Author's note:

This is my first B.A.P story that I'm sharing. I realize almost everything I have in INFINITE right now and I've been away for a long time. But these are the boys that  bring me back to Kpop every time I think I can leave it, and they're going through tough times right now.

This story is unbeta-d, and comes from an equal place of pure love and emotion.

I hope that love comes through in a way that you guys can resonate with.

xoxo, Rose

December 9^th, 2018.

Junhong had been waiting for this day for too long -the anticipation growing from a little buzz during the heavy promotion period after their rookie year to an insurmountable ache once Yongguk’s contract ended.

It’s been barely four months? And yet four months heavily promoting without their leader, his leader, feels like eternity.

And now…

“Junhong, you coming?” It’s Youngjae speaking to him, the voice soft and sweet. But Junhong knows Daehyun and Himchan are waiting around the corner, anxiously anticipating his answer.

Junhong thinks of more weeks without Yongguk, who left the day his contract expired. He thinks of performances and greeting BABYs and long flights without Yongguk.

He thinks of being with the group without Yongguk.

Wait for me a bit longer? Junhong sends a quick text before smiling at Youngjae. “Lead the way.”

Junhong seems very comfortable at the meet and greets in Europe.

Jongup comments on this once, with an inkling of jealousy that suggests he wishes he could relax like that. Junhong responds with a chuckle.

“I’m giving them love for two people.”

Youngjae honestly wanted nothing more than to stay with these boys forever. To harmonize with Daehyun’s raspy chocolate hum, and have that river of music disrupted by Yongguk’s sudden blaring beats or Junhong’s speedy teases that left him craving more.

Youngjae was also the really smart one who had pieced it together first, that they couldn’t all stay together.

His mind was a Gantt chart of broken dreams.

Military. Acting. Music composition. Choreography. All the things that made them unique, powerful, and unrivalled as a group would tear them apart moving forward.

Even Younjae wasn’t sure who would do what. Who would be where. And all he ever wanted was to stay here. Here with Junhong’s hand in his, as he triumphantly returned to a Daehyun confidently boasting “I told you so” to Himchan.

Junhong was staying, even if it was just a little while longer.

Junhong wrote it down, but he wasn’t sure what he meant anymore.

So wait for me a little longer, and I’ll come home to you.

What did that even mean, home? He’d grown up in the dormitories, watching Himchan nag and Yongguk give members that disapproving stare that hurt more than any fight they could have with each other. And if that was home, then where should he go now that it’s gone?

Was home his music, like the fun Latin flavored song he wrote to lift the spirits of those who listened with the playful timbre of his voice and music? Was it Yongguk, the man who taught him to write what he loved and who he was and trust that others would love him? Was it the BABYs he hoped to return to with something they could continue to cherish as a token of thanks for having loved his work for so long?

“I’m in love my life, I’ve had enough,” his cell phone rings, the custom ringtone that meant Bang Yongguk was calling him at… half past two in the morning.

Despite being alone in the hotel room, Junhong’s voice comes out as a whisper and he realizes just how shaken up he was. “What’s up?”

“Had a funny feeling. Decided to call you.” Bang Yongguk spoke like he texted, with extreme efficiency of words. “How are you?”

“Trying to figure out what I’m doing.” Junhong notes that silence around Bang Yongguk always sounds like thinking. He can almost picture the serious expression on his leader’s face as he ponders the depth of Junhong’s response.

“That’s probably why I had a funny feeling.” Junhong laughs at his lover’s accurate sixth sense and uncanny ability to be there when needed, but only in the strangest of ways.

He and Yongguk talk about home, about the home they’d made together and how they’d always have one even if they couldn’t physically be with each other. Junhong breaks into a tangent and shares a silly dream of building a home for B.A.P to return to, whenever they’re ready. He can practically hear Yongguk smiling at his childishness over the phone.

“I know it’s silly, but… doesn’t it sound lovely?” Yongguk hums his agreement, before changing the subject drastically and asking why Junhong hadn’t headed off to bed already.

When twitter realizes that Choi Junhong has technically been with B.A.P longer than the other members, just long enough to have his contract probably expire already, Junhong taps out a short message.

Then deletes it and goes to Youngjae to get help on this politically correct stuff.

“Well, why did you stay?” Youngjae glares at Daehyun for the blunt question. Junhong just takes it as confirmation that he went to the right person for help.

“He probably doesn’t even have an answer for a question like that! It’s like saying I love you because of a hundred different reasons and not being able to pinpoint what exactly it is.” Yoo Youngjae is very good at punctuating his words with hand gestures, most specifically slapping Daehyun in an almost non-painful way with each word.

“But Youngjae-ah, I know I love you because you’re you!” Daehyun is very good at being charming despite his goofiness. And also, at making Youngjae blush.

He’s also good at making simple things that are actually super complicated, seem simple again.

Like Junhong staying here.

Because he wants to say goodbye to BABYs properly and send them all off. Because he wants to spend a few more days with the members, acting like nothing has changed and nothing ever will, even when Yongguk is not there with them. Because of a hundred different reasons that he could never summarize in one exact statement.

Except that he wants to stay.

So Junhong tells them that, and Youngjae hugs him tightly, and Himchan Facetimes Yongguk to tell him how cute their maknae is. Jongup smiles in the corner and shows his gratefulness for the situation with a funny dazed look on his face and a distracted swing of his hips that somehow ends up looking like a very fluid dance move.

Daehyun is the one who gives Junhong the words to end his story.

In the end, there is always a new beginning.

And Junhong knows he might not get to stay with all of them, at least not all the time.

But these memories, these feelings, these people will stay with him. Forever.

And that's it!

First B.A.P story posted. Because it's not the end yet, but there is already a new beginning.

Comments and support much appreciated