It was a very cold winter in 2018. Today was a big day so he dressed himself up and carried his favourite red padded jacket along with him. They said that the van would be here at 6 am. He was already waiting. It has been so long since he met up with s because of the tight schedules and all the preparations for his Japanese comeback. He missed them dearly but he never ever showed it to anyone because he always knew how to build a façade over him to cover up his true feelings from the world. It was 6.15 am and they were late. Kibum was getting anxious about everything. The time that he has dreaded for some time has really come and he has to say goodbye to his leader today. He had a thousand questions spinning in his mind and he was hoping that the noisy kids will distract him soon. 

The van finally arrived and he took the back seat with the other two members. The setting was somber. The usually chatty boys were silent today and welcomed him with gentle smiles and slight nods.  Kibum only got more anxious by the minute and the grey clouds hovering over them was not helping him in any way.  He tried to break the ice and nag at Taemin but they just didn’t seem to get mad at him or get annoyed at him today. It was a gloomy mood and only Jinki would have been able to fix it.  Kibum was dreading the trip back more than anything.  So instead of trying to lift up the mood, he decided to just doze off and hope that time will pass quicker. Even the usually energetic Minho was staring out of the tinted windows of the van lost in his own thoughts. 

Kibum woke up to a gentle nudge on his elbow. They were already there. He quickly grabbed his red jacket and got out of the van to join the two boys waiting for him. It was freezing cold, the breeze was too chilly. His first thought was “How is he going to survive this cold weather? " He knew that Jinki always got sick and he was really bad at taking care of himself. His motherly instincts always came out when it came to Jinki.  Or maybe it was something else. He wasn’t sure.  

Five minutes later, he saw him. He was cute. He was smiling like an overexcited child prepared for his first day in kindergarten.  He locked his eyes on Him. Kibum’s gaze softened immediately and he broke in to a smile. Jinki was beautiful and even the buzzcut couldn't take away his good looks. And of course his 200W smile that could literally light up the universe. After the gloomy car ride, he suddenly felt alive. Lee Jinki always had this effect on him. 

Jinki was busy chattering away with Minho and Taemin. Kibum quietly stood by the side watching and reading each and every one of his expressions. Key knew that he was nervous but desperately trying to mask it with his smile, he always does this and Kibum knows.  So he continued to watch from the side. Jinki stole glances at him from time to time and he smiled back when their eyes locked. There was this awkward aura around them lately. Kibum felt like Jinki was distancing himself from him. Jinki wasn’t clingy around him anymore and he didn’t know where and when things changed. Being the kind of person who wasn’t good with words or emotions didn’t help either.  He didn’t expect things to be the same after last year but it still hurts a little.  Kibum wished that he was as open as Minho who was chattering away so happily with his hyung  or he was as brave as Taemin who was laughing along with them. But unfortunately, Kibum was Kibum, a man who wasn’t so good with emotions or words.  So he just continued to act like he was all unaffected by everything. After the chit chat,  they headed over for a meal together and Kibum quietly followed s. 

It was nice to sit around and enjoy a meal together just watching the boys chatting away. Kibum was too engrossed in his own thoughts to talk today. He was just listening. He was savouring the “noise” of the boys that he always complained about. The noise that he missed in the waiting rooms recently when he was doing his solo promotions. But of course he told everyone that it was the good thing about being a solo artist. That he got the waiting room all for himself. When in reality it was suffocating and he missed the boys so dearly.

Before he knew it they were done with their meal and posing for photos at the rooftop of the restaurant. He made his way next to Jinki, which wasn’t where he usually stood for photos. He wanted to be close to him just this once. He wanted to keep this memory with him. So he slightly tilted his head towards Jinki and posed with the softest smile for the camera. He didn’t want to have any regrets today. He felt Jinki’s warmth radiating as they huddled close for the photo, and he liked it. He missed it. But his temporary bliss only lasted for a minute. 

It was time to say goodbye. Kibum suddenly felt sick. He hated goodbyes, even temporary ones. And this was his Jinki hyung. He watched Jinki giving warm hugs to both Minho and Taemin from the side. He didn’t know why he stood so far. He didn’t exactly know what to feel because he was trying his best to keep up his façade and not breaking down today. The boys already had tears in their eyes and Jinki was still all smiles while he hugged them close. This was his Jinki.. the boy who is hurting but covers up all his feelings with a smile for the sake of comforting everyone around him.

It was his turn. Jinki whispered something to the two boys and they went ahead leaving just the two of them at the rooftop. He came closer to Kibum and Kibum’s façade started to break down as a single tear rolled down his cheek. Jinki leaned closer and cupped his face with his palms and Kibum felt the gentle warmth radiating through his body. To Kibum this was not real. This just cannot be happening. Jinki used his thumb to delicately wipe away his tear while grazing his cheek . Kibum wasn’t sure what he was feeling but he definitely felt the tingles from the butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Jinki locked his eyes with him and stared at him without any words. That minute felt like an eternity and he was frustrated that he wasn’t able to read his expressions.He wanted to know what was on his mind. But soon, he felt strong arms gently cradling him as Jinki enveloped him completely with a hug. 

Kibum wished that this moment could last forever. He was content and happy and he felt safe in his arms. Jinki realised that Kibum was shaking and he heard his muffled soft sobs. Jinki held Kibum in his arms until his sobs subsided and he lifted his chin to look right in to his eyes.  Jinki’s lips mouthed a “ I will miss you “ as he gently caressed Kibum’s soft cheek again. Kibum finally looked in to Jinki’s eyes and he saw that he wasn’t the only one that cried today. On instinct, Kibum tiptoed and kissed Jinki’s forehead softly and with a flushed face, he buried his face in Jinki’s chest. Jinki felt like all his worries just vanished and for the first time that day, his smile was genuine. 

The end ~