“Trainee Moon Byulyi , can I talk to you?” A staff called her in the middle of the training.

 “I regret to announce that you’re not fit for the group’s imagine. You can leave after today lesson.” The woman said coldly and was about to walk away.

 “But why? Is my singing or dancing skill not good enough? I promise I will practice harder to improve.” Byulyi was panic by the sudden announcement. This was the fourth company. She had gone to many auditions and was accepted then kicked out three times already. This time could not be the same. She was 21 years old . In Korea’s idol industry, debut at her age was almost quite late. So she sincerely wanted to debut this time because it might be her last chance to achieve her dream.

 “Just look at yourself” The woman said without looking back. Her footsteps and words kept ringing in Byulyi’s ears, louder and louder.

 “Katalk……Katalk……...”

Byulyi was woken up by the notify from Kakao chat. Her body was covered with cold sweats. “It was that dream again.” She smiled bitterly. That staff’s words had left a deep scar in her heart, which she had never shared to anyone, including her family and members. She shook her head, trying to get rid of that memory, before grabbing her phone to read the message.

 Yong:

“Hyemin-unnie said that she would pick us up in one hour.”

“ So get ready and gather at my house in 30 minutes, I will cook something for all of you.”

 Byulyi sighed softly then got up to get herself ready. They had just ended their promoting for “You’re the best”. After having got their 1st win on music show, MAMAMOO became more famous recently . As a result, they became busier with many advertising CFs and events right after the promoting. She took a quick shower and dressed comfortably because today they had an event in Busan, which meant the drive would be quite long. When Byulyi came in Yongsun’s house, the maknaes were already sitting at the table, still half sleeping.

“You’re late unnie.” Wheein said with a yawn. Byulyi smiled at her dongsaeng’s cuteness. She caressed Wheein’s hair cherishingly while explaining “I’m sorry. The shower took longer than I expected.” Satisfied with her answer, Wheein nodded her head cutely before laying lazily on the table.

 Leaving the sleepy maknaes there, Byulyi went to the kitchen to help Yongsun. When she entered Yongsun was still cooking, too focused to realize Byulyi standing behind her. Byulyi wrapped her arms sneakily around Yongsun's waist then whispered into her ears "Good morning unnie" The sudden action made Yongsun startled, almost dropped her fried kimchi rice pan. "Yah you gave me a heart attack" Yongsun slapped her hand lightly. Byulyi grinned cheekily while leaning her chin on Yongsun's shoulder as she was satisfied with Yongsun's reaction. Bothering Yongsun was Byulyi's happiness, even though she would got beaten all the time.

 "I'm almost done. Can you help me set the table?" Getting used to Byulyi's skinship already, Yongsun focused back on her cooking again. Byulyi stopped bothering Yongsun and followed her order obediently. No sooner had Byulyi done setting the table, Yongsun brought her well-cooked fried kimchi rice to where Byulyi and the maknaes were waiting. They were eating in silence because it was just 6 in the morning, their bodies were still sleeping. Not having appetite at all, Byulyi only swallowed few spoons before taking her own bowl to the kitchen and doing the dishes. Few minutes later Yongsun entered the kitchen with empty pan and bowls in her hands. Her members were such good eaters. She took them from Yongsun with a smile and started washing them.

 "You only ate a little. Is it not good? Or are you feeling unwell?" Yongsun looked at her worriedly with a frown on her face.

 "Your cooking is really good unnie. And I'm fine. Because it's too early so I still don't have appetite" She smiled to soothe her unnie. "We don't have much time left unnie, go change your clothes. I will finish cleaning soon." Yongsun still wanted to ask her more, but Byulyi was right, they didn't have much time left so she left the kitchen with unhappy look.

 The drive to Busan was completely silent. Except Byulyi, they were sleeping. As soon as they got in the car, the maknaes immediately cuddled with each other at the backseat, got ready to have a good sleep. Yongsun soon fell asleep too, with slightly opened. Byulyi smiled softly at this cute scene, she took some photos to share with her moos after. Feeling bored while the members were all sleeping, Byulyi decided to surf Twitter. They all had their private accounts, in order to read the fans' reactions. She smiled at some fansites' photos, pressed hearts and downloaded some photos of her Yeba. She kept surfing the web until a tweet catching her eyes. Her expression turned darker and darker after reading it.

 "Solar is so pretty <3 I want her to be my girlfriend. By the way who is the one standing beside her on the left, she's so ugly!!!!" 

And someone had replied it :"Did Moonbyul gain some weights? Look at her face!"

 She looked at the photo, it was the one taken two days ago. The night before that day they came back late after finishing their schedules.Not having anything for half of the day, they decided to eat something before going to bed but there was nothing except instant ramens. Because it was already late and they were too tired to search for something else, they ended up eating ramens and the next day, their faces all got swollen, her face was the most obvious.

 Byulyi's hands started trembling. Those comments brought her worst nightmare back.

 "Look at her! How can she dream to be idol with this face and body?"

 "Who is that girl? Can she dance with that heavy body?"

 "We're sorry to say but you're not fit for the group"

 "It's ridiculous for someone like you to become an idol."  

 "Byul....Byul-ah...." Yongsun's voice brought Byulyi back to reality. She looked up to meet Yongsun's worried eyes. "What's wrong with you? Why are you crying?" Yongsun said in low voice, afraid that she could wake the maknaes up.

 Byulyi was surprised by Yongsun's words. She lifted her hand to touch her face, which had become messy by her own tears. Did she cry? She didn't notice that her tears had flowed unconsciously. She wiped her tears with her palm immediately and forced a smile. "Oh I'm fine unnie. I just read a touching story." She lied.

 Yongsun still looked at her with disbelief look. When Yongsun was about to ask something, their manager oppa said aloud. "We're almost there. Wake the kids up and get yourself ready." With that chance, Byulyi fixed her makeup and outfit while Yongsun was busy waking the maknaes up.

 Performing at university's events was one of the activities they liked the most. Because they could see their fans more closely, perform freely and have fun on the stages. They all enjoyed the performances as always, except Byulyi. She kept looking at the floor, afraid of seeing the fans' expressions and made several mistakes in her rap parts and choreography. As a leader, Yongsun immediately saw her having problem. She stole glances at Byulyi frequently, questioning inside what was wrong with her today. As soon as they got off the stage, Yongsun grabbed Byulyi's hand to drag her to a private area.

 "What's wrong with you today? You have made a lot of mistakes. Is there anything bothering you?" Yongsun asked concernedly.

 "There is nothing. I'm just a little tired today" Byulyi said with her head down, not wanting to make eye contact with the leader. "I'm sorry. I will be more careful next time."

 "If there is anything wrong please tell me Byul-ah. Remember that you have me." Yongsun's words made Byulyi touched, she squeezed Yongsun's hand lightly. "I know. Thank you unnie. Let's get back to the car, they must have been waiting for us".

 When they got back to the car, the maknaes were looking at their phones excitedly.

 "Unnie you're back. Hyejin and I just found a great place near our houses. How about going to eat there when we get back today?" The pup said with excitement.

 "Sound great. Manager oppa can drop us there on the way back home." Yongsun agreed instantly, making the maknaes more excited. 

 "I'm sorry. You can go without me. I'm a little tired today. I will grab something to eat at home and sleep early" Byulyi said with a sorry look. The maknaes groaned sadly but they didn't complain anything, their unnie said she was tired so she need to rest.

 To prevent being asked more by Yongsun, Byulyi was fake sleeping entire the drive back home. She only opened her eyes when the car had stopped in front of the place where the members would eat at. She bid them goodbye as they got off the car.

 "Rest well unnie. If you want to eat something you can call us." Wheein and Hyejin waved cutely at her unnie. She smiled sweetly at her beloved members until manager oppa drove away.

 Byulyi sighed out loud as soon as she got back to her house. Instead of finding something to eat as she said, Byulyi just went straight to her room, dropped herself on the king-size bed. She did feel tired both physically and emotionally. Too lazy to get up, Byulyi just dozed off with her makeup and current outfit on.

 The following days, Byulyi barely ate anything. Whenever she tried to eat something, those harsh words started to ring in her ears. She became scared of eating, scared of other people's stares at her. She also became scared of looking herself in the mirror because she would see her figure in the past. Yongsun and the maknaes could see there was something wrong with her too, but they could not know exactly what it was. Because whenever they tried to ask her, she would act like she was fine. Byulyi got skinnier and skinnier day by day,