagination.

she wonders if she upset hyunjung somehow or did something wrong, asks jiyeon as much as she takes dayoung’s recently vacated seat.

(dayoung had been by her side ever since hyunjung left, soft smile and kind words ever present whenever it looked like dawon seemed a bit too gloomy. and dawon appreciates it, loves the younger girl for her efforts, she does, but when dayoung had stared at the newest roller coaster addition to the park, feet moving toward it on instinct before she remembered she was supposed to stay with dawon, how was the other girl supposed to tell her not to go?)

jiyeon hums at the question, smiling to where dayoung grips tightly at xuan yi’s sleeve as she bounces in excitement as they wait for the line to move, then turns to dawon with what she could only label as tender worry. she says nothing for a moment and just looks.

(the look reminds dawon of when she first met jiyeon months after meeting hyunjung. the older girl had begged dawon time and time again to meet her friends, promising countless times that they weren’t as cold as the rumors that floated through the halls.

but she remembers every time she happened to meet jiyeon’s eyes whenever she caught dawon and hyunjung in the back corners of the library studying. or the times she would walk into the music room to head home with hyunjung and see dawon at the piano, near hearts in her eyes as hyunjung recounted some random story from either days or years ago.

it was a look of pity, like jiyeon knew something that dawon didn’t.

like she knew that dawon felt everything while hyunjung felt nothing.)

“i wouldn’t say you did anything wrong,” jiyeon states simply, reaching for dawon’s hand where they shake in her lap and holding it between her own gently. she tsks at the lack of gloves on dawon’s hands, most likely remembering the story from the bleachers that hyunjung retells every time the temperature drops, and blows at her fingers, “but you didn’t exactly do the best thing at the time, either.”

dawon sags against the bench at that, upset that she did upset hyunjung, but sad because she doesn’t know why. she doesn’t remember saying anything particularly bad before they walked in, and she figures that it has to be something monumental if it got to the point where hyunjung is avoiding her. but she just doesn’t know what.

she hears sojung’s voice before she sees her, the younger girl now tugging hyunjung behind her as she shoulders her way through the crowd towards where they sit. hyunjung looks less than excited to be there when they stop in front of them, but sojung wastes no time before she’s pushing hyunjung down onto the open spot beside dawon and grabbing jiyeon instead. there’s a finger in her face seconds letter, tapping at her nose and drawing her attention back, sojung smiling down at her. “keep an eye on her, will you? i got tired of her whining pretty quickly.” then she’s turning on her heel and leaving, a slightly still shocked jiyeon in tow.

it’s quiet for a few moments, nothing more than the crunch of feet in snow and screaming from the rides around them. dawon hates it, feels her fingers curl and uncurl stiffly in her lap as they shake more from cold and quiet anger at how her and hyunjung have gotten to this point.

she wants to fix it somehow, wants to apologize for everything under the sun if it means hyunjung will smile at her again and tell her everything is okay.

a warmth covering her hand suddenly stops her, eyes wide and staring ahead for a brief moment before she glances down. hyunjung’s hand has a firm grasp on hers, the warmth of her gloves seeping across dawon and making the shaking stop just so. she doesn’t say a word as she grips dawon’s hand tighter, doesn’t even look at her. she just sits there, eyes straight ahead and gaze unwavering, and says nothing.

dawon flounders, mouth agape and surprised, before she schools herself and grips at hyunjung’s hand with her free one. it’s not a conversation, nowhere near, and dawon knows they need to have one, but it’s something and dawon is willing to hold onto it as long as she can before hyunjung can even think to pull away again.

dayoung yelling for dawon as she exits the ride has her jumping in place, head shaking in disappointment and fear as hyunjung pulls away abruptly, not even giving dawon a moment to react.

before dawon can even reach for her again, to pull her back into the moment, to beg her to stay, hyunjung’s slipping the gloves off her own hands and dropping them into dawon’s lap, nothing more than an i told you not to freeze your fingers off thrown over her shoulder as she grabs xuan yi and leads her in the direction of where sojung and jiyeon wandered off to minutes ago.

dayoung looks after them, innocently yelling about making sure to meet up at the center for the fireworks later on, then glances to where dawon grips tight at the gloves her in lap.

(her hands shake again. hyunjung just left her again.)

she doesn’t put them on, just shoves them in her coat pocket as she stands and gestures for dayoung to lead the way to the next ride.

they wouldn’t be as warm as hyunjung’s hands anyway.