Let me down 

The Table is full of his favorites,taeyong isn't a picky eater and his mom used that information to cook every single Korean dish, honestly he is full from just looking and smelling the mouthwatering smell. 

'Eat some more ,you barely finished your rice,didn't you like The food?look at you!you lost so much weight!'

Taeyong's mum rained him with questions ,not giving him chance to answer,the man smiled at her then he said with a slight head shake

'You know how much I love your food mum,I think I ate too much already, you really worked hard the food is amazing!'

Taeyong reached for her hand and squeezed already feeling safe by just holding his mother's warm small hand. 

He wish he can cry into her arms,complain and empty all of his burdens, cry out loud, let his guards down.....

He can't.... 

No matter how much it get hard to breath he can't throw all of those rocks on his mother who believed in him, loved his friends, adored them for him because they were his family now.... 

Taeyong wanted to let out a wet laugh... 

Yeah......

His heart truly hurt physically and its not going away...... 

It's not slight anymore. 

The urge to rub against his hidden heart through his ripcage is eating him up... 

His mother will ask what's wrong and force him to see a doctor.... 

He just want to sleep, nothing more.....

The woman gave him a suspicious look and taeyong realized there is no escape,he has to eat more to be convening,he grabbed some meat and a huge chunk of kimchi piling them in his bowel avoiding looking at his Father.... 

He had to lie and say the company gave him a few days so he can see his family, taeyong hated that his father believed him, he doesn't deserve to be lied at, taeyong never felt this guilty toward his parents.... 

The truth Will destroy them... 

the painful truth of him being losing the future he fought his father for,what is he going to answer If his father told him'I told you so',he doesn't dare to even think of declaring 'maybe I will be here forever' to his parents faces',it sounds so bad with just the thought of it...

He can't be selfish..... 

He hopes just for a way out..... 

Taeyong's forced the food down his throat fast not wanting to remember the possibility of him being kick out of sm, he heard promises many times and nothing come out of it. 

The fate must be fighting him from every single angel.... 

Him losing his dream

Him losing his friends 

Him losing a family, a trust, a home.... 

Him losing his career.... 

All of that wasn't enough his family have to remind him of them.... 

He wanted to scream using his whole force

'Please don't bring them up.....'

he doesn't want to hear the hurtful questions about Nct127 members,the questions about his next comeback ,his activities, the group's activities, he doesn't know if he will be able to even having anything related to activities or being an artist in sm.... <