The life of an idol is difficult, It's intense and there's so much pressure on you to do everything right. The second you mess up you get scolded and have to work harder as a result. So if there is so much pressure in being an idol... then why do people become idols?

Well there are 3 main reasons. 

1. They just want to be rich and famous

2. They want to live out their dreams

3. They just don't realise how difficult it is

Which one was I? I was number 2 there, I wanted to live out my dreams and I was determined to deal with all the suffering involved to get to my dreams. Now I'm here in a group called NCT where I'm in every unit. NCT 127 NCT U and NCT Dream. It wasn't too bad, I was close with all the members. 

Although there was one I was the closest with. Lee Donghyuck, or maybe you know him better by Haechan. He became my closest friend as rookies, and even fans think we are best friends. He helped me out through hard times and I helped him out as well. 

I sat down on the floor after going through the choreography for 'BOSS' once again with the other U members. The door opened and Lucas said very loudly "CHENLE!!! Come to visit your loveable hyungs?" I looked up and there was Chenle in casual clothing. "Yeah actually Dream is doing a V live now and we wanted to see if Mark can come join us." He said.

I gave him a thumbs up and got up. "Sounds like fun, what is the V live for?" I asked. Chenle pointed to his phone so I grabbed my own phone and realised something. "Ah It's Donghyuck's birthday today." He nodded "Yeah we are gonna do a V live for his birthday."

I nodded and said bye to everyone before walking with Chenle, He handed me a blank card. "Write something for him and make sure it's appropriate for the fans." He said. I rolled my eyes and started thinking about what to write, when we got to the room I noticed Haechan wasn't there.

"He's with Taeil and Ten hyungs while we set up." Jeno said with his signature eye smile. I nodded and wrote something for Haechan before helping them set up. "Mark hyung go shower and change since you just came from dance practice." Renjun said to me "We'll finish up here so don't worry" I nodded and thanked him before going to the dorm and rushing to the washroom to shower.

I quickly showered then got changed and went back for the V live, the room was set and everything was ready. Jisung was talking to someone on the phone and I assumed it was for the hyungs to tell Haechan to come here for his Birthday V live. 

We all sat down and left the middle seat open for Haechan, when he came he laughed at the decorations "ah seriously I told you guys-' Chenle covered his mouth and made him sit down, we lit the candles and turned off the lights, then Jaemin spoke "Yah start recording for the V live please!" Once we were sure it was recording we... attempted to sing happy birthday to him.

The V live went well and Haechan seemed happy even though he didn't want us to do anything for his birthday. After that we said bye to the dream members and went to the 127 dorm . "Mark hyung you should have told the members not to do this, I mean I do appreciate it but you knew I didn't want to make a big deal of my birthday" he frowned. I poked his forehead, "be nice they put effort to do this for you, and either way they took me out of practice to do this so I wasn't aware of this." I said simply. 

He gave a pout but once we went to the 127 dorm the lights were off. "damn.. did everyone sleep early today?" he asked "It's midnight Hyuck" I said before I the lights "SURPRISE!!" Haechan jumped in surprise and fell on the ground. I laughed at him before stopping when he glared at me.

"Hyung it's finally your birthday!" Jisung shouted along with Chenle. I smiled and went to stand beside Taeyong hyung and Jaehyun hyung, He got another cake and the 18 of us in a dorm celebrating. We played a few games and even talked to one another. 

"Mark I have a question for you" Lucas hyung said to me. I looked at him curiously. "almost everyone here is in a relationship. And everyone here at least talks about wanting to be in a relationship, so how come you are the only one who doesn't?" Everyone then looked at me.

"I haven't found anyone yet to talk like that, I do want to be in a relationship. But I just don't have interests in anyone." Lucas nodded and then Kun hyung spoke up. "Well you are still young Mark, so it's alright if you haven't found anyone yet. Although you might wanna keep your eyes open" I nodded and just sipped my soda quietly.

"What's the point to Love hyungs?" Haechan asked curiously. All the older members froze up, I don't think they expected that question at all. "H-Haechan what made you ask that question?" Taeyong hyung said in shock. "I was just curious" I looked around curiously. "well Haechan, Love is something very beautiful, it's an amazing feeling and makes people really happy." Jaehyun hyung said.

Haechan scoffed softly "I don't believe that, no offense hyung" Haechan excused himself and walked to his room. Jaehyun sighed sadly, I got up and went to knock on the door. "Haechan can I come in?" I didn't hear anything but then I opened the door and I saw him already in his bed. I sat down on the edge of the bed and he sighed. "Mark hyung what do you think about love?" I cleared my throat and spoke the truth. "Love is a nice feeling, but it isn't all rainbows and butterflies, Love is full of sacrifices and pain, but it's also full of happiness and passion."

He nodded, "Thanks for not lying to me Mark hyung. But if there is so much pain and sacrifices... why do people fall in love?" He asks quietly. "Because humans need love in order to be happy, without love you can feel empty on the inside and alone." I said. he nodded.

"Hyung.. I don't want to fall in love, I don't want to be in pain." He said. And I felt bad. I his hair gently and shook my head. "You can't control your emotions Hyuck, so you may fall in love, and if you do.. Well pain will be there. But it's through that pain that you'll find the hidden beauty of love." I said before getting up, "Go to sleep now Hyuck we have practice tomorrow"

He nodded and I turned to leave the room but then he grabbed my wrist. "Mark hyung... Can you stay with me tonight?" I hesitated for a moment but then I nodded and got into bed with him, I carefully wrapped my arms around him so he could feel comforted. He fell asleep soon enough.

But now I can't sleep. I kept thinking about the conversation we just had. I didn't know what caused  Haechan to ask these questions or claim he doesn't want to fall in love. But I just hoped he wouldn't let the reality of love keep him away from loving someone who deserves his love. And being loved by someone who deserves to love him.

I tried to sleep, but it was difficult as I thought more about Haechan and what he was thinking about to be asking these questions.

Jaehyun hyung even came to rest but I was still trying to sleep.

that night I didn't sleep well.